Good Luck Charms
by Jedexa
Summary: Naoto returns to Inaba to find that not only the town changed, but herself too. She struggles to find her identity once more, with help from old friends and one special guy. However, five years of life, love, and darkness are catching up to her, and the consequences of her actions are both kind and bittersweet to her fate. *NaotoKanji/"MEMENTOS" sequel, but can be standalone.
1. Five Years on the Phone

**Good Luck Charms**

The "Mementos" Sequel

Author's Note: I've gotten such a surprising demand for a "Mementos" sequel, so at long last, finally, here it is! I was so surprised! I've been thinking about it for a while (since 4/14/2012, actually... it doesn't feel like that long ago!), and I'm still not that confident in how I portray the characters, but I've been looking forward to writing this—and I know a few who have been looking forward to reading it! So, enjoy!

Also, on a side note, I've decided to go with the protagonist's anime name, Narukami Yu, for this fiction. And I've tentatively included tidbits of the "Persona 4 X Detective Naoto" novel, though it hasn't come out yet. I'm really excited and looking forward to it though!

And, you might also be happy to know this is _not_ a oneshot! (Though I don't know how long it's gonna run… yet.)

**Disclaimer (because I keep forgetting to put these in!):** Persona 4 is not mine.

Summary: A charm, a watch, and five years. Time went by so slowly. One could only wish for more, time, however… for there was once a bullet, a hat, and not one more year. Time went by so quickly.

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 1: Five Years on the Phone**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Welcome to the News at Six! I'm here this evening, live, with the detective who caught Secretary Hosokawa's murderer, Shirogane Naoto!" The cheerful brunette newscaster said, leaning forward in her armchair. "Welcome, Detective Shirogane. It's a pleasure to have you here."

"It's a pleasure to be here, Nanami-san." Naoto said politely, giving a small smile as she leaned back in her chair, crossing one leg over the other. She seemed completely calm and collected, relaxed instead of stiff—but she was as formal as ever.

One certain viewer watched the broadcast from his apartment with an amused smile. _Naoto-kun certainly has changed, hasn't she._

"Tell us, Detective, how does it feel to have caught the killer?"

"It is… relieving, I suppose," Naoto looked thoughtful, "I'm just glad that Hosokawa-san's family are put at ease now, knowing that the murderer is behind bars."

"Do you get that feeling every time you solve a case?" Nanami asked.

"Yes," Naoto nodded, "My goal is always to find the truth—because while it may be unsettling, knowing the truth puts your heart at rest when you have questions with no answers."

"Has it always been that way?"

"Yes—my family has always sought to unveil the bloodiest truths. I am following in great footsteps here, but I myself was once a person whose heart was lost without the truth. It took a very special case for me to find it again, and it certainly put my worries at ease. Having known this feeling, I hope the same feeling will be felt by my clients, the victim's loved ones, and all of those who might be involved—even the other policemen, whom I know have had many frustrations with this case."

"That kind of philosophy is what makes you popular, isn't it, Detective." Nanami smiled widely. "You seem emotionally connected to your clients, I hear."

"Yes—it seems so," Naoto chuckled, "When I was younger, I used to think of only finding the murderer—time has wizened me, for I now realize that closing a case does not only mean bringing justice onto that murderer, it also means making sure the family feels as if justice has been brought. They are the ones seeking closure—as a detective, I feel that it is my job to give them that closure. It's a very relieving feeling, if you've ever felt it."

"I don't think I've ever heard any men say that before," Nanami laughed.

"Perhaps, but they do not take the same cases I do." Naoto smiled knowingly. "But you are right—most men do not say or think that. Perhaps it is in my advantage that I am a woman, then."

"Didn't you use to pretend to be a man, though?" Nanami motioned with her hand, lifting an eyebrow, "You used to be known as the Detective Prince!"

"That I had been. But in pretending to be a man, I thought like them too—though, now I know better." Naoto didn't seem embarrassed at all by Nanami's implication, her eyes twinkling almost mischievously, "But, we are not here to discuss my past, am I right? Shall we move on to the matters for which you have _really_ called me here today?"

"Yes, yes—let's cut straight to the chase! The murder of the Secretary! How did you do it? Hosokawa-san's murderer was totally unexpected!" Nanami asked excitedly, "The chief said in a press release that Hosokawa had an illegitimate son, and he was the one who did it? Is that right?"

"Correct," Naoto nodded, smoothing her white dress shirt and folding her hands in her lap, "The method of murder aside, since that has already been broadcasted, yes? That aside, the motive seems to be what you are really interested in, so I shall quench your curiosity." Sharp gray-blue eyes looked directly at the camera, "Among the suspects that we had apprehended, I found a strange incomplete truth. The wife had been a suspect because, as a friend of hers confirmed, she had recently found out that her husband cheated on her some twenty years ago. When I searched through the evidence and Hosokawa-san's belongings, I found out that he had still been in contact with the woman. The identity of the woman will not be revealed, but I will allow you the knowledge that she had recently died in another town."

"Did you find anything else?"

"Yes—you see, in his financial records, I found that he transferred money to that woman every year, supposedly to keep her quiet—but it was odd to me, so upon further investigation, I found she had had a child, and the money was for child support. Now, that would seem to be enough motive for the wife to have done it, but there was another clue that she was not the murderer. The name of the illegitimate child was Hatsuzaki Kouji."

"How is the name of the child a clue?"

"Nanami-san, do you have a piece of paper?" Naoto opened her eyes, leaning forward with a little smirk.

"Uh, yes, here." Nanami handed over a notepad and a pen.

"This is how Hatsuzaki Kouji is written." The blue-haired detective wrote the characters large enough for the camera to catch it, "Do you notice something odd?"

"Hmm…" The reporter looked thoughtful, "Ah! Wait, wasn't the name of the murderer Takahachi Hikaru, though?"

"And do you know how to write that name?" Naoto still smirked knowingly.

"Oh, I see! The two names were written with the same characters! You noticed it and you unveiled the identity of the illegitimate son! But did that make him confess?"

Naoto put the notepad down, shaking her head. "No, it simply pointed me in his direction. After I found out the Secretary's intern was his son, I investigated their relationship—it seemed that Hosokawa san did not know that Takahachi—or rather, Hatsuzaki-san, was his son. It was easy for Hatsuzaki-san to slip by unnoticed because no one realized the spelling of his name, and he was able to get close to Hosokawa-san and kill him."

"But how did you find out it was him? You didn't even have any proof!"

"I have always trusted my intuition," Naoto leaned back again, "And it drove me to find the proof that I needed—namely, a poison-covered handkerchief forgotten in a jacket pocket. He had used it to clean up the crime scene, and didn't touch it again in fear of getting it on his own hands. But that wasn't all—he kept a diary, in which he wrote to his deceased mother, detailing his anguished feelings about being abandoned by his father. After I presented the proof, he confessed. It was all an act of petty revenge and anger."

"Was it really petty?" Nanami asked, "Wouldn't you be upset if you never had your father around?"

"No. It wasn't that he wasn't around. Hosokawa-san sent money every month—it was obvious he still cared for Hatsuzaki-san and his mother, even if he had never met the boy. But Hatsuzaki-san's mother did not take the money Hosokawa-san sent—she had wanted nothing to do with him. She had a feeling more akin to, 'I would rather have _you_ here, not your money'. Hatsuzaki-san was upset because his mother was still in love with Hosokawa-san, and he couldn't have cared less—he had not even attended her funeral. Hatsuzaki-san had killed Hosokawa-san because he wanted Hosokawa-san to feel all the hurt his mother had felt for twenty years."

"That's… a little sweet." Nanami seemed awed. "But, to resort to murder…?"

"Humans are complicated beings, Nanami-san," Naoto sighed, "That is simply what I have learned to solve this case—the only one who knows the depth of Hatsuzaki-san's pain is himself."

"That's—"

_Rrring, rrring!_

Naoto and Nanami blinked, and Naoto frowned, taking out her cell phone. "Now who could—" She stopped, seeing the caller ID. "…I'm sorry, I know it's rude, Nanami-san, but I must take this call."

"Ah! It's no problem at all, we'll wrap it up here." Nanami nodded in understanding, "Is it the chief?"

"…It's something of a client." Naoto smiled, standing up gracefully.

"Oh, you're on a new case already?"

"Yes. I'll be leaving Kyoto tomorrow." Naoto bowed politely, "Thank you for having me, but I must go now."

"No, thank you for your time!" Nanami nodded, and Naoto walked off the set, leaving her to close up. "That was our exclusive interview with Detective Shirogane! Next on News at Six—"

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Hey, are you busy?" It was a straight, poker-faced voice. Naoto knew it all too well.

_"What the _hell_, sempai!"_ Naoto laughed as she answered her phone, _"I was in the middle of an interview!"_

"I know," chuckled the deep, soft voice on the other side, "I was watching."

_"Then why did you _call_ if you knew?"_ Naoto demanded, leaning against a wall in the studio.

"I wanted to see if it was really live."

_"…You moron."_ The blue-haired detective couldn't help but laugh, and he could hear her smile. She shifted, moving through the studio. _"What did you want?"_

"Well, it's simple, but since I'm a client now, I guess I'll call it a case." He grinned, "I have a job for you."

_"Oh?"_ Naoto's tone told him that she already knew what he was going to ask her.

"Go to Inaba. I'll see you there in two days." He smiled.

_"Inaba, huh…"_ Naoto grinned to herself, and he could hear a shuffle as she gathered her things to leave the news studio. _"Will I really be seeing you there again? Honestly, sempai, you said that when you told me to go to Tokyo two years ago. You weren't there."_

"School had me busy." He shrugged, leaning back in his seat, "But I promise, you'll definitely see me this time. And everyone else too. You haven't returned to Inaba in five years, right?"

_"…Yes. I'm looking forward to it."_ The jingle of keys, and the pip of a car being disarmed.

"One more thing, Naoto-kun."

_"Yes, sempai?"_ Naoto perked up curiously.

"Stop calling me sempai. I'm not your sempai anymore." He laughed in his charming way, "It's Yu. I think we've been friends long enough for you to call me Yu."

_"…Heh. Understood, Yu-san."_

.~.~.~.~.~.

_March 19, 2018_.

Naoto read the Nara newspaper idly as she waited for the barista to prepare her coffee—with extra cream and sugar, just how she liked it. Her eyes scanned the top articles—she had made the news again. It was talking about the interview she had done just the night before in Kyoto. News sure did travel fast that she had solved the murder of the particularly nasty politician—she didn't like the man, but as despicable as he was, he didn't deserve to die. That was the reasoning she kept in her consciousness ever since that day, six years ago, when she—_they_ decided not to throw a certain deliveryman to his doom.

Had six years passed already? Tomorrow would be the anniversary—the day they had truly solved the case and the man who had changed her life left it to return "home".

Home… it was a powerful word, she thought as she thanked the barista and folded the newspaper, heading out to her car. She was finally returning home—after five years, she was finally returning to her friends… her family. She couldn't wait to see them again.

There was still one more day, though—one more day of life, one more day of waiting—at least there were no more stupid interviews she had to go to. She sighed as she sipped her coffee, put her keys in the ignition, and started the car.

_Rrring, rrring!_

"Again? Is it sem—Yu-san…?" Naoto looked at her phone. She smiled, blushing a little. She put in her Bluetooth and backed out her car, hitting the answer button on her phone. "Hello, Kanji-kun."

_"Hey! I saw your interview yesterday,"_ came the gruff but relatively friendly voice on the other side. Naoto wondered if he had gotten cuter in six years—judging by his tone, he seemed to speak a lot more nicely, at least. Last time they had called each other, he had been working with the local elementary school to give some kids little toys, so he had definitely improved with his people skills.

"You always do," Naoto played with the plush blue bear on her car keys, looking at her watch. It was still morning—she had a whole day's drive before she got to Inaba.

_"You're as amazing as ever, noticing the little details like that."_ He chuckled.

"Thanks." Naoto paused, watching the traffic lights, "Kanji-kun… As much as I like it, can you skip the small talk and get to the point? I know there's something else you want to ask me."

_"Err… you can always tell, huh. You know me too well."_ He laughed nervously, _"You said you're leaving Kyoto on the interview. Where are you headed now?"_

"Home." She smiled, amused. He always asked where she was going…

_"…You sound like you're smirking. I'm guessing you don't mean your estate."_ Kanji sounded confused, _"Are you really…?"_

"Yes," Naoto kept driving, looking around cautiously. It had become a habit for her to be extremely careful in traffic, especially right after solving a murder. Ever since she had started driving, that had been her habit—driving made her nervous. She didn't like it.

_"…Sorry, are you driving? You seem distracted… and you sound different. I'm guessing Bluetooth."_

"Yes," she answered again, "I apologize if I'm not very talkative."

_"Nah, it's fine, focus on the road,"_ She could hear Kanji nodding against the receiver, _"But, uh, I'm glad you're coming home."_

"Yes… I got a surprise call during the interview. It seems I've got a job there." Naoto smiled knowingly.

_"Oh. So it's not 'cause you wanna…"_ He seemed a little disappointed.

"Hey, Kanji-kun. You know what my job in Inaba will be? It's to see all of my friends again." Naoto wondered if Yu had called everyone else too. Or maybe he was going to surprise them—Kanji sure didn't sound like he knew Yu was coming too. "Of course I want to! I can't wait to be back."

He laughed—yes, that had certainly cheered him up. _"I'll round up the gang then."_

"Last I heard, Hanamura-sempai was appointed manager at Junes. So he's back too, right?" Naoto asked curiously.

_"Yep. Kuma sure was glad to have someone to crash with again."_ He laughed, _"Kuma's doing fine too… he's kept his world pretty nice. I don't go in, personally, but he seems happy there."_

"That's good to hear. I look forward to seeing everyone again." Naoto smiled.

_"Yeah. Hey, be safe driving, you hear?"_ He said in concern, _"I'll see you at the station tomorrow morning?"_

"Tonight." Naoto grinned, "Actually, if you don't mind… I have not had time to set up accommodations yet…"

Kanji went silent. Naoto waited for him to say something, wondering how red his face was. Yes, she knew he blushed like mad at pretty much everything she said—some times, more madly than others. This was one of those times.

_"What time will you be here?"_

"About eight o'clock. I hope that's not late." Naoto shrugged, making a right turn, "I might not be taking the train, but there aren't that many places to park near your place, aren't there?"

_"I'll have a room prepared by eight then. I'll see you then."_ Kanji sounded like he was pacing nervously, but he was happy.

"Yes, I'll see you then." Naoto nodded, even though it was nervous, "Thank you, Kanji-kun. Goodbye."

_"Bye."_

.~.~.~.~.~.

Five years had been a long time to only see Naoto on the news—to only hear her voice over the phone. Kanji leaned back in his chair, scanning the Kyoto newspaper, staring at the picture of Naoto's interview from the previous night. She hadn't changed much from the last time her picture showed up—but she had certainly changed a lot from the sixteen-year-old cross-dresser who had left Inaba.

He was one of the only friends Naoto kept in constant contact with—she would always call him to see how her favorite sleepy town was. He would always call her to see where she was headed next, so he could keep up with the news in that place and maybe see her in the headlines. Though, it was rare to see anything but her name there.

That was the only place he really ever saw her—on TV and in the newspapers. She was always so elusive, though—just like when she was a teenager, she found interviews to be nothing but a source of gossip and entertainment for the audiences, and she didn't like her face being shown so publicly. Kanji knew that six years and the Midnight Channel had made her slightly paranoid—but he also knew that she didn't like being on TV for the same reason she didn't like driving.

Being a detective was a scary thing.

He sighed, shaking off his worry. Naoto was fine—she was always fine. She was strong and she could handle herself—so why was he so concerned? Well, they were friends. That's what friends did—they worried. Besides, Naoto had been away from home for five years, making her name on her own and living in temporary houses and apartments with no one but herself. He couldn't imagine how lonely it must've been.

Sometimes she had called him just so she didn't feel so lonely, after all. And he had done the same on many occasions.

He sighed, folding the newspaper and putting his feet firmly on the ground as he pushed himself up. It was almost eight o'clock—time to go pick up Naoto.

The roads outside were dark except for the tall streetlights. He grabbed a umbrella, remembering that the forecast said it might sprinkle, and carefully locked his house before he left, stuffing the keys in his pocket as he walked over the sepia-dyed sidewalk. The station wasn't too far from the textile shop, so he could easily walk there. In a matter of minutes, he came to the steps that ascended to Yasoinaba Station, and he sat down, watching the empty parking lot.

He looked at his watch—not to check the time, but to see the tracking display.

"Out of range"… she wasn't there yet.

He looked up again, smoothing out his hair nervously. Did he look alright? He should've prepared more. Gosh, he hoped she could recognize him. While he had seen her in the news, she had not seen any of her friends' changes save for Rise, who was constantly in ads and having concerts and the like. He wondered what it would be like to return home and see that a lot of things had changed—himself included.

But… he was also nervous because even if he had seen her interviews and photos in newspapers, seeing her in real life would be so _different_. He knew it would be—he remembered seeing her on Tokyo News three years ago, and he had been so surprised at how much she had changed. She still wore her hat, of course, but her hair had grown out and she had gotten a little taller—and she didn't quite dress like a boy anymore. She had never been comfortable dressing like a girl, of course, but she didn't hide the fact that she _was_ one—and it was actually kind of hard hiding that fact now.

He blushed a deep red at that thought, shaking it off. He looked at his watch, and his eyes widened. It read, "15m".

Bright headlights were slowly making their way closer. Kanji shielded his eyes, squinting to see the figure behind the wheel as the car came to a stop in the parking lot. It was dark blue—of course it would be, blue was Naoto's favorite color.

She got out of the car—and he saw a young woman with long blue hair and her signature blue coat. Kanji blushed—despite how much Naoto had changed, she was still as cute and beautiful as ever.

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto's thoughts of five years past pooled an anxious feeling in her stomach. She played with the blue plush bear nervously, glancing at the face of her digital watch. "Out of range" blipped into "15m", and the numbers slowly decreased as she came closer and closer to Yasoinaba Station. She could see the train tracks beside the road, the dim lights on the inside of the aged station—and as she pulled up to the parking lot, her headlights caught a figure sitting on the stairs. He had short brown hair and a brass-colored bullet hanging around his neck, and he was clad in a blue yukata. Her eyes widened for a moment—for she swore she was looking at a ghost from her past.

She parked the car and got out, her eyes locking on the man who was now standing on the steps. Yes, it was definitely the boy she remembered from her past.

Smiling, she grabbed her luggage and shut the door to her vehicle. After she locked it, she walked over to the man. When she stopped, the face on her watch read "1m".

"…Good evening, Kanji-kun."

"H-hi, Naoto-kun… Uh, you got taller." He looked at her, blushing, "Err, is that a new car?"

She shrugged, adjusting her hat, "Taking my motorcycle on an eight hour drive from my estate did not seem very practical. It was only logical." She put her hand on her hip in that overly-formal manner than Kanji had always thought made her seem too stiff.

"Uh, y-yeah. Good point. I didn't think of that—you always think ahead, huh." Kanji grinned kindly, trying hard to keep the stutter out of his voice. "I guess that's one thing that hasn't changed, huh? Look at you, you've changed so much."

"You too—you've changed a lot. I see you've stopped bleaching your hair." She looked up at him, "Though, shouldn't your hair be a darker brown?"

"The bleach kind of messed it up…" Kanji rubbed his head, feeling conscious, "It was a phase… you know, when I thought I had to do stuff to seem manlier…"

"Yet you still wear piercings." Naoto noted, chuckling.

"That's a personal preference." He seemed to relax, "Anyway, come on—I know you remember the way, but it's kinda dark out here." He looked out to the street, then back at her. "And, erm, uh—here, let me take your bags."

"I'm fine," Naoto shook her head, and after some insistence, Kanji took the larger of her bags and they began to walk. "I hope everyone else hasn't changed as much as you have."

"No, they haven't changed a bit." He grinned at her. "You'd recognize them right away."

"I wonder." Naoto looked thoughtful, "Anyway… thank you for accommodating me, Kanji-kun. Did you tell everyone else I was coming?"

"Yeah. Yukiko-sempai even offered you a place at her inn, but it's kind of the busy season, you know? I told her you would've insisted not to bother her too much." Kanji shrugged, looking up. It was beginning to sprinkle…

Naoto nodded in agreement to his assumption, then tilted her head up to the sky. "…Rain tonight, huh…"

"Midnight Channel doesn't work anymore," Kanji said quietly, knowing all too well what she was thinking. After all, the next day was the anniversary of that time.

"I know. Tried it back in Tokyo… and Yagokoro… and Hokkaido… and Beika… and Kyoto… and every other place I've been…"

"Looking for a reason to come back?" The brown haired man asked hopefully, opening his umbrella and holding it over the both of them.

"Maybe," Naoto shifted her gaze, cobalt eyes piercing his dark grey ones, "But… there was also something like a feeling of relief, whenever it didn't work… It made me feel safe, you know? Like we had solved that mystery, and it was for good… but I don't know. It was unsettling to know that world still existed on the other side, and human nature might cause another serial murderer to appear."

"Yeah, I know. I checked it too. I guess… it's a habit." Kanji sighed, "And maybe… a bittersweet memory."

"The worst part is, checking it even though we know that the things that appear on the screen are what we _want_ to see, not what will actually _be_…"

"…Did you see something you wanted to see?" Kanji asked gently, stopping.

"I wanted to see home." Naoto gave a sad but relieved-looking smile, "I never did."

"You're seein' it now, Naoto-kun." Kanji, pat her head playfully, "We're here."

Naoto blinked, looking up at Tatsumi Textiles. Kanji led her to the side door that led to the private half of the shop, going inside after he unlocked the door. She stood at the indoor porch step, drying what little sprinkles managed to wet her hat. Kanji closed the umbrella and put down her duffle bag, taking off his shoes and putting on his slippers as he went inside.

"Come on in."

Naoto nodded, taking off her shoes and thanking him politely as she put down her suitcase at the front, following him in. They were at the back of the textile shop, which served as the living quarters of the Tatsumis.

"You had a long drive, right? I know you like coffee, but I'm pretty sure that's not good this time of night. How about some tea?"

"Yes, thank you," Naoto nodded, looking around as he motioned her to sit down at the kitchen table, "Is your mother home?"

"She's asleep," Kanji motioned upward, implying the rooms above the shop, "She's getting older lately, you know? So I'm watching the shop and stuff for her more…"

"I know," Naoto said, "It's good to know she's getting plenty of rest, though."

"Yeah," He looked over, placing a steaming cup of green tea in front of her, "…So, how're you holding up?"

"Hm?" She looked over at him, holding the cup to warm her hands, "Well, the long drive wasn't all that tiring, if that's what you mean… It gave me a lot of time to think."

"I meant, your grampa died last year and you've been buried in case after case without a break ever since." Kanji sat down across from her, "You should've come home sooner, you know. We could've been there for you."

"I'm fine," Naoto sighed, sipping the tea, "I've had a year to get over it. I promise you, I'm fine."

"…" He stared at her intently, then sighed heavily too. "Must've been hard, though."

"Of course it was." Naoto said calmly, not in the least bothered, "I do miss him, and there was certainly an overwhelming sense of loneliness after he died, but… it's not something I haven't gone through before. I got past it."

"…"

"At least he died peacefully in his sleep." _Unlike my parents._

"Yeah, you must be at ease knowing he lived a long and fulfilled life." Kanji looked up at the ceiling, frowning as if he could hear her unspoken thoughts. "…But, you know, like you said when you left… your grampa's a part of you—and you're never really alone because of that. And… if you ever do feel lonely, you're home now. Just… call for us, yeah?"

"I will." Naoto smiled.

"By the way," Kanji looked over at her, smiling, "Welcome home."

"Good to be home."

.~.~.~.~.~.

_Pik pik pik pik._

The rain hit the window softly, creating a rhythmic and soothing sound. Naoto stared at the small, old TV set in the guest room, just as she had been doing for the past half hour. She didn't know if it was midnight, but she didn't bother to turn on the light to check her watch.

She waited and waited, her fingers entwined in a bridge and her chin resting upon it, her eyes never leaving the screen. She was sure it was midnight now—but nothing showed up. She sighed, watching for a little while longer, her thoughts wandering.

_Zzzt…_

It was only for a moment, but the screen flickered with a static white light, and then fizzled out. She had only caught her reflection in the dim and nonexistent light—she knew it was just wishful thinking and her imagination that had turned it on for that brief second.

Nothing had shown up—yes, the only thing she had seen was herself.

She smiled a little, then crawled into bed and let slumber take her.

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Naoto was nineteen when she was finally recognized as the fifth generation of Shirogane detectives. She had always been slightly reckless when it came to finding the truth—and just like the time she appeared on TV to prove that there was still a killer in Inaba, she had gotten herself kidnapped again to lead herself to a murderer's lair._

_ This particular murderer liked to kidnap young girls—and occasionally boys—and kill them in obscure ways before letting their bodies be found. By the time they were, the murderer himself was long gone. The victims had no connection, except that they had been very beautiful before their deaths. Naoto had enough mind to realize the pattern, pinpointing who the killer was with the clues she was given, and put herself up as bait to get the proof she needed._

_ Of course, this is where being a girl worked to her advantage, and much to her chagrin, she had to dress the part if she wanted to be caught. So she talked to one of the detectives helping her on the case, and had his wife put makeup on her face and lend her a nice dress. Naoto had been reluctant at first, but she knew there wasn't any other way to catch the killer and convict him for all of the murders._

_ So Naoto went to the place she knew the killer would be, and acted like the way most of the victims did before they died—she went to a party, awkwardly mingled, and left alone. He fell for it—Naoto was a little thankful that she was shorter than most people her age, so she was able to pull off being a fifteen-year-old better than anyone else at the department. Her suspicions had been correct—the murderer wasn't a "he", but a she! A very ugly woman who had gone insane and mutilated the face of others out of a twisted sense of jealousy and anger. If she deemed someone too beautiful, she would kidnap them and mutilate their faces and bodies, and then leave them so people could see how "beautiful" they really were._

_ The serial killer did not realize she was a detective, and she had been able to trick her into thinking the chloroform cloth had worked on her. Naoto acted unconscious, though she was fully aware that if she made a wrong move, she would be killed right away. With the first chance she got, she pulled out her gun and surprised the woman, calling for backup before the woman could run away. Thanks to her hunch, the police were not too far away, having been directed to stay around the corner in case she did try to make a break for it._

_ By the time the policemen got there, Naoto had managed to use her Midnight Channel experience to subdue the killer and tie her up, and she was rightfully arrested and put on trial. Naoto was declared a hero for her self-sacrifice, and the department thanked her for helping them. Many people whose loved ones had been killed came out to thank her personally, and she had felt an overwhelming sense of pride in being able to help them all. It was such a wonderful feeling, and she knew that putting herself in such danger was worth it._

_ But regardless of if it was worth it, the whole thing had still scared her like nothing else. And she was still scared—she was still a girl, after all, and she had been forced to keep her cool with a knife pointed at her face that night. When she was finally given a moment alone, she pulled out her cell phone, dialing the number of her closest friend._

_ He was the one whom she had called when she was having frustrations about this case—actually, she always called him when she was having any sort of frustration, regardless of if it was related to her work or not. She had spent years getting used to hearing his voice on the phone and imagining his face when she spoke to him. The last time she had called, he had wished her luck in solving the serial murders, so the first thing she wanted to do was inform him of her success._

_ Certainly, his best wishes had gotten her through it. She smiled shakily to herself, playing with the knitted blue bear that she used as a phone charm. Anxiously awaiting the ringing to end, Naoto breathed a sigh of relief when she heard her friend pick up._

_ "I did it."_

"Really? You solved the serial murderer case?"

_"You won't believe the night I've had, Kanji-kun."_

.~.~.~.~.~.

A/N: Here's what I originally wrote on my profile (posted 4/14/2012, and it was taken down as of 5/25/2012)

Full Summary/Original Drabble: It had been almost five years. Five years that Naoto had spent away from "home"—it was five years too long to be away from "home", and it was not something Naoto had intended. Five years spent chasing criminals—thieves, murderers, arsonists, whatever case she could find—had certainly made her into a well known, well practiced detective. Somehow her status as a woman was now working in her favor too—something that would have never happened if she had not met _them_. And so now she was returning to them, returning to "home" at long last. Five years was a long time for her to only hear their voices over the phone, and five years was a long time for them to only see her on TV or in the newspapers. Five years had made her mature, successful, famous—and it had made her _enemies_. Well, thus was the life of a detective—it was a despicable occupation to those whose lives she ruined. And she thought about this as she made the anxious drive home (she never did like driving), idly playing with the plush good luck charm on her keys, occasionally stealing a glance at the toy watch on her wrist, waiting for the numbers to decrease.


	2. Five Years and One More Today

Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts! I'm glad this is going over well. I'm hoping to update this once a week, but as I haven't actually written much for it yet, I don't know how that will go. We'll see-I still have a little left before I run out of things to post. Anyway, here's the next chapter, I hope you like it!

Also, here's a better summary (that's up on my profile, I guess): Taking place five years after the end of _Mementos_, Naoto finally returns to Inaba to find that things aren't how they used to be-it wasn't just the town that had changed, but herself too. Delves into Naoto's past as she struggles to find her identity once more, and gains help from her old friends and one special guy along the way. However, five years of life, love, and darkness are catching up to her, and the consequences of her actions are both kind and bittersweet to her fate.

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 2: Five Years and One More Today**

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto yawned, stretching as she sat up in bed. She looked around the Tatsumi's guest room—her coat was hung over the back of a chair next to the desk her hat sat on, her suitcase and duffle bag on the floor against the wall, and the sun was just barely able to shine golden rays through the window. She stood up, squinting as she threw the curtains open, letting her eyes adjust to the light.

Sunrises in Inaba were certainly beautiful… had they been this beautiful when she was here last time? She couldn't remember. Maybe it was just the sentiment of finally being back home that made her feel like the air was cleaner and the sky bluer.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Naoto-kun, you awake?" Kanji's voice came from the other side of the door.

"Yes. Come in, Kanji-kun." She looked over to the door, turning halfway.

Kanji opened the door, blinking and blushing when he saw her at the window dressed in pale blue men's pajamas that were just a little too big for her. She looked kind of like a little boy, save for the long hair, but she probably didn't want to be told how adorable that was.

"Uh, g-good morning."

"Good morning," she nodded, "You're up early."

"You too," He straightened, looking away, "I gotta open up shop. I made breakfast, so, uh, you and Ma can eat it together, I guess." He shifted awkwardly, a signal Naoto immediately picked up on.

"I understand. I'll be glad to get reacquainted with her." Naoto chuckled. "Are we going to the Special Headquarters this afternoon?"

"Yeah," He nodded, "Everyone should be there by noon. Uh, I'll leave you to get changed and stuff." He blushed again before he stepped backward and closed the door.

Naoto rolled her eyes and shook her head, going over to her bags to get a change of clothes and other things to get ready for the day.

_I wonder if I should be the one to talk to him first… he's still so… squirmy. Is he still not used to girls?_ She thought amusedly. She looked at her watch as she put it on—he was only a couple of meters away and quickly retreating. _To think, even after five years, I've still got a crush on him. How childish._

She paused, as if listening to something. _…But perhaps being a little childish… isn't a bad thing after all._ She smiled, having come to terms with her feelings. She wondered if Kanji did the same, at some point.

Naoto stepped out of the room and quietly closed the door behind her, going downstairs. Kanji was in the front setting up merchandise—she couldn't help but notice there was a whole shelf for the knitted toys he made to sell, but she didn't comment, smiling to herself.

She made her way into the kitchen, where Mrs. Tatsumi was daintily eating a bowl of rice and sipping tea.

"Uh… Good morning, Tatsumi-san." Naoto greeted politely.

Mrs. Tatsumi looked up. "Oh, Shirogane-san! Good morning," she smiled kindly, "Please, have a seat."

"Thank you," Naoto nodded, sitting down only when she was told, mostly to be polite, "I'm sorry to be a bother."

"It's not at all! My, I'm such a horrible host, to have not even been awake when you came! I apologize." Mrs. Tatsumi poured her a cup of tea.

"It's fine, you needed your rest," Naoto said modestly, "And your son was a fine host. You shouldn't worry."

"I'm glad," Mrs. Tatsumi's dark gray eyes twinkled, "Formalities aside… Welcome back, Shirogane-san. My, you've become very beautiful! You know, I see you on TV sometimes. Kanji makes sure to watch for your interviews. You've become very famous, haven't you!"

"Thank you," She said again, blushing a little, "but I'm not that beautiful, or famous…"

"Don't be modest," Mrs. Tatsumi chuckled, "You've opened a lot of doors for young women who are looking into criminal justice, did you know? It's becoming a less male-oriented job. Well, many prefer the lawyer-type work, but there are a few. Like Detective Dojima's daughter. I think you've inspired her."

Naoto smiled widely, murmuring a prayer politely before she started eating. "Well, I think that credit should go to her big brother and her father…"

"I've known the Dojima's for a long time. Nanako-chan just wanted to be a housewife, like her mother, before all those incidents." Mrs. Tatsumi said fondly, leaning back in her seat contentedly, "She had never thought that a woman could be as strong and powerful as the ones she met those six years ago."

The blue-haired detective chuckled. "So what has Nanako-chan been up to lately?"

"Well, for a while, she wanted to be a doctor, because of her experience at the hospital," The old woman grinned, "And then… she wanted to own Junes… and just recently she decided she wanted to solve mysteries. I guess it runs in the family—doesn't Narukami-san work in the police force now?"

"Yes, I believe he's achieved a high rank in the Tokyo police by now. It's certainly has him busy." Naoto nodded. She didn't speak to Yu as often as she spoke to Kanji, but he was still one of her closest friends, so they knew the important things about each other's lives.

"And you? Where has your famous detective status taken you?" Mrs. Tatsumi asked curiously.

Naoto ate her breakfast, looking thoughtful. "Well, all over the place. When I first left, I was making a name for myself all over Japan, but I've gained my license to practice justice outside of the country too. I've been to London, and America, and France, and Germany…"

"Amazing, Shirogane-san!" Mrs. Tatsumi clapped delightedly, "Say, you've explored all over the place… did you meet anyone special?"

Naoto lifted a delicate eyebrow, staring at her. "…No… I've been absorbed in my work. Though there was one particularly annoying detective who thought he could best me in solving a murder, if that's what you mean by 'special'. He got it all wrong in the end—used too much effort in the wrong places." She scoffed, "And he made a complete fool of himself."

Mrs. Tatsumi chuckled. "You haven't changed very much, have you, Shirogane-san."

The young woman smiled mysteriously.

"Perhaps."

.~.~.~.~.~.

_Riiing, riiing, riiing!_

Naoto sat in the Tatsumi's living room, holding her phone to her ear and leaning back on the soft couch, relaxing. She smoothed out her shirt—a plain white button down collared shirt, which was accompanied by brownish-black trousers and her blue-rimmed glasses. She wore the special fog-clearing glasses occasionally as an accessory, even if they didn't work in the real world, finding it added to her sophisticated look. On numerous occasions, though, she found it annoying when her coworkers asked her if she usually wore contacts.

After a few more rings, a voice picked up. _"Hello?"_

"Hello, Yu-san," Naoto smiled, "It's not nice to keep a lady waiting."

_"Are you a lady? I thought you were a detective."_ Yu joked.

"That is not relevant to—wait, are you implying that I'm not even—"

Yu laughed. _"It's a joke, Naoto-kun."_

"…I knew that," Naoto rolled her eyes, "It wasn't very funny though."

She paused, hearing giggling in the background, along with the distinct roll of train wheels. Obviously, _someone_ thought the joke was funny.

"Are you with someone?"

_"I'm on the train to Inaba right now."_ Yu's voice was grinning, _"We'll be there soon."_

"I know, I was just calling to check on you…" Naoto said slowly, deciding to dismiss the implication that he wasn't alone. "You didn't tell anyone else, did you."

_"Not true. I called some of the others."_

"What about Kanji-kun?"

_"I figured I'd surprise the ones still in Inaba. And yes, that means I didn't call Yukiko-san either."_

"…Oh." Naoto frowned, "You expected me to come back and meet everyone at the Special Headquarters, didn't you. Gosh, you're always so… unpredictable."

_"It's where we always meet. Of course."_ Yu laughed again, _"But even if I'm unpredictable, I can't hide anything from you, Detective Prince."_

"Are you patronizing me?" Naoto's eyes sparked.

_"Not at all,"_ His smiling voice replied, _"See you soon."_

"Bye."

She hung up and looked at the clock. It was eleven o'clock…

"Hey, were you on the phone just now?" Kanji popped his head in.

"Yes," Naoto shrugged, standing up. "Is your mother really fine with taking care of the shop today?"

"Yeah, she insisted. C'mon, let's go walk around, yeah? See the town a bit before noon." He grinned at her, coming into the room fully. He wasn't wearing his yukata this time, but clothes that were more reminiscent of his teenage years, complete with the leather jacket. "I'm tellin' you, not much has changed."

She nodded, grabbing her blue peacoat and adjusting her hat on the crown of her head. As Naoto followed Kanji out, she couldn't help but feel a little excited. She was finally going to see her friends, her family, and her home again after all these years…

.~.~.~.~.~.

"It wasn't like I had _always_ rejected my feminine side, Kanji-kun."

"Well, yeah, but it's such a change, you know? I bet they'll be surprised."

"Yes… but when I wanted to be a boy, it wasn't that I didn't want to be a girl, you know." Naoto scoffed.

"Really?" Kanji looked over at her, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Yes, really. I was simply doing what I had to, practically speaking, to realize my ideal image of a detective." Naoto nodded coolly.

"Did that image change?"

"Yes… I'm creating the image of a hard-boiled female detective, apparently. According to your mother, at least."

"Oh?" The brown-haired man chuckled. How… unexpected of his mother.

"Yes, this morning—"

"Naoto-kuuun!"

The short detective woman stopped her conversation with Kanji, looking over to the Junes food court. A familiar dirty-blonde woman was there, waving enthusiastically.

"Satonaka-sempai," Naoto blinked, coming over. She had… really changed.

"Welcome back, Naoto-kun," Yukiko stood from her seat as the other girl approached, "It's so good to see you again."

Yukiko was as beautiful and sophisticated as ever, still wearing her red dresses. Her hair was much longer, though, and it was done up in a braided bun—and like Naoto, she sported her glasses to complete her look.

The older woman gave the awkward Naoto a hug, then pulled back so Chie could hug her too. Naoto took a good look at her—her hair was much longer and she looked more feminine. She had abandoned the green and yellow jacket for a more professional-looking blazer, and she was dressed quite smartly. From what Naoto had heard, she got into Tokyo University with Yosuke and Yu, and majored in business and hotel management—it was pretty surprising, since she had hinted before that she wanted to work in the police force too, but then they found out that she did it so she could help Yukiko manage Amagi Inn.

After Kanji greeted the two women as well, they all say down at the table—it was the same table they always sat at, six years ago.

"Wow, your hair got so long—and it looks like you got a bit taller, huh," Chie laughed, making a motion with her hand to indicate Naoto's height.

"Hey… I'm not short…" Naoto crossed her arms, trying not to pout. "Long hair is not so bad—not exactly my preference, but I have made do. Anyway, I see you two have really changed your preferred styles as well…"

"Yeah, it kind of came with the job description." Chie grinned warmly.

"And she wanted a boy to notice her." Yukiko added nonchalantly.

"Yukiko!"

"Is it Hanamura-sempai?" Naoto smiled knowingly.

Chie turned bright red and immediately denied it, completely flustered. Her friends laughed, until Kanji calmed down and spoke.

"Hey, where _is_ Yosuke-sempai?"

"Oh, he's getting Kuma," Chie crossed her arms, still looking away with a still-red face, "We haven't seen him in a while, and we know he'd like to see you, Naoto-kun."

"I see," Naoto nodded, "I'd like to see him too. Whatever happened to his TV set?"

"Yosuke-kun bought it, to make sure we could always visit him." Yukiko confirmed.

"Nao-channn!"

Naoto blinked, standing. The only person that ever called her that was…

"Kuma-kun," She laughed a little, letting him tackle-hug her. She kept her ground pretty well, managing to stabilize her stance before she toppled over under his weight. "It's good to see you again. How are you?"

"Kuma is good, kuma!" The blonde boy lit up brightly as he backed up. Naoto got a good look at him—he hadn't changed at all, having not aged a day in the TV world. "Kuma hasn't seen Nao-chan in a looong time! You didn't visit, kuma!" He scolded her playfully.

"I called, didn't I?" Naoto pat his head, "But I supposed a cell phone signal wouldn't work in your world…"

"I got your messages though, kuma!" He held up his phone proudly, "Though only after I came out to visit, kuma."

"Hey, Naoto," Yosuke grinned when she looked up at him, "Long time no see."

"Likewise. How are you, sempai?" Naoto nodded politely, and the group sat down again. Kuma was off greeting the others now. She could see that Yosuke had matured too—he cut his hair shorter, and he was much taller than he used to be. He was properly dressed in Junes uniform too.

"I'm good," He nodded, "You look like you've been in touch with your feminine side. And I hear you've been fighting crime like no one's business."

Naoto blushed a little, tucking her hair behind her ear. She dismissed his first comment, answering his second with, "Yes… it's kept me busy."

"What brings you back?"

"I missed you all, what else?" She gave an unrestrained grin, though her smile became a little less cheery when she said, "Besides, today is…"

Everyone had quieted and looked over at her. "…" They looked between each other, and she didn't need to finish her sentence.

"The day everything was over…" Yukiko murmured quietly.

"You know what, we should celebrate. That was one of the most momentous days in all of our lives!" Yosuke stood up, "How's topsicles sound? On me."

Everyone grinned and agreed, telling him which flavors to get—Kuma, of course, ordered a dozen of every flavor, to which Yosuke and him started arguing all over again, like old times.

Naoto laughed at the scene, truly enjoying herself, until she quieted for only a moment to catch footsteps and a girlish giggle a little distance behind them. She looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened.

Kanji seemed to notice her sudden shocked silence, so he looked over at her, and then followed her gaze. "Ah—sempai—Rise-chan!"

Everyone stopped and looked behind them to see the curly-haired brunette and their quiet-as-ever leader. Rise was as glamorous as ever, with her sparkling accessories and perfect makeup, while Yu seemed to have gotten taller and more muscular, manlier than when he was a teenager. Yukiko stood up, staring in astonishment, while Kuma stopped his petty fighting.

"Hey, everyone!" Rise grinned widely, as cheerful as ever. "You started the fun without us, how unfair!"

"Rise-chan…!" Kuma was tearing up, and he ran over to her and gave her a big hug. "Sensei too!" He hugged him as well.

"Hi," He chuckled, patting the short boy on the head affectionately.

There was a chorus of greetings and hugs and general happy reunions, and then Naoto crossed her arms as she scrutinized their silver-haired leader.

"I thought she was the one you were with… I heard her laughing on the phone. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You think you were the only one I called back here?" He smiled at her. "Rise-chan and I were both in Tokyo, so we came here together."

"Wait, hold up, hold up," Yosuke waved his arms, "You knew he was coming, Naoto?"

"Yes, he's the one that called me here." Naoto looked over, "I assumed he called you as well. At least, some of you."

"I wanted to surprise you all," Yu smiled, "because it's _that_ anniversary."

"You jerk," Yosuke laughed, punching him in the arm, "Well, at least you visited more than Naoto and Rise-chan!"

"Hey, hey, we were busy!" Rise protested, "You guys could've come to my concerts, you know! I even sent you tickets!"

"I went!" Kuma raised his hand cheerfully, "Just like I promised, I was gonna see one of your concerts, remember!"

"Haha, yes, you did, Kuma-kun!" She hugged him affectionately, to which he gave a happy, dopey grin.

They continued to talk, and Yosuke got them some snacks and drinks from the food court, and they all talked about all sorts of things for hours. Kuma talked about how peaceful his world was, and Rise told them about her world travels for tours and acting jobs, even naming all of her movies and gossiping about some actors she dated for serious periods of time. Kanji, Yukiko, Yosuke, and Chie told them about how Inaba was doing in general, even though it wasn't all that interesting—Rise managed to get Chie to at least admit she had her eye on the man who was helping Old Man Daidara with his shop. The man was apparently a huge kung-fu movie fan, and he knew a lot about other cultures and weapons and that kind of stuff, so Chie had naturally taken a liking to him.

Yu had been promoted to Captain of his squad in Tokyo, and he told them that it felt good to still be able to make a difference in someone's life when he saved someone. Everyone knew he had taken up that profession after leaving Inaba because of everything that happened—the drive to save someone, and having the heart to know what was right and what was wrong, was a rare quality that he couldn't throw away by doing some desk job. It was the path he had chosen, to continue saving people—and he wouldn't have traded his job for anything. They all understood that his passion for it was the reason he didn't visit often, because saving people wasn't a job that could be easily put on hold.

But like Naoto, Yu had known that he had another job he needed to do—he needed to be a big brother and a friend for the people who had helped him get to that place in his life where he was truly happy and content.

"How come Naoto-kun and Narukami-kun haven't worked together yet?" Chie asked curiously.

"Huh? Oh…" Naoto blinked, "Well, he's only been on the police force for two years, and during that time, I was overseas, and only recently, Kyoto. I haven't been back to Tokyo since then." She smiled a little, "But I do look forward to the day we _can_ work together, Yu-san."

"Me too." He smiled back at her.

"What about you, Naoto-kun, has anything been happening besides working on cases? Surely there must've been something else in the past five years…" Yukiko looked at the ace detective.

"Well, after I finished high school, I did go to a specialty college to learn engineering." Naoto folded her hands on the table, "I figured it would be a handy skill, considering my knack for tinkering. I spent two years there, while simultaneously continuing my work as a detective."

"That's great, Naoto-kun!" Yukiko smiled, "You've really accomplished a lot in five years, huh?"

"As have all of you," She looked at them. Yukiko had fully inherited the inn, Chie was helping her make it the best it could be, Yosuke was the manager of their region's Junes chains, Yu was a police captain, Rise was a popular idol and talented actress, and Kanji was pretty much running Tatsumi Textiles. In her book, they were all in their ideal places in life.

"Hey, did you date anyone?" Rise asked, as she had asked everyone else—even Yukiko, who remained as oblivious to boys as ever.

"No," Naoto shrugged nonchalantly, "I didn't have time to think about having a relationship—I was always travelling anyhow." She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Kanji had fallen silent, eating his topsicle while looking down at the table. He seemed disappointed about something…

"Aw, that's boring." Rise giggled. "Why don't you settle down for a while? Find a guy!"

"…I'm sorry, but you're insinuating that I quit my life." Naoto stared at her, not addressing the suggestion to meet a man, "Solving crimes is my passion—just as acting and singing is yours. It's not something easily put aside. Much less to live a boring, stereotypical life."

"Man, does someone need to get murdered again for you to stick around for a while?" Rise pouted, "At least stay in Inaba for a while! I know I am—I'm in between releases and I don't have a tour, so I'm gonna stay and help my grandma for a while!"

"And I have a couple weeks before I have to return to work," Yu leaned his head on his hand, "I agree with Rise-chan, you should stay."

"I never said I was going to leave any time soon." Naoto sighed.

"I guess you're right, though," Rise ran her hand through her hair, "A life without your passion would be pretty boring… I bet there isn't even anything interesting to solve here in Inaba."

"Yes… it would get boring, no offense, everyone." Naoto looked to her local friends, who shook their head to dismiss it.

"Then everyone should visit Kuma!" Their youngest member said suddenly, "You all can still phase through the TV right? We should all visit my world, kuma!"

Yu laughed. "That actually sounds like a great idea. And the perfect thing to do on our anniversary."

Everyone looked at each other, and Yu reached into his shirt pocket, pulling out a pair of black rimmed glasses, smiling mischievously as he winked at Kuma. Kuma's eyes lit up with stars as he practically bounced in excitement.

Naoto pushed her own glasses up the bridge of her nose, chuckling softly, and Yukiko smiled at him. Chie and Yosuke had both been wearing their glasses folded on the collars of their shirts, so they exchanged a glance and took the lenses, putting them on. Kanji slipped his sunglasses on casually, smirking at his upperclassmen, while Rise, who had had the glasses sitting atop her head, pulled them down.

"Do you guys always bring them around, kuma?" The mascot-boy laughed, jumping up.

"No, but today was special." Chie laughed a little, "After all, we said we'd meet just like old times, ne?"

"We should bring Nana-chan too, kuma!" Kuma said, "Can we, pleeeease?"

Naoto blinked. "Nanako-chan? But…"

"Has she ever been to your world, Kuma…?" Chie asked, looking concerned.

Kuma made a pouting face, crossing his arms. "Kuma was lonely without you guys, you know, when you were all off at college and stuff, kuma! And Nana-chan promised we'd play together! Besides, she saw Heaven's Paradise before, and there wasn't really any other way to explain why I didn't age…"

"So you took her to your world?" Naoto looked concerned.

"It's fine! There were no Shadows! And she didn't get sick, kuma! And I gave her a special pair or glasses too, kuma!" The boy insisted, "Besides, Sensei and Yosuke said it was okay, kuma!"

"You two knew?" Yukiko looked at them.

"Well, the TV's at my place, so yeah…" Yosuke shrugged.

"And he asked my permission." Yu copied his friend's motion nonchalantly. "And, you know, after all she went through, I kind of had to explain it to her eventually… She handled it all pretty well, for a nine-year-old."

Naoto was quiet for a moment, as if listening for something, much like that morning.

_…Yes… Nanako-chan must truly have no darkness in her, even during that time… Yu-san summoned a Persona for her, and she hadn't even faced her Shadow…_

She smiled to herself. "Well, the celebration wouldn't be complete without her." She looked over at Yu, "Did you happen to at least call _her_ ahead of time to let her know you were coming?"

"Of course." The silver-haired man waved her off, "But she has school, you know."

Naoto looked at her watch. "It should be out soon, right? She's… about thirteen now, so she should be in middle school… which ended earlier than high school, if I remember correctly."

Yu looked at his watch too. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Let's all go over to sensei's place and see Nanako-chan when she gets home then, kuma!" Kuma suggested, twirling excitedly on the spot.

"Onii-chan!" The sudden squeal had everyone looking up, and they saw Nanako running toward them. Yu stood up, grinning and holding out his arms to receive a big hug from his cousin.

"Hey, Nanako-chan. I'm back."

"Welcome home, onii-chan!" She pulled back, "Ah, and everyone else too! And Kuma-kun!"

"Hi, Nana-chan!" Kuma came over, hugging her, "We were just gonna go to your place and see you, kuma!"

"It's been a while, Nanako-chan," Naoto smiled, "I hear you want to be a detective."

Nanako lit up, going over to her. "Yep! I've been studying real hard, and I watched your interviews on TV, and talked to Kanji-san about your cases! He said he talked to you about them a lot."

"He does." Naoto looked up at her friend, and he flashed her a shy smile before her gaze returned to the little brown-haired girl, "I'm glad you're working hard. I'm sure you'll make a great detective—you've got a great big brother and father to help you out, too."

"Uh-huh!" She smiled innocently. "But—you, too, Naoto-san!"

Naoto shook her head. "Ah, well, I don't know how much of a help I'll be…"

"You can help a lot! You can be my mentor!" Nanako suggested cheerfully, "Please?"

The older detective blinked a couple times, looking confused. "You want me… to be your mentor?"

Yu laughed. "Hey, it looks like you have a reason to stay now."

Naoto shot him a look, but she looked contemplative, and then she looked back at Nanako. "Maybe for a while. I'll give you some tips."

"Yay!" Nanako cheered, then ran over to Kuma. "Did you hear? Naoto-san is gonna be my mentor!"

"That's great, Nana-chan!"

Everyone smiled at the ever-cute Nanako, and Naoto could help but shake her head at her and Kuma's antics. Nanako was a lot more hyper and cheerier than she remembered—five years had certainly changed the pigtailed little girl.

"Ne, Nana-chan, we're gonna go to my place! Wanna come with us?"

"Yes!" Nanako immediately lit up, "Then I can see Virtue again!"

Everyone blinked, staring at her. Even Yu.

"Who?" Multiple people asked at once.

"Nana-chan's Persona, kuma." Kuma explained, "She just kinda… got one, like sensei. No Shadow necessary, kuma."

"Kuma-kun said it's 'cause I'm really pure of heart and I have nothing to hide." Nanako rubbed her head shyly. "I don't really know what it means. But Virtue's really nice—she helped me learn to make friends and stuff."

Yu smiled, petting her hair affectionately. "I'd love to meet her." She grinned up at him, and he stood. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go."

"Yah!" Yosuke hopped up, quickly taking the lead next to Yu. They were going to _his_ house after all. "Dude, I haven't seen Susano-o in such a long time!"

"When was the last time you saw him?" Yu asked.

"A couple years ago. I went in to check on Kuma, since he hadn't shown up in a while." Yosuke shrugged.

"Wow—at least you saw him!" Rise pouted, "I haven't seen Kanzeon in forever!"

"Who're those?" Nanako asked.

"Well, Nanako-chan, we all have our own Personas. We'll let you meet them when we get there, ne?" Yukiko giggled.

"That sounds cool! I can't wait!"

Naoto smiled inwardly. She had not seen her Persona in years either, but that was only in a manifested form. Sometimes, when she looked into the TV on rainy midnights, she saw Yamato-Takeru looking back at her. Just like last night.

"Hey, Naoto-kun…" Kanji muttered quietly, falling to the back of the group with her as the rest of their friends chatted excitedly about seeing their old partners, "Do you hear them, sometimes? The Personas, that is."

She looked up at him, adjusting her cap. "…I think we all do, sometimes. After all… they're a part of us. Why wouldn't we be able to talk to them, occasionally?" Her mysterious smile never faded, and Kanji smiled back at her. She knew he talked to Rokuten-Maoh sometimes too, and he didn't even have to tell her—she could easily figure out his implication on her own.

"Hey, do you know who Yamato-Takeru really is?" Kanji asked idly.

"What do you mean? If you mean the Persona, then he is myself." Naoto looked thoughtful. Sometimes she wondered why her Persona was still of an androgynous appearance, despite that she had accepted and embraced that she was female.

"I took a mythology class in college. It turns out that the Brave of Yamato was a legendary prince named Ousu, who fought in the name of his father and turned into a great white bird when he died. He was kind of like King Arthur in those European myths. The legend says that in one of his battles, he cross-dressed as a maid servant to defeat his enemy." He grinned down at her, "Fitting, isn't it?"

"Yamato-Takeru and I must have more in common than I realized." Naoto chuckled. She didn't often delve into topics outside of mystery, so she didn't know much about mythology or history. "I wonder if perhaps Personas were once people like us? And when they die, they become the companions of those whose hearts are strong."

"Who knows—people can become Shadows… and Shadows can become Personas… and Kuma was once a Shadow, but he became a 'person'… so… why can't 'people' become Personas?" Kanji thought out loud.

"It's an interesting train of thought." Naoto laughed a little, "Say—do you know who Rokuten-Maoh is?"

"…The Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, according to Buddhist teachings and stuff." He looked away, shrugging, "Supposedly he symbolizes the lust for power and the desires to attain worldly things."

"That doesn't seem very much like the current you… maybe the past you, but not you right now." Naoto noted. "Unless you still want to become stronger and obtain some sort of goal…?"

"…Maybe some part of me still wants to be a policeman," He shrugged, "but I'm perfectly happy where I am."

_Actually, I kinda wish I was strong enough to tell her how I feel._ He paused in his thoughts, listening for something. _Yeah, Maoh, I know, I know._

"Here we are!" Yosuke called, going into a large apartment complex that Naoto didn't quite remember seeing in the town before. She remembered some construction sites around Junes, but she didn't care to see what they were building. She concluded that this was one of the new buildings.

"You live here? Cool!" Rise looked around, "Hey, maybe I oughta look into getting a place here. We can be neighbors!" She giggled.

"You should. It's pretty fairly priced and close to work for me, so I took it." Yosuke grinned.

They went to his place, where it was obvious he lived mostly alone. The only sign that Kuma had been there was the mascot costume next to the large and familiar television set.

"Ah, good times!" Chie cracked her neck and stretching to prepare for the landing on the other side.

Kuma got into his mascot costume, popping the head on. "I'll go in first—see you on the other side!" He waved cheerfully, jumping in.

Yu took Nanako's hand, giving her a reassuring smile as they put their glasses on—Nanako's was in a cute style, colored pink and red. They jumped in, soon followed by the rest of their friends.

In the familiar swirl and confusion of black and yellow shapes, stripes, and zig-zags, the group landed with a soft thump in a stage-like area—but it wasn't what they remembered at all.

Instead of looking like a creepy crime scene that had once been shrouded in ominous yellow-hued fog, this place had a nice, cool, blue feel to it, and the stage seemed more like an empty auditorium. Even the fog had lost its ominous yellow glow, having turned a transparent silver-gray.

"Whoa, did you redo the place, Kuma-kun?" Rise asked, sitting up. Everyone looked around, taking in their surroundings and gathering their senses from the disorienting fall down.

"Yep—the other place was kinda scary, so I rebuilt it!" Kuma grinned, "This is my home now. Isn't it cool?"

"Yep!" Nanako giggled. "Hey, Virtue!" She called, "I want you to meet my friends and onii-chan!"

Everyone stared at her expectantly, and she held out her hands when she saw a glowing blue card float down. It broke upon contact with her skin, and a silver angel appeared, flapping its wings gently. It looked like it was made of water or glass, a large heart beating softly in its transparent stomach.

"Everyone, this is Virtue." Nanako introduced. The angel smiled silently at them in greeting.

"A Justice Arcana… how expected." Naoto commented quietly, having seen the face of the card that had floated into the girl's hand, "Certainly… you'll make a fine detective, Nanako-chan."

Kuma hopped up and summoned Kamui, and it immediately went to interact with Virtue. Nanako giggled, then turned to her cousin and his friends as they stood together, looking around and feeling nostalgic. "Ne! Will you introduce me to yours now?"

They exchanged a collective look. Yu nodded, and almost simultaneously, they held out their hands and summoned their Arcana cards, surrounding themselves with the comfortable blue glow of the Arcana's magic. They broke the cards and the blue magic rose up to form their Personas.

Nanako clapped and laughed delightedly. "Hi, nice to meet you all!" She bowed to the Personas, "I'm Dojima Nanako!"

"She really has gotten better at making friends." Naoto chuckled. She looked up at Yamato-Takeru, who had bowed back to Nanako politely, and was slowly descending to stand next to her, looking around. "There is no battle, Yamato. Look, I've finally come to visit."

"…" It nodded, its black abyss of face seeming to smile down at her kindly. She could tell by looking at its glowing gold eyes that it missed her.

She looked around, seeing that many of her friends were greeting their Personas like old friends. Nanako was squealing about how cool they all looked. At the moment she was focused on Yu's Persona.

"Long time no see, Maoh!" Kanji slapped his Persona's large leg, grinning up at it. It looked down at him, then over to the other Personas.

"Oh, that's right—since we've all been apart, these guys haven't been able to interact, huh," Chie looked up as Suzuka Gongen went to greet Amaterasu and Susano-o, "They must've missed each other."

"Yeah, it must've been lonely…" Yosuke rubbed his head, "I think they missed us too, huh."

"But they were never too far away, Yosuke-kun," Yukiko giggled, "After all… they _are_ us."

Yamato-Takeru turned its long, helmeted head toward the conversing trio, seeming to smile as mysteriously as Naoto did, before it jumped up and flew up to some of the others to greet them as well. Naoto watched the small Persona bow in greeting to Izanagi-no-Okami to Amaterasu, then zipped over to Virtue to greet her. Even Virtue was bigger than Yamato-Takeru, Naoto noticed—it came from her days of being the smallest member of the group, but Nanako and now Teddie were both smaller than her now…

"Who's that?" Nananko asked, tilting her head at Yamato-Takeru. It turned to her, then crouched down to be eye-level with her.

"That's Yamato-Takeru," Naoto came over, seeing the girl's curiosity, "He's my Persona."

"Wow, he's so… gentlemanly." Nanako giggled, holding out her hand, which Yamato-Takeru took gently. "He looks pretty human, actually."

"Really?" Naoto looked at him, lifting an eyebrow as her Persona bowed its head as if in great respect to the little girl, "Well, I suppose he's got a very human shape… well, his legs are a lot longer than a normal human's…"

"I meant his size and everything too." Nanako pointed out, "Onii-chan's is really big, see? But Yamato-Takeru is as big as Kanji-san!"

"He's always been particularly small," Naoto shrugged, "Sometimes I wonder if he was once human though."

"I bet he was," Nanako grinned, letting her hand fall to her side as Yamato-Takeru stood again, zipping over to Rokuten-Maoh and flying around its gargantuan form, "But he looks really cool! Like you, Naoto-san."

Naoto blushed lightly at the compliment. "Thank you, Nanako-chan." She pet the girl's head affectionately.

"Why's he a guy though?" Nanako asked, "Kuma-kun said Personas reflect who you are… but you're a girl. And everyone else's Personas are the same gender…"

"Well, perhaps some part of me still identifies as a male, Nanako-chan," Naoto looked down at her, "It's not a bad thing. I was never that comfortable being… well, girly. Ever since I was a child, I've dressed and acted like a man—it's more practical, to me."

"Oh… but you're really pretty, Naoto-san. I bet you'd look really, really pretty if you did try to look like a girl. Like, if you combed your hair and braided it." Nanako said innocently, "But you're really, really cool, so that's okay."

"I don't plan to change." Naoto chuckled. Nanako grinned at her, then ran off to talk to the others.

Kanji came up next to Naoto. "Hey," he grunted softly.

"Is something wrong, Kanji-kun?" Naoto looked up at him.

"I heard what you said…" He shifted uncomfortably, "Are you really still uncomfortable as a chick?"

"Like I said before, it isn't that I don't accept that I am one," Naoto stood a little straighter, if only to feel taller next to the giant that was Kanji, "It's just… wearing dresses and doing makeup? When I tried to be girly a few years back, I felt like I wasn't even in my own skin. I can be a little more feminine when I want to, given this freedom that I have now, but I _choose_ to keep dressing like I do and speaking like a male."

Kanji looked at her carefully, his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Oh…" He looked away, "Well, uh, whatever makes you feel comfortable—I mean… no matter what you look like, er, I bet you, uh, you'd look cute anyway."

Naoto turned her head sharply, looking up at him in surprise, a light dust of pink making its way over her face again. "O-oh, uh… thank you…"

_Did he just imply that I…?_

Yamato-Takeru was looking in her direction, sitting atop Rokuten-Maoh's large shoulder. Even if it didn't have a visible face, Naoto knew that it was grinning at her almost mischievously. It turned its head to Kanji's Persona, seeming to communicate with it. They seemed to be gossiping about their masters, or perhaps Yamato-Takeru was telling Rokuten-Maoh of Naoto's secret when it wasn't exactly supposed to. Why did Yamato-Takeru act like a little boy sometimes, even if it had the form of an adult? And she thought Sukuna-Hikona was a child…

Wait, why was Yamato-Takeru perched on Rokuten-Maoh's shoulder, anyhow? And the larger Persona didn't even shoo him off or anything…

She was about to say something about it when Rise caught her attention, waving her over. She sighed, leaving Kanji with a simple nod, and made her way over to the group of girls.

"Naoto-kun, what were you talking about with Kanji-kun?" Risa asked curiously, grinning like a sly cat.

"You were using Kanzeon to zone in on us," Naoto said shortly, crossing her arms, "Why do you even ask?"

"Well I couldn't _hear_ you, I just kinda… saw how fast your hearts were beating." Rise giggled, winking.

Naoto stiffened, blushing. "What are you implying?" She said quickly, her shoulders tightening.

"Stop pestering her, Rise-chan," Yukiko nudged her former underclassman, "Anyway, Naoto-kun, we thought that since everyone's back in town, we should all do something together. You know, like spend the night at my inn, like old times. Or we can have a girl's day out."

"Oh…" Naoto blinked, calming down, "Well, I don't see why not…"

Nanako bounced up and down happily, "Or we can go cherry-blossom viewing! The trees near the riverbank will be in bloom, it's gonna be so pretty!" She stopped bouncing, clapping her hands together suddenly, "Oh, I know! We should go do karaoke! It'll be fun!"

"We'd love to, Nanako-chan!" Rise hugged her, snuggling her affectionately, "Oh, you're so cute!"

"Risette would be really good at karaoke," Chie chuckled, "I'd probably sound like a dying cat though."

"No, Hanamura-sempai would." Naoto smirked smugly. The girls laughed—Yukiko fell into one of her laughing fits, snorting at the idea of what a dying cat would sound like.

"I can't imagine any of the boys sounding good in karaoke," Rise giggled madly, "Except Yu-sempai! But he's really quiet…"

"Really? I think Kuma-kun is a great singer." Nanako grinned innocently.

"Oh, dear, has he charmed you?" Chie covered her mouth, though it didn't hide the obvious ear-to-ear smile in her eyes, "He's such a playboy!"

"Don't worry, Dad made sure he learned to not be a playboy," Nanako crossed her arms, "you know, 'cause if he did, he wouldn't get to come over and play with me."

"Oh? Dojima-san disapproved of him?" Naoto couldn't help but tease, "When did you two get so close?"

"We're best friends!" Nanako exclaimed innocently.

"Ah, so that's why you think he's a good singer." Yukiko chuckled as she calmed her previous laughing fit.

"So, I guess we're going to karaoke?" Rise tucked her hair behind her ear, looking between the girls.

"Huh? Oh, I don't think I'd be very good at karaoke…" Naoto blinked.

"Really? Didn't you play violin?" Yukiko asked. "I remember you told me that once…" She shrugged, "So you must be good at musical things, right?"

"Well, that was a long time ago… I don't remember it much, now." The blue-haired detective blushed shyly, tipping her cap down to hide her face. "And playing violin is not the same as singing."

"Still, don't be so modest. We're all going to just have fun, 'kay?" Chie pat her back heartily, "Doesn't matter if you're good or not, it's the company that makes the moment!"

"Why does that feel like a cliché."

"Nanako-chan's a good singer, ne?" Rise hugged the brunette again, "I remember when you used to sing the Junes song!"

"Oh—didn't you do a cover of the full version?" Nanako lit up, "We should sing it together!"

"Ah! Good idea! That'll be so fun!"

They chattered about the idea for a while, and then Rise perked up when she saw the boys coming over.

"Hey, what're you girls planning over here?"

As the collected group talked, in the background, their Personas did the same, though their topic was more about their masters than anything else.

Yamato-Takeru seemed to have something planned to aide his master's growth. Not that she knew it.

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Naoto had been handling guns since she was a teenager—it was nothing new to shoot it off. Though she had never actually needed to use it until she entered the Midnight Channel, she had always had it on her for self-defense._

_ It had been her father's. When she was old enough to know the dangers of having a gun, Haruka gave it to her and taught her how to use it—but he himself had never needed to fire off a gun, except for very few occasions—and even then, no one had died by his hand._

_ "The thing about a gun is that it's very powerful, Naoto," Haruka said seriously as he loaded a bullet into the antique revolver. He aimed it at the target on the other side of the shooting range, closing one eye. "And it's… _too_ easy to use."_

_ "What do you mean, grampa?" The thirteen-year-old cross-dresser asked, watching the old man intently._

_ "Taking a life is a heavy burden—but it's an easy one to take, especially if you are ignorant. Having a gun and using a gun are two different responsibilities—one gives you power, but the other takes discipline." Haruka looked at her for a moment, "You must never aim a gun with the intent to take a life, unless you are ready to give up your own."_

_ "Huh…?" Naoto looked confused, "But… how is that connected? I don't understand, grampa."_

_ "We are detectives, Naoto—our job is to seek the truth, and that brings peace to those who want it—and it brings justice to those who deserve it. Our job is not to kill those who need to be judged, but simply to reveal who they are so those who _can_ bring justice down on them will give them a rightful punishment."_

_ "But why can't we kill the criminals? They don't deserve to live."_

_ Haruka lowered the gun, turning to face his granddaughter. "If we stoop to killing, we're no better than the murderers." He said simply, eying the boyish young teenager carefully._

_ "…Oh…" Naoto looked thoughtful, "I guess I understand. But, how do I know when to use a gun, then?"_

_ "When you are ready to give up your life—that is when you will know you are serving the greatest justice that you can believe in."_

_ Haruka saw the cobalt blue eyes deepen with understanding, so he knelt down and presented her the gun. He guided Naoto's hands with practiced aim, and for the first time, Naoto pulled the trigger._

_ Naoto kept her grandfather's words in mind as she made her name as the Detective Prince. She had never drawn the gun from its holster before, having never dealt with a case that was so dangerous that her own life would be on the line. It didn't matter if she put it there herself, or it was being threatened—no one bothered to threaten a thirteen-year-old. She had grown to hate the men who looked down on her so much that she wasn't even worth the bother of a threat._

_ But she knew she was a threat—their ignorance would lead her to hone her observation skills until she could spot all the things that they couldn't. And she was slowly rising into a great detective—but she still had not found the _purpose_ that her grandfather seemed to have found in his youth. She didn't realize that she hadn't found it yet—the reason to give up her own life._

_ She had not found the greatest justice yet—but at that time, holding her father's revolver for the first time, she knew that when she did find that great justice, she would serve it with every fiber of her being, and bring it down upon the evils of the world._

_ She didn't know she had stopped looking for that justice though, sucked up in a world of adults and a society that looked down upon her. Soon after she became the Detective Prince, her goal had become a selfish one—to prove that she could be a great detective, without ever acknowledging that she already was one._

_ Three years after that, she returned to her roots after facing her dark side. She knew she had to help the team find the murderer, and it had become personal. It was no longer about proving anything to anyone—it was about finding the truth, and serving the greatest justice that she never knew she had stumbled upon._

_ Naoto entered the Midnight Channel knowing full well that she might not come out alive. With that in mind, she was prepared to do whatever it took to protect her friends, even if it meant giving up her own life. So she took up her gun, aimed it with practiced precision… and pulled the trigger._


	3. Five Years of Finding Myself

Author's Note: To my reviewers and readers, especially eXtraNIo (I know English isn't your mother tongue, so I hope I'm not making the language too difficult for you!), thank you for sticking with me! Your encouragement has really helped me write more! (I've got a lot planned for this story now :D.) I really do hope to keep it updating every Friday, so don't miss it~! I hope you enjoy this week's chapter too. Don't hesitate to review and tell me what you think and which parts you liked! (I wonder if anyone's noticed the patterns in these chapters yet?)

On a side note, "Persona X Detective Naoto" is coming out soon (as in, two days)! I'm stoked! (And luckily I haven't made too many references to it yet, so we shall see how it goes!)

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 3: Five Years of Finding Myself**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"I told you not to drink, you moron." Naoto sighed, awkwardly trying to help Kanji back to the textile shop. After a long but eventful night at the karaoke club, Naoto was ready to just go home and get to bed.

The night had started out with lots of singing, much to Naoto's annoyance, and then Yosuke had ordered alcohol—which led to an even more annoyed Naoto. At the very least, Nanako was smart enough to not drink, and she was used to being around drunkards, so it was all just amusing to her. Well, until she had to get her cousin home.

"This is worse than the nightclub… honestly, what's with Rise-chan and the King's Game?" Naoto muttered to herself, shuddering at the memory of earlier that night. "What a rotten way to get me to sing."

Now that everyone was legally old enough to get drunk, it seemed nothing stopped them. Naoto had enough sense to volunteer herself the designated driver—among the group, the only ones with a car were herself, Chie, and Yosuke, and the other two had gotten completely hammered. So yes, Naoto had spent a majority of the evening driving most of them home, and then she parked her car back at Yasoinaba Station and was now trying to get the drunken Kanji back to his house. This didn't work so well, considering how short she was, and trying to drag him forward on wobbling legs wasn't an easy task for the pint-sized detective.

Sighing again, Naoto continued to mutter to herself about how this whole karaoke outing night was pointless.

Kanji hiccupped a little. "But I thought ya sounded nice, Naoto-chaaan," he grinned at her, "Real pretty! Realll cute! Yer voice lived up to yer cute."

"…You're speaking nonsense." She blushed, looking away and trying to focus on getting him home. _Cute, again… You're the only one who calls me that._

"Nooo, I mean it! Maoh agrees, don'tcha Maoh?" He spoke to the air, and Naoto ignored him. He was openly speaking to his Persona. Okay. That wasn't the worst thing in the world—could he even still hear the fire-colored giant? "Yeeeah, yer right, Maoh!"

Naoto paused, staring at him, but her inner mind was twitching to listen for her own Persona.

_…What do you mean, there's a reason he calls me cute? Wait, what—I am _not_ that dense, Yamato._ Naoto frowned, _His… Shadow?_

"Oh, hey, we home now, Naoto-chan!" Kanji pointed up to the shop that was not but a few feet away. Naoto had stopped, but she wasn't really listening to him.

"…I do not plan to take advantage of his intoxicated state to get the truth, Yamato." She huffed quietly to "herself", reaching into her pocket to get the keys she had taken from Kanji before he got too drunk. She unlocked the side door and went inside, carefully setting him on the living room couch. She turned on all the lights, noting that Mrs. Tatsumi had already retired.

"Wha trooth?" Kanji asked, trying to sit up. Naoto sighed, rolling her eyes and sitting next to his legs, pushing him back down. "Yew were talkin' ta Yamato riiight? What he sayin'?"

"He's nagging me to ask you about the Shadow you had faced, six years ago." Naoto sighed, deciding that she would give in to her curiosity. She had been the last one to join the team, after all, and they hadn't exactly told her the details about their own experiences in the Midnight Channel—the only unbiased truth she really knew was that Yu never had a Shadow.

Besides, asking him had the added bonus of shutting up her Persona.

"Oooh, why didn'cha ask sooner? I woulda told ya anyway!" Kanji put his arm over his forehead as he laughed drunkenly, staring up at the ceiling. Naoto highly doubted his statement, because had he been sober, he would have been too shy and flustered to talk about something that personal. "He was kinda gay, 'cause I thought I was gay back then."

"…Uhhuh."

"Actually, it's cuz I met ya," he grinned, "Since ya acted like a boy all the friggin time! I thought a guy was interested in me! I didn' know whatta do."

"…When I said 'interested', you do know I meant because you were going to be the next target, right?" Naoto chuckled half-nervously. Well, that was… a different perspective. So it was _her_ that had created his inner turmoil? It was a bit of an unsettling thought.

"Not then," Kanji laughed again, "then I started thinkin' I had a crush on ya, but ya know, I thought I was straight, so it got meh pretty confyused."

"…You had a crush on my… _other_ self." She lifted a delicate eyebrow, almost amused by this. But she was blushing and wondering if he liked her better as a boy or a girl.

"Yeah! And then ya called me strange, so I thought ya didn' like me!" He pouted playfully, "Kinda made me sad, but I didn' really know why. An' then I got trapped in tha' steamy bathhouse—tha's where my Shadow was!"

"…A bathhouse." Naoto couldn't help but be amused now. She had heard from Yosuke that Kanji's Shadow had been practically naked—it had apparently scarred him for life. So a bathhouse made _some_ sense. And that particular setting probably had something to do with the "gayness" of his Shadow.

"Yeah, and then I met sempai an' the others, and I found out my Shadow was the me I didn' accept—so I accepted 'im, and he wen' away! Well, he didn' go 'way, but he became part of meh—I ak-nao-liged 'im!" Kanji nodded almost proudly.

"…And what part of you did you not accept…? What didn't you acknowledge before?" Naoto asked curiously.

"I was 'fraid that if I showed tha' I liked cute stuff, people would reject me. I got called creepy a lot, ya know?" Oh, so he liked cute things… she knew that. Wait—_the reason he called her cute was_…? "So I tried reeeal hard to be manly, and I got strong, but then people were 'fraid of meh cuz I acted scary manly all the time. I thought it was better'n bein' rejected, 'least. But then sempai! Sempai came an' made me realize I didn' need to do tha' stuff—he accepted me for who I was, cute stuff an' all!" He grinned at Naoto, "Guy changed my life, he did—he's my best friend. I owe him my life."

"So… because one person accepted you… you decided you could be yourself, no matter what other people thought?" Naoto was amazed. Well, Yu certainly did have that effect on people…

"Yeah, pretty much." He rubbed his head, "Though, I knew one thing for sure—my Shadow wasn' there cuz I didn' know if I was gay or not. It was just the fear of rejection I didn' really know 'bout myself. But I'm pretty damn sure I'm straight, man!" He shook his fist at the air, "Yosuke-sempai had to keep rubbin' it in that my Shadow was all gay and stuff! Actin' like I was a queer when I wasn'!"

"…Were you really sure?" The blue-haired detective propped her elbow on her knee, resting her head on her hand as she looked at her brown-haired friend.

"Yeah! Even when I was worryin' 'bout ya, when ya got all kidnapped an stuff—I knew I wasn' gay—least not in the way Yosuke-sempai thought it." He huffed, "Yew… were jus' the first person ta talk ta me… I mean, ya knew I was gonna be a target and ya tried to save me! So yeah, I guess I wanted ta save ya too… ya know, 'cause we coulda been friends." He began to ramble, "And, 'sides, ya needed ta face yerself. An' the others were gonna stop ya… but I was worryin' if ya didn't ya'd never get out like we did. So it wasn' like I was worryin' cuz I thought I had a crush on ya before… Yer jus' a real good guy, ya know? Tha's why I worried, Naoto-chan. And why I liked ya."

"…So you would have still been interested in me, even if it hadn't been revealed that I was female." Naoto noted, a little amused.

"E-eh?" He looked at her, confused, "Wha—well, I dunno wha' ta do with that!" He huffed, turning and facing the back of the couch, "I dunno wha' I woulda done! But yer a chick anyhow, and I still like ya!"

"…You mean you still have a crush on me."

"Uh." Kanji was red-faced—and it wasn't from the alcohol. "Well, y-ya know…"

"Even if I were to identify myself as male, and might not be interested in you that way?" She tested carefully.

"Well, dun really matter… I mean, Ma still thought yew were a dude for the whole year after the investigation. She knew I liked ya, though, an' she seemed pretty okay with it. And ya keep saying ya don' have time for a relationship… what wit work an' all… so even if ya thought yerself a guy and liked girls, yer still my cute Naoto-chan." He pouted, and Naoto couldn't help but blush and laugh. He was cute too, even if he didn't know it. "Heeey, dun laugh! I'm serious! If ya didn' like me, I'll get over it eventually, ya know!"

"Maybe you don't have to." Naoto patted his shoulder as she stood, "I'm sorry to have interrogated you in this state… but thank you. Sleep well, Kanji-kun."

"Nnna," He grumbled, "Night, Naoto-chan."

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Uuuhg…" Kanji rolled over on the couch, his head throbbing.

"Good morning." Naoto said softly, sitting in the armchair adjacent to the couch, reading a _Sherlock Holmes_ novel. "How's the hangover?"

"You're talking too loud." Kanji muttered, his arm over his eyes to block out the light.

"I told you not to drink."

"Ya, I know, shaddup." The brown-haired man swung his arm out to hit her playfully, though he missed completely, considering he was still dazed and couldn't figure out where she was.

"Have you been drunk before?" Naoto asked curiously, closing her book and setting it down on the coffee table. There were also two mugs of coffee there, along with a plate of toast and some medicine.

"Yeah, couple times." He sighed, removing his arm and sitting up slowly. He squinted at the wall for a minute, glaring at the invasion of light to his sensitive eyes, and then looked at the table. "Looks like you know how to treat a hangover."

Naoto picked up the coffee, sipping it daintily. "I am not inexperienced with the matter."

"Right… you called me once, didn't you? When you were drunk." Kanji smirked a little, taking the toast and munching on it.

"The other detectives had invited me—I couldn't exactly decline. And I was not _that_ drunk." Naoto blushed, not looking at him. His smirk had faded. Naoto was lying…

"You said you missed your grampa… and your parents. And you cried. You don't do that when you're only a _little_ drunk."

"…"

Naoto stared down into her mug, not looking up at him. Yes, perhaps that was the only time she would ever cry about the death of her family—when she couldn't control her emotions at all. Every other time, she was extremely calm and collected…

"Regardless. I know what a hangover is like. Now take your medicine." She sighed, sipping her coffee and not looking up at him.

Kanji grunted, taking the medicine and downing it with the coffee. He cursed as it burned his tongue a little.

"You should've blown on it." Naoto said simply, standing up. Kanji scowled at her, and she stood, going to refill her cup in the kitchen.

_…Yes… I know, Yamato. He's the only one… that's heard me cry… but I don't intend to let him _see_._

A pause.

_There are things you don't intend, but they happen anyway, huh…_

Much like falling in love.

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Does Kanji remember anything from last night?" Mrs. Tatsumi asked when Naoto walked into the kitchen.

"It doesn't appear so. He really was quite drunk," Naoto shrugged, pouring herself another cup of coffee, adding cream and sugar.

"I see…" Mrs. Tatsumi had an amused twinkle in her eye, "So, what did he tell you?"

"…" Naoto blushed. "Oh, nothing of importance… just drunken babbling."

"When he does remember, he'll probably get red-faced and flustered." Mrs. Tatsumi laughed. She could already guess, judging by the look on Naoto's normally stoic face.

"Perhaps."

"So, what are your plans for today, Shirogane-san?" Mrs. Tatsumi asked, gladly changing the subject for the embarrassed young woman.

"Well, after I make sure Kanji-kun is alright, I believe I should find a dorm or a hotel to stay at, while I'm here…" Naoto shrugged, sipping her coffee.

"Oh?" The gray-haired woman blinked, "You know you're welcome to stay here as long as you like."

"I wouldn't want to impose, Tatsumi-san…"

"I insist," Mrs. Tatsumi said firmly, "You're not being a bother at all. Besides, if you're going to be 'home' anywhere, it might as well be here. Kanji told me that you used to live in an empty dorm here—it must have been lonely, for a sixteen-year-old…"

Naoto tried to protest again, "I'm really fine, Tatsumi-san, you shouldn't—"

"I insist," She repeated, "You make yourself at home here, Shirogane-san. Do you understand?"

"But… surely I couldn't…"

"Besides," Mrs. Tatsumi continued, "it's getting pretty lonely in this old house," she smiled her ancient smile at the blue-haired woman, "Since I've needed to rest on the doctor's orders lately, I feel like I'm leaving Kanji alone more often than not… It'd be nice to have someone around to keep him company."

"…" Naoto looked hesitant, clutching her mug tightly.

"If you really insist you're being a bother, though," Mrs. Tatsumi eyed her carefully, "then perhaps you can help me open the shop. Kanji certainly can't do it this morning. It would help me greatly."

"O-oh… alright," The detective woman sighed, putting down her cup on the counter as she straightened, "I will stay, Tatsumi-san, if only because you insisted. But _I_ must insist I help out more than opening the shop, then—I should do my fair share of work if I am going to stay here…"

Mrs. Tatsumi laughed, patting Naoto's shoulder as she walked by. "You remind me of my husband, Shirogane-san… always so diligent." She smiled kindly, heading to the front where the shop was.

_Kanji-kun's father…?_

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto had an amusing time watching Kanji regain his senses. And then he remembered the night before—after which hilarity ensued. And then Mrs. Tatsumi tried to set Naoto and Kanji up—Naoto had gotten flustered and quickly left the house though. Kanji, though worried, was too flustered to follow her.

So now she was wandering around Inaba, taking in the sights and wondering how a sleepy town like this one had ever been nearly invaded by Shadows.

She got to the police station and saw Dojima Ryotaro, greeting him like an old friend.

"Where is Yu-san? I would have thought he would come to work with you." Naoto said, adjusting her cap.

"He said he wanted to spend some time with those kids. You know, his high school gang." Ryotaro shrugged, walking with her to the break room.

"I see." Naoto felt a little jealous. Those four in particular had a very strong bond, because they had been friends the longest…

"So, you became a world-famous detective, huh." Ryotaro spoke awkwardly, not used to having a friendly conversation with the young woman.

"Yes. And it seems you've kept the order in this town well," Naoto looked over to him, "It seems quiet here at the station."

"There haven't been many crimes lately."

"I can see that. I'm glad—it means things are safe." Naoto nodded.

"And less work for us." The silver-haired man laughed a little. "You'd probably think it's boring here."

"Actually… to be honest, I wouldn't mind a little peace. There has been too much action in my life lately." The younger detective admitted.

"Oh?"

"I know I always move from place to place looking for some murder to solve, and it's made me who I am, but…" Naoto looked up at the ceiling, "I think after five years of that, I've realized it's not really, truly who I am."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Well… didn't you do the same thing, Dojima-san?" Naoto said distantly, "You must have spent a couple years trying to find yourself before you found this place and settled down, right? You had a wife and a daughter and you stopped moving… Your sister even figured it out, eventually. But even then, Yu-san was in college and it didn't matter where she settled anymore."

"…Yeah, I know what you mean." Ryotaro regarded her carefully, "That's exactly right."

"It gets tiring." Naoto sighed, looking ahead again. They went into the break lounge, and Ryotaro got them two mugs and poured some coffee. "Besides, I missed this place the most, in all of my travels. Even my estate doesn't feel like home anymore—reading detective novels in my grandfather's study isn't the same without my grandfather there."

"Gonna settle down here for a while?" He handed her a mug.

"Maybe," Naoto smiled, "The only thing I know for sure is that the Tatsumis have insisted I stay at their place, and Nanako-chan has asked me to be her teacher."

"Her teacher?" Ryotaro perked up curiously, "For what, math?"

"No, she asked me to teach her how to be a detective." The younger detective chuckled.

"And she didn't ask me?!"

Naoto laughed, watching Ryotaro holler about how his daughter was growing up without him. And then Naoto pointed out that she had probably asked Naoto because the blue-haired detective was one of few strong female figures in the little girl's life.

They continued talking and got onto a different subject, mostly related to cases and tips for detective work—despite that in the past, Ryotaro was reluctant to work with the aspiring detective, he was now acknowledging that Naoto had not only more worldly experience than him, but she was also probably a better detective overall. He saw that she had matured from the slightly arrogant and smug teenager that had been called in to help with the serial murder case six years ago. He still didn't know how she and the rest of those kids managed to find the killer in the first place, but he had to give her some credit for the case.

"That was one weird case, though." Ryotaro chuckled a little as he talked about the case during which they had met, leaning on the counter behind him.

"That, I shall admit. Even I cannot fully explain the details," Naoto pushed some hair behind her ear, sipping her coffee. She made a face—it was too bitter. They didn't have sugar.

"Can't even try?"

"Let's just say there was a lot of intuition and instinct involved. Yu-san certainly had a lot of it." Naoto gave him her mysterious smile.

"Yeah—he did pretty well for himself, that kid." Ryotaro shook his head fondly, "Captain in the Tokyo police… I hope he's not overworking. That kid better be sleeping at night!"

"He's energetic—you shouldn't worry about him. You seem to be quite energetic yourself, though, Dojima-san." Naoto looked over at him.

"Well, yeah. I haven't been working late nights, and I try to go home to have dinner with Nanako at least." He shrugged.

"That's good."

"What about you? Who do you have dinner with when the day's done?" He asked quizzically, leaning forward a little. His mug was empty, so he placed it down on the counter, not bothering to get a refill.

"Normally, no one," Naoto replied straightforwardly, "but as of current, I am staying with the Tatsumis. So I suppose I am having dinner with them tonight—and for however long I stay."

"I see. Tatsumi-kun's a good kid—he turned out alright." Ryotaro shook his head fondly again, "He used to be a real punk, but he was pretty respectful of what we do."

"That's because his father was a policeman." Naoto said simply, watching her fellow detective carefully.

"I know," Ryotaro crossed his arms, "I worked with him before I became a full-fledged detective."

"Did you." Naoto didn't seem very surprised.

"Yeah. Captain Tatsumi was a good man—he was reckless, but his heart was in the right place." He looked up at the ceiling, tapping his foot in thought, "He worked hard—bragged a ton about his family and how great they were. Said that's the reason he got up everyday, and why he tried to protect this town so much. I didn't understand it back then—I do now."

"You did talk about Nanako-chan a lot, back then…" Naoto noted. Actually, most policemen with cute children tended to brag about them, she noticed. Ryotaro had been particularly fond of his daughter, even if he didn't spend a lot of time at home with her. Naoto remembered when he talked about trying to go home early so he could at least have dinner with her, but oftentimes his attempts were a bust. She was glad he could now make time for his daughter.

"He never once put anything above the safety of the people he loved." Ryotaro remembered, "I wish I had paid more attention when he tried to teach that to me."

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Yu-san and the others are hanging out without us…"

"I figured as much," Rise sighed, swirling her drink with her straw. She had called Naoto not too long ago, and they met up at the Junes food court to hang out. "Where's Kanji-kun?"

"Recovering from his hangover." Naoto snorted a little. "Shouldn't you also be doing that?"

"I'm actually pretty good at holding my liquor. And I didn't have that much to drink." Rise giggled.

Naoto sighed, sitting back. "So… I think out of all of our friends, the two of us have not been back here the most."

"Yeah…" Rise twirled her hair, glancing over her shoulder. It had become a habit for the pop idol, who was on the lookout for paparazzi almost all of the time. Luckily, Inaba had quieted down a lot, and she hadn't told anyone in the big city where she was vacationing.

"I kinda missed our meetings here…" Rise grinned, "But hey, life goes on."

"Indeed."

"So…" Rise leaned over, "I know you said not much happened in five years, but come on, there's gotta be something right?"

"…" Naoto looked up at the sky. "Just… lots of alone time. It was time I used to think."

"That sounds boring." Rise pouted.

"Not really. Sometimes it was about a case I was working on… sometimes I called you all." She looked over at Rise, "I suppose I was mostly trying to figure out my life."

"I thought you already had it figured out—you know, planned from start to end?" The curly-haired brunette giggled, "Weren't you gonna become a hard-boiled detective like your parents, and travel the world solving murder mysteries till the day you died?"

"Well, yes, but… after the Midnight Channel investigation, I needed to reconsider, so to say." Naoto folded her hands on her lap, looking down at them.

Rise calmed her giggles, staring at her friend. "You don't wanna be a detective anymore?"

"No, it's not that—I love being a detective. I wouldn't give it up for the world." Naoto shook her head, "But… it's a pretty lonely life."

"…"

"After I met everyone, I learned that I couldn't go through life doing things on my own. Sometimes I do need my friends with me." The blue-haired woman smiled softly, though she didn't look up to meet Rise's strangely calculating gaze, "Not only that… I had spent my entire life trying to be a boy. So… I suppose I had to spend those five years trying to figure out how to be a girl again."

"Aw, Naoto-kun, you don't have to act like a girl if you don't wanna. I think you're cool when you act all heroic-like—not heroine-like." Rise reached over, touching her shoulder supportively, "You acknowledged your Shadow, right? It doesn't matter what gender you are, as long as you're doin' what you love."

"I know," Naoto reached up, putting her hand over her friend's, "But… it was a strange transition. I had to spend a lot of time thinking about how I acted, how I dressed—after the investigation, I decided to keep dressing like a boy, but… there were some mannerisms that required active attention."

Rise squeezed her shoulder gently, then withdrew her hand. "And… what did you decide, what with all that thinking?"

"I still don't know, honestly. I thought I found who I wanted to be after a while, when the mannerisms came more easily and I didn't have to think about what I wore in the morning, but then my grampa died… and I lost myself again." Naoto shook her head, "I began to realize what a lonely, isolated life I was leading, even with the thoughts of everyone in my heart."

She looked up at Rise, her cobalt gaze piercing the other woman's warm one. "You found yourself, didn't you… those five years ago. You never had a doubt what you wanted to do and who you were."

"I'm not as complicated as you, Naoto-kun." Rise gave a weary smile, "Do what I love, and get by doing it. Make the right choices, and don't get caught by the tabloids doing stupid stuff… I want to keep singing, you know? And maybe I want to find a nice guy too—someone like Yu-sempai."

"The surety in your tentative plan is something I envy." Naoto returned with a similar smile, "At first I thought something similar, but I forgot all the important details. All I thought about was becoming an ace detective—I didn't think about things like having a family someday, or what I would do when I didn't have enough money to pay my rent. As long as I could investigate, it didn't matter. I never thought about what would happen if I didn't have my job—I was a foolish child who only ever thought of what I'd do once I got it. I guess I always thought I'd be able to keep it—not that I haven't been able to."

"So you're thinking about all that other stuff now?"

"Yes… it's a strange discovery, when you realize that even having only your passion isn't as gratifying as you thought it would be." Naoto sighed.

Rise stared at her quietly for a long time, as if trying to figure out how her thoughts worked or what to say. "Sooo… what now? Are you gonna make some sorta backup plan?"

"It would be wise," Naoto shrugged. "I'm going to give myself some time, first, though. Maybe a stay in Inaba will do me good."

"I like that idea." Rise giggled. She paused for a moment. "I have a feeling that those five years of finding yourself won't go wasted if you stay here. Maybe… it was all building up to this, you know?"

Naoto's eyebrows furrowed, and she studied her friend's expression carefully. "All the soul-searching and lonely hotel nights will lead up to what, exactly, Rise-chan?"

"Oh, you know. You might not be facing a Shadow, but you can still find your true self somewhere nearby. Inaba is the perfect place to be that 'nearby'." Rise winked.

"Are you talking to Kanzeon?" Naoto asked when she realized the reason that Rise was acting a little strange.

"Maaaybe!" Rise giggled, waving her off nonchalantly. "Hey, I have an idea! Let's have a girl's day out!"

"Rise-chan—" Naoto pinched the bridge of her nose. This girl was always so… hard to read. It didn't help that her Persona was the scanner of their group. She could probably read everyone as easily as a book, but it never worked the other way around.

"Maybe we can go to the hair salon! Your hair is so long and pretty now, we should do something with it!"

"What—no!" Naoto flinched away when Rise playfully grabbed at the dark, cape-like hair. She squirmed as the maroon-haired girl ran her hands through it.

"Man, it's like, really shaggy! Do you even take care of it?" Rise pursed her lips. Long hair was usually kind of silky—especially the kind of hair Naoto had. Naoto's hair was kind of tangled and matted though, random strands flaring out in some places. It wasn't not neat, but it could have been prettier.

"Of course I take care of it!" Naoto pouted, "I'm just… not used to long hair!"

"You've had long hair for five years." Rise giggled, finally backing off, "Your hair grows really fast, Naoto-kun. I'm jealous!"

"W-well…" The blushing woman crossed her arms shyly, "I've been… experimenting. I thought long hair was more feminine, and I wanted to be a little more feminine, but it's not really… my style."

"Then we should go to the salon and get you a new style! Something that's more _you_!" Rise giggled.

Naoto adjusted her tie, feeling warm. "No thank you." She pushed her hat over her eyes, hoping Rise couldn't see her face.

"C'mon, Naoto-kun, I promise it won't be bad." Rise patted her shoulder playfully.

"No thank you," She repeated, huffing childishly.

"Fair warning—when we go on our girl's day with Yukiko-sempai and Chie-sempai tomorrow, we _are_ going to go to the salon."

"Are you going to use them to gang up on me?" She looked up, lifting an eyebrow incredulously.

"I know they're going to agree," Her friend giggled madly once more, and Naoto wondered how they were even friends to begin with.

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Goin' out, Naoto-kun?"

Naoto looked over to the door of her borrowed room, adjusting her silver-blue tie around her neck. She had always had a fondness for wearing ties, after all.

"Yes, Rise-chan has forced me on a 'girl's day out' with our sempai." She sighed, reluctant to go but going anyway.

"Oh," Kanji stared at her awkwardly, blushing. "Um, you look nice."

"…Thank you." Naoto blinked after a moment, looking down at her outfit. A form-fitting white dress shirt, pale gray slacks, a black belt, and her tie. For some reason that outfit had always emphasized that she had wide hips and an ample chest—not something Naoto minded, but sometimes it left her conscious of her appearance.

"So, uh, where are you going today?"

"Okina City," The woman replied, pulling on her matching gray blazer and pushing her hair back so it flared comfortably behind her. She buttoned it and then turned to face Kanji. "I'm sorry to leave you here…"

"Nah, it's okay. I've got work anyhow." Kanji waved her off nonchalantly, grinning kindly, "Unlike you, I don't get a break."

Naoto chuckled, "I see. Well, take care today." She flipped her hair a little as she brushed past him, smiling to herself.

"Hey, you ain't gonna wear your hat?" Kanji asked, stopping her. The blue hat was still sitting on the table.

"Yes," She nodded, looking over her shoulder, "Rise-chan is going to be forcing me to go to a salon today… I doubt it would be a good idea to bring it. Besides, it doesn't go with this outfit." She seemed amused at how girlish that had sounded coming from her own lips. "Keep it safe for me?"

"Oh, well, uh, I'll be sure it's still here when you get back then." Kanji rubbed his head, slightly embarrassed.

"Yes. I'll see you later, Kanji-kun."

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto met the girls at the train station, and they went to Okina City together. Much to Naoto's dismay, Rise had been right—they forced her into a hair salon and got her to get a trim. The hair stylists somehow managed to get those random stray hairs to stop sticking out too.

And then the girls had taken her shopping and made her try on a little bit of makeup—some foundation at the least. She refused any eye shadows, blushes, eye liners, and lipstick. And personally kept it to herself that she thought Chie looked like a clown with that kind of makeup on.

When they stopped at a department store to look at clothes, Naoto caught sight of herself in a mirror. She stared at herself—her hair was neatly arranged behind her, and the makeup made her face look a little more round than its natural boyish shape. While Naoto did not mind that she looked nice, the whole experience made her feel like she was out of her skin and in someone else's.

Yes, some part of her _definitely_ still identified herself as a man. As feminine as she wanted to be, it just wasn't her character.

Yukiko stood quietly next to Naoto while they watched Rise help Chie pick out some nice clothes to impress the Daidara boy. The black-haired woman seemed to notice that her short friend had spaced out, but she didn't disturb her.

When Naoto finally broke from her reverie, Yukiko spoke. "You know, if you wanted to impress a guy too, I don't think you'd have to try as hard as Chie."

Naoto blinked, looking up at her. "Huh?"

"I was just thinking," Yukiko shrugged, "you don't look like yourself, with that haircut and that makeup. But I think that on a normal basis, you're attractive anyway—you always did have flawless skin. I was envious."

Naoto snorted, despite how un-ladylike it was. "Me? Attractive?"

"Yes." Yukiko giggled softly, "I was talking to Yosuke-kun yesterday, and even he noticed it."

"Hanamura-sempai has always been a bit of a pervert though. He _always_ notices girls." Naoto sighed.

"But not you," Yukiko pointed out, "Even when we were younger, he still thought of you as a boy after the Midnight Channel." Dark-colored eyes watched the young detective carefully, "After you came back, he told me you were actually really pretty. And you didn't even have to try."

"This being on a non-perverted basis?" Naoto asked curiously.

"Yes," The older woman smiled, "He's matured a lot. But that's not the point."

"Right. You were saying how I was attractive and I didn't have to try to get a man to notice me." Naoto crossed her arms, looking thoughtful.

"There's one in particular that you want to notice you, though, right?"

As sudden as the question came, a blush spread across Naoto's face. "S-sempai…"

"It's a woman's intuition. Plus, everyone knows he likes you too." Yukiko giggled, "It was pretty much obvious to everyone but you, back then."

"W-well…" Naoto stammered, trying to regain herself, "I mean…"

Yukiko patted her shoulder gently. "Rise-chan has a lot of experience with boys, and Chie is starting to get it. Even me, admittedly. But you seem like you don't really know where to start." She said, "You'll get it, though. Besides, it's Kanji-kun we're talking about. You don't need makeup or fancy clothes to impress him. But if you're waiting for him to do something, I think he's a bit too shy for that."

"I know," Naoto sighed, "I've been _thinking_ about asking him out, but…"

"You're too shy too." Yukiko giggled, making the blue-haired detective explode in red again, "I think you two will figure it out soon enough. I have faith in you—and if you need help, well, I promise I'll be a less gossipy one than Rise-chan."

"Um, thanks, Yukiko-sempai…" Naoto fiddled.

"You don't have to call me sempai, you know." Yukiko smiled at her.

"Funny. Yu-san said the same thing."

.~.~.~.~.~.

Kanji had frozen when he saw Naoto walk in that evening. She looked mildly annoyed, and immediately went to the bathroom to wash off her face. When she was a little less irritable, her friend asked her how her day went. Naoto simply replied, "I never liked girl's days."

"Uh, but, uh—nice haircut?" Kanji tried, hoping to lift her spirits.

"I'm thinking about cutting it short again." Naoto sighed, "This really isn't my style…"

Mrs. Tatsumi looked delighted when she saw Naoto though. She had commented on how the new hairdo would look good with a kimono, and how Naoto was always wearing such formal, westernized clothes. "Oh, I have an idea! Kanji, we should fit a yukata for her."

"E-eh?" Both Kanji and Naoto blushed—the former because of the implications of needing to "fit" a yukata on Naoto, the latter because she had personally thought that she never looked good in anything resembling a yukata or kimono.

"It will be certainly more comfortable, don't you think? Please, I insist!" Mrs. Tatsumi took Naoto's arm, leading the sputtering woman away—Kanji only assumed she was being taken to the fitting room. "Kanji, start dinner, would you?"

"U-uh… sure." Kanji answered, though he couldn't exactly will his legs to move toward the kitchen, his thoughts more dumbfounded than coherent.

"W-wait—I don't—" Naoto was bright red, but she didn't think to pull away from the old woman.

"What color do you want it to be? White is a depressing color… Blue, perhaps?"

"H-huh—?!"

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ January 15, 2017._

_ That was the day Shirogane Haruka died. Naoto had been at his bedside, holding his hand—he had been sick for a long time. They thought he was getting a little better, but that day… Naoto had woken up and felt how cold his hand was in hers._

_ He had passed in his sleep. Naoto couldn't have been more relieved that at least he was no longer in pain. Haruka had even known his time was soon—and assured his beloved granddaughter that things would be fine._

_ But as Naoto filed paperwork, arranging the funeral and gathering what little people Haruka still held close, she wondered if he was right. As she stood at his wake, watching the march of his death—watching the tears of everyone that followed—she wondered if things would really be _fine_._

_ It had been snowing that day. Naoto hadn't cried at the funeral—she simply watched solemnly, standing next to Yakushiji as everyone else said goodbye to Haruka. Naoto thought she had already said her goodbyes, the night before he died. She had told him "good night"… and perhaps it was his best._

_ However, even knowing her grandfather died peacefully, even knowing he had been proud of every decision she had made up until his dying day, even knowing he had rightfully passed down the Shirogane name and estate to a detective who deserved it, Naoto could not feel like this was truly the _end_._

_ Haruka had spent her entire life just loving her and teaching her the best he could, and now that she was an accomplished detective like himself, Naoto could not find the peace and relief she usually helped others find in their search for the truth. The people she helped, they got the answer to their _why_… but Naoto herself kept asking it. She couldn't figure out _why_ Haruka had to die now, of all times, when she still needed him. She was not the hard-boiled detective that he was—there was still so much she had to learn. So much she wanted to know…_

_ But he had died. And she knew she couldn't change it. Was he with her parents now? Was he telling them what a wonderful detective she had become?_

_ Naoto did not believe in Heaven, but as she stood before her grandfather's grave, she wondered if this was the time to start._

_ As the snow fell, her face became as cold as the sky, and the only thing she felt was a pain welling up in her chest, ready to burst at any given moment._

_ She tipped her hat down and walked away._

_ Haruka had left her a mystery to solve—he had been knee-deep in the middle of a government cover-up scandal in Sapporo. She knew she did not have time to mourn when justice still had to be brought._

_ So Naoto went straight to work._

_ She went to the northernmost part of Japan, where Haruka had been working before he returned home in his ill state. There, she spent four months on that case, determined to finish her grandfather's work. He had gotten into a very serious case… exactly what were the city officials trying to cover up? It was during her investigation of the scandal that Kanji called her._

"Naoto-kun,"_ He sounded concerned, _"Are you okay?"

_ "Of course. Why wouldn't I be, Kanji-kun?" Naoto answered dully, looking through her case papers._

"I just heard that your grandfather died not too long ago. There's a special on TV about him." _Kanji treaded carefully, _"Why didn't you tell me…?"

_ "I was busy. I'm working a case." She replied, sighing heavily. "I'm fine, though… thank you for your concern, Kanji-kun."_

"It's your grampa, Naoto-kun. I'm not going to believe you're just… _fine_."_ Kanji sounded worried, _"Please talk to me."

_ "About what? He was old, he died naturally. He rests in peace. I've got work—I can't spend my time mourning when it needs to be done." Naoto snapped testily. "I'm okay. I'm over it. Stop… _worrying_."_

"Is that all you're thinking about? I know you want to be a great detective, but you're still… _human_. It's okay to take a break, dammit!" _Kanji was frustrated by her stubbornness, _"Have you been eating? Or sleeping? Hey, don't you dare tell me not to worry! I'm your friend, that's what friends _do_!"

_"I don't have time for this—"_

"If you hang up, I'm gonna go to Sapporo and drag you back to Inaba myself. I don't care what kinda case you're working on, Naoto-kun."

_ There was silence. Naoto knew that Kanji was completely serious with his threat._

"Please, talk to me, Naoto-kun."

_ "I swear, I'm fine. Maybe I've been losing sleep, but that's only because this case has no leads." Naoto ran her hand through her hair in exasperation, "I've already come to terms that my grampa isn't here anymore. I'm just trying to finish his work."_

"…You know we're here for you, if you ever need us. I mean, me. I'm here for you."_ Kanji said softly—as uncharacteristic as it was for him._ "Erm, that is… I'll… I'll always be here for you."

_ "I know, and I thank you, Kanji-kun, but I promise, I'm fine. I'm used to being on my own anyhow."_

"If you're sure… just… uh, call me soon, okay? If that case is too tough… I mean…"

_ "I will." Naoto conceded._

"I guess I should let you get back to work… uh, bye then. Be sure to get some sleep."

_ "Yes, I will," The blue-haired woman nodded, "Good night, Kanji-kun."_

_ She hung up, staring down at her papers for a long time. "…"_

_ Sighing, she went over them again. She didn't notice the time until the tapping of a light, cold rain outside brought her back to reality. She looked at the clock—11:39 PM. Deciding she probably wouldn't get any further in the case if she couldn't think clearly, she wrapped it up and went to get ready for bed. When she got back to her desk and turned off the light, she caught sight of the clock once more._

_ 11:58 PM._

_ Her gaze slid to the window, and she lifted the curtain and peeked outside. A rainy, foggy night…_

_ She turned to the television set. The clock ticked on and she was silent for the next two minutes._

_ She didn't know what she was waiting for, or what she was expecting to see. Was she hoping her grandfather would contact her via the Midnight Channel? That was absurd—that wasn't how the Midnight Channel worked. But… the Midnight Channel was very mysterious, and she could never be sure of the extents of its workings._

_ Why was she even hoping she would see Haruka? He was dead already, and she knew this. She knew she would never see him again._

_ "…Maybe I do miss you, grampa."_

_ The third minute passed, and still nothing happened. She sighed heavily, turning to go to bed. Of course it wouldn't work. The Midnight Channel never worked anymore, except for some occasions when she saw Yamato-Takeru._

_ Her thoughts wandered as she lay in bed restlessly._

_ She began to question what she was doing—she couldn't solve the cover-up case at all, and she was supposed to be an ace detective. Was she not as good as her grandfather? He seemed to have made all the breaks in this case and it still had not closed. What was she doing wrong?_

_ Naoto wished Haruka was there—she wished he could help her. She wished he could tell her what else she needed to do, what he had been doing, where all the clues led—she couldn't figure it out on her own._

_ She still had a long way to go before she could become the ideal detective that she wanted to be, huh._

_ Did she always need help? Her grandfather had always been there for her, supporting her in every case she had gotten, but… could she really do it by herself? This thought made her bitter—she was a great detective! She was supposed to be able to do it by herself! But… even if Haruka never actually hinted at the end of the case, the fact that he was there, and she could see him any time—it used to be a comforting thought. She had looked up to him, because he was the best detective she had ever known._

_ Now that he was gone, she was left with such big shoes to fill. She didn't know if she could do it._

_ Naoto did not sleep that night, and for many other nights._

_ She felt so _alone_._


	4. Five Years Without You

Author's Note: I know not much has come out about "Persona x Detective Naoto", so I tried to keep the reference to it in this chapter to a minimum. The flashback at the end of this chapter turned out much longer than I had anticipated, so you get an extra long chapter this week! I hope you enjoy this week's chapter!

Also, thank you for the review, Stallord12! I actually hadn't noticed the thing about "doctor's orders", as my writing tends to take on a life of its own sometimes (I read it over only to be surprised at myself, honestly!). I had been lacking ideas for what to do, but this has given me ideas for future chapters-it just goes to show, please do review, because your reviews do affect the course of this story! I look forward to hearing from more of my readers!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 4: Five Years Without You**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"…Heh. You look cute."

"Quiet, Yu-san." Naoto huffed, brushing past him. She had gone over to the Dojima residence because Nanako had asked her to come on that Saturday so they could hang out and talk about detective stuff. And of course, Yu had offered a comment the moment he opened the door, having immediately noticed her new haircut.

"Hi, Naoto-san!" Nanako greeted her excitedly, "Look, Kuma-kun's here too! He's gonna be my partner!"

"Hiii Nao-chan, kuma!"

Naoto's lips twitched upward in amusement. "That's good. Partners can be really helpful sometimes." She patted Nanako and Kuma's head.

"Hehe!" Nanako pulled her over to the couch, and Yu shook his head fondly and went to the kitchen to get their guest a drink. "Naoto-san, have you ever had a partner?"

"Two in particular come to mind," Naoto gladly sat down, "Besides everyone here, of course."

"Oooh, who?" Kuma asked, sitting down on one side of her. Nanako hopped up on the other side.

"Well, one was from before I met everyone—she was actually one of few people I considered my friend," Naoto looked thoughtful, "Her name was Aoi Touko. She worked with my grampa a lot, and we had a few opportunities to partner up."

"Another woman detective?" Nanako asked curiously.

"Somewhat. She was a friend of my mother's too, I believe, but she worked in an era where women in the criminal justice system was… looked down upon." Naoto sighed, "So she was not well known, as I am."

Yu came over, handing her a glass of water. She nodded in thanks, sipping it.

"Who was the other partner you had, kuma?" The blonde boy asked.

"Kurogami Sousei," Naoto said simply, not caring to elaborate.

"Is that the annoying high-strung detective Kanji-san told me about?" Nanako giggled.

"Heh, no—that idiot was never my partner, but I think I did mentor him a bit." The blue-haired woman chuckled, "Kurogami was… reckless, hasty—everything he did was the exact opposite of what I would do. But… he was honest, in his search for the truth. He reminded me a lot of my younger self—the Detective Prince—somewhat. We made a very strange, unexpected combination, so to say—but, I must admit, he was fun to work with." She glanced at Yu, "Actually, he reminded me a lot of you."

"Me?" Yu looked amused, "Hm. His name seems familiar—maybe I've worked with him."

"…Perhaps. He was quite mysterious." Naoto shrugged. _Actually, he reminded me a lot of _Izanagi_… if his name was any indication…_ "The case we worked on involved the disappearance of Aoi Touko. It was just as… _strange_ as the serial murders that happened here."

"Really?" Yu, Nanako, and Kuma perked up. Kuma spoke first, "What happened?"

"Well, I can't exactly disclose the details. But for a moment… I felt like I was dealing with the Midnight Channel again," Naoto sighed, "But it was more on a computer and less on the TV."

"That sounds interesting," Yu leaned forward curiously, "Did you solve the case?"

"Only with Kurogami's help." The long-haired detective leaned back in her seat, looking up at the ceiling, "…And maybe a little bit of luck."

.~.~.~.~.~.

Nanako had insisted that Naoto stay for dinner. Of course, she couldn't refuse the little girl, but she was sure that Kanji would be worried if she didn't call him. So while Nanako sat at the living room kotatsu doing homework with Kuma's help, she relaxed on the sofa and pulled out her cell phone.

After she informed Kanji and his mother where she would be and hung up, Yu sat down next to her, leaning his arms across his knees.

"Cute phone charm."

Naoto looked at him, then at the kitted blue bear she had moved from her car keys to her phone—she had done so because she figured she wouldn't be driving much in Inaba, so keeping it attached to those keys would be pointless.

"Kanji's work, if I'm not mistaken." Yu smiled knowingly.

A nod. "It's a good luck charm," She smiled softly, playing with it a little.

"Has it brought you luck?"

"I would suppose so, as I have not died in battle nor fallen victim to murder myself, yet." Naoto looked over at him, "But… it mostly reminded me that I wasn't alone—these past five years…"

"I didn't take you to be the type who believed in luck, good or bad," The silver-haired man replied thoughtfully, "but if it's something like that… I can understand."

"The only thing I believe in is truth… but 'luck' is something like a God—it's not something one such as I could even fathom," She brushed her thumb over the blue bear's round face, "but as I have seen 'Gods' and things like the Midnight Channel, I cannot say it doesn't exist. If I were to seek out the truth of its existence, I would probably never find it, just as I have never found the truth of the Midnight Channel in its entirety. However, it is not something I will question, Yu-san. So, if there is luck, and this charm will bring it, then so it shall be… and I will treasure it."

"…Do you have monologues like this a lot? You've really changed!" Yu laughed a little. Naoto shoved him with a huff, and he smiled widely at her. "It's good that you've thought of about these things."

"I've had a long time to think." Naoto shrugged, finally putting away her cell phone, slipping it into her shirt pocket. The charm hung out, dangling over her heart.

"Anything in particular you're thinking about now?" Yu lifted his hand, resting his head on it.

"Well… I was talking to Rise-chan the other day—about my plan for now." Naoto shrugged.

"Plan?"

"Yes," She nodded, "I've found that I need to rethink my life as it is… and find out what to do and where to go next. For now, I've decided to stay in Inaba—it will be a good break."

"Nanako-chan will be happy," Yu smiled at her in his ever-charming way, "And when you finally figure out where to go, you're definitely coming back to Tokyo. We can work together, then."

Naoto held out her hand, "Consider it a promise, Yu-san." He chuckled and shook her hand earnestly.

A knock came on the door—Yu went to get it. Nanako hopped up on the couch with her.

"Naoto-san, Kuma-kun's not very good at homework," She giggled, "Will you help me?"

"Sure," The older girl looked over to their blonde-haired friend, who still sat pouting at the kotatsu, fruitlessly trying to figure out the human concept that was "math". She laughed a little. "Perhaps Kuma-kun needs to go to school, some time, too."

"He needs primary school." Nanako grinned. "They probably won't take him though."

"Why don't you teach him, then?" Came a new voice, and they looked up.

"Ah—hello, Yukiko-san." Naoto nodded in her direction.

"Hi Yukiko-san!" Nanako waved.

"Yuki-chan!" Kuma hopped up, "What're you doing here, kuma?"

"Well, I…" Yukiko blushed a little, fiddling with her fingers. Yu came up behind her, his hand on his hip. "I had plans with Yu-kun…"

Yu, as always, answered simply in his blunt manner, "We have a date."

Naoto lifted a delicate eyebrow, smirking. "I… see."

"Is this the 'scoring a hot stud' that you used to talk about, kuma?" Kuma asked, his eyes bright with naivety. They all highly doubted that he still didn't know what it meant though.

"U-uh, well, Kuma-kun…"

"Yep."

Yukiko's face had exploded in a deep red blush, but Yu seemed as impassive as he always was. He smiled kindly at Kuma, patting Yukiko's shoulder gently.

"So that's what you meant…" Naoto chuckled knowingly, "I hope you two have a good time on your date, then."

"Oh, uh… thanks." Yukiko smiled shyly at her.

"Sorry to leave you all like this," Yu patted Kuma and Nanako on the top of their heads, "Take care of the house, okay? Dinner's all ready, just make sure you turn off the oven."

"Kay!" Nanako nodded exuberantly, grabbing Yu's jacket from the coat rack and handing it to him, "Have fun, onii-chan!"

Yu and Yukiko took their leave, and Nanako closed the door behind them. "Yukiko-san and onii-chan look so pretty together, don't you think?" She asked Naoto, sitting back down on the couch with her to do homework.

"Hn," The blue-haired woman chuckled again, "Yes, I suppose they are indeed very fitting for each other." Yukiko had always been elegant, well-mannered, and beautiful. Yu was a respectable, reserved, and handsome young man—and Yukiko had always had a crush on him, not unlike many other girls. It wasn't a surprise that they would be going out when Yu got back to Inaba—she had suspected for some time that they had been in romantic correspondence anyway. Well, mostly because Yu told her.

"Naoto-san, are you dating anyone?" Nanako asked innocently.

"No," She answered simply, "but there is someone I like."

"Really?" Her eyes lit up, "Who?"

Naoto shook her head, patting the younger girl's light brown hair. "I won't unveil that truth. Why don't you get back to your homework, and you can investigate it later." She smiled knowingly. After all, Nanako was a very curious little girl, and she had no doubt that she and Kuma would be off to find her secret crush in no time.

Naoto helped Nanako with her homework until Ryotaro got home, and they had dinner. Afterward, Naoto left, accompanied by Kuma.

"Why didn't you tell us who you liked, kuma?" Kuma asked curiously, a mischievous grin on his face.

"I would have thought that even you knew, Kuma-kun," She shrugged, "Regardless… I do not wish to tell him how I feel until I've… sorted some things out. Once I have, I'll be more sure of who I am, and who he is to me."

Kuma blinked his big blue eyes, his previous expression fading into one of mild concern. "What do you mean, kuma?"

"Well, it seems I've lost my path once more… and I'm still trying to find my way back." Naoto said softly, brushing some of her hair back with her fingers, "You must have it very easy, Kuma-kun, to have found yourself and kept it. As someone who never changes or ages, you have had no need to leave that peaceful world you've created, and stay as you are—as we like you. But humans are complicated creatures… and sometimes, they don't stay the same person for very long. And when they become someone else, they must start their journey to find themselves once more."

"Oh…" Kuma frowned a little, "Don't worry, Nao-chan! My promise from back then still stands, kuma! I'll help you find out who you are, no matter how many times you lose your 'self', kuma!"

"Thank you, Kuma-kun," Naoto smiled at him honestly, "I'd really like that."

"I know! Yamato-Takeru is your true self too, why don't we ask him, kuma?" Kuma lit up, "You can visit him on the way back to Kanji's, kuma!"

"Oh, well… I suppose it wouldn't hurt to drop in." Naoto sighed, "I don't know how it can help, though…"

"The Midnight Channel creates worlds based on your reality as you know it, Nao-chan—it always has, kuma," Kuma grabbed her wrist, pulling her along faster, eager and excited, "Just because it created a bad reality from your subconscious last time, it doesn't mean it's always something bad, kuma. Remember Heaven's Paradise?"

"Despite the Shadows… I suppose you're right. But Heaven's Paradise… was a little sad." Naoto said softly, remaining at her slow and even pace, "But… if it doesn't create a nice reality, or if I were to have another Shadow, I will not be afraid to face it, this time."

"Going in ready to face your darkness, Nao-chan—that's brave, kuma." Kuma smiled up at her, "Knowing you might have a Shadow and accepting it before you even meet it, though—I don't think you'll meet it, that way, kuma."

"Perhaps."

.~.~.~.~.~.

Kanji sighed heavily as he closed up the shop—no one really ever came by after sundown, so they always closed up around that time. Not many people were coming by at all lately, though. Most of the younger generation preferred the clothes sold at Junes, and getting tailored clothing was expensive…

He locked the front doors and closed up the windows, then went to the back where his mother was. "Hey, Ma, is Naoto-kun back yet?"

Five years without her… and yet another day. It wasn't that big of a deal that she wasn't there that day either.

"No—she must still be having dinner with the Dojimas!" Mrs. Tatsumi answered from the sewing room, where she made most of their custom orders.

"I'll leave the side door open for her, then," He ran his hand through his hair. He vaguely wondered if Naoto had gotten caught up in talking to Yu—they had always been great friends, and Yu was the kind of guy who always kept himself together, and that was enough to be able to just… _listen_ to his friends and help them put themselves together too. And he knew Naoto really did need someone to listen to her, lately.

Or maybe she was avoiding him. He kind of did tell her he _liked_ her… but he had been drunk—did she not take it seriously? She hadn't actually responded to his drunken confession, though… actually, she hadn't spoken about it at all, as if it never happened.

_Damn, why's she gotta be so… mysterious._ He pouted, going to check on his mother. Mrs. Tatsumi was busily cutting and sewing fabrics for a light yukata—the one they were going to give to Naoto.

He shook his head, going up to his room. He flopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

What was he going to do if Naoto really was avoiding him? She had been going out a lot lately—well, maybe that was just because she had just gotten back to Inaba, and she did want to spend time with her friends. Yeah, that was it.

_But still… I should probably talk to her, huh._ He thought, sighing as he folded one arm beneath his head. His other hand clutched at the bronze-colored bullet that hung from his neck. _But what if I screw things up? What if she doesn't like me back? No, she definitely doesn't like me back… she woulda said something if she did, right? I probably shouldn't say that… things'll get awkward…_

Not that things weren't already awkward.

_Wait, didn't she say something when I was drunk? Something like… I don't have to get over her…? What the hell does _that_ mean?_

He sighed heavily. _Maoh, what should I do?_

Should he say his feelings were in the past, and he didn't have a crush on her anymore? No, she was a detective—she would know right away if he was lying. And she'd probably hate him for lying too. But… it had been five years—how could he still have a crush on her? Surely, there was some truth to the statement, "it's in the past"… but what about the present?

_No, I shouldn't be worrying about that. I should just… put it aside, just like Naoto-kun, and just… keep living. Yeah._

He sat up, looking down at his pendant. "…Dad… what would you have done…?" He shook his head, freeing himself of his previous thoughts. He focused solely on Naoto, staring intently at his palm.

He hoped Yu could talk to Naoto about… whatever it was that was going on with her. Naoto had always kept to herself, but when she needed someone to help her with the details, she turned to Yu. He was glad Yu was there for her in that way.

But… sometimes he wondered why he couldn't help her in the same way. During the five years they were apart, Naoto called him when she was frustrated, but that was mostly to rant out her frustrations until she calmed down. She didn't call him so he could help her figure out where the killer could be or what message the victim was trying to leave behind. She always apologized for it, but Kanji dismissed it every time—he would listen to her, even if he couldn't help her. She called him when she was feeling lonely, and they would talk endlessly about stuff they couldn't care less about—stupid TV shows, annoying little kids, long drives, beautiful sunsets, how much they hated the beach…. Kanji didn't know how they managed those long calls in the middle of the night, but when Naoto hung up, he knew she was feeling better about being by herself—because she wasn't alone, and Kanji reassured her that he was always only a phone call away.

Maybe he wasn't very smart or deep—she had always told him that he was a person who wore his emotions on his sleeve and his thoughts on his face, after all. He never had much to hide, and he wasn't good at lying. So maybe he couldn't help her solve a mystery or understand the strife of not truly knowing who she was—the best thing he could do was be there when she needed him to be, open and honest, and never let her down. If she wanted his help on whatever problem she had… she could ask him.

But she hadn't asked him. She never did. So he was still waiting…

_She's stubborn._

Kanji squeezed the bullet in his palm, chuckling a little. No matter how much he cared for Naoto and wanted to help her, he knew she would never ask. She was too proud—too headstrong. But Kanji knew it wasn't anything like that—he knew the side of Naoto that wouldn't ask for his help. She was too shy and too confused to know what to ask for.

_…Maoh…_ A pause. _Ya think…? Huh… maybe that's why she didn't say anything._

Maybe she knew all along that he had a crush on her—he never hid his feelings, after all. But even so—maybe he was supposed to spend those five years apart getting over her. Yet still, whenever he heard her voice or saw her face, and whenever he even so much as thought of her in passing, he felt that burning in his chest that wasn't all that unpleasant. As every year passed, and with every phone call, he still felt that warmth—and even if he wanted to, he never got over that little crush he had on the cute, admirable, mysterious little detective.

So he spent a long time just being there for her. Missing her.

He never doubted that she would come back… but sometimes he wondered why she was gone so long. Their phone calls never consisted of "when are you coming back", but "where are you going next"—and maybe he regretted it. Maybe if he had asked her to come back for Christmas, or Golden Week, maybe she would have come. But he never did—he thought that she had her own path to take, and she should take it.

But what about _his_ path? What was _he_ supposed to do?

Kanji stared down at his treasured good luck charm.

Five years without her, and he still couldn't think of anyone he wanted to be with more than Naoto.

Maybe it was more than just a crush.

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto stared up at Yamato-Takeru—watching it descend to greet her.

"Take me to the place where my 'reality' lies."

"Want me to come with you, Nao-chan, kuma?" Kuma asked, tilting his big blue head. She smiled and pet him kindly. His fur was soft.

"No… I think this is something I need to find out on my own."

"You sure, kuma?" His eyebrows angled down to show his worry.

"I have no doubt that you've kept this place clean of dangerous things, Kuma-kun, and even if Shadows do show up, it's nothing I can't handle." She patted the holster at her side to reassure him, "I'll be back soon."

"I'll be waiting here then, kuma."

Naoto tipped her cap as she turned, and then looked up at Yamato-Takeru. It nodded and flew off, and Naoto ran down the theater catwalks after it, disappearing into the silky white fog.

Yamato-Takeru led Naoto far away—to the place the Secret Laboratory used to be. She ran and ran until she ran out of breath—and when she stopped, keeled over with her hands on her knees and panting heavily, her Persona's black-clad feet appeared in her vision. It stepped slowly and quietly toward her, and then stopped. She looked up. Gold eyes pierced her cobalt ones.

"…"

"This place is…" She slowly looked around. She didn't see the Secret Laboratory—she only saw the white fog.

Yamato-Takeru nodded. This was the place where her reality used to be—right now, it was only a blank and empty land of fog.

"…So even my heart is foggy… and without knowing what causes the fog, there is no true Shadow, is there?" Naoto sighed, watching the fog shift around her. "I guess I won't be facing my Shadow then."

"…"

Naoto blinked, looking back at Yamato-Takeru, who shook its head at her assumption. "Eh…?" Her eyebrows furrowed. "Facing my true self… is harder than facing my Shadow…?"

Yamato-Takeru nodded once more. It turned and walked further into the fog.

"Hey—wait, don't go." Naoto followed after it, but gasped and stopped when Yamato-Takeru drew its sword. Naoto's hand instinctively darted to her gun, and she looked around in alert. "What's there—"

She saw nothing around them. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she looked back at Yamato-Takeru. It had turned to aim its sword at _her_.

"Yamato…?"

"…"

Her cheeks flushed. Those narrowed yellow eyes needed no voice to tell her that she needed to fight.

She should not have come alone.

_I'm too far away to call for Kuma-kun's help…!_ Naoto thought, her eyes widening as Yamato-Takeru's foot shifted. She gasped and quickly dove out of the way, just in time for Yamato-Takeru's blade to hit the floor where she had once stood.

"…" It straightened slowly, turning its long, pointed, helmeted head toward her.

She had no one beside her to help her, because the one she thought would always be fighting _with_ her was now fighting _against_ her. And she had come alone.

"Yamato, why are you—?!"

Another slash. She jumped back, her hand hesitating at her side. Those gold eyes would not stop following her. Telling her to draw her weapon.

"I can't fight you, Yamato-Takeru—you are me, and I am you!" She clenched her fists, "I won't draw my gun on you!"

"…"

Why…? She had always come into the TV ready to give up her life, knowing she had something to protect. Was it because there was nothing to protect now? Did she not even want to protect _herself_?

"You are me, and I am you!" She repeated, somersaulting to the left as Yamato-Takeru charged again. She glanced over her shoulder, watching Yamato-Takeru straighten once more, slowly and deliberately, and turn toward her. It seemed to only go in straight lines, and it certainly wasn't putting any effort into actually harming her—it was faster than that, and its blade more deadly. "I know you don't want to hurt me—if you did, you would have already done it. So I won't hurt you either!"

It stared at her. As if asking her why she did not want to hurt "herself".

"I… I don't want to be hurt." She took a step back—slowly understanding why Yamato-Takeru was acting out. Yamato-Takeru had always been a unique Persona, able to think and strategize on its own, much like Naoto herself. That her own Persona was trying to attack her should not have come as a surprise when Naoto knew of its individual will. "I don't want to let 'myself' get hurt."

Yamato-Takeru didn't move, its stare unceasing.

"You want to know why I'm not protecting myself…?" She took a deep breath, calming herself, "You're wrong—I am. I'm protecting _you_… and you are me. I won't hurt you. Just like you have always protected me, I won't let you get hurt. Even by my own hand."

Suddenly, in a flash of a step, Yamato-Takeru was before her, its sword aimed at her throat. Her eyes widened, and she became frozen. _That_ was Yamato-Takeru's true skill showing—and it was undoubtedly deadly.

"…"

Sometimes she had to let "herself" get hurt.

"Is that… so…" Naoto's gaze became cold, staring into the black abyss that was her Persona's face. "Perhaps in the past, I made mistakes, and I got hurt. And you weren't there for that, Yamato-Takeru. But it is human nature to avoid pain, is it not?"

"…"

Yamato-Takeru's sword did not lower. It was trying to tell her something.

"…But sometimes… pain is necessary… to become stronger." The blue-haired woman curled her fists at her sides, finally able to will some movement into her body, "I suppose you're right… because those mistakes I made did make me stronger."

She took a step back. Yamato-Takeru remained as still as a statue, staring at her.

"Are you telling me it's okay to let myself get hurt sometimes?" She tentatively moved to her Persona's side, "Thank you, Yamato—I understand. I have to let go of the fear of getting hurt to get stronger, don't I?"

Even if it was something undesirable, something she wouldn't be comfortable with, something that lingered longer than it was supposed to—maybe, sometimes, she _needed_ to let herself get hurt. She would never know how much stronger she could get if she didn't take risks first.

"…" It nodded, lowering its arm to its side and turning to face her. "…"

She took a step back, nodding. "And… even if I'm hurt… you… and everybody else… will always be at my side. They will help me and heal me—without a doubt." She smiled a little bit, and Yamato-Takeru nodded again. She paused. "…Why is your sword still drawn?"

"…"

"Is there something I still need to face?" She frowned.

It nodded, but closed its golden eyes, leaving its face a black abyss she could not see past. It turned, pointing its sword at the empty, foggy land.

"…This place… is 'myself' too, huh…"

She had not been in the Midnight Channel as much as the others—but she knew that while Shadows were the things that hid in their subconscious where nobody could see them, the realities in which those Shadows lived were the reflection of their hearts. In the past, Naoto's reality had been closed off and defensive, and it was much _deeper_ than Naoto had dared to admit at the time.

This place was what her "heart" had turned into, hadn't it?

Naoto gazed at her Persona's back, and then trailed her gaze over the barren ground. There was a steep slope somewhere up ahead, like a canyon of some sort. It was… empty… and… what was this other feeling? It was distinct… and Naoto had felt it before, when… oh, that's right. When her grandfather died.

Yamato-Takeru vanished in sparkling blue light. Her eyes widened, and she ran to the spot it had stood, at the edge of the ground that ended just before the fog thickened. "Wait, don't go!" She called, but it didn't listen, and she was left alone in this unknown but familiar place. "…"

Was this really her "heart"? Was it empty like her life? Was this really how barren her life had become?

No… this was the thing she needed to face. This… nothingness. This _loneliness_.

But… she couldn't face it. Not alone. Yamato-Takeru was supposed to be there! Why did it leave?!

"Yamato—come back!" She called loudly, holding out her hand to call the Arcana card. It didn't appear—as if Yamato-Takeru was no longer hers. "Come back!" She strained her voice to yell louder, "Don't leave me here!"

Nothing answered her. The fog shifted around her feet. She couldn't find the way out on her own. The loneliness in this place frightened her—it felt like it was seeping through her skin, trying to overwhelm the feelings she already had.

"I—I don't want to be alone! You know I never did!" Naoto screamed almost in anguish, "You were supposed to never leave me! You _are_ me! So why—why am I _alone_?!"

"Because you made it that way."

Naoto's eyes widened. She whipped around, her hand instinctively curling around the handle of her gun, searching for the owner of that echoing, hallow voice that sounded so much like her own.

Amidst the fog was a shadow. And that shadow came to life.

"You're—!"

"You said it yourself—humans are complex creatures who will _always_ change. And when they change… so do their Shadows."

Glowing gold eyes met frozen cobalt ones as the fog parted. Before her stood a short-haired woman with a masculine face, her pale and slender hand running her fingers through her blue locks. The fog shifted around her, lightly lifting her long white lab coat.

"How many years have you gone without me?" The Shadow chuckled, stopping before the horrified detective, purring with a smirk, "It's been so long… and you're planning to shoot me in the face, aren't you? And to think, I was looking forward to finally meeting you again."

Naoto flinched, taking a step back. Her hand was trembling. She was wrong—she wasn't as ready to face her Shadow as she thought she was.

"It's good to see you again, Na-chan."

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Katou Yori was an arrogant, pompous, upcoming seventeen-year-old detective. In the small town in which he lived, there had been a series of runaways, all frequent and within the same few months, and the inspector he worked under assigned the case to him. Naoto had been called to this small but wealthy town to solve a different case—a murder with no leads. That was when she met Yori—the victim was one of the runaways he had been investigating._

_ The victim's body had turned up on the riverbank, supposedly drowned. They didn't know if it was a murder or an accident, so Naoto was called in to help, as she was in the nearby area. After checking the scene for any clues and finding none, they returned the body to the family._

_ Naoto found it suspicious that, after interviewing the family of the boy who had been no older than Yori himself, the boy had no reason to run away from home. He was pampered and comfortable, with no signs of discontent. He had had a girlfriend, he had been in the popular group at school, and he had just gotten a car for his birthday. What had been wrong?_

_ Not to mention… the family had said that when he ran away, he left his credit card, phone, and the keys to his car behind. He only took his mother's jewelry box, supposedly for financial security. There was no sign of that jewelry box, or any of the items inside it, anywhere near the victim when he was found. Her instincts told her this was no accident. That boy had been murdered._

_ She reported it immediately. The chief pointed her to Yori, who had documented all the recent disappearances. He thought her an annoying woman who nagged too much—asked him to look at the case files one too many times, demanded extra information right away and never telling him anything, told him to go away when she was just about to make some sort of break…_

_ This was the chance he had been _waiting_ for! He wanted to become a great detective, and he could solve this case! He didn't want to be stuck taking down reports of missing persons—he wanted to find them! And besides, he was the one who noticed, before the chief had even called in Naoto, that all the disappearances were similar—all of the runaways had taken something valuable from their homes and left everything else behind. The boy had been the first to show up—and according to the case files, he had been the first to disappear months earlier, as well._

_ Naoto had noticed it upon reading the reports too, but he refused to let this outsider take his case and save his town. He could do it without her help!_

_ Yori, however, was just showing off, in Naoto's eyes. The then twenty-year-old detective woman had just made her name, but there were still a few who did not acknowledge her skill—that ignorant teenager being one of them. She told him that they weren't playing with people's lives here—and the second runaway was found. Dead._

_ The deceased was a female, and she had died in a similar manner to the first. It appeared to be an accident—she fell off a tall tree she had apparently been camping in, and broke her neck. The girl had been a loved athlete at school, and like the first victim, she didn't have any reason to run away from home and take the family heirloom with her. The heirloom wasn't found._

_ Yori at least had some instinct to know that these were no normal accidents, and convinced the inspector of his theory. He insisted that these were murders—not that he was wrong, but he made a big deal out of it, attracting the wrong kind of attention to the wrong proceedings. The media came to him and interviewed him, and asked him what he would do. He assured them that he would find the killer himself, and bring justice to him._

_ Naoto watched with narrowed, mature blue eyes that had seen far too much for someone of her young age. Yori obviously did not have that same gaze—an oblivious, high-strung fool._

_ Four others had disappeared in the past few months. Had he even noticed? Both victims so far had only appeared recently, but she could tell just by looking that they had been dead far longer. There was no rigor mortis, no bruises from falling or struggling—no water in the lungs of the first victim, no tree sap sticking to the clothes of the second one. Both had extremely weakened bodies, too—their ribcages showed under their shirts, like they hadn't eaten for a long time. Yori had passed it off as the runaways not having enough money to buy food or find a place to eat—Naoto thought that their malnutrition was because of an outside force._

_ The autopsy came in. They had been dead for at least a week._

_ Naoto had a theory—these weren't runaways who happened to be the victims of random killings. These were victims of kidnappings, kept and then killed later on. Whoever kidnapped them probably went into their homes, took the valuables from their house, and took the victims to make it _look_ like a runaway. The motive for robbery was the usual, probably—money and greed. The motive for the murders was obvious—to make sure no one found out the truth about the killer. If he had left them alive, surely they would have told others who it was. Though it couldn't be that easy, Naoto thought—it was always a little more complicated than that._

_ Yori, however, tried taking the matters into his own hands without listening to Naoto or his mentors. For some reason, he thought that the first victim might have dropped something in the river that could be a clue—he tried to get the force to help him search the river. When they refused, he waded into the water and tried to search for clues himself. Naoto only watched him trudge around in the mud like an imbecilic child, and allowed him to do his own thing. She went to chase the real clues—by checking the local jewelry stores and antique shops._

_ The jewelry from the first victim had turned up scattered around various pawn shops and jewelry stores throughout the town, and it was apparent that they turned up one piece at a time. Naoto could tell because most of the jewelry was insured, and she could confirm if they were the stolen articles by comparing their authenticity identification numbers to the certificates the original family had. The owners couldn't remember any specific details about the person who brought it in—but every time they described the client, it was a different person. Naoto considered that there was possibly more than one perpetrator in this kidnapping-robbery-murder case, but there was one consistency with all the descriptions. The perpetrators all had similar heights—this led to Naoto's thinking that she was dealing with a master of disguise._

_ Yori had soon given up on the river and searched the jewelry stores just like Naoto—he was furious to know that "a detective lady with a hat" had already been to the jewelry shops and asked the same questions he did—only she had been more refined and thorough about it. In response to his jealousy, Naoto told him that he was trying too hard to look for evidence that was just not there—Naoto had grown a sixth sense of these kinds of things, and her observational skills had broken a case many times. She had had confidence that there was nothing in the river—the river had just been a ruse to throw them off the trail of the murderer._

_ His jealousy turned to anger when he realized that Naoto was implying that she wasn't trying as hard as he was. "You're despicable!" Yori said angrily, "This isn't a game—people's lives are in danger!"_

_ "I know better than you do that this is no game—so stop playing around and get serious. Clouding your mind with anger and jealousy will get you nowhere on this case," She replied calmly, "If you're going to be a real detective, shut your mouth and open your eyes—you're missing all the important points."_

_ "How can you tell me what to do?!" He snapped, "You don't know the people who ran away! I do—they were my classmates! My friends!"_

_ Naoto regarded him carefully, as if trying to assess his truthfulness. "If they were really your friends, you would listen to what I have to say so we can find them quickly. That way, none of those people you call you friends will be lost." She stood up, her cold gaze boring into his flinching one, "You obviously have not lost the people close to you. I hope you never do, but if you do not get your act together, you will learn the reason to _really_ seek the truth."_

_ She walked past him. He stared after her with mixed feelings of jealousy and confusion._

_ They spent a few days finding leads, despite his reluctance to work with her. They talked to the mailman who knew all the missing people—Naoto knew it couldn't be him, as he didn't match the profile for the murderer, but Yori had jumped to conclusions. She watched patiently as he accused the mailman of murdering the two teenagers, explaining that his motive was to steal their financial security. Naoto apologized to him and dragged Yori away, calmly scolding him for is wrongful assumption. When he finally agreed to listen to her, she told him her theory and presented the evidence that supported it—things he hadn't noticed or even realized._

_ "This is how a detective works, Katou-kun," Naoto gave him a hard stare, "If you cannot even think of these things, nor notice them, then you should rethink your career path."_

_ He turned bright red and told her off. He still thought he could do things on his own. He spent many days with this mentality, going over the murders on his own after school, and ignoring Naoto as she, too, tried to find more evidence to break the case._

_ And then Yori saw something strange on his way home from the station one evening—someone dragging a limp body toward the river. He ran toward the person, shouting, and the shadowy person became surprised and ran off. He tried to run after him, but the killer shot a bullet in his direction, so he screamed and ducked. By the time he regained his senses, the mysterious person was no longer in sight, so he turned back to find out if the limp person was still alive. He reached the body—the third victim, dead, and the suspect long gone. He reported it right away. When she arrived, Naoto determined that the victim had been drowned in a household sink or bathtub, and the killer had meant to dump the body in the river to cover it up._

_ Yori informed the police about the killer's gun, and as the crime scene investigators took photos of evidence like the footprints in the mud and the bullet mark, the chief declared the criminal armed and dangerous, and told Naoto to stay with Yori so he didn't get hurt. He was irked by the decision, but the feeling was quickly faded into nausea as he watched Naoto handle the corpse, examining the strange bruises on the boy's upper arms. He was definitely still getting his toes wet in the whole detective business._

_ The victim was a nineteen-year-old boy, a bit older than the others but obviously one of those rich kids. Naoto could guess that he was one of those people that thought education was pointless and stayed at home with his parents after high school. Regardless, there were signs of struggles on his body, but the small marks on his arms were what interested Naoto the most. She asked Yori how the culprit had been handling the body, and he told her that the culprit had been dragging the victim by the underarms and walking backwards._

_ Then Naoto asked him to describe the culprit's height, and after he estimated that the person he saw was short compared to the victim they had been dragging, perhaps between four and five feet, Naoto explained that the culprit had not only been short, but young. She hypothesized that the runaways did not seem like kidnappings at first, as there were no signs of break in or struggle from the victims, but that was because the victims were all close friends of the culprit, who could easily get them to leave the house without raising suspicion. Yori, after some hard thought about the cases he had been working, determined that there was one student who he had constantly interviewed in all the cases—a third-year named Yamanaka Ren. Determining her to be a key suspect, they planned to talk to her again the next day._

_ But Yori had other plans. He found Yamanaka Ren at school and confronted her before Naoto could catch her at the front gate. They had been friends after all—he wanted to see the truth for himself. He took her to the bleachers near the track field and questioned her about the victims. She had been friends with the third victim in her first year of high school. She seemed shocked to hear he died, but then Yori got straight to the point and said she killed him, shocking her even more. She had flinched at the unwavering confidence in Yori's accusation, and curled her fists at her side, denying his claim with a stutter. Like always, he was jumping to conclusions._

_ "Don't lie—it's obvious." He crossed his arms, eying her carefully, "Just admit it—you kidnapped everyone, and you killed those three." He narrowed his eyes, deciding to try lying, "I _saw_ you there, yesterday. Will you still deny it?"_

_ "Ha…" She narrowed her eyes, a grin breaking out on her face, "Hahaha!"_

_ Yori flinched at the sudden mania in the girl's eyes, and he stepped back. "Yamanaka—"_

_ She reached into her book bag, pulling out her pistol. "You're much smarter than you look, Katou-kun." She pointed the weapon at him, deciding that acting innocent would be pointless now, "But now that you know my secret… you know you have to die, right?"_

_ Yori took a step back, gritting his teeth. Okay, well, he got the confession—now he had to get out of there _alive_. He didn't plan this out very well. "The police are in front of the school—they'll hear the gunshot." He lied. No, only Naoto was there. And he did not want her help._

_ Ren threatened to kill him if he so much as moved, but suddenly a shout interrupted them._

_ "Freeze! Put down the weapon!" They both looked up. Naoto was running toward them, her own gun drawn, held carefully in her two hands and aimed at Ren. Despite his feelings, Yori was actually a little glad Naoto was there. She had probably gotten suspicious and came looking for him when he didn't show up at the front gate. "Katou, you idiot! That's why you should have let _me_ handle the investigation! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!"_

_ "Maybe he is," Ren giggled, not losing her aim on Yori, "Hey, Miss Detective, why don't you put down your weapon. If you don't, I'll shoot him. You know I will." Naoto refused her demand, earning a horrified look from Yori. "How can you be so sure I won't?" Ren purred, her hand firm on the gun, her trigger finger twitching. "I haven't had any trouble killing the others."_

_ "But—why?" Yori asked, trying to understand, "You were always so nice and caring, a great friend! Why would you—"_

_ "Like I'll tell you!" Ren snapped, "You're a spoiled rich kid, just like the rest of them!"_

_ "It's because you had to struggle you entire life to get where you are now, isn't that right?" Naoto said calmly, gaining Ren's attention, "You had nothing, no parents, no money, no house. You had to work hard to make the sports teams, get straight A's, and pay your rent… they had everything handed to them on a silver plate and bribed their way through school. Isn't that the reason why you've done all of this."_

_ "How—?" Yori looked over at her._

_ "I had a suspicion it was her after you told me, so I did a background check." Naoto's hard gaze was unwavering, "Yamanaka-san, though a kind person to most, had a hidden hatred for the people of this town, who had never felt her strife."_

_ Ren trembled and quickly shifted her gun toward Naoto. "You don't know what it's like! You don't know how hard I had to work for everything, and spoiled brats like _him_ just look down on me for it!" She gritted her teeth, "It was never enough for those bastards!" She glared at Yori, "Even you! You pompous son of a bitch—it's so easy to just get a job at the police station, isn't it? You corrupt weasels always get what you want! Not me! I never do!"_

_ "Yamanaka-san, I—"_

_ "Shut up!" She turned toward him and shot at him blindly. Naoto gasped and, with an unnaturally quick reflex, shoved him out of the way, crying out as the bullet grazed her arm. "You—you too, right, Detective? You were a privileged, wealthy person who had it easy, right? I bet you've never had to work hard!"_

_ "You're wrong!" Naoto growled, holding her upper arm tightly, "Just because you worked harder than anyone else, doesn't mean you're worth more than them! Harboring that hatred, stealing, killing—is that the kind of person that deserves the recognition you seek? The only acknowledgement you'll get now is not for brains or wealth—it will be for _crimes_!"_

_ Yori regained himself, dazed from being pushed out of harm's way. He watched the scene with wide eyes. Naoto had saved him, but—they still had not stopped Ren. "Yamanaka—where are the others? Where have you put them?" He demanded, prepared to protect himself this time._

_ "They're _dead_!" Ren laughed, "Wasn't one of them your friends? The stupid reporter wannabe. Maybe you should join him." She aimed at him, but this time, Naoto rammed into her with her shoulder, throwing off her aim. The gun flew out of her hand._

_ "N-no—Takeshi is…?" Yori's eyes widened, and he watched in petrified shock as Naoto struggled to pin Ren down. Ren threw her off with surprising strength, causing the older woman to yelp in pain as she landed on her bleeding arm._

_ Ren scramble for her gun, and without thinking, Yori snatched it up first. Heat bubbled unpleasantly in his chest as he aimed the gun at her. "How could you! You _killed_ all of those innocent people—just because—because they had money? Because you had none?!"_

_ "Haha… hahaha! Are you going to shoot me?" She laughed manically, "Go ahead—I have nothing to lose! I never had anything to begin with! I always had nothing!"_

_ "Katou-kun, don't—" Naoto grunted, getting up slowly. She eyed the inexperienced young detective carefully. He had at last understood what it meant to seek the truth—and it was a harsh, painful one. "Even if you kill her, it won't bring anybody back to life."_

_ "Why are you stopping me?!" Yori demanded, "Doesn't she deserve to die?! She killed all those people! And—she's not even sorry! Why does it matter if I kill a murderer? If I don't, she'll go and kill more people!" He tried to undo the safety on the pistol, his sweaty and shaking thumbs missing and having trouble with the mechanism._

_ "She won't! We'll arrest her—that's our job as detectives, Katou-kun! It is not our job to pass judgment!" Naoto warned him, her voice shaking from the pain shooting through her arm "She can live knowing she made the wrong decisions, and she will have regrets! Even if it takes a long time! She won't be able to kill anyone else!"_

_ "What do you know!" Yori shouted in anguish, the safety clicking free, a fierce glare aimed at Ren. "Now answer me—where did you take the others?"_

_ "You know what's funny?" Ren laughed still, ignoring his question, "You thought we were friends! Doesn't it hurt, knowing I'm the one who betrayed you. All of you. But I'll tell you, I _enjoyed_ seeing their faces as I killed them! They looked so surprised!"_

_ "You _bitch_…!" Yori trembled, his finger tightening on the trigger._

_ Naoto put her hand on his shoulder, her focus too shaky to focus on anything but the young boy, "Katou-kun, don't… If you kill her, you're no better than she is." He didn't listen, shaking his head furiously. He pulled the trigger._

_ Ren's eyes flickered and she grabbed Naoto's gun suddenly, tumbling out of the way when Yori fired and missed. She hastily got up and aimed the revolver at the pair. Naoto moved to take her gun back and pin her again, so she instinctively turned to the blue-haired woman._

Bang!

_ Their eyes widened. Naoto stared at Ren, and then her gaze trailed to Yori as Ren collapsed on the ground, bleeding her heart out. Yori's breath had stuck in his throat. The barrel of the gun was smoking. He had shot someone. He had _shot_ someone… someone he had once thought of as a friend. His cheeks flushed as the realization sunk in, and he dropped the gun._

_ "It feels heavy, doesn't it," Naoto said softly as the pistol's metallic fall echoed under the empty bleachers, "The weight of taking a life." She looked at the body of Yamanaka Ren, carefully taking her gun from the corpse's grasp and slipping it back in its holster._

_ "I… I…" Yori couldn't even stand normal dead bodies. The sight of the blood he himself had spilled… he wanted to throw up._

_ "That is why I said, don't shoot her. Death is just an escape." Naoto said darkly, "Now she'll never know the weight of her sins—a weight so crushing her shoulders could not bear it, driving her to insanity."_

_ "B-but…" Yori bit his lip, trying to justify his actions to himself, "She… deserved it…"_

_ "No. This was a reward for her pathetic existence—to no longer exist," She sighed, patting Yori's shoulder, pulling out her cell phone to call the police and an ambulance, "I told you, didn't I? You shouldn't have done this on your own. You should have listened to me."_

_ "…You… were right. I've… only stooped to her level." He hung his head, "I'm sorry…" Teardrops. "I'm sorry…" He looked up at her, his eyes wet, "Shirogane-san… I'm sorry."_

_ "Taking a life is easy to do—it's bearing that life afterward that is hard. You cannot change what you have done—just as her death does not change what _she_ has done," The older detective shook her head, "Now you must bear your mistake on your own."_

_ Yori trembled. Soon flashing sirens filled the air. Naoto reported what had happened while a paramedic treated her arm. Yori was dismissed for self-defense, and the credit for the case went to Naoto, but… the whole event still weighed heavily on his chest._

_ Soon they found the rest of the bodies, and Naoto was taking her leave as soon as she was well enough to drive. When she went to the station to say goodbye, Yori caught her outside._

_ "You… were right. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." He said quietly, and Naoto could see that in his eyes, he was sincere. He was no longer the pompous, self-righteous teenager who thought being a detective meant he could save the world and do it all on his own._

_ "What are you going to do now?" Naoto asked him quizzically, leaning on her bike._

_ "…I'm going to keep trying to be a detective… so I can save people like Takeshi… and… Yamanaka, too." He looked down. "I'll try harder. I'm sorry I didn't _try_ before… but Yamanaka was right too. People have to work hard… even if they're not acknowledged."_

_ "Good." Naoto smiled, swinging her leg over her motorcycle and putting the keys in._

_ "Wait," He put his hand on her arm, "You… know a lot for someone your age. How…?"_

_ "…I was like you once. Sometimes you don't know the weight of a life until you take it upon yourself." She said softly, smiling._

_ "So… you've gone through this too? Why do you still carry a gun then, if you know what it's like to… kill somebody?" He asked this carefully, but when he thought about it, he had never seen Naoto shoot off her gun. Not even against Ren._

_ "Of course I know the weight of a life—but I know a different weight than you," She explained, "This gun… is here to protect those I love. It's always very painful to see the people close to me get hurt… and just _knowing_ that kind of pain, I can only imagine the pain I'd feel if I had let them _die_. And letting them die… is just as horrible as aiming the gun at them myself."_

_ Yori stared at her, almost astonished. So she herself had never killed anyone, but…_

_ "Keep that in mind, too, Katou-kun. Take care." She put on her helmet and sped off. Yori just watched, wondering if he'd see her again._

_ And as Naoto continued onto the next place, she wondered if she still carried the weights of her friend's lives close to her. She held it upon herself to protect those lives. If anything ever happened to them, she wondered if she, like Yori, would take aim at the face of their murderers._

_ If she ever turned into a monster, she resolved that she would shoot herself in the head, first. Because, like she had told Yori…_

_ Letting them die was like aiming the gun at them herself._


	5. Five Years I was Alone

Author's Note: Okay, so the novel came out and I'm starting to get news of it - I realize my allusion to it in the last chapter was pretty off. And I've also been seeing stuff from Persona 4: Arena and Persona 4: The Golden pop up, and accordingly it's cannon, while the novel isn't exactly cannon. But I'm not going to go back and change it, as it doesn't really affect what I've written so far, much, at least. (Though, according to P4G, Kanji's hair is supposed to be black, not brown... but whatever. I think it's dyed - no way his hair can grow back to black in less than a year after being bleached. It'll stay brown for a while in my fanfic, at least - I like him brown haired better.) This pretty much means I'm straying from the cannon, but these are minor details and I hope you'll still enjoy the series! (As a side note, things that I've noted in the cannons that I probably won't include here: Naoto's Persona in the novel or P4G, the stuff from P4A like meeting the P3 gang because I actually don't know much about P3 or the new P4 games yet, and other things that escape my mind right now...)

Anyway, I've got a ton of stuff written out, and I think I know where this is heading, but it's nowhere near done. Expect a good few months worth of chapters, if I keep this update-every-Friday thing up! Oh, but next week is Anime Expo, which I'm super stoked about (I'm cosplaying Naoto there, but I doubt anyone here cares)... so I'll be away next week. But you know what? Because of that, I'll update Good Luck Charms even earlier next week, and I'll probably give you a bonus chapter the day or so after I get back, if I feel like it, so look forward to it! I hope this chapter satisfies last chapter's cliffhanger though (and... uh... fair warning, gives you another one). I had fun writing Naoto's Other. Hehe. See you next week!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 5: Five Years I was Alone**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"You don't seem very happy to see me."

Naoto's hand twitched over her holster, her muscles tense. "…You're a Shadow. I should be shooting you down." She said calmly, gathering her nerves.

"But you aren't," The Shadow smiled, "You'd be alone if you did."

Naoto and the Shadow had a long stare-down, the former completely alert for any danger the latter might have posed. But the Other Naoto just stood there in a relaxed position, her—_its_ hands resting in its lab coat pockets, smiling knowingly.

"Why are you here?"

"You wanted to see me, didn't you?" Other Naoto tilted its head, "You wanted to face your new darkness."

"…I did." The long-haired detective relaxed a little, seeing that the Other Naoto wasn't going to attack her. Now that she thought about it, before they became monsters, Shadows never physically harmed their original egos. She stared calmly across the fog to her glowing-eyed counterpart, assessing and analyzing why it had appeared when she was alone.

"At least you accept that you do not want to be alone," the Other Naoto chuckled, taking a few steps closer. Naoto tensed again, but the Shadow stopped a few steps away, out of arm's reach. "But I am not the embodiment of that which you accept."

"Then what are you?"

"I am the part of you that is hidden—you should know this. Hidden from others—hidden from yourself." The Other Naoto waved its hand, and the fog parted around them. It pointed beyond Naoto, to the dip of land behind her. "But if you want to know what I hide, first you must go through your _heart_, just like the others."

Naoto blinked, looking behind her and over the edge of the canyon. Deep below was a maze. She couldn't see where it ended, but there was an entrance at the foot of the cliff.

"The bosses are always at the end of the dungeon, remember?" The Other Naoto grinned, "It would be too easy if you faced me now."

"What are you talking about?" Naoto frowned, "You're… my Shadow. I can face you. Even if my heart is a maze—put literally here, I suppose—I know that when the confusion clears, I will meet you anyway. Haven't you appeared here now so that I can face you?"

"But you can't," Other Naoto purred, adjusting its cap, "It would be too easy."

"You said that before! Why?" Naoto demanded, her eyebrows furrowing.

"It is as Yamato-Takeru said," Other Naoto smiled to itself, "facing your true self is harder than facing your Shadow. That is because your true self—supposedly, your Persona—is the embodiment of the things you already know about yourself, the things you accept—your identity, your strength. Even if sometimes the things you know about yourself are things you don't like." It put its hand over its heart, closing its eyes. "We Shadows will talk endlessly about who you are—the things you don't know about yourself, the things you hide about yourself, and your weaknesses—so that you can realize the truth and hurt knowing it. Those who cannot take the truth die and give to us the life we never had. So that who _you_ are will no longer be who _we_ are. But that's not how I work. Not this time, at least."

"You're not going to tell me, then?" Naoto asked quizzically.

"You are a seeker of the _truth_, Na-chan!" The Shadow giggled suddenly, making Naoto wonder why it acted so childish and girly when its appearance was that of a boy, similar to her younger self. "Just giving it to you would take the fun out of your investigation, wouldn't it?"

"I have to investigate… myself." She frowned, staring at it. "You said you were meant to hurt me with the truth—Yamato-Takeru said that sometimes I should let myself get hurt. Are you the 'self' that will hurt me?"

"Perhaps," The Other Naoto played with its silver tie thoughtfully, "the truth does hurt sometimes. You are seeking your life right now, Na-chan, and you are the one who does not know who you are. I do know—therefore, I do not hurt. As the 'you' who knows who we are, I can see that you are reluctant to acknowledge how much _not_ knowing… hurts. So it will not be me who hurts you."

"Something I don't know… will hurt me?"

"It will," Other Naoto nodded, "but like you said—pain will make you stronger."

"…Tell me, then. I will be okay, if I am hurt." Naoto said resolutely.

"Can't!" Other Naoto giggled hollowly again, "Yamato-Takeru and I are the same—Yamato-Takeru's a smart one though, and I will follow his example. You're going to have to face the truth yourself, not let the truth face you—and when you do, you can come find me." It shifted, stepping beside Naoto on the cliff, staring down at the maze.

Naoto took a step in the opposite direction, careful to keep some distance between them. "Are you… leaving?" She asked, "Going to hide deep in that maze?"

Other Naoto looked over its shoulder, tipping its cap as it smoothed its black shirt—and again, Naoto noticed that her Shadow had a much more masculine appearance than her, as if it still bound its chest. "No. I shall be around if you want to talk to me again. I am _you_ after all—you can find me anytime you want. But next time—tell me who 'I' am, Na-chan." It grinned, turning to face its ego, "You have acknowledged one thing, though, that is part of my existence. You said you do not want to be alone, correct?"

"…Yes…" Naoto answered slowly, confused. "I never liked being alone. At the very least, I don't like being left behind. Even the younger Shadow knew that."

"Then don't leave me lonely for too long," the Shadow waved cheerfully, though there was a sad look in its golden eyes, "And like Yamato-Takeru said at the beginning! Don't come alone next time!"

Naoto's eyes widened when the Shadow jumped off the cliff. She hastily ran over, looking down and searching for her white-coated doppelganger. The Shadow entered the maze, and disappeared into the fog.

And… she was alone again.

At a loss for what to do, she sat down at the cliff, staring at the maze, mulling over what the Other Naoto told her.

'_Don't leave me lonely.'_ She echoed in her mind. _What does that even mean? I know I don't want to be alone, but… somehow I've ended up alone anyway, huh?_

The loneliness of this place must have really been getting to her, because she was seriously considering jumping down and heading into the maze.

_Is it… about the five years away from home…? How alone I was…?_ She wondered, standing up. _The five years of being alone…_

Even if she had learned how to make friends, and how to have them and keep them, she had never really let anybody become close to her the way that the Investigation Team had. Only her grandfather and his secretary had been constantly at her side in her five years away, but then… Haruka had died, and because of that, she had shut everybody else out from the feelings she kept inside.

Was she afraid that if somebody found out about her true feelings, they would disappear too? No, they would never leave her alone. But she had never told anybody what she was feeling… so maybe that was why she was alone right now.

_Is that the truth you were trying to show me, Shadow? That I'm alone right now because I made it that way?_ Of course… that was the first thing the Shadow had said, after all. She was alone because she hadn't let anyone near her, and made _herself_ lonely.

All of the things she did pushed away the ones she wanted to be close to her. She had told Yakushiji to take care of the estate while she traveled instead of asking him to come with her. She had left Kuma to come to this place by herself. She had tried to find her own place in Inaba so she didn't burden the Tatsumis—but that was just an excuse to be alone again.

"…You were right. It does hurt." She curled her fists at her sides, wondering how she had missed these things. She was supposed to be observant—how could she not notice that she was making herself lonely? Did she just not want to acknowledge that she was subconsciously pushing everyone away and shutting them out? That she was afraid to let anyone become close to her?

What hurt wasn't the knowledge that she was alone—it was the fear that if she wasn't, she couldn't be strong. After her grandfather had died, she had realized how dependent she had become of his presence, and how weak she really was. She thought that if she depended on anybody else after that, she would always be weak. She had thought that she was capable of standing on her own—that was her strength, alongside the ability of knowing when she needed help. But needing help was different from needing companionship, and she had thought she would be okay without that too. She thought she was strong by herself, without anyone surrounding her—and if no one was there, then nobody could see that she _wasn't_ strong.

"What do I do now? How do I fix it?" Was she asking her Shadow? Was she asking her Persona? She didn't know. "I don't know how… to stop being alone…"

The Other Naoto was right. Not knowing… was painful.

"It's… scary." Naoto stared down at the maze, "Is being alone just… who I am? I grew up without friends, and I solved murders all on my own my whole life. I can leave any place and taking nothing with me—am I just that detached?"

She stood up, her hands clenched so tightly that her nails dug painfully into her skin.

"Not knowing who you are is scary!" She shouted at the maze. The Shadow was lucky, wasn't it, to know exactly who it was—Naoto had no such advantage, her heart as confused as it was. "Please, just tell me who I am! You said you would talk to me any time, Shadow! Talk to me _now_, and—are you just going to ignore me?!" She shook a little, seeing that nothing was changing, and she was still alone. "Are you going to leave me alone? I thought you—_we_ didn't want to be alone!"

Maybe she had to go find the Other Naoto. She contemplated finding a way down, and then she held out her hand, trying to summon the Arcana card. She saw it materialize in white-blue light and float down, and a sense of relief washed over her.

"Yamato-Takeru… I thought you abandoned me…" She sighed a little, smiling. She broke the card, and the white-clad Persona appeared before her in dazzling blue sparkles, staring almost solemnly at her. "I… I want to face my true self."

Then she needed to face her fears. Because fears were part of her "self" as well.

But which one embodied her fears—was it her Persona, or her Shadow? Which one was the "true self" she wanted to face?

There was a bouncing step behind her, and she blinked, turning around in surprise.

"Nao-chan, kuma!" The blue and red mascot bear scuttled toward her, "I smelled danger! Are you okay, kuma?"

"I'm fine." She smiled kindly, stepping away from the cliff side.

"But—I thought there was a Shadow, kuma…?" Kuma looked worried, "Did you find one, kuma?"

"I did. But it's okay—you don't have to worry about it." Naoto pet his soft fur affectionately, "It won't bother anyone."

Kuma stared at her in astonishment. "I haven't seen a Shadow here in years, kuma! Are you sure it's okay, kuma?"

"Yes. I'm sorry to have worried you." She nodded, then motioned. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Okay, kuma…" He frowned, waddling back in the direction he came from, Naoto in tow.

Yamato-Takeru stared after them, and then briefly glanced over its shoulder at the maze. After a long moment, it glided away, following its master through the fog.

"What was it like, kuma?"

Naoto glanced down at her friend, shrugging, "She… it… looked just like me. But with short hair. And it still had a lab coat…" She looked thoughtful, "Actually, it looked more like a male version of myself than 'myself'."

"A boy, kuma?" Kuma tilted his head.

"But it didn't attack me." Naoto shrugged, "It just… talked to me."

"I guess Shadows are much nicer when you're not denying that they're you, kuma." Kuma said, his mouth twisted in a zigzag frown, "But… a lab coat… isn't that what humans wear when they're doing experiments, kuma?"

"Yes," Naoto nodded, "I suspect my younger Shadow wore one because at that time, I was still… experimental… with my gender and similar such ideals."

"So you're still experimental with something now, kuma?" Kuma asked.

"…" The blue-haired woman's eyebrows furrowed, "I suppose so. I do struggle with certain aspects of my identity, sometimes… so I try different things out. Like this hairdo."

_Ah… so that's why. My Shadow is the embodiment of my identity struggles…_ Naoto realized. _I did say… some part of me still identifies as male… and looking the way I do now isn't my style at all…_

"…Nao-chan? You look deep in thought, kuma. Are you okay? Was it something the Shadow said, kuma?" Kuma asked her in concern. She had been quiet for most of the walk back.

She shook her head. "I'm fine. I've just… got to figure some things out."

"Oh." Kuma stopped in his reality, motioning to the stack of TVs that was the exit to the real world. "Well, here we are, kuma!"

Naoto nodded, about to enter, but she paused. "…Thanks for helping me today, Kuma-kun. It really means a lot that you're helping me find myself again." She told him earnestly, "Don't worry too much about that Shadow. I promise it won't cause trouble."

"Okay, kuma!"

"See you later." Naoto smiled, then jumped through the TV and made her way back home.

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Whoa!"

"Oof!"

Naoto shook her head, disoriented for a moment. She shifted her awkwardly sprawled out body, sitting up and looking around. Yosuke stood in front of her, looking surprised. Judging by his clothes, he looked like he had just gotten back from work.

"Oh, Naoto, it's you." He held out his hand, and she accepted it, pulling herself up. "What were you doing in the TV?"

"Looking for answers," She shrugged, taking off the fog-seeing glasses and slipping them away in her pocket. "Sorry to have intruded on your home this late at night, Hanamura-sempai."

"Nah, no problem," He waved his hand, "And, geez, you're the only one of the team who doesn't call me Yosuke—it's weird! I would've thought we were better friends by now."

"Ah… I'm sorry," She blushed a little, embarrassed. She had always been formal, and she usually waited for permission to call someone casually. "Do you want me to call you by your given name?"

"I'd be cool with it." He grinned. "Hey, want something to drink?" He went over to his kitchen, opening the fridge, "Are you okay with beer? Oh, I have soda…"

"Um… water is fine," She declined politely. Well, she did show up in Yosuke's apartment unannounced. He didn't have to host her….

He grabbed a water bottle for her and a beer for himself, handing it to her as he came back to the living room area. "So, what did you mean by answers?" He motioned her to sit as he opened the beer and took a sip.

"Eh? Oh, well…" She sighed, sitting down, "I've been feeling lost lately. So… I thought that talking to Yamato-Takeru might help me."

"Did it?" He inquired curiously.

"Somewhat. It's really a matter of trying to understand 'myself', since he doesn't talk." She shrugged. "I haven't exactly gotten the clear answer I wanted, however. Of course, I knew from the start it wouldn't be that easy."

Yosuke looked thoughtful, his lower lip pursing out just a little bit. "Did you ask the right questions?"

She blinked, looking over at him. "Questions?"

"Yeah. To get answers, you have to ask questions first, right?" Yosuke chuckled, "Then you might get some answers."

"…I hadn't thought of it that way." Naoto looked down at her hands, which held the unopened water bottle, "I suppose you're right. I should come prepared with 'what I'm looking for' next time."

"Be careful what you ask though," The brunette man said in warning, "Sometimes the answers you seek aren't going to be the answers you want."

"…But the truth helps you sleep at night." Naoto chuckled a little bit. "I know. I've said that same thing many times, to those who grieve over the unfortunate ends of their loved ones."

"Knowing that the truth might not be something you want to hear, you're still going to find it?" Yosuke gave her a deep gaze.

"Yes," She nodded, "After all… if I don't, I'll never know what to do next."

He stared at her for a long time, and she could see that he had indeed matured from the silly, perverted, awkward teenager she had met six years ago. He had become a serious but still light-hearted young man, and Naoto had noticed that these traits were more emphasized than they were in his teenage years.

"If you ever need help, I'll be glad to lend a hand." He finally spoke, smiling at her.

"You know, Ha—Yosuke-san, you've always been quite dependable. I admire you for that." She smiled back. "Even back then… before I joined the Investigation Team, it was you who kept everyone together, right? And you worked hard to deduce who the culprit was…"

"Apparently task management takes talent," He laughed, motioning to his Junes name tag, reminding her that he had made it a career, "but back then… I had lost someone close to me. I'd never had to deal with a loss like that, so learning how to deal changed who I was. I guess that's how I managed to keep everyone's spirits up—and my own."

"I suppose I am the same," Naoto nodded, "my grampa died… but I'm still learning how to deal with it. You were fortunate to have something to focus your change around."

"You talking about Yu? Or the whole murder investigation?" Yosuke lifted an eyebrow.

"Perhaps both," She shrugged, "But regardless, as I was saying, I admire your strong sense of justice and loyalty."

"It's probably not as strong as yours," He patted her shoulder, "If I had been stronger, maybe I would've joined the police force too. But I'm not, and that's okay."

_It's okay…_ Naoto echoed mentally, nodding at his statement. She looked down at her watch—it was a little past nine. "I'm sorry, I should probably go now." She stood, putting the untouched water bottle down. He nodded, getting up to walk her to the door.

"You were wrong, though," He said, looking at her as he grabbed the knob, "You've got plenty you can focus on instead of just _trying_ to figure out how to deal with your grandfather's death."

"What do you mean?" She lifted a delicate eyebrow, adjusting her cap.

"If it makes you sad, what's the thing that makes you happy?" Yosuke leaned toward her, smirking almost smugly.

"…Solving cases." She answered simply, his actions puzzling her. What was he trying to imply? Something that made her happy…

"Not that, stupid," He laughed, "He'd be pretty mad at himself if he wasn't doing a good job making you happy! Now get on out of here so you can stop worrying him!"

"Him?" Naoto blinked, suddenly pushed out into the cold spring night, "I'm supposed to focus on making some_one_ not worry—?"

"Gosh, you really are socially awkward." Yosuke snickered, "Have a nice night!" And with that, he closed the door, not even waiting for an answer.

"Wha—huh…?" Naoto stood there dumbly for a minute, before she frowned and shook her head, adjusting her hat again to cover the tips of her ears. She began to make the journey back to the place she was staying, mulling over what Yosuke had said.

"Someone to focus on… someone that makes me happy?" It took a moment, but then she realized whom Yosuke was talking about, and she blushed. "Oh."

_Kanji…_

.~.~.~.~.~.

As she walked home alone, Naoto thought long and hard about everything that happened that day. Everything the Other Naoto had told her. Everything Kuma and Yosuke had said. Everything she realized.

She had to ask the right questions if she wanted some answers. She had to let herself be hurt. She had to tell somebody her feelings, so that she wouldn't be alone. She had to stop being afraid of what unknowns she would face when she did do that.

She was trying hard to find herself again… but she wondered if she had ever truly known who she was in the first place.

"I'm back," Naoto called quietly as she entered the Tatsumi house from the side door. It had been left unlocked—probably for her. She carefully locked it after she got in, taking off her shoes as she went inside. The light was still on—it was nearly ten o'clock now, so it could only be Kanji. She peeked into the kitchen.

"Hey, welcome back." Kanji waved. He was sitting at the table, knitting one of his plush animals. "You were out late—did you go drinking with sempai or something?"

"No," She shook her head, answering honestly, "I went to the Midnight Channel with Kuma-kun after we left Nanako-chan."

"Oh." He blinked, "Anything interesting happen?"

She shrugged, sitting down with him and taking off her hat. "I can't say nothing happened, but I thought it was getting late, so I left." She explained, "Did you… stay up waiting for me to come back?"

"Yeah. I was worried." He blushed, focusing on his work.

"I apologize for making you worry."

They were quiet for a long time. Kanji looked over at Naoto, noticing that she looked deep in thought. "…Something on your mind?"

She glanced at him, idly playing with the rim of her hat. "Yes," She nodded a little, casting her gaze downward, "Kanji-kun, if it's okay… can I talk to you about it…?"

He blinked, blushing and looking down. What could she want to talk about? As he looked back at her and slowly placed his work down on the table, he noticed there was a melancholy look gracing her normally unreadable face.

"…Yeah. I'm always here when you want to talk, you know that." He nodded, putting his focus completely on her.

"You said that if I ever felt lonely, I could talk to you. And… I don't know why, but lately I've been feeling a lot lonelier than normal, despite that I'm finally back home." The blue-haired woman sighed, "Perhaps it's because everyone's kindness reminds me of grampa's."

"Naoto-kun…"

"It's funny that everyone calls me that," Naoto chuckled, looking over at him, "I keep having this feeling that I'm not really myself… like I don't know who I am anymore. But even when I've tried to be more feminine, you all still call me like I'm a boy… and I don't mind at all. Actually, if anyone ever called me by a girl's honorific, I corrected them. It just… never fit."

"At least that's one thing you know about yourself." Kanji gave a little smile.

"But that aside… you were right. Grampa's death was hard on me, and it still is. I thought I had moved on, but… Yosuke-san said that I haven't found my way to deal with it yet—and he's right too." Naoto leaned her elbows on the table, "Losing grampa was different than losing my parents. I don't remember them—I don't know anything about them. I had no trouble putting them out of my mind. But grampa… he's been there for me my whole life. And it's just… _strange_ that he's not here anymore." She seemed at a loss for words, unsure if she was using the right ones.

"…"

Naoto's hands tightened around her hat, keeping her gaze firmly downward. "When he died… there was this pain in my chest, like someone had shot a hole through my heart. And sometimes, when I think about him, that pain comes back… I know it's absurd, but something felt like it burst, and… it hurts." She bit her lip, twisting her cap to try and contain whatever feelings might spill, "I think it's supposed to go away, but I don't know how to make it do that. And it's just… there, still, and it overwhelms me with these feelings I can't comprehend."

"Loneliness." Kanji carefully reached over, touching her arm.

"Yes, there's loneliness too." Naoto finally looked over at him, "Sometimes I feel like it's the only feeling in there, and if it is, I can't find the other things that made me… well, me."

"They're still there, Naoto-kun, they're just… buried, right now." He tried to comfort her, but finding the right words was hard for him too. He didn't know how she felt… but he wished he could make her feel _better_.

"I know," She sighed heavily, "But this kind of pain I get from just talking about it… while it hurts, I suppose it's true what they say—talking about it really does make you feel better."

"…Really?" Kanji looked skeptical, gray eyes full of concern.

"Only a little." She clenched her hands tightly, "But… Yamato-Takeru told me… that sometimes, I have to feel pain in order to get stronger. So… I'll be okay, soon."

Kanji blinked. "He told you that?"

"When I went into the TV today. He said that… I've been protecting myself, and I've been afraid to do things that might hurt me—and that I should let myself get hurt sometimes, because surpassing the pain would make me stronger."

"Let yourself get hurt… so talking about your grampa hurts you, but you're starting to get better." Kanji seemed a little relieved, but still worried about her.

"I don't think he meant only that though." Naoto looked up at him, her cobalt gray eyes meeting his dark gray ones. "He might have also been talking about taking risks—because taking risks means I don't know if I'll be hurt with whatever I choose to do. I've kept to myself so much because I never got hurt that way, but he made me see… I haven't risked letting others know my feelings… and…"

"…Did something happen?" Kanji frowned, noticing her deep and thoughtful expression.

"I met my Shadow."

His eyes widened, and his grip subconsciously tightened on her shoulder. She shook her head, speaking first. "I'm alright. I didn't know it would show up, but it didn't hurt me."

"That's dangerous, Naoto-kun. You could have—!"

"I took that risk and met it, Kanji-kun. I thought that facing my inner demons would make me stronger. In the end, I still haven't faced them, and I think I've only ended up with more questions than answers." Naoto knew he would react this way… but there was a look of surety in her eyes that reassured him, and he calmed down, though the wariness remained. "The Other Naoto told me that with the way I've been acting, I've been making myself be alone… and I don't want that anymore."

Kanji gave her a long, hard stare. Where was she going with this?

"The truth is… my feeling is that…" She hesitated, and then met his gaze. "I… I want to be with you, Kanji-kun," As she said this, a cute blush dusted her cheeks, "because when I'm with you, I don't ever feel lonely at all."

His face exploded into a deep maroon color and he jerked his hand away as if it had been burned. "W-wha…"

It was a familiar line—hadn't Kanji himself said something like that, five years ago?

"Uh!" She lit up bright red too, quickly looking away, "What I meant was—I mean, I'm glad you let me stay here, and—thank you for always being there." She smiled shyly. "I'm… truly grateful. Really."

"Ah—no problem. Anytime." Kanji stuttered, "Um—I'll never let you be lonely if I can help it. You know that."

Naoto smiled a little wider. She didn't know what she had been hiding from, all this time—telling Kanji her real feelings certainly did make her feel better, and it didn't hurt at all. She didn't know why she was afraid that if she told him, he might not understand. That was an absurd thought, she realized—how could she be so naïve?

"I'm sorry I never told you before." Naoto said softly, keeping her gaze on the table, slowly releasing her hat from her tight grip, "It had become a habit to use facades to overcome my hardships. In the past, being the Detective Prince helped me keep myself together when I could not handle society's two-faced nature… I suppose that I haven't changed that since then. Shutting people out and not letting them in so they couldn't see I had this kind of turmoil to begin with… Pretending the problem didn't exist, and living as if I was strong enough to overcome them… was wrong. That shouldn't be the life I choose to live."

"Naoto-kun… back then, when you faced your Shadow," Kanji said slowly, collecting himself, "you told it that you were going to strive to accept yourself for who you really are. Why did you still use facades then…?"

"For a little while, I thought I did know," Naoto tightened her grip again, "I thought it had been as simple as, 'I'm a girl, and I'm a great detective no matter what adults think'. And if there is one thing I've always been sure about in my identity, it's that I'm proud to be a detective, a seeker of the truth and bringer of justice. But after I left Inaba… it became more complicated."

Kanji nodded. He knew this—she had talked to him about it five years ago. "Because even if you were a great detective regardless of age and gender here, outside, you were still…"

"Choosing to be a girl and being a great detective did not fit with the rest of society… so I struggled to try and fit those two pieces together, to make something of myself without changing who I thought I truly was. But the truth is… even if I told my Shadow, at that time, that I would accept who I truly was… I never really knew who I was. I still don't. In the end, I still created a face to fit in with society, but it wasn't truly who I was, and I lost myself again."

"I'll help you find it, then." Kanji grinned at her, "Promise."

"I know you will," She nodded, "Whoever my true self turns out to be, I'll accept it wholeheartedly."

Her brown-haired friend stared at her for a long time, only breaking away when he realized he was staring. "…You've still got something on your mind, don't you."

She finally looked up at him. "You can tell?"

He nodded. "Your hat will get wrinkled if you keep holding it that tightly."

"Heh," Naoto shook her head, letting it go, "You know my habits even if I never had them here."

"Are you still afraid of something?" He asked tentatively, his gray eyes diverted but still soft, the hint of worry lacing his voice giving away his expression.

"Telling you all of this… is a scary thing," The blue-haired woman said quietly, "Like I said, I've kept to myself all these years without changing because that was the only way I knew how to protect myself from the pain of the unknown… but you were the risk I wanted to take. I want to tell you everything, but finding the right words and having the courage to say them without breaking down—it's hard. Only my grampa has ever been this close to me… so… letting someone else know me as intimately as he—it's a frightening feeling."

"…Is it a bad thing?" Kanji forced himself to look at Naoto—to show her that he definitely cared.

"Perhaps not," She smiled, "Yamato-Takeru seems to be proud of me, for facing my fears."

"Your fear of letting yourself get hurt?" His expression was puzzled, as if incredulous, "Were you afraid of me?"

Naoto stared back at him, contemplating her answer. "No," She said after a moment, "Perhaps it was not knowing what would happen when I did tell you." She blushed a little, looking down again, "I know you would never hurt me, but for a time, I felt as if not telling you hurt you… and that scared me too. Because I didn't want to be hurting you. I suppose I was afraid of losing you too—not like I lost grampa, but… just… _losing_ you."

"Naoto-kun…"

"But… it was only you." Naoto spoke hesitantly, "If it was Yu-san, I don't think I would have been this afraid, because he's understanding and nonjudgmental, and I know he would never be hurt even if I told him I hated him. But… you've always been an honest person. You don't hide things at all. And knowing that, I was scared of what your honest feelings would be."

_My… honest feelings?_

What were his honest feelings? What was the thing she was so scared of that had caused her to keep silent for so long?

"…Naoto-kun, don't ever be afraid that I'll be hurt by something you do." Kanji sighed, "You're my friend. I don't care that you've never told me—I figured you'd tell me when you were okay with telling me, and I've always been able to wait till that time."

"Thank you, Kanji-kun." Naoto smiled with a little relief.

"And… if you want my honest feelings, I'll give them to you." He turned to face her, his face serious but gentle, "I don't ever want you to feel lonely, because that makes me sad! And I… I want to help you get better, and smile, and—and be _happy_. And you're the cutest when you're happy!" He diverted his gaze, his cheeks heating up like it had numerous times in the past. At this point he couldn't even hear what he was saying, his mouth having a mind of its own and not stopping its shy, stammered, barely coherent ramble—even if he wanted to stop, he couldn't. "I'm glad that you told me everything that you did tonight, because it makes me feel closer to you. If _you_ want me to know you... then definitely, _I_ want to know you. And… I want to be with you too. I really do."

"K-Kanji-kun?" Naoto looked surprised—this was so sudden…

"You said you were afraid of not knowing what would happen with _us_ if you told me everything. Me too," He clenched his fist on the table, trying not to stutter, "I am honestly afraid too, but… if you're going to take chances with the future that you don't know, then I… I guess I will too."

He stood up abruptly, his heart racing and his face neon pink. He swallowed hard. Hell, he couldn't stop now. It was now or never! "Naoto-kun—" What the hell was he doing? He was nervous like nothing else and—geez, Rokuten-Maoh just wouldn't shut up! _Just go ahead with it—say it!_ He told himself, gulping again and stammering, "W—wi… um—er—"

The pint-sized detective rose from her seat, looking concerned. Was he okay? He was stammering and sputtering, his mouth not forming the right words—what was he trying to say?

The next words that came out of Kanji's mouth made Naoto's eyes widen, and she became just as flustered as he was.

"Will you go out with me?"

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Naoto had never killed a person before. It went against all her beliefs—the greatest justice she had chosen to serve was "truth" and "love", as cliché as that was. The "truths" she sought after her entire life were unbiased, meant to reveal to others what had happened and why. The "love" she dedicated her efforts to manifested itself mainly in the will to protect her friends no matter what—to protect the innocent people, too, not just her friends._

_ So when—in the wake of her mourning over her grandfather's death—she found herself in the hospital and staring at a bright red "EMERGENCY ROOM" sign, she wondered how she got there… and why her hands were covered in blood._

_ Two months after Haruka died, she had closed his final case and left Japan to work in Ireland for a time, hoping that going abroad would take her mind off things. It was there that she met Bridget, the daughter of the two murder victims in a gold heist case. The girl was then only five years old. Just like Naoto when she lost her own parents._

_ Feeling the need to protect this girl, she personally promised her that she would find her parents' murderers and bring them to justice. She grew fond of Bridget, and when the little redhead wanted to help, Naoto allowed her to tag along when she went to interview people or investigate scenes, on certain occasions._

_ Bridget was bright and cheerful and optimistic, despite her losses, and she was determined to help her mysterious and foreign new friend. Even when Naoto told her to stay at the safe house, as the police suspected the murderer might come back for the last of her family's wealth, Bridget snuck out and followed Naoto. She secretly admired how awesome the genius detective was. It was during one of these escapes that Naoto ran into the murderer, whom she had pinpointed after weeks of searching for clues, and took chase._

_ Naoto had drawn her gun, but she hadn't noticed the redhead as she tried to use a warning shot to stop the culprit. Bridget had run out so suddenly, to try to help stop the criminal—and Naoto could do nothing; the gun already fired._

_ The criminal was caught by the Ireland P.D. after he tried to flee by car, but Naoto had blanked by then, horror striking her heart as she called for help desperately, curled over Bridget's tiny, bleeding body. So much sticky red substance pooled around them—the copper smell was putrid. Naoto tried to save her—put pressure on the wound—but Bridget wasn't moving. The paramedics came. The bullet hadn't hit anywhere too fatal, but the girl was so small… and she was losing blood quickly._

_ Everything after that was a blur—and the next thing she knew, she was standing in the hospital hallway, the sirens and lights around her vague and muted. She must have taken the ambulance with Bridget, but they wouldn't allow her into the operating room._

_ Even if Naoto had only known Bridget for a few weeks, the fact that she had _shot_ a little girl shook her entire being. Worry overcame her._

_ She didn't sleep, waiting to see if Bridget was okay, until she eventually fainted from the physical and mental exhaustion. When she awoke next, she was in her hotel room. One of the policemen had taken her back and kindly came to check on her the next day. He informed her that Bridget made it—she was okay. She'd be up and about in no time._

_ Naoto couldn't apologize enough. Bridget readily forgave her._

_ When Bridget was finally released from the hospital, she asked Naoto if they could have a party to celebrate it. Naoto gladly agreed, relieved but still guilty—yet, Bridget was still all smiles, and she was happy that her parents' murderer had been caught. She reminded Naoto too much of Nanako. And Naoto had never forgotten nor forgiven herself for ever letting Nanako get hurt, either._

_ Soon after that, Bridget's aunt came to take custody of her, and she moved away._

_ Naoto closed that case, but the terrifying feelings would not leave her. She would not stop feeling guilty about shooting Bridget on accident, even if the girl forgave her. She had never shot anyone before—not that fatally. The feeling of fear she felt that lingered strongly even a week afterward shook her very core. She never wanted to feel that feeling a second time, almost vowing never to draw her gun again. She didn't want to hurt anybody else, even if it was a criminal—Haruka had been right. The weight of a life was a heavy one. Naoto knew more than ever, now, what it felt like._

_ It was March 20th. She got a phone call that evening. It was Kanji. Everyone else had left her "happy anniversary!" and "how's Ireland?" text messages, but she hadn't responded to any of them._

"Hey, you okay?"_ He asked when he noticed that she was more shaken up than usual._

_ She told him what happened. She was scared, even if she didn't admit it. He could hear it in her voice—she didn't need to say it._

_ He tried to comfort her. She kept thinking that she didn't want to lose anyone like that. Not her friends—not by her own hand. She held their _lives_ in her hand. She had the means to take it away so easily._

_ "I never want to feel that again…"_

_ She was so afraid of hurting the ones she loved. Not just a stranger._

_ "Kanji-kun. If I ever, _ever_ raise my gun against any of you… please, shoot me. Take my gun and _shoot me_."_

"Are you a dumbass? I'll never do that!"_ Kanji sounded appalled by the idea._

_ "I'm serious. I would rather die first than hurt any of you."_

_ She had taken up that gun knowing that if she ever aimed it at _anyone_, she was ready to give up her own life. She had known the feeling of sacrifice, and like in the past, she was completely prepared to die for what she truly believed in._

_ "I don't want you to die. I would never be able to live with myself if I let any of you die."_

"You think we ain't the same? None of us are gonna kill you, Naoto-kun."_ Kanji replied seriously, _"I know you're scared right now, but—dude, chill. You're overreacting. She lived, didn't she?"

_ "I…"_

"Just… try harder to protect the person you want to protect, next time,"_ He said softly, _"As long as they live… as long as they're okay… _you_ should be okay too."

_ That's right—the gun was there to protect people. But…_

_ "S-still…" She bit her lip, "It's… the worst feeling in the world. I almost killed someone. I almost murdered a little girl."_

_ And yet…_

_ Bridget's smile glowed in her memory—bright, pure, innocent, and _forgiving_._

_ "I wish someone would hate me for it."_


	6. Five Years in the Making

Author's Note: This chapter was slightly rushed, especially the flashback part (which turned out really long again O_o) But anyway. I ALMOST forgot to upload this in my AX rush! Well, I'm off, see you next week!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 6: Five Years in the Making**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Will you go out with me?"

Did that really happen? Had Kanji actually asked Naoto out? On a date? A real date?

There was a long silence between the two. Kanji had averted his gaze downward, and Naoto was staring at him with wide blue eyes. Both of their faces were noticeably red.

_Oh, shiiit… what the hell was I thinking? Dumbass! She's not saying anything—she's gonna say no, isn't she? Craaap, what do I do—?!_

He peeked up at her nervously. She was still staring at him, so he flinched and looked away again. The silence was filled with tension. He couldn't stand it.

"U-uhm," Kanji stammered, "I mean—well, you don't have to say yes, I just—err, thought that maybe… um… it might cheer you up? Err, at least yet your mind off things? Or, uh—something like that—um…"

Naoto watched him stumble over his words, feeling for a moment that she was speaking to that awkward teenager once more. She couldn't figure out what to say, all of the feelings inside of her jumbled up and confusing her more than ever.

But… Kanji had always worn his feelings on his sleeve, and she knew that it was hard for him to have finally gathered the courage to put those feelings into words. His feelings were pure and sincere, and Naoto wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

"—B-but, I like you—I really do—and…"

"Yes."

Kanji sputtered, his words halting as his head shot up and he found himself staring her right in the eye. Did he hear that right? Her voice was quiet and milky, like it usually was, so he thought that maybe he caught it wrong, but—had he heard Naoto say… _yes_?

There was a brief silence before Naoto realized that Kanji thought he was probably dreaming—it was written all over his face. So she spoke again, this time undeterred by his flustered but cute rambling.

"Yes, I will go out with you."

The expression on the dark-haired man's face was absolutely dumbfounded. She wondered why—after all, he was the one who asked her out. Did he think she would say no? Then again, he did have a fear of rejection….

"U-um—really?" Kanji was still incredulous. He wanted to pinch himself. Was this for real?

Naoto laughed a little. God, her laugh was so cute. "To be honest… I was thinking about asking you out first, but thank you—I'm glad you asked me out."

Kanji's eyes widened. "You w-were going to…"

She nodded as she looked away, blushing. "I thought that I should sort out some of my personal problems before I did, but… I suppose that was just an excuse not to do it." She admitted, "I… was afraid. I didn't want to risk the friendship we had… because of my small crush. I _liked_ what we already had, and you're a very dear and precious and _wonderful_ friend to me, but somehow, somewhere along the way, I suppose my hormones decided that I should be—well, let's say, _romantically_ attracted to you…"

The expression on the brown-haired man's face did not change, though his cheeks did darken a few shades of red. _Naoto-kun had a crush on me. On _me_. She—but I—does she even—?_

"Perhaps I was also drawn to you because… well, it was pointed out to me that you were also attracted to me. So then I started thinking about you, and what you meant to me…" Naoto fiddled shyly, her hands entwined in front of her. "I could not—and I still don't—really understand _why_… but…"

_Because you're cute. You're beautiful. You're smart, you're a genius. You're gentle and kind and—_

"I'm sorry I didn't acknowledge your feelings for me before. I just… didn't want _us_ to change." The blue-haired woman bowed her head a little, bringing one hand up to her heart. She could feel it beating so quickly… it was an unusual change in the normally slow and steady rate. "In truth… I like you too. I really do. I've liked you for five years… for all of these five years."

"N-Naoto-kun…" Kanji was surprised at the sudden confession, and his heart was just about ready to jump out of his chest. He didn't know what to do or say, but the corners of his lips turned up in a smile. Trying to contain his massive blush, noticing that she was waiting for him to say something, he finally spoke, "We ain't gonna change, Naoto-kun. I promise ya that." He rubbed his head sheepishly, diverting his gaze to the wall. "And… I've liked you for all of those five years too."

There was a silence between them—not uncomfortable, but certainly awkward.

"Um," Naoto turned away, picking up her hat. The nervousness from admitting all of her feelings was finally catching up to her, pooling in her stomach and making her jittery. She could at least tell that Kanji was happy, and the pain in her cheeks from smiling so much reminded her that, for a reason she couldn't completely understand, she was immensely happy as well.

She didn't know what to do with this kind of happiness.

"Thank you for everything tonight, Kanji-kun… but it's late. We should probably get some rest and talk about this tomorrow."

"Y-yeah." He nodded stiffly, "Uh, g'night."

"Yes, good night." She nodded, quickly walking past him to head upstairs. She tried to clear her blush, to gather her thoughts—but her mind was reeling, replaying every word that was said that night.

And just as she reached her room, she heard Kanji whooping for joy in the now distant kitchen. He sounded ecstatic.

Naoto smiled widely to herself.

.~.~.~.~.~.

Kanji was up, bright and early, as usual. He made breakfast and then went to open up the shop—it was Sunday, and Sundays were always their busiest day. As he went about his daily routines, his thoughts circled around one subject—Naoto.

He wasn't sure if the previous night had been a dream or not. He was almost afraid that it was—god, talking to Naoto would be nerve-wracking. But—she did say yes, right? So it couldn't be that bad…

The butterflies in his stomach did not go away when he saw Naoto, coming down for breakfast.

"U-uh, g'morning." He waved a little, unable to contain his blush. She had gotten dressed, but her hair was a mess—but she was cute even with a bed head.

She stopped and glanced over, smiling. "Good morning, Kanji-kun. Did you need help opening the shop?"

"Huh?" He blinked, "Uh, no, I don't—err—there's scrambled eggs and rice for breakfast. Should be heated up and stuff by now." He rubbed his neck nervously.

"Are you going to join me for breakfast then?" Naoto inquired, running her hands through her hair in an attempt to comb it.

"Yeah—uh—yeah. I'll, uh, be there in a few minutes." Kanji nodded. She continued on her way to the kitchen, and he went back to setting up the wares for display.

_God—oh, she's probably going to ask what we're going to do on the date! Wh-what _are_ we going to do? I've never been on a date before! Oh, well, she probably hasn't either, but—uh, maybe Rise-chan will know what to do! _He paused, frowning. _But if I ask her, she's going to gossip about it all over town. Or at least, to everyone else…_

He tried to think hard about what Naoto would have liked to do on a date—she had always been practical, hard-boiled, and somewhat of a killjoy. So something like an amusement park was probably out of the question—not that they had any amusement parks in Inaba.

But, like the Wheel of Fortune, Naoto was a little unpredictable… despite being a grown woman now, he could tell she was still the genius in the body of a child she had been when they were teenagers. She still liked tinkering with mechanical toys and some of her mannerisms were reminiscent of childishness. Maybe she would like going to an amusement park? He wondered if she had ever been to one in her whole entire life.

_N-nah, think practical, Kanji! That wouldn't go over well as a first date at all! Where the hell would I find an amusement park anyway? Um, something practical… something traditional? Maybe… dinner? A nice restaurant?_

He sighed, running his hand through his hair as he made his way to the kitchen, where Naoto was setting up plates and chopsticks. He sat down just as she did. His mother wasn't there—probably still sleeping, but that was okay. They started breakfast without her, eating in awkward silence.

"So, uh…" Kanji started, unsure how to start the conversation.

"Do you have to work today?"

"Eh?" The brown-haired man looked to his crush, blinking. She glanced over at him calmly.

"I wouldn't want you to take off of work for our date." Naoto said simply, sipping some coffee. His face lit up bright red. "Perhaps, if it would be more convenient, we could have our date on another day."

Okay. So he wasn't dreaming about the previous night. He had _actually_ asked her out.

"Um—I do have to work today. But, err, I was thinking, maybe tonight—uh, when I don't have work—we can go out to dinner?" Kanji suggested tentatively, feeling nervous again. "Um, but, if you want to go tomorrow or something, I totally understand…"

She smiled. "That sounds wonderful. I'd love to have dinner with you tonight."

His heart exploded with her cuteness. She looked at his expression and couldn't help but laugh—she had always found his expressions amusing, because they spoke volumes about his feelings.

Mrs. Tatsumi came down. They stopped talking and greeted her.

"My, my, you two look very cheerful today! What's funny?" Mrs. Tatsumi asked curiously, as she had heard Naoto laughing.

"We were just talking about our plans for today." Naoto answered simply, politely going to get a serving of breakfast for Kanji's mother.

Mrs. Tatsumi chuckled, thanking Naoto before she asked, "And what are those plans?"

Kanji coughed nervously, getting up when he finished his breakfast. "Err—um, we're just having dinner out tonight. Um, yeah." He excused himself hastily, going to tend to the shop. He was hiding his huge, dorky smile as he walked away.

"That boy," Mrs. Tatsumi giggled, looking over at Naoto, "he's a bit shy, but at least he's gentlemanly, isn't he?"

Naoto smiled, managing to keep most of her blush off her face. "Yes… but I like Kanji-kun just as he is."

Mrs. Tatsumi's dark, beady eyes held Naoto's gaze for a long time, and then she started her breakfast. Naoto finished hers and went to clean the dishes in the sink.

"By the way, I finished your yukata yesterday. Perhaps you can wear it to dinner tonight. I think Kanji will like that."

Naoto froze, then looked over her shoulder at the old woman. "Um…"

"You know, you're very beautiful, Shirogane-san. You should show it more often." Mrs. Tatsumi's eyes twinkled, "I bet I can do something with that hair of yours, too."

"Th-thank you, Tatsumi-san, but—"

"I know! After breakfast, let's try on that yukata, shall we? Perhaps I should make you an actual kimono too…"

Naoto quickly tried to protest, "You don't have to trouble yourself for me…"

Somehow, Naoto ended up in the sewing room anyway, trying on Mrs. Tatsumi's old kimono. Mrs. Tatsumi was planning to modify it to fit the slightly smaller woman.

"This is like an antique, isn't it? Are you sure you want to modify it like this? I don't want to ruin something this beautiful…"

"Yes, yes, it might be from my teenage years, but it would be a shame if it wasn't worn! Now, lift your arms…"

Naoto sighed, doing as she was instructed. After Mrs. Tatsumi finished figuring out which parts needed to be shortened or tucked in, she took the kimono back and told Naoto to try on the yukata.

A knock came on the door just as Mrs. Tatsumi finished tying the obi for her young companion, as Naoto was pretty helpless when it came to Japanese clothes.

"Come in!" Mrs. Tatsumi called cheerfully. Naoto froze—that could only be Kanji. The door opened.

"Hey, Ma, Naoto-kun—" Kanji stopped abruptly. "O-oh—uh—wow. Um, you look… er, pretty, Naoto-kun." He stammered shyly.

"Thank you," Naoto nodded quietly, looking away to hide her blush.

"Um, Nanako-chan and Rise-chan are here," Kanji rubbed his head, "um, to see you, Naoto-kun. I think they wanna hang out."

"Oh—I'll be out in a minute, then." She nodded, "Please tell them to wait?"

"Well, they kinda—"

"Uwaaah, Naoto-san looks so pretty!" A high-pitched, chipper voice said behind Kanji. Nanako peeked around the much taller man, her eyes bright.

A giggle came from somewhere further behind the pair. "Hey, Kanji-kun! Get out of the way, I wanna see too!"

"Um, I'll just… go talk to Yu-sempai then…" Kanji smiled awkwardly, stepping aside to let the two girls in. He nodded at Rise, rolling his eyes at her giggles, and went back to the shop.

Rise looked Naoto up and down, causing the latter to shift uncomfortably. And then Rise lit up brightly. "Blue and silver really suits you well, Naoto-kun! And Tatsumi-san, those koi embroidered on the cloth is a very nice touch!" She giggled again, "What's the occasion?"

"Tatsumi-san wanted to make me a yukata." Naoto shrugged, nodding at the compliment.

Mrs. Tatsumi decided on a better answer for her. "She has a date tonight!" She chuckled fondly.

The pint-sized detective sputtered, a dust of pink making its way over her cheeks. "Wh-wha—" How did she know that? They didn't even tell her, specifically—well, maybe it was a mother's intuition, but… why did she have to tell Rise and Nanako?!

"Oh my gosh, really?" Rise's eyes grew wide in excitement, "Kanji-kun finally asked you out?! That's great!"

"Hey—wait—"

"Ehh, you were talking about Kanji-san yesterday?" Nanako looked up at her innocently, "He's really cool and nice! Dad says he's a real good person too. Wow, I never thought about it before, but…"

"Aren't they just perfect for each other?" Rise gushed, "Oh, man, when did this happen? Tell me _everything_!"

"E-eh?" Naoto turned bright red now, "Wait, I don't—can you please—"

"So you're gonna wear that to the date tonight?" Nanako inquired curiously, "Kanji-san and you look so traditional in those! Like—like a real couple!"

"Nanako-chan, Rise-chan! Please, stop asking me questions!" Naoto said hastily, a little louder than she normally spoke. They blinked, quieting, and Naoto sighed heavily. "Can you leave for a minute? Let me get changed and then I will speak to you." She relented to their pestering—they probably wouldn't stop until she answered their questions anyway.

Rise giggled, tugging on Nanako's arm. "Let's go wait in the hall then. So don't you think about escaping, Naoto-kun!"

Naoto sighed again, watching as they closed the door behind them. She looked over to Kanji's mother. "…How did you know?"

"Dearie, a mother knows. Kanji has never been happier than when I saw him this morning. It was quite easy to tell." She smiled knowingly, helping Naoto get out of the yukata, "Though, I wouldn't mind hearing about how he asked you out, either."

Naoto blushed, quickly getting back into her regular clothes. Mrs. Tatsumi escorted her out, and they met with Rise and Nanako.

"How about we go to the kitchen, girls?" Mrs. Tatsumi suggested, "We can talk over tea."

"Sounds great," Rise nodded, grinning like a fool. They followed the old woman, and Rise elbowed Naoto, who avoided their gazes completely. "Sooo? Tell us!"

"W-well…" Naoto fidgeted, "It wasn't anything special… we were talking last night after I got back…"

"From?"

"Dinner at my place." Nanako piped up. They got to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Mrs. Tatsumi prepared the tea and poured it for them.

"Yes," Naoto confirmed, "And… I suppose it was late and thinking straight was probably hard… but it just happened. He asked me out."

"That's it?" Rise pouted, "What brought it up? What were you talking about?"

"…I'd like to say 'personal things', but I've talked to you about it before, Rise-chan," Naoto idly played with a lock of her hair, "It was just… about what I was feeling after my grampa died, and my plans for the future…"

"And he asked you out becaaaause… what, did he want to be part of those plans for the future?" Rise asked slyly.

"Wh-what?" Naoto looked up, blushing, "Well—I-I guess… I hadn't really thought of it until now."

Nanako tugged at her sleeve. "When he asked you out, was it romantic?"

"Eh? Well…" The detective woman blinked slowly. She had never really quite understood nor thought about "romance" before—she had only ever seen it in detective novels, because the hard-boiled detective almost always had the foxy love interest. So what counted as "romantic" to her was as much of a mystery as a murder case that had gone cold. "He told me that he had liked me for five years—though I know it was longer—and he promised me that we'd still have our friendship no matter what."

"He'd only say that if you were afraid you wouldn't be friends anymore if you broke up." Rise pursed her lips, "Really, Naoto-kun? Are you that insecure? I'm sure if your relationship with him was ever on the rocks, he'd try his hardest to fix it. He _likes_ you—a lot."

Naoto nodded, blushing in embarrassment this time. Being that insecure wasn't an aspect of her personality she liked.

"Did you say anything?" Nanako asked.

The blue-haired woman looked over at her, and then smiled and pet the top of her hair. "Well, I admitted I've liked him for a long time too."

"How long?" Mrs. Tatsumi, who had only been quietly listening up until now, piped up, smiling like a cat.

"Well… I don't really know. I suppose I started having my own crush on him some time after Yu-san told me that Kanji-kun liked me."

"How cute!" Mrs. Tatsumi clapped delightedly.

"Waaait, Yu-sempai was the one who told you?" Rise leaned forward eagerly, "When?!"

"A couple months before I left Inaba," Naoto answered simply, "we were talking on the phone, and we ended up on the topic of Kanji-kun. I noticed that he had been acting strangely, but he acted normally around you and everyone else, Rise-chan. So Yu-san told me he was acting strangely because he liked me."

"For a detective, you don't seem very observant about things outside of work." Mrs. Tatsumi commented, eliciting a blush from the blue-haired detective.

"That does sound like onii-chan, though," Nanako giggled, "He was always observant and blunt about the truth. It's admirable, don't you think?"

Naoto chuckled. "Yes, and sometimes it's rather annoying."

.~.~.~.~.~.

While the girls were talking in the kitchen, Yu was keeping Kanji company in the front, where he was tending the shop. Yu was basically spending time with Nanako today, but since Nanako was off gossiping with Rise and their company, he was waiting until she got back. He and Kanji talked about random stuff for a while, and then Kanji gathered up the courage to ask Yu for advice about his date.

"A date… it's about time." Yu chuckled, watching Kanji blush like mad.

"Y-yeah, well, I—uh…" Kanji looked down at one of the random kitted toys he was making, trying to focus on his work, "I don't really know what to do… I mean, Naoto-kun is… well, she's classy and elegant and really calm about everything! Even when she was talkin' to me about stuff most other girls would be really scared and nervous to admit—she told me she was scared and stuff, but she really doesn't show it all that much." He winced a little, "It's hard to tell what she thinks and likes and—"

"She'll like whatever kind of date you take her on. You can be sure of that." Yu patted his shoulder.

"But… I mean, tonight's just the first date—it's just dinner. I guess I'm not too worried about that, except I haven't figured out where to take her yet. But—we can't be goin' out for dinner for all our dates, right? I mean, if we do end up going out again. I mean—er—"

"You two have been friends for a long time—it's like you've been on a dozen dates already—so getting a 'second date' shouldn't be hard." Yu pointed out, "Stop worrying so much."

"Well, yeah, but—"

"Take it one step at a time," The silver-haired man said steadily, his dark eyes meeting Kanji's, "You said you didn't know where to take her for dinner, right? How about Ikiru, the traditional restaurant near the floodplain? It's a classy place—I went there with Yukiko-san yesterday."

"O-oh, I hadn't thought about that… I don't go there a lot." Kanji rubbed his head sheepishly, grinning, "That's a good idea, sempai! Thanks!"

"As for the dates afterward—I'm sure she can come up with things she likes, if you're worried about that. Just ask her where she wants to go." Yu looked thoughtful, "I wonder if there's a shooting range around here. I'll ask my uncle."

"A-a shooting range?" Kanji blinked, "Why would—"

"Believe it or not, firing off a gun makes adrenaline rush so much that it's fun." The older man shrugged, "A girl asked me out once and we went to the shooting range in Tokyo—she was on the force too, so she liked that kind of date. Apparently she thought it was romantic."

"Naoto-kun knows how to use a gun, but she doesn't like shooting it," Kanji frowned, "I don't think that would make a good date. Besides, _I_ don't know how to use a gun."

"I could teach you." Yu grinned.

"No," Kanji said firmly, "but thanks for the suggestion."

"She likes the library too," His friend nudged him, "and she's great with kids. You should take her to work with you sometime."

"Maybe," He blushed deeply, trying to force it away by concentrating on the knit toy. He paused after a moment, looking up at his former upperclassman. "Wait—you went on a date with Yukiko-sempai?"

Yu laughed, crossing his arms. "Took you that long to notice?"

"Wha—"

"We've been talking about dating for a while. That was the first day she had free since I got here." Yu explained.

"But—I thought Rise-chan and you had a thing? I mean, she kept talking about you the other day…" Kanji lifted an eyebrow.

"She has an idealistic crush on me, but I've never dated her. We're just friends." The silver-haired man shrugged, his tone and expression completely neutral, "She says she wants to date someone like me, right? But she hasn't found anyone like that yet."

"That's cold, sempai—what if you break her heart?" Kanji frowned.

"We're still friends." Yu seemed to be implying she had already confessed and he had rejected her. "She knows about me and Yukiko-san anyway."

"Oi, that's complicated," Kanji ran his hand through his hair, "For a simple guy, sempai, you sure are one tough puzzle to crack."

Yu shrugged again. "I like Yukiko-san. Simple as that." He looked at Kanji carefully, "Isn't that how it is with you and Naoto-kun?"

"…Yeah. It's as simple as that." Kanji looked down again, "But Naoto-kun is complicated too."

"Not really. All you really have to know about her is that she's always had an ideal image of what men—and people in general—should be. I think you fit the bill." Yu grinned, "Strong-willed, kind-hearted, honest, and sure of who he is. She doesn't put much stock into what people look like, really. And believe it or not, the manliness you used to think you didn't have—you do have it, and she likes it."

"Wha—" The brown-haired man became flustered, "H-hey, what do you know."

"I know what she told me. Actually, I fit the bill too, but she said I was too blunt to fit her ideal image." Yu laughed, "But that's why we're such good friends. She likes honest people—even if they're blunt and mean about it."

Kanji pouted a little bit. Naoto never told _him_ that… though he could easily infer it. "You sound like you quoted her."

"I did." Yu patted his shoulder kindly, "Of course, she didn't really need to tell me for me to know all of that."

"Oh yeah? You think you know what people think? Maybe you should've been a psychologist, not a policeman." Kanji pouted.

"I know what your ideal image of a good person is."

"…"

"The people you admire most will put their lives on the line for complete strangers, put faith and trust in their own abilities and work hard for their beliefs, devote themselves to justice and truth, and who are still gentle and kind enough to be able to be loved." Yu smiled knowingly, "Like detectives and policemen, huh?"

"…" Kanji fiddled, nodding. Even if he didn't have a crush on Naoto, he would always admire the work she did, because it was the same kind of noble thing his father did. She was a good person at heart, and she always would be—and that's why he liked her as much as he did.

"Damn, you and your stupid observational skills…" He huffed.

"Funny, Naoto-kun said the exact same thing back then."

.~.~.~.~.~.

The date had gone surprisingly well. Kanji had not clumsily spilled anything in his nervousness, and Naoto had not been too awkward to have a normal conversation. After they passed the initial uncomfortable silence, they transitioned into an even-paced, relaxed evening. It was a nice break for Kanji, who had been working all week, and a nice change for Naoto, who had not been out for a quiet dinner since her grandfather's last birthday. She never usually went out for dinner when she was by herself, with few exceptions when a group of her colleagues invited her out.

They got home that night smiling, politely and awkwardly thanking each other for the date. Naoto was the one who asked him out on their second date, and after they agreed to plan more the next day, she retreated to her bedroom.

She had not needed to think very hard, and being with Kanji was fun, despite that it was just dinner. Being able to unwind completely around him was a refreshing feeling—and she was looking forward to their next date.

It was nine o'clock when she got a call from Rise, who demanded all the juicy details—it was apparent that she was going to share those details with everyone in their friend group as soon as time would allow. Naoto conceded, if only to shut up the incessant babbling of the hyper maroon-haired woman on the phone.

_"Aha! So, while you're planning for the future, are your plans including him?"_ Rise asked suggestively.

"You've asked that before. I still don't know, Rise-chan." Naoto sighed.

_"Well, yeah, but I'm being serious! You said you didn't know what you were gonna do—what if that's it? What if the answer to all your questions is just… just Kanji-kun?"_

"The answer to all of my questions…?" The blue-haired detective blinked. That was right… she had to ask questions. But what question was Kanji the answer to?

_"If anyone out there knows who you are, I can't think of anyone better than Kanji-kun."_ Rise's melodic voice was smiling,_ "I'm just saying, if you don't know who you are—you don't have to figure it out by yourself. Kanji-kun isn't just gonna tell you who to be, but he can help you figure it out, if you let him."_

"…That might just be exactly what I'm doing."

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Three months in London. Six weeks in France. Ten days in Germany. The days spent away from Japan were adding up, and Naoto counted them in her pocket calendar as she sat on the flight headed to New York—in North America. One of her contacts from Ireland had given her a lead on a case there, lending her a recommendation so she could help, and she had readily taken the opportunity to continue travelling and solving crimes wherever she went._

_ This particular case drew her interest because not only because the culprit in question had been from Japan, but because Haruka had dealt with the very same individual years earlier. He had broken out of prison and fled the country some months ago, and he was finally turning up. He hadn't been caught, but the motive and modus operandi was the same, and it was hint enough to get her on his trail._

_ As Naoto stared out the window, she thought for a long time about how long it had been since she had returned "home". While she was excited to go to America, as she had heard great things about the detectives who worked there, she thought that maybe after this, she would return to Japan. She didn't know how long she would be in America, though—cases took anywhere from a couple days to more than a year, sometimes._

_ When she landed in New York and waited for her ride to pick her up, she checked her phone. Six missed calls from Kanji, all made during the flight. He had texted her telling her to take care of herself or be careful while driving in America, and one apologized for bugging her if she was asleep. She texted him back, _"Sorry, no phone on the plane. I'm in America now. I'm okay, so stop worrying. Getting to work, talk to you later."

_ "Miss… Shirogane?"_

_ Naoto looked up, tucking her phone away. She nodded at the woman who had approached her. "Yes, I am Naoto Shirogane," She introduced herself in practiced, if not accented, English, tipping her hat to her, "You must be Detective Olivia Burkhart."_

_ The brunette woman nodded, "Thank you for coming all the way from Japan to help us." She motioned, "I'm sorry we can't give you a break, but we'd like to get you over to the scene as soon as possible, before forensics clear it. This way."_

_ Naoto followed her, shaking her head. "Not at all. My grandfather was familiar with this individual, it seems only natural to call me."_

_ "I heard he recently passed. I'm sorry." Olivia glanced over at her, and she simply nodded in acknowledgement. She led the foreign detective to a sleek black car waiting at the loading zone. The man who had been sitting in the driver's seat got out to help her put her luggage in the large trunk. He was introduced as Olivia's partner, Matt Kobylt._

_ Olivia filled her in on the details of the case so far as they weaved through the wide American traffic to get to the scene. She filled in the missing pieces with her knowledge of the culprit—one Nakamura Kenjiro, a professional hit man whose signature was a red paper crane left at every scene, as cliché as that was. He specialized in mentally torturing his victims to get whatever information he was hired to find, drawing from his experience from his years as a psychologist in an insane asylum._

_ When she saw the scene of the crime, blood splattered grotesquely on the walls of a large and once-neat condo, she thought back to the case Haruka had worked. Something seemed different about this case—it was a lot messier, and there were too little signs of struggle from the victim and the scene itself, but there were no prints, and it had definitely been tampered with._

_ She talked to the American detectives. "The thing about Dr. Nakamura is that he knows how _victims_ work. But Dr. Nakamura is no expert on the minds of criminals—that was how he was caught the first time. He wasn't a born criminal mastermind. But this scene… it's too clean. Grant it, he might have learned his lesson, but this was done by someone with more experience."_

_ "A copycat?" Matt crossed his arms, looking thoughtful._

_ "Perhaps," Naoto frowned, "but a copycat here in America?" She turned to Olivia, "You said this was the third case like this. Any connection between the victims?"_

_ "All relatives of high-ranking politicians." Olivia nodded, "If it was Nakamura, he was probably hired to get some information about those politicians for a corrupt party."_

_ The trio consulted the other cases, and it was several weeks before another similar case showed up. Naoto had seen a call come in, a political man asking for protection when he sensed someone was stalking him—that was her first clue that he was the next victim. They put him under police protection, and worked to find Nakamura from there. However, the man still ended up missing, disappeared without a trace, frustrating them to no end. Kenjiro did tend to kidnap his victims before he killed them, but from right under the police? This led to another hunch._

_ "Dr. Nakamura isn't working alone." Naoto told Olivia and Matt, "He had help—and I can't think of anyone better to help him than a cop or detective."_

_ "What are you getting at, Detective Shirogane?" Olivia leaned forward in interest._

_ "I worked a case like this in the past. The culprits who elude the police for the longest times are most often former law officers," Naoto said seriously, "After all, who knows the law better than those who enact it? They know what cops look for on scenes, and they can cover it up easily. If the cop was still on the force, he might even be destroying evidence as he finds it."_

_ "You're sure that Nakamura's got help?" Matt stood up._

_ "Positive. The scene I saw was too clean, remember? Not to mention, the kidnapped victim was secure in an undisclosed location—only the guards on duty would know where he was. I'd say we start by questioning them thoroughly."_

_ They found the break they were looking for—one of the guards, Todd Johnson, had been too calm, and even if it was vouched for as his personality, Naoto was a little less trusting._

_ "What are you, the bad cop? I know how this game works." Todd eyed the foreign woman disdainfully, "It's a waste of time. I had nothing to do with the kidnapping."_

_ "You know how your American games work." Naoto snorted, "Americans are so… direct. Being discreet is a rather pitifully hard thing for you to do. It's easy to tell when you are lying."_

_ "You Japanese are so flaky." Todd replied dryly, "And arrogant. What's a young girl like you doing on a case like this anyway?"_

_ "Do not change the subject." Naoto narrowed her eyes, ignoring his attempt to inflame her. "I know how criminal masterminds work—and the best ones are cops."_

_ "Is that a compliment?" His eyes twinkled._

_ "Are you admitting that you _are_ a criminal mastermind?" She retorted. "You cannot avoid the main topic. Now answer me—where is Dr. Nakamura?"_

_ Eventually, she got him to break. They caught Kenjiro before he killed the fourth victim, and brought him in for interrogation. He seemed amused to see Naoto, mentioning that he had seen her in the past with her grandfather._

_ "I thought your old man would be the one to catch me again. I know how he hates it when his catches break free." Kenjiro chuckled, "Much like a fish. Except I'm one big fish."_

_ Naoto tried to question him about the man who hired him. He simply dodged the questions, beginning to frustrate her, and Olivia made her take a break. Matt took over for her._

_ "You're very calm about all of this." Olivia commented._

_ Naoto blinked, looking over to the brunette woman. "Why would I not be?"_

_ "Well… he's someone you knew, right?" They watched Kenjiro through a tinted window, "Usually, when detectives deal with people they've known in the past, they get… emotional."_

_ "I am not emotionally attached to Dr. Nakamura in any way." Naoto said simply._

_ "Yes, but I think you said it best before—cops are the best criminals, but psychologists are the best interrogators." Olivia's blue eyes met Naoto's, "Since he's known you in the past, that makes it easier for him to interrogate _you_. You can't dig into his head… without letting him dig into _yours_."_

_ "…" Naoto pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes at Kenjiro, who looked through the glass and seeming to settle his gaze directly on her. She resolved that she was better than that, and he wouldn't get under her skin that easily. She went back in, tried to interrogate him again._

_ "Hey, I heard old Detective Shirogane died." Kenjiro said instead of answering another question, "Is that true?"_

_ "Who hired you?" Naoto ignored him as well._

_ "Ahh, so that's why you're here. Isn't it?" Kenjiro grinned at her, "And here I thought you'd ran away. You know, I'm sorry your grampa died."_

_ She paused. Ran away? From what?_

_ "You know, I was a good friend of your grampa, before I decided hearing other people's problems was a bore." He said lazily, leaning back in his chair in a completely relaxed manner. A spark of interest had flared in his eyes—he had caught her. "I knew you were a girl far before I knew you were the Detective Prince. When I was caught, I was surprised to hear about you from some of my cellmates! I suppose it's true, you could've made it big if you weren't a girl."_

_ "…"_

_ "I guess after the secret got out, you weren't good enough anymore, huh? Coming here was much easier, wasn't it? You always did run away from your problems—ran away from being a girl, and now running away from the society that won't accept that you are one!" He saw her glare, and continued with a smirk. "The detectives here are dumbasses. They all need partners—they can't think on their own! And I guess you're joining their ranks."_

_ "Shut up!" Naoto snarled, "I am the fifth generation of the Shirogane detectives! You don't know anything about what I've achieved!"_

_ "Detective Shirogane!" Olivia's voice came, and she had pushed open the interrogation room door. "Please leave. I'll handle the investigation from here."_

_ Naoto reluctantly agreed, and was pulled out by Matt. She had caught Kenjiro's triumphant look, and seethed quietly next to Matt as they watched from behind the glass._

_ "She did warn you." Olivia's partner pointed out._

_ "I know. I couldn't help it." She sighed, running her hands through her hair in frustration, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. Suddenly, her phone rang. "…" She looked at the caller ID—it was Kanji. She stood. "Excuse me. I'm going to take this—"_

_ "I know it's rude in Japan, but it's fine if you don't leave the room. Olivia's a good interrogator, she'll crack him—you might want to be here for it." Matt glanced over at her._

_ She nodded, going to stand in the corner as she picked up the call. "Hello, Kanji-kun."_

"Hey, Naoto-kun. I hope I didn't call you too late?"

_ "No, it's nearing evening here. It's about six o'clock." Naoto glanced at her cell phone screen. It was seven in the morning for Kanji._

"You sound like you've had a long day."_ Kanji patiently waited for his friend to tell him about the case so far—or at least, whatever she was able to. Sometimes the information was confidential, so he understood if she omitted some things._

_ "We caught Dr. Nakamura yesterday. I haven't let him out of my sight since, but… the interrogations are, well, as you would put it—it's hell." Naoto chuckled a little._

"Sounds rough,"_ Kanji's voice was cringing in sympathy, _"What's gonna happen after you close this case?"

_ "Well, after he confesses and gives up the name of his client, he's going to be kept in prison here in America until his trial. After his sentence, he'll most probably be sent back to Japan so he can be trialed for breaking out of prison there in the first place." The blue-haired detective explained, playing with her bear charm._

"…I meant with you, Naoto-kun."

_ Naoto blinked, blushing a little. "Oh." She said a little dumbly, "Um… I'll probably accompany Dr. Nakamura back to Japan, to make sure he doesn't escape. Perhaps after that, I'll be called for more work, but I don't know."_

"I see."_ Kanji seemed thoughtful, _"Well, you sound like you're still interrogating him…"

_ "I am… but Detective Burkhart has taken over for now. Dr. Nakamura was… a little overwhelming." Naoto sighed, "She's a very good detective—I'm impressed by her diligence."_

"Yeah, I heard woman detectives in America are as awesome as you are."

_ "…Thanks." Naoto smiled. Kanji was probably speaking without thinking again, but his unbridled thoughts were actually really sweet._

_ Kanji's blush was audible in his stutter. _"E-eh? Well, I mean—"

_ Naoto chuckled."I'll call you later tonight, Kanji-kun. It looks like Detective Burkhart is scaring Dr. Nakamura—and I don't want to miss it."_

"Uh, yeah."_ He affirmed in understanding,_ "Talk to you later! Good luck!"

_ They hung up. Naoto sat back down next to Matt, who immediately commented, "That sounded intimate. Your boyfriend?"_

_ "No," She replied easily, unfazed by his presumption. "You understand Japanese?"_

_ "Some of it." Matt nodded, "I took a few classes in college." He glanced over at her, "You'd better be careful with something like that, though."_

_ "What do you mean?" Naoto inquired, lifting a delicate eyebrow. She kept an eye on Olivia and Kenjiro out of the corner of her eye._

_ "If someone like Nakamura had heard, he'd use it to get to you, somehow. Mess with your head." Matt said, "Having people you can talk to freely like that is not always a good thing. It's wonderful, but it's also a weakness that your enemies can use against you. Even if the guy is halfway across the world, you still have to be cautious." _

_ "Is that why you hide the fact that you're in a romantic relationship with Detective Burkhart?"_

_ Matt glanced over at her. "Of course the ever-observant Naoto Shirogane would notice." He smiled a little. "That, and we probably couldn't be partners if our boss knew. But it's an on-again-off-again kind of relationship, so occasionally it's not a lie."_

_ "I see." Naoto thought about their relationship, how they still remained friends and partners even if their romance was rocky. It was strange, complex, confusing, and somehow admirable to the young detective._

_ When Olivia got out of the interrogation room, they escorted Kenjiro to his holding cell and promised to return to him the next day, since they still hadn't gotten the name of his client. They left together, but Naoto couldn't help but feel like she shouldn't have been resting._

_ Olivia was talking about something Kenjiro had said, writing it down in a log before they left the office. Naoto blinked, her ears perking at something the brunette said._

_ "Excuse me, can I have…" Naoto didn't even finish her sentence, taking the log from Olivia and looking down at it intently._

_ "Hey—you shouldn't—!" Olivia frowned at her behavior, about to ask for it back when Matt stopped her._

_ He shook his head. "That's not rude in Japan." He gave her and apologetic look, then glanced at Naoto. "Did you see something?"_

_ "He's giving us a puzzle. When he said it, he emphasized the wrong words and some things were not grammatically correct, and I thought it sounded a little weird—but written down, it's a little more obvious." Naoto's eyebrows furrowed, showing them the log, "I'm not too familiar with English, but this—isn't it a play on words?"_

_ "But, why?" Olivia asked._

_ "He's trying to mess with us—well, me. Because he knows I'm good at puzzles." Naoto ran her hand down her face in frustration, "He's been caught again, and he knows he's not going to be put away unless there's solid evidence—which we don't have. But whatever he's trying to give us a clue on, it probably won't help…"_

_ She underlined the words she knew Kenjiro had emphasized, then read the quote out loud. "…Tied up that man in a pretty little BOW. Then YOU and SHE showed up and rescued him."_

_ "Is he playing with the different ways they're pronounced and spelled…?" Olivia asked._

_ "No, he doesn't know enough English for that." Naoto shook her head. "This whole first part of the confession—if you put together the emphasized syllables only, you get '_boku to jonson, futari ja nai._' This means 'Johnson and I are not two people'—there was a third person working with them."_

_ Olivia looked alarmed at this, but Matt remained calm. "What about the second part?" He asked, putting together the words, "…'_Tan te eye, oh yu ji, bo yu shi_'?"_

_ "_Tantei ouji, boushi._ He uses the English name for the letters that Romanize the I- and U-sounds in Japanese." Naoto corrected him, "It means 'Detective Prince's hat'." She looked puzzled at this. What would her hat have anything to do with this case? She examined it, but there was nothing strange about it._

_ Olivia and Matt told her to go back to the hotel for now. She conceded, eating dinner by herself as she mulled over the riddle. She even asked Yamato-Takeru for assistance, but none of it was helpful. It was times like these that she called Yu. So she did, reminding herself to call Kanji later, as she had promised. Yu told her that perhaps she had misinterpreted Kenjiro's words. While "Detective Prince" was obvious and couldn't be misinterpreted, he pointed out that maybe the sentence wasn't meant to be "one sentence". _Boushi_ was meant to be a completely different message, preceded by the name of the person it was directed to._

_ Of course! It was so easy! _Boushi_ had many different translations in English, so it was probably one of the other meanings. She looked up the word in an online dictionary, telling Yu what she found. "_Boushi_ can mean… the eye or the pupil, a certain or unnamed person, looking aside, or… dead child." She frowned. That didn't sound good. If Kenjiro was telling her to use her eyes, that would be pointless, as she already was. If he was telling her there was an unnamed third person, she could infer that herself from the first message. Was telling her to look aside? What was she looking for, someone close by? Could that be the third accomplice in the case?_

_ Yu seemed to be able to hear her thoughts, and he sounded solemn when he said, _"_The Detective Prince is a dead child._ Naoto-kun, you should be careful."

_ "Don't be absurd, sempai. I'm sure he's just telling me to look aside and—"_

"Be practical, Naoto-kun. Think through all the possibilities. Even if the third person is nearby, that psychologist's meanings are vague and filled with double messages. Just be careful."

_ Naoto assured him she would, but she doubted him. They kept going with the investigation, trying to find the third person, questioning everyone on the force, but Todd and Kenjiro refused to give up their accomplice's name._

_ Two days later, an attempt was made on Naoto's life. Someone came into her hotel room in the middle of the night and tried to stab her—she shot him down. It was the third accomplice._

_ Horrified at her first kill ever, she took a break from the case and called her friends about it. Yu and Kanji comforted her all the way. She would have had to use her gun like this eventually, anyhow, and she had indeed aimed it completely prepared to lose her life—and she had aimed it to protect her own life. Knowing this, she was able to soothe her fears. When she was calm enough to get back to work, Olivia and Matt informed her that the findings on the third accomplice, a hit man working with Kenjiro, gave them enough evidence to put Kenjiro and Todd away for a long time._

_ Naoto helped them close the case, and soon after, she said goodbye to her new colleagues and quickly left America. However, the fear instilled in her from the nearly successful assassination attempt… had not left her._


	7. Five Years of What We Missed

Author's Note: Here's the bonus chapter I promised! :) Anime Expo was a blast, by the way. And, unexpectedly, I actually didn't cosplay _Naoto_... I cosplayed her persona, Sukuna Hikona! Haha, it was great! And I went as Sukuna Hikona twice, because of popular demand. Hehe. And I bought a ton of Persona4 stuff! Naoto focused, of course, like a keychain, figurine, and the Persona Magazine with Naoto on the cover and the Persona X Detective preview in it. Among other things. I'm broke now, lol.

Anyway, it's good to be back, but I'm still getting back into the swing of things, so I haven't written much new stuff for Good Luck Charms. Not much else to say, but enjoy the chapter, though!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 7: Five Years of What We Missed**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"How long have you been going out?"

"Less than a week."

"Do you hold hands?"

"No."

"Have you kissed yet?"

"No."

"Do you wanna?"

"Err…"

"Oi, cut that out. Scram, kiddo." Kanji waved his hand at the girl who was pestering his—friend? Girlfriend? What was she to him now?

Kanji went to the elementary school every Friday, to give them hand-knitted toys and teach them how to make simple little dolls of their own. On the day he had invited Naoto to come with him, he was visiting a bunch of fifth graders that were apparently very curious about his private life. Thus, they—the girls especially—had not stopped asking Kanji nor his female companion questions regarding their relationship.

"They're as bad as Rise-chan," Kanji ran his hand through his hair, chuckling nervously.

Naoto smiled, leaning forward in her chair and folding her arms across her knees. "I'd like to think they're a little more mature about it than Rise-chan, at least."

The week had gone by eventfully, and Naoto and Kanji had gotten more comfortable with the idea of dating each other. Though when it came to hanging out with the old Investigation Team, they became a little more easily flustered, especially when Rise was gushing about how cute they were together.

"Hey, do you make toys like Tatsumi-san?" A tomboyish little girl came up to them.

Naoto blinked, looking down at her. "Well, not particularly, but I can try my hand at it."

"Wanna make something with us?" She asked, motioning to the other table, where a bunch of the boys sat trying to make cool-looking dolls, opposed to the girls' cute ones.

Kanji and Naoto exchanged a glance, and Naoto agreed, going over to the table with the girl. She looked over the materials with an analytic eye, then looked at the boys.

"Trying to make Neo Featherman?"

"Yep!" One of the boys grinned, "He's my hero!"

"A plush of him would be quite hard to make. Perhaps you should save the superhero machines to the building blocks. Why don't you make something for a sister, or your mother?" Naoto suggested, crouching by the boy.

"Oh, good point. Kay." The boy got to work.

"What're you going to make?" The tomboyish girl asked as she sat down.

"Neo Featherman." Naoto replied simply, picking up some bright red and blue felt and beginning to work it into something resembling the robotic hero.

"Didn't you just say it'd be really hard?" The boy asked, his eyes wide, "Whoa, you must be really good!"

"Perhaps." Naoto chuckled, cutting and gluing together the pieces with dexterous fingers. It probably wouldn't be anything as good as Kanji's work, but she wasn't completely unskilled.

"Hey, if you don't make toys, what do you do?" The tomboyish girl asked.

"I'm a detective."

"Really? Wow, cool!" One of the other boys looked up, "Do you get to use guns?!"

"Yes, but my main job is to catch criminals and make sure they go to jail." Naoto explained, focused on making the robot doll, "It's a very hard job—you have to study and work a lot, and sometimes it's really scary. But I like doing it."

"You must be real smart! And brave!" The tomboyish girl said. "But I heard criminals are real hateful people… who do they hate? Do they hate _you_?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Like Neo Featherman… every hero has their arch nemesis. As a detective, I've certainly made a few enemies of my own." Naoto looked thoughtful. _They probably do hate me… or maybe they are too busy hating themselves. I'll never know._

Kanji watched her interact with the kids and tell them about her job, smiling to himself. After she finished, Naoto gave the doll to the boy who was trying to make Neo Featherman before, which absolutely delighted him. The bell rang and the kids cleaned up their things to go to lunch. Kanji and Naoto stuck around for a while, and after talking to the teacher, they left. Naoto insisted on helping Kanji carry a bag of materials back to the textile shop.

"You're pretty good with kids." Kanji commented, "Not that I thought you wouldn't be. I mean, you're good with Nanako-chan and all."

"At least that's one thing I can be sure of." Naoto chuckled. "Rise-chan said something similar to that when we talked yesterday… when I told her I'd be coming here with you today. She said that if I ever had kids of my own, I'd be a good mom."

Kanji exploded into a flustered mess, staring at Naoto's almost eerie calmness about the subject. "K-kids—a—a m-mom?!"

"Is something wrong, Kanji-kun?" Naoto looked up at him, "I'm not trying to imply anything, I hope you know."

"W-well, yeah—but—"

The blue-haired woman shrugged. "I talk to Rise-chan about my future a lot—it seems she has quite the understanding of making plans. So when she brought it up, of course I got as flustered as you are right now. I'd never thought about having kids before—that's all."

Kanji stared at her, lifting an eyebrow. "R-really."

"I have the understanding that _you_ have though."

He blushed deeply. "Well—I mean, err—sorta. It was Ma's idea, really. Ma's pretty adamant about wanting grandkids someday." He looked away shyly.

"I see." Naoto's gaze didn't leave him for a moment, and then she looked ahead. "In the past, I was a little too gender-confused to really think about such things. After all, if I had wanted kids of my own someday, it meant that I'd have to accept that I was a female."

"Oh." Kanji chewed his bottom lip, looking up at the sky, "Um… and now?"

"I'm still thinking about it. After all, my identity is still as lost as the future." Naoto said calmly, "But… if I did have a child, I know what I would name it."

"E-eh? You do?"

"Yes… Grampa always said that it was a Shirogane family tradition to give their children gender ambiguous names—I don't know why. Perhaps it was because of his mother, who was similar to me—a woman who couldn't be acknowledged as a detective because of her gender." Naoto explained, "Thus—Haruka, Akira, Naoto. So it would be along those lines."

"Oh—I always wondered if Naoto was your real name…" Kanji mumbled, "I mean, your Shadow kinda implied that it wasn't."

"If it wasn't my real name, I would have told you." Naoto replied easily. "To tell you the truth, because Rise-chan brought it up, I got to thinking about it. I suppose it's something of a bad habit, to over think things, but I always did skip over the details of planning my future. I think I like a name like Tsubasa—as slightly unorthodox as it may seem, I've taken a liking to it. But, I can see this topic is making you uncomfortable. Shall we change it?"

"E-eh? Oh, um—yeah." The brown-haired man grinned shyly. "Hey, what do you want to do for lunch?"

"Junes?" Naoto suggested with a little chuckle.

"Sure."

After they dropped off the materials at Tatsumi Textiles, they headed back across town to the Junes food court—not surprisingly, they saw Yosuke there.

"Hey, out for some eats?" The chain-store manager grinned as he greeted them. "How's the happy couple?"

"You say that as if we're married." Naoto lifted an eyebrow. Kanji just sputtered.

"Haha! So anyway, I'm sure you guys wanna be alone. You don't need a third wheel like me around. I'll leave ya to it." He waved, walking off.

After he left and they got their food, Kanji spoke. "Um… Naoto-kun?"

"Yes?"

"_Are_ we a happy couple?" He asked awkwardly.

Naoto blinked. "Well, I would assume so—we're not unhappy, and we're a couple." She seemed sure in her answer, as if she had already decided in her mind what Kanji was to her.

"So… we're boyfriend-girlfriend, right?" Kanji rubbed his head sheepishly, "I mean, some of the kids today were asking if you were my girlfriend, and it felt kinda weird to actually say it? I mean…"

"Well, I certainly refer to you as my boyfriend. Unless you don't want me to." Naoto said simply. "Regarding any gender confusion issues, however, it is perfectly fine to call me your _girl_friend. I have long come to terms with the fact that I am a woman, you know that."

"Oh—uh—okay. Just, uh, checking." Kanji grinned awkwardly.

Naoto eyed him carefully. "Is something else on your mind, in relation to our status as boyfriend-girlfriend?" She asked knowingly.

"Um—well, uh…" Kanji shifted awkwardly, not quite sure how to phrase his feelings. "Um—oh! Have you… ever been to, a, uh, an amusement park?"

Naoto was caught off-guard by the question. "An… amusement park…?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it for a while, but I didn't know if you'd like going to an amusement park—uh, with me." Kanji grinned shyly, "But, uh, it was just an idea, and…"

"I've never been to one… oh, except once, when there was a murder on a rollercoaster." Naoto tapped her chin, "But that was more for business. Grampa and Yakushiji-san never took me when I was younger. I was too immersed in detective work, and I never saw a point in going."

Kanji gave her an incredulous look. "A murder on a—"

"I'll tell you about it when you can't lose your lunch. It was quite grotesque." Naoto interrupted him, smiling. "Regardless, perhaps an amusement park would be a fun date. I never did quite live out a normal childhood, so this might be that said childhood catching up to me."

"Oh—uh, alright. Let's, uh, go to an amusement park this weekend." Kanji grinned happily, "I think there's one in Okina City."

.~.~.~.~.~.

Kanji had noticed that Naoto liked sweet things. Her favorite breakfast was coffee cakes, she liked adding sugar to her tea and other beverages, and she had a refined taste for dark chocolate truffles. So it had not come as any surprise to him when, on their date at the amusement park, she had gotten a large cone of cotton candy—that thing was pure sugar, but it was light and fluffy enough to not give her a toothache.

"—and that's how the fishing line completely severed the head."

"Ew." Kanji's face contorted at the mental image. How could Naoto keep her stomach down while telling that kind of story? "Did you catch the murderer?"

"Of course—it was the ex-girlfriend. I could tell because her pearl necklace was missing, and I was right to think that she used the line from the necklace to perform the trick." Naoto grinned. "Admittedly though, I didn't notice it at first. I was more concerned with not vomiting."

"Oh. So it did gross you out." Kanji chuckled, reaching over and grabbing a piece of cotton candy from her cone.

"Well, I was only thirteen. That was the first decapitated body I had seen." She made a face. "But I digress. The rollercoaster looks a little… fast. I wouldn't want to go on it anyway."

"Scared?"

"…"

"Oh, you are!" He laughed, "Wow, Naoto-kun, it's really not that bad! And I doubt anyone's going to get decapitated."

"Don't get me wrong, I like adrenaline-rushing things and high places." Naoto huffed, "It's the upside-down part that irks me. And the screaming."

"Come on," He pulled her up, "The screaming is the fun part."

Naoto froze, blushing suddenly. "Huh? Wait—"

Eventually, Kanji managed to goad Naoto into riding the rollercoaster. She had screamed in a high-pitched voice, much to her dismay—it was not part of her serious or manly image at all. Kanji was simply amused by her behavior, and promised to buy her ice cream to make it up to her—vanilla flavor, her favorite. He commented that her pout was cute, and that even she acted childish at an amusement park.

"See? No one died."

"Yes, but I'm a detective—death tends to follow detectives everywhere for some reason." Naoto licked her ice cream as she continued to pout. She sat down on a bench, content to not be on any rides at the moment. It was a good opportunity to take a break.

"Haven't seen any since you came back." Kanji smiled, sitting next to her. He had an orange topsicle—Naoto noted that orange was his favorite flavor in anything, since he had gotten an orange soda earlier too. "Maybe the good luck charm I gave you is working?"

"Or maybe you're the good luck charm."

He blinked, looking over at her. "Oh, uh—um."

She smiled, sitting back and relaxing. "No more rollercoasters though. My voice hurts."

"Ha, ha ha… Sure, man." Kanji chuckled, "But you're even cute when you scream."

"Because I don't sound like a boy?" Naoto tested. Kanji went silent, and she looked up at him. "Kanji-kun, I've always wondered—do you like me better when I'm acting as a male, or when I'm female?"

Kanji sighed, looking her carefully in the eyes. "Naoto-kun, I like you however you want to be. It's never really mattered to me."

"Are you sure?"

"Look, I know in the past I might've had a crush on your guy self, but I've told you the truth before. Whoever you choose to be, guy or girl, you'll be the you that I'll like. No matter what—I promise." He looked away, "You asked me once if I was sure I wasn't gay. The truth is, I don't really care—my Shadow showed me that it never really mattered if it was a man or a woman, as long as they liked me for who I was. What I wanted was just someone who loved me, who wouldn't reject me. That gay Shadow me—that 'other me' was still me. Even if I was gay or bisexual, Ma accepted it, and so did sempai, and everyone else—even Yosuke-sempai, eventually. It never changed who I was, it just changed who I could have liked—but it didn't matter who I could have liked anyway. I liked _you_, Naoto-kun. Ever since we met."

She blushed, staring at him. "So… even if I were a male, you would still…"

"Without a doubt." He nodded, "If you were more comfortable as a dude, I'd be cool with it. I'd still want to be your boyfriend."

"K-Kanji-kun…" Naoto smiled, looking down at her ice cream. "Thank you."

"Besides. Ever since I was little, being around girls made me awkward. Maybe that's why I can be around you so easily—you don't really act like a girl. You never have. And I don't _expect_ you to start being girly or anything." He grinned, looking back at her, "It's kinda like hanging out with the guys. But I like you that way."

Naoto pushed him a little, laughing. "You're embarrassing me."

"Isn't that what a friend is for?" He laughed with her. "Hey, let's finish these before they melt. Then we can go on the teacups or something."

"I never understood why those sorts of rides consisted of giant teacups."

.~.~.~.~.~.

_"Give me. Every. Detail."_

"_Why_ do you always call right after I get back from a date, Rise-chan?" Naoto sighed heavily, relaxing in the Tatsumi's living room and stretching her legs out in front of her.

_"Becaaause! I'm your friend, and you should tell me stuff! Was it fun? Did he kiss you?"_

"Rise-chan…" Naoto sighed, but relented to give up the information the gossipy idol wanted. The date had at least been a little productive—Kanji had begun holding Naoto's hand during the date, when he was trying to drag her onto various rides, and he hadn't even noticed until Naoto pointed it out. He had been flustered that he had done the affectionate gesture at first, but when Naoto held his hand too, albeit shyly, he had lit up like a happy light bulb.

_"How cute!"_ Rise gushed, _"Alright, tomorrow, we must get together! You know, girl's day, just the two of us! I'll get you ready for when he kisses you! I'm gonna make you totally beautiful!"_

"Rise-chan, no," Naoto frowned, "Honestly, this isn't a TV drama, we're going to do things our own way and move forward when we're comfortable!"

"Is that Rise-chan?" Kanji came into the living room, plopping down next to her. It was late at night—Mrs. Tatsumi was already asleep, and he had just cleaned up after their late dinner. "Trying to get gossip direct from the source?"

"You know it." Naoto sighed, "Here, you talk to her." She handed the phone to the brunette, leaning back and closing her eyes.

Kanji chuckled, taking the phone. "Hey, Rise-chan, it's me."

_"Kanji-kun!"_ And so Rise started babbling to the brown-haired punk.

Naoto tuned them out, looking like she had fallen asleep. When Kanji finally hung up, he looked over at her and considered taking her up to her room.

"She insisted on coming to kidnap me for a girls' day tomorrow, didn't she."

He blinked slowly. "Oh, so you're awake."

"I don't sleep that easily." She replied, opening her eyes half-way. "You know, sometimes I wonder how Rise-chan and I are such good friends."

"I wonder that too. She has no sense of privacy. But I guess that comes with being a pop idol." He chuckled. "Uh, are you okay?"

Naoto nodded. "Just tired. Today was… fun. If I had gone when I was younger, I don't think I would have enjoyed my time as much as I did today. Perhaps because I was with you."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Kanji took her hand carefully, and she looked over at him. Her gaze was soft, and her hand was warm. He never thought he would be able to hold her hand and be so close to her, as he was now. It was almost like a dream.

"Hey, Kanji-kun?"

He blushed a little, realizing that he must have been staring. "Uh, yeah?"

"Do you think I'm cute?"

The question took him by surprise. Naoto was gazing so intently at him. "Err, well, yeah. I mean, I always did like cute stuff." He grinned sheepishly.

"Rise-chan and everyone else seems to think I'm beautiful or pretty." The blue-haired woman leaned forward, propping her head on her hand and her elbow on her knee, "I wonder how that happened—I know I try to be more feminine, but I didn't think such small changes to myself would have such a drastic effect."

Kanji blinked. "Well, to me, you're you no matter how much or how little you change, so… you being cute is how it's always been. Uh, to me." He said awkwardly.

"Do you think Rise-chan is cute?" Naoto asked almost randomly.

"E-eh? Well, yeah, she's kinda got a bubbly cuteness to her, I guess. It's different from you, though?" The brunette man's face twisted into confusion, not quite sure how to answer that question without getting in trouble. "I mean—it's kinda… well, everyone thinks she's cute. I mean, she ain't ugly or anythin'. Um… that is, she's got her charm, and—uh…"

_Rrring, rrring! Rrring, rrring!_

Kanji jumped, looking down at the phone in his hand. He was a little thankful for the distraction. Naoto sat up a little straighter, looking over at the screen. "An American phone number…" She lifted an eyebrow curiously. He handed the phone to her, and she answered it in fluent English. "Hello?"

_"Detective Shirogane? I hope this is the right number."_

She didn't recognize the deep voice that had spoken. "Yes, this is Naoto Shirogane. Who is this?" Naoto glanced at Kanji, who watched her in both curiosity and anxiousness.

_"This is Matt Kobylt, from the N.Y.P.D."_ The man on the other side answered, _"I hope I didn't call at an inconvenient time."_

"Ah, Detective Kobylt. It's fine," She said, her voice becoming serious, "What did you need? Is it something about the Nakamura case?"

_"No need to be alarmed. I just thought we should let you know the trial is set to come up in six weeks—after that, he should be sentenced and released to Japanese custody."_ Matt informed her, _"Since you were one of the leading detectives, we'd like to have you come back to New York for the trial. You should be able to testify and act as a witness as well as the victim of an attempted murder. But we need to review the case first, just so we're clear on the details—it's been almost a year since then, you know?"_

"I understand. If you will make the arrangements and send them to my email, then, I'll be there." Naoto nodded.

_"Thanks, Detective Shirogane. Expect an email soon, then."_ Matt hung up after that.

"Naoto-kun? What's going on?" Kanji asked, concerned obviously lacing his question.

"Remember that case I worked on when I went to America?" Naoto looked over at him.

"The one where you almost got killed." He nodded, frowning. That hadn't been a particularly pleasant time in her career—for her nor her friends. He had worried so much about her then—he still worried. "Because the guy had a thing against your grampa or something."

"Yes… I have to go back in a few months to help close the trial." Naoto told him. "It should put Dr. Nakamura away for good."

"Naoto-kun, that guy hired a hit man to stab you through the heart. Is it really a good idea to go back there? What if he hired someone else to kill you again?" Kanji asked, obviously jittery at the idea of Naoto returning to that place.

"It'll be fine, Kanji-kun," She assured him. "Detective Kobylt sounded fine, and he's been in America with him the entire time. And I'm sure his partner, Detective Burkhart, is fine as well."

"But—" Kanji hesitated. "Well—what if I go with you?"

"No." She replied immediately, "As much as I know you want to protect me, Kanji-kun, it would be dangerous for _you_ to be there."

"What? What're you talkin' about Naoto-kun?" Kanji stared at her, incredulous.

"Detective Kobylt told me a wise piece of advice when I was working with him—it's that the people close to me are my weaknesses." She looked him directly in the eye, "Someone like Dr. Nakamura could use that weakness against me easily. So if you go with me, it makes not only _me_ vulnerable, but _you_. And I want to protect you too."

He blinked. "Ah…"

"I promise you, nothing bad will happen if I go on my own. I know you like to worry about me, but I'll be _fine_." She emphasized her surety, squeezing his hand.

He sighed, looking away. "…I don't _like_ to worry. I just can't help it."

"I know, and thank you. I worry about you too, you know." She smiled a little.

They sat in silence for a while, before Naoto noticed the time. It was 11:49PM.

"…Did you hear it would rain tonight?" Naoto glanced at Kanji.

He blinked. "Eh?"

"It's late in the spring, but there will still be light sprinkles…" She looked at the large TV across the living room. It was an old set, but it was still big enough to fit a person.

"Think the Midnight Channel's gonna tell us if something'll happen?" Kanji looked a little relieved at the change of subject. "Should we turn off the light and see what appears on the screen? Oh, but I guess it would only work if it's one person alone…"

"I've had a theory about the Midnight Channel—not about what appears, though." Naoto said thoughtfully, "It's bothered me for some time, but you know how we always used the TV in the Junes electronics department, and each time we used it we landed in the same place?"

"Yeah, Kuma's place." Kanji nodded.

"Supposedly, using the same TV gave us the security of landing in the same place. If that were true, then the television in Namatame's delivery truck should have led to the same place every time." Naoto said, "He used the same TV, but every time a victim showed up in the TV, they were at different places. The first victim thrown into Namatame's TV was Yukiko-san—but when he threw everyone else in, they—we did not end up in Princess Yukiko's Castle."

"What're you getting at?" Kanji lifted an eyebrow.

"I think it's not the TV that mattered, but the person. Perhaps we always ended up in Kuma-kun's reality before because that's where we _wanted_ to end up. Similar to how the things shown on the TV are what we _want_ to see. I'd like to experiment." Naoto proposed, "Do you think it would be okay to enter the TV from here?"

He frowned deeply. "Well, yeah, but—I don't think we should. That you want to… You're crazy, Naoto-kun."

"Are you going to let me go alone?" She stood up, looking amused. He remained seated.

"But… now? It's so late… is going in there totally beat in the first place a good idea?" Kanji protested. "And what if we end up in some totally random and dangerous place?"

"I'll bring my gun." Naoto shrugged. "And Yamato-Takeru will be there."

_Though, if it will be something like last time… perhaps depending on Yamato-Takeru might not be a good idea._ She thought. Feeling doubt about trusting "herself" wasn't a very good feeling, but she dismissed it. _Kanji-kun can definitely help me… and besides, the Other Me said to not come alone next time, right?_

Kanji regarded her carefully. "Tomorrow night. Promise me you'll wait until tomorrow night."

Naoto sighed. "Fine." She went over to the light switch, flicking it off.

The clock struck midnight.

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Shirogane Naoto was never particularly religious. The nineteen-year-old detective, thus, did not understand the motives of a revered bible studies teacher who had somehow managed to steal countless priceless artifacts from various churches and hide them in an as-of-yet unknown location. The man, a westerner by the name of Muriel Bell, claimed that it was what God told him to do. But Naoto did not believe in that ranted, unorthodox excuse—the only gods she knew existed were defeated three years ago by the Investigation Team. But that was irrelevant._

_ Muriel Bell was known as the Phantom of God—his methods involved walking right into the church, picking up a ceremonial goblet or another valuable item—usually made of gold—and walking out. As straightforward as it seemed, no one was able to catch him because he vanished into thin air after escaping, and no shots could be fired to stop him because he was unarmed. He claimed that God was on his side and protected him from the mortal wounding of things like guns, anyhow, so it was pointless for the police to use them on him._

_ When Naoto was called in to catch him, she found that he never actually escaped, but used underground passages to hide until the crowds died out, and then he would go someplace to stash his prize. He was very familiar with all of his target locations, somehow, but Naoto was able to pinpoint his next target when she knew his modus operandi. She was able to trap him, and brought him in for questioning—the most she could get out of him so far, however, was the location of the maps he had used to figure out where the underground passageways were._

_ He insisted that he had stolen the artifacts for the greater good—shouting deliriously about some children. But he didn't have children of his own—did he mean orphans? Naoto could only frown—even if he wanted to provide money for orphaned children, stealing wasn't the right way to do it. This kind of paradox puzzled her—how could one use sinister means to support a good intention? Did that still make it "good", or did that make it "evil" at heart?_

_ She checked the local markets to see if any of the artifacts had shown up—none of them had, which puzzled her even more. Hadn't Muriel wanted to sell them to get money for the children he had been rambling about? Did he give it to the children to sell later on then?_

_ After asking around at all the local orphanages, she couldn't find a single child who knew who Muriel was. She couldn't not believe the children—children as young as those orphans didn't know how to lie yet, and her gut instinct told her there was something more to the story than what she knew._

_ She talked to Muriel again—this time, not about the location of the stolen artifacts, but _why_ he had stolen them. She tried her hardest to understand why he said, "God told me to smite them! They didn't deserve it!" And instead of condemning him for his crime, she decided that letting him tell his story, as crazy as it might seem, was the best course of action._

_ "Why didn't they deserve those things? Those artifacts had been in their possessions for hundreds of years."_

_ "No, not that—not that! The children! They didn't deserve it! Those houses needed smiting for their sins!" Muriel insisted._

_ "The children… didn't deserve what?" The detective woman blinked. Had she been misinterpreting his words the entire time? The children he spoke of—they weren't orphans at all. That's why none of the orphans knew who he was. Then… what was he talking about, exactly?_

_ "They did not sacrifice themselves. Their Fathers sacrificed them. They were not Jesus—they were lambs. False lambs." Muriel stared at Naoto with hallowed eyes, "So I took the things they used to sacrifice them. But they haven't stopped. They all haven't stopped."_

_ Naoto's eyebrows furrowed. "Bell-san… what are you trying to say? Please say it clearly. How did the children get sacrificed?" She asked carefully. This man's stare was frightening._

_ "Every house is built on a foundation. Those houses were built on a foundation of lies. Lies and lives, and blood, and bones." Muriel held the cross at his neck, rubbing it like a prayer bead, "The children cannot rest. So I have to smite the ones who put them there."_

_ "…Can you tell me where the children are? Maybe I can find them." Naoto realized he was probably speaking literally when he said that the "houses" were built one bones and blood. Was he talking about a house built on a graveyard, maybe? "Perhaps I can help you."_

_ What was she saying? Helping a criminal? But he seemed honest in his endeavors, even if he was stealing things. He seemed to know about something going on within the church that was more sinister than his own crimes._

_ "But first, you have to tell me where you put all the stolen artifacts. I won't give them back to the churches, I promise." Naoto said carefully. They'd have to be taken in and examined as evidence, anyhow._

_ "God told me in His book. That is where I put those tainted items." Muriel said cryptically, his eyes narrowed as if he didn't believe that Naoto could help him. But if she was smart enough, perhaps God would talk to her too._

_ He wouldn't say anything else after that, so Naoto thought long and hard about what he meant—and then it hit her. He was a bible studies teacher—and "God's book" was the Bible, right? She went to his classroom and his house, searching for his personal copies of the Bible—but he had so many. There were different versions and editions—which one could possibly have told him what to steal and where to put it?_

_ After looking through every copy he owned, she found one in particular that stood out—it was an old, out-of-print edition of the Bible with a thick leather cover that was worn slightly at the bindings. At a first glance, it looked like an expensive heirloom or an artifact in itself—but when she looked inside, she found exactly what she was looking for. The words in the bible were blotted out with a black marker—a few words per page, scattered throughout the entire book. It was something like a codebook. But it was in English—Naoto wasn't very good at English. She made a note to take a class at her college. Mastering English would be an essential skill—this, she knew well._

_ She spent days going through every page of that bible, using a different one as a reference to figure out the missing words. The message she had discovered was horrifying—apparently, the named churches had once been orphanages. After the first one was closed and the land taken to become a church, they moved to a different place, which was also taken to become a church. Eventually, the orphanage refused to move anymore, and labeled as nonbelievers of God, the Fathers of those churches decided it would be best to end the children's suffering and shut down the orphanage for good. They filled the goblets and basins with poison, promising the children good lives if they joined the house of God, and framed the orphanage owner for their deaths. Their bodies were scattered and buried in the walls of the underground passages of all the churches. The framed orphanage owner had hidden the truth in these pages, pleading for someone to avenge the death of those poor children._

_ No wonder Muriel thought he was doing good—those churches, in their past, had done something horrible. He must have discovered it and thought that it was his job to punish them for their crimes. But that wasn't all—there were other notes in the book, detailing Muriel's own findings. There were dates and newspaper names with pages—Naoto looked them up, and found "missing children" reports that had never been settled. The dates went as far back as a hundred years, and were spread apart between generations. Apparently, the churches had not stopped "sacrificing" orphans with the sacred drinks of poison._

_ Naoto brought it to him, and he confirmed her thinking. She went to find the bodies—and with the bodies, she found the stolen objects, stashed in the crevices of the tunnel walls. They were able to convict the churches for the murders done by their founders, and Muriel had been trialed and sent to prison with a reduced sentence thanks to Naoto's interference with his case. Naoto truly believed he was trying to do good, but his methods were mixed with wrong doings._

_ Not for the first time, she wondered if some of the people she sent to jail were truly bad people. Muriel Bell reminded her a lot of Namatame Taro—a person whose intentions were pure and good, but whose understanding of what he was doing was muddled by his perception of the reality of the situation. Muriel Bell could have easily told somebody of his findings and let them deal with it, but had instead taken things into his own hands. Or perhaps someone playing "God" had truly told him to do it._

_ As he was led from the courtroom, Naoto's eyes followed him as he walked almost proudly out in handcuffs. He didn't regret anything that he had done—he had even stated that he was glad the children were finally with God now. She didn't believe that God had actually spoken to him, but somehow, he had been given peace of mind by thinking that the omnipotent deity had actually given him the time of day. Maybe it was that sort of thing that brought peace to people, instead of the truth Naoto had sought after her entire life. It was normally the truth that calmed the worries of the heart, but Naoto understood that sometimes it was the lies that comforted more. Deluding oneself of the truth was a way of dealing with the harsh reality of life—she herself knew that better than anyone would understand. But Muriel's "lie"… was something unfathomable, especially to Naoto, who would never truly understand why believing in a god so much should control a life so completely that it dictated that person's fate. Muriel's warped reality, though an intangible one, brought such pride to him that even the young detective couldn't bring herself to break apart that reality._

_ Naoto couldn't help but feel that he shouldn't have gone to jail, even for stealing._

_ Their gazes met, and as he passed her, he said something to her that she had only heard from victims before. But… was Muriel Bell, a man charged as a criminal, a victim?_

_ He made her wonder with his simple words._

_ "Thank you."_


	8. Five Years of Wonder

Author's Note: Wow, I'm SO sorry, I totally forgot it was Friday! (Well, better really late at night than never XD haha) Going to AX really threw my schedule off, I'm still recuperating. But you guys have been getting a lot of updates lately, so would you forgive me if I'm a bit late? I think I might have to take a bit of time off after this, since I don't have much more written (the ideas are floating around in my head though, so I know WHAT to write... I just haven't written it yet)... So in advance, I'll say I'm sorry if I don't update next week!

Anyway, this chapter was pretty fun to write, mostly because of the return of my favorite shadow ;D Enjoy~!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 8: Five Years of Wonder**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"I never really understood the Midnight Channel like you guys."

"Count yourself lucky, then."

"I haven't seen Virtue in a while—Kuma-kun told me I shouldn't go see her for a while, though."

"He was sensing some danger, that's all. It's nothing serious, though."

"From what onii-chan told me, it sounds like even the smallest signs of danger means there's a lot of danger, right?"

"Mmhm." Naoto nodded a little, "Kuma-kun is right to warn you away from that place for a while, Nanako-chan."

The pint-sized detective and her student sat in the Dojima living room, talking about random things. Naoto had escaped there so that Rise wouldn't drag her out to a girls' day. Ryotaro was at work, and Yu was reading a magazine on the couch, watching them idly out of the corner of his eye. Nanako was sitting behind Naoto and braiding her long blue hair—Naoto was reluctant at first, but couldn't say no to Nanako's cute puppy-dog face.

"You know what's happening?" Nanako asked, "Did you investigate it?"

"Yes, I did." Naoto didn't expand, "Now, why don't we talk about something else… Ah, that's right. I don't think I told you—I'm going to go back to America soon."

"Wooow, America?" Nanako leaned over to look at Naoto's face after she tied her hair, "You've been there before? How come you're going back?"

"There's a trial coming up, and I was one of the lead detectives, so I have to be there." Naoto said simply, "I'll tell you what—I'll recount to you about my case in America, and you try to figure out what happens next, before I get to that part in the story."

"That sounds fun! Okay!"

Naoto chuckled, telling Nanako about Dr. Kenjiro Nakamura and his crime spree. She watched as Nanako easily figured out there was a second person working with Dr. Nakamura, and then, before Naoto even got to the part about looking at the log book, the brunette girl had already figured out the clues in the confession.

"The Detective Prince's hat?" Nanako looked at the hat that was sitting on the table. "Did he plant evidence on it to frame you as the third person or something?"

"Ah—I remember this." Yu piped up, "_Boushi_ was actually—"

"Shush, Yu-san," Naoto waved her hand at him, "Let her figure it out." She continued the story, and then paused to let Nanako figure out the clues she left before the conclusion of the case.

When Nanako did figure it out, with a little help from Yu, as Naoto had gotten the same help anyway, she hit her fist on her hand in realization. "Oh—dead child! How scary!" She looked at Naoto, "I've never thought of a hat being homonymous with a dead child before…"

"Neither had I—it certainly is a frightening thought. Especially since, after that, I only understood his message when someone tried to kill me."

"Someone tried to kill Naoto-san?" Nanako gasped, "What happened?"

"Dr. Nakamura had a hired hit man try to kill me before I got too close to the truth—this man was the one who helped with the kidnappings, and his home was their base. Without him, we would have never been able to find any hard evidence against Dr. Nakamura or Officer Johnson." Naoto said, "But, on the night he tried to kill me, I shot him."

"Did he die?" Her younger companion asked, her eyes wide.

"Yes… but if I hadn't shot him, I would have been dead instead." Naoto nodded, "His death, and the fact that it was due to my own hand, did not shake me as much as the near deaths of others, such as yourself—it was the fact that I had been faced with my own death. It was, admittedly, quite frightening. But I suppose every detective faces death like that at some point or another."

"I never knew Naoto-san could be scared of anything." Nanako's mouth shaped in an O, "So—after you killed that guy… you found the evidence you needed, right?"

"Right. And then I was able to close the case and move on." Naoto nodded once more, "I went back to Ireland after that."

"Wow. So after you find the criminal, you have to attend the trial and see what the sentence is?" Nanako asked, "Do they sometimes not get sentenced?"

"Sometimes," Naoto nodded, "There was once a woman who got a short sentence because there wasn't enough hard evidence against her. The only things we had on her were oral confessions and witness reports." She sighed. "But yes, that's generally how the course of a real detective case goes."

"Oh…" Nanako looked thoughtful. "Hey, Naoto-san, have you ever had to work on a case where the person on trial was actually innocent, and you were hired to find the evidence to prove it?"

Naoto smiled. "Yes… I like those cases the best, but even so, there are still tragedies involved. Oftentimes the innocent person was one framed to be a murderer. It is then my job to reveal the true murderer, and bring peace and justice not only to the victim's family but also the accused."

Nanako was about to respond with something, but then the phone rang. She excused herself to get it.

Yu put down his magazine and leaned forward. "So what happened in the Midnight Channel?" He asked quietly. He didn't want to alarm Nanako by asking while she was there.

Naoto told him about meeting her Shadow. He looked surprised, confused as to why it was there.

"Our alter-egos manifest aspects of our psyche that we deny in ourselves and hide from others." Naoto's cobalt eyes pierced Yu's, fully aware that he was an entity that was exactly who he seemed at any given moment—he had never had anything to hide, thus, he had also never had a dark Other Self. "Once we validate who they are, we've accepted that they are a very necessary part of our real personalities. But… I don't really know what this Shadow manifests. It told me itself that it won't hurt me, and that what really hurts me is the things I _don't_ know. So… I don't know what it is."

"So it's still there?"

"Yes," The blue-haired woman nodded, pulling her braid to her front and playing with the end of it, "but it doesn't seem hostile. It's just… waiting for me to tell it who it is. To realize who it is."

"It's not going to give you the easy way out then, huh." Yu sat back. "Told anyone else yet?"

"Just Kuma-kun and Kanji-kun." Naoto answered.

"Not Rise-chan?"

"While she is a good friend, I'm hesitant to tell her anything about my Shadow. Her surety of her own self, and the fact that she's so good at reading people, makes me feel like talking to her would cheat me out of finding the truth myself." She sighed, "I get the feeling that Rise-chan might already know who I am and where I'm headed, and she's not telling me. But that's okay too."

"Rise-chan just doesn't want to shape who you are—that's something you have to build up for yourself." Yu told her, and she looked up at him. "When I first met Rise-chan, she was unsure of who she was, having taken on too many personalities with her acting to really know which one was real. But when we rescued her from the Midnight Channel, she told me that '_the real me doesn't exist_'—because it's whatever she wants it to be. Her life is shaped by the people around her, but she's the one who chooses how it's shaped in the end."

"And… she's okay with just not knowing if there was ever a 'real self' to begin with?" Naoto looked surprised. Rise's Midnight Channel reality had always been a little abstract to her—Rise and the others didn't explain it very well. The most descriptive thing she got was from a young and perverted Yosuke, who had been way too excited to see an underage strip show for his own good.

"In her words," Yu nodded, "sometimes, you don't know exactly who your true self is, but just knowing that it exists—and having the resolve to find it—can be just as important as its eventual acceptance." He looked straight at Naoto, "Kuma and Rise-chan weren't as lucky as everyone else, whose Shadows spelled out exactly who their true and hidden selves were. But those two had shared a determination to find their true selves—a determination I'm sure you can share with Rise-chan and Kuma now."

"…So I really should talk to her, huh."

"She's a little more understanding than you think."

Naoto's phone rang. It was, speak of the devil, Rise—she seemed pretty upset that Naoto had escaped her. Naoto only smiled when she heard Kanji in the background, and it was apparent that Rise had moved onto her next target. She was sure that Kanji would tell her about it when she got back. She would have to apologize, too, for putting him on Rise's radar like that.

"Can I stay here for a while longer? It sounds like Rise-chan is at Tatsumi Textiles." Naoto looked up at Nanako when the girl returned from her own long phone call, which had apparently been one of her school friends.

"Sure! You can tell me more about your detective work!" Nanako bounced over happily.

"Right. Where was I?"

.~.~.~.~.~.

After Mrs. Tatsumi went to bed, Kanji and Naoto got ready to enter the TV—Naoto equipped herself with her gun, and Kanji debated bringing in some sort of blunt object just in case. He settled on an old rod that used to hold a roll of fabric in place.

"Are you sure about this?" Kanji asked his long-time-crush-turned-girlfriend, "I mean, we might not have a way out, unless we find Kuma's place."

"I have a feeling I'll know the place we'll land." Naoto reassured him, "If anything, we can always make our way to Kuma-kun's."

They stood in front of the living room TV, and taking a deep breath, dived in. The familiar black swirls surrounded them, and they landed with a hard _thump_ on a foggy gray ground.

"Owww…" Kanji groaned dazedly, rubbing his head, "You'd think we'd be able to land on our feet by now."

"Yes… now can you please get off of me?"

Kanji blinked, turning bright red as he realized that he was crushing Naoto's small frame with his notably larger one. And that their faces were too close for comfort. "G-gah! Sorry!" He scrambled off quickly, helping her up.

"It's alright." Naoto massaged the back of her head, which had hit the floor quite painfully. Maybe she shouldn't have jumped in _first_.

After panicking and asking if she was alright a couple more times, Kanji gathered himself and looked around, adjusting his shaded glasses. "Where are we?"

The land was bare, filled only with silvery fog. Before them was a tall, thick wall, and to their right was a gap, like an entrance.

"Just as I suspected…" Naoto moved her foot, pushing away some of the fog, "The location we land depends on where we _want_ to land."

He looked at Naoto, lifting an eyebrow. "And where did you want to land?"

"My reality." Naoto answered simply, "I guess we can't call it the Secret Laboratory anymore."

"This is—" Kanji looked around in surprise. It didn't look anything like he had expected it to, even though Naoto had told him about it. "Wait, that means…"

"_Welcome_!" Came a giggling, deep, hallow voice, "Ah ha! You came back, Na-chan! And you even brought a friend, just like I told you to!"

They turned around quickly. Naoto had put her hand to her holster, but relaxed a little after a moment. She remained cautious though, casting a sideways glance at Kanji.

"It's okay. It won't hurt us."

"That's… your Other You…?" Kanji tensed up at seeing the lab-coated figure standing at the entrance between the walls.

The Other Naoto grinned, tipping its hat almost politely in greeting. "Just the person I wanted to see, too! Hehehe!" It turned to Naoto, "But you took too long."

"You told me to tell you who you were, last time. But I'm still figuring it out." Naoto frowned at it. Why did it want to see Kanji?

"That's okay. I also told you that you could talk to me any time, Na-chan." The Other Naoto turned and looked into the maze of Naoto's reality, rocking back and forth on its heels.

"Why is it calling you Na-chan?" Kanji looked over at the real Naoto. "And… why's it look like that?"

"It's what my parents and my grampa used to call me, when I was a small child. Perhaps that is why my Other Me is acting as childish as its younger self." Naoto frowned, "As for looking like a boy… I believe that is because I've been denying my long-dormant feelings about wanting to _be_ a man, since I have spent some years trying to be a woman again."

"Mmm-hmm!" Other Naoto hummed, "You're getting it spot on! You want to be a child again, don't you? To be doted on hand and foot by grampa, and let him take care of all your worries?"

Naoto tensed. Kanji put his hand on her shoulder, calming her. "Perhaps I do… but that is only because I miss grampa." She looked down. This area's loneliness was a reflection of that too, right? But… it seemed a little less lonely now. "I'll get over it in time."

"Or you just want to be taken care of." Golden eyes trailed over to their cobalt counterparts, purring mischievously, "Kanji-kun, have you been taking care of 'me'?"

Kanji flinched at the sudden address. "Wh-what?"

"You've always been a good friend," The Other Naoto stepped over to the pair, and they didn't move from their spot, "So kind and caring, just like grampa! You took special care of 'my' emotional needs, just like him! Just listening to 'my' problems, letting 'me' burden you with 'my' worries… how valiant and manly of you. That's why 'I' like you so much."

Naoto bit her lip, not looking up at Kanji and staring at her Other. What was it going on about now?

"I think you understood 'me' best, too—more than Rise-chan or Yu-sempai ever did!" The Shadow stopped within arms' length of them. Kanji's grip tightened around his rod instinctively, but Naoto remained unmoving. "You were the only one who really understood the struggles and strain of gender roles and their portrayal that 'I' was going through."

"Everyone has their conflicts. I don't think it's right to say the others wouldn't have understood." Kanji frowned.

"Did 'I' ever tell you how grateful I was when you still called 'me' a man, even after finding out 'I' was a woman?" The Other Naoto looked to its ego, then leaned toward Kanji and whispered, "Maybe not in those words. Actually, 'I' didn't even notice it at first."

"Why are you talking to me?" Kanji stepped back a little, uncomfortable with the proximity.

"Oh, silly me! You came to talk to me, right, Na-chan?" The Other Naoto turned to the long-haired woman, "What did you want to talk about?"

"Who you are." Naoto said simply, "But I'm starting to get an idea of it."

"Really." Other Naoto smirked, "Do tell."

"My identity… is something that I want. But… it's not just for myself. Sometimes, the people around me help me become who I want to be." Naoto said slowly, "You said before that I made myself alone—and in doing that, I shut out the very same people who could have helped me find the 'self' I had been so desperately searching for."

"Your identity is also something you have to be comfortable with." The masculine detective reached out, cupping Naoto's cheek affectionately. She flinched, and Kanji looked like he wanted to attack it, but refrained. "Are you comfortable with this 'self' you've found with these other people? Are these other people comfortable with whom you've found you are?"

Naoto looked over her shoulder. She was definitely the most at ease when she was with Kanji—she was sure of that. He was the one who was helping her find her true self.

"To the one whose opinion I want to matter the most… yes." Naoto smiled a little, "To myself, yes. But… I haven't completely found myself."

The Other Naoto turned her face back to itself. "That is because you are outside yourself, Na-chan." It said, all childishness in its voice gone, "You said that."

Naoto blinked slowly, her smile fading. "I… did?"

"Do you remember?" Other Naoto looked over her shoulder, staring directly at Kanji. "What she said to me, six years ago, before I disappeared the first time?"

Kanji took a long moment before he actually responded, as if unsure if he should. "Yeah. Naoto-kun had said… she was a detective and a woman, but before any or all of those things, she was herself. And she wanted to strive for the strength to accept that 'self'."

"But without knowing who you really were," Other Naoto looked back at its alter ego, "it was hard to accept it, wasn't it? Striving for your 'self' was much harder than you realized."

"It… wasn't as simple as 'I am a woman, and I am a detective', certainly, but…"

"You separated those things from your identity, Na-chan." The doppelganger frowned, its grip on her face tightening a little, "You and I are the separation between your 'true self' and your 'identity'."

"Eh?" Naoto stepped back a little, her eyes wide. She bumped into Kanji as she tried to put distance between herself and her Shadow. He put his hand on her shoulder to steady her, but she could feel that he was tense. Being around the Shadow had made him cautious.

"You were the one who put your identity outside of the things that you thought defined you—you are a woman, a detective, an adult… and while your identity can include those things, as you've implied in the past, you instead tried hard to find the 'true self' that _does not_. And that was wrong." Other Naoto lowered its arm to its side, "You've failed in dealing with the true dichotomy of your reality."

"Failed…?" Naoto frowned, "I have not failed anything."

"Perhaps in a practical sense—you're a successful detective, and you have opened the doors for many other women to take your same path. You live lavishly with everything you could ever want—a home, a sense of security, even a loving boyfriend." The Other Naoto eyed Kanji once more, "However, in every other sense—you've gotten it all wrong."

"What are you talking about?!" The long-haired detective clenched her fists. This Shadow kept talking in circles and vague truths—she wished it would just spit it out already.

"You may have faced your physical reality, but you have not truly accepted it. And that makes you uncomfortable. That is why you are struggling so much with your lost identity." The Other Naoto narrowed its eyes, "And an identity, as you said it earlier, is something you have to _want_."

"Oi, who're you to say she isn't who she wants to be." Kanji snapped, "I don't care if the Shadow is the true self. What do you really know?"

"Everything." Other Naoto grinned again suddenly, "Like how Na-chan here unknowingly lets her emotional and mental gender be defined by her biological sex. She is allowing it to be so, allowing the body she was born with to become who she is—simply because that is what society as a whole thinks she should do."

"I—I do not!" Naoto protested. Her Other's ghostly purple-indigo aura began to grow.

"Careful, Naoto-kun, you don't want your Other to turn into a real Shadow." Kanji warned her, gripping her shoulder tightly. She didn't calm this time.

"You said others help you become who you want to be—but it's not the truth, is it? Others are the ones who define who you _should_ be, not who you want to be." A hallow giggle, "Your physical reality, and its environment, define your ideal reality—a deluded fantasy, as it has always been."

"That's enough!" Naoto shouted, then stopping and taking a deep breath. She calmed herself, "You speak as if I'm not happy with where I am in my life, but…"

"You aren't, are you?" The doppelganger purred.

"I am—that is something I'm sure about!" She glared at the Other Naoto, "I might not know who I am, but… even if someone else is the one who defines it, I'm okay with that!"

"…"

"Naoto-kun?" Kanji looked down at her, surprised.

"My job always depends on someone else—when someone needs me, I become the person they want me to be. Even if I'm pushed aside after my job is done, there's always someone else who needs me. I've always been okay with that," Naoto said slowly, "because I can make other people happy, and I've always only done my job with the pride of knowing that purpose."

"Living only for somebody else. Don't you think that's a little pathetic?" The Other Naoto's voice changed again, and not a smile was present on its sharp face.

"No—even if my gender and my feelings are mixed up right now, if someone will need me, I'll do what I must and not let my feelings interfere with what I love to do. That is what I'm sure of." Naoto said resolutely, "And regardless of if it's my job or not, I will let the people I make happy define who I am. If they are sure of who I am, then I know I will be too!"

"…Denying yourself the pleasure of defining who you are, by yourself," The Other Naoto spoke quietly, "You will never be satisfied with that."

"Maybe not," Naoto replied, "But like I said before, others will help me shape myself into who I want to be… and I want to be someone who is needed, for whatever reason, and I want to make people happy."

The Other Naoto stared at her for a long time, and then abruptly turned and walked back to the maze. "You can't make everyone happy."

"I can try." Naoto watched it warily.

"Live in that fantasy however long you wish. But if you find that makes you uncomfortable and frustrated, then you lose your own happiness—and your own identity—for good." The Shadow stopped before the entrance, "For what we strive for is the acceptance of ourselves—even if what we find is not what we _want_."

It walked into the maze and disappeared, the fog shifting thickly behind it.

There was stillness for a long time, and then Naoto slackened against Kanji. He jumped, quickly holding her up by both shoulders.

"You okay?" He asked in concern.

"Somehow, that was draining…" Naoto said quietly, her head bowed tiredly. The brim of her hat veiled her eyes in shadow.

"It took a lot of courage to face your inner demon and not let it overtake you." Kanji nodded, carefully shifting so he could see her face, "I feel like I intruded on something kinda private, though."

"No… I wanted you here, Kanji-kun." His girlfriend didn't look up at him, "If you hadn't been here, I wouldn't have had the courage to even stand."

"…I think your Shadow was right, though, Naoto-kun. You shouldn't let others define you if that makes you unhappy." He spoke softly, holding her carefully until she shifted and finally stood on her own. He let her go and she turned to face him.

She lifted her gaze. "But it's you."

"…Eh?" Kanji blinked.

"You're the one… I want to define me." Naoto smiled a little, "I told you, didn't I—I want to be with you. I'm the most at ease and the most comfortable around _you_. If it's you, I don't mind not doing it by myself—that is, finding myself."

He blushed. "Uh, well…" He paused and realized the combination of what Naoto and her Other had said. "But… I won't let what _I_ think you should do change who _you_ are. I won't ever do anything to hurt you and make you unhappy—so if you can, don't listen to me, and decide things for yourself. Got it?"

"Kanji-kun, you speak as if I'm letting you decide every aspect of my life." Naoto chuckled, "However, I was speaking the truth—I will try my hardest to make you happy, so please tell me if I am not."

"I think that sounds like a good compromise." Kanji grinned. "Now come on, let's get out of here. We should head to Kuma's place."

They began making their way up the steep cliff to the "ground level" above, quiet as they made the climb.

"…Hey, does this count as a date?" Kanji asked randomly when they reached the top. He was probably trying to break the tension.

"It would certainly be a strange one, but I would think so." Naoto chuckled weakly. She was still a little shaken by her encounter with the Shadow. She surveyed the flat grayish-blue ground at the top of the canyon. "…Kanji-kun, I had another theory."

"Is it going to get us lost?" He asked dryly.

"Well, it's the reverse of the theory that we can land wherever we want from any TV." Naoto said, "It would be logical that we can leave to any TV we want as well. Kuma-kun's portal to the outside world was a convenience he created for us, back then."

"You sayin' we can create our own way out?" He lifted an eyebrow.

"This world isn't ours to control, though," Naoto thought back to when they fought Adachi, finding it contradictory that he could control the Midnight Channel however he wished—though that was probably because of his strange connection to it, not unlike Yu's. Yu could probably control the Midnight Channel as well, but not the others.

"Ah—I know. Rokuten-Maoh and Yamato-Takeru should be able to help us there, right?" Kanji looked up, holding out his hand as the glowing blue card materialized above him.

"Perhaps." Naoto nodded, holding out her own hand. She hid the anxiousness in her eyes—lately Yamato-Takeru had been quiet, and after the last time her Shadow had shown up, she wondered why it sometimes disappeared altogether.

They broke the cards, and the giant and the swordsman appeared before them. They stared down at their masters, and then looked at each other.

"Hey guys, think you can help us make a way out?" Kanji asked. They simply looked contemplative. "C'mon, Kuma could create a set of TVs out of nowhere, why can't you?"

"Kuma-kun was a Shadow who had gained his own ego. Perhaps that is what gave him the power to control this world." Naoto commented, "Our Personas, however, are extensions of ourselves, so—"

Rokuten-Maoh stomped its large leg, causing the ground to shake. Kanji and Naoto jumped, looking up at it.

"Um, I think he can do it?" Kanji chuckled at the silenced detective.

Yamato-Takeru flew around Rokuten-Maoh, its small form momentarily disappearing behind the fiery Persona. Rokuten-Maoh stomped again, and a puff of smoke exploded behind it. When it stepped aside, they saw a _pile_ of blank-faced TVs, and Yamato-Takeru was sitting atop the mound of electronic corpses. Its legs were dangling childishly, but its expression was the same stoic facelessness it usually had.

"Oh, uh, cool." Kanji blinked, "Didn't know you guys could do that."

Naoto frowned. "They… shouldn't be able to…" She said slowly, as if finishing her sentence from before. "Indeed, the Midnight Channel works in mysterious and unknown ways."

"Whatever, let's go. We shouldn't stick around here too long." Kanji ran his hand through his hair, "Thanks, Maoh, Yamato-Takeru!"

"Ah, yes, thank you." Naoto said belatedly, staring at her Persona above them. She wondered about it, she really did.

Rokuten-Maoh disappeared in blue sparkles as Kanji grabbed her hand, pulling her toward the largest TV in the pile, and jumping in with the thought of his living room in mind. She followed after him, looking over her shoulder with furrowed eyebrows. Yamato-Takeru had flown away from the TVs, but it hadn't disappeared like Rokuten-Maoh had.

She saw it fly toward the maze, and then her vision was engulfed with a swirl of black and white shapes and she was forced to close her eyes.

Where was Yamato-Takeru going…?

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Oof!"

Naoto had landed on something a little less hard than the floor. It was kind of warm and she felt something pulsing under her ear. She blinked her eyes open, looking up.

"…Well. This is certainly a situation that's becoming more common." Naoto blushed, getting up—off of _Kanji_. She sat back on her heels, folding her hands in her lap.

"U-uh—yeah. Erm." He coughed awkwardly, sitting up. He took off his glasses. "Um, so—"

"We should probably go to bed." The blue-haired detective took off her hat, looking away, "It's late, and certainly an adventure like that is tiring…"

"Y-yeah." Kanji nodded. He stood and helped her up too. "Um, good night."

"Good night, Kanji-kun."

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Yakushiji was always like a father to Naoto. He took care of her when Haruka wasn't around, and he had grown to love her as if she were indeed his daughter. He had been a good friend of Shirogane Akira, Naoto's father—it had been his honor to work with both Shirogane detectives. When he helped Naoto become a great detective like her predecessors, he beamed with pride at her accomplishments._

_ He was the one who helped Naoto become a boy when she became the Detective Prince. He was the one who gave her boys' clothing and bought her the bandages she would use to bind her chest. And when she needed reassurance that what she was doing was right, he was the one who supported her, even if he didn't believe that she needed to be a boy to be a great detective._

_ That was something Naoto's mother had taught him._

_ When Naoto had gone missing in Inaba, Yakushiji went to find her. By the time he had gotten there, she had already been found by a strange group of teenagers and a boy in a bear suit. He watched the girl with the long black hair take care of Naoto while she was recovering from whatever happened to her—and he realized that this group had discovered Naoto's secret already._

_ He went to her and took care of her then, for the few weeks she was bedridden and unconscious. But she was strong—she got better in no time. When she was awake, she told him that she didn't know what to do anymore—but she knew that she couldn't be a boy. It wasn't the right thing for her._

_ "Sometimes, it's not 'knowing what to do' that is the _right thing_ for yourself. It's the _right thing_ that _is_ that 'knowing what to do'." Yakushiji told her gently as he sat beside her as she lay in bed, stroking her hair in a fatherly manner._

_ "What do you mean?"_

_ "You spend a lot of time studying, getting smarter… but knowing a lot of things isn't going to help you with what really matters." Yakushiji looked into her deep blue eyes—eyes that were just like her father's. "When you feel completely right, those feelings will tell you exactly what really matters, and when you hear it, you'll know what the best course of action is. What are your feelings telling you now?"_

_ "…That there are people who need saving… and if I'm too focused on being a boy, I can't focus on saving them." Naoto mumbled quietly. "But I don't know how to save them."_

_ "You're a smart kid, Naoto-sama." Yakushiji said soothingly, "Do you know what your mother would have done, in a situation like this?"_

_ "Mother…?" Naoto looked up at him._

_ "She would ask your father for help, and they would save people together." The light-haired man smiled, "She was never ashamed to admit when she needed help, Naoto-sama. You shouldn't either."_

_ "But who should I ask? You? Grampa?" The blue-haired cross-dresser sighed._

_ "How about those kids?"_

_ "…"_

_ "Yakushiji-san… what was my mother like? And my father?" Naoto asked quietly, not wanting to talk about that group. She never spoke of her parents much, but that was because she didn't remember them. That she was asking about them… it must have been hard for her._

_ Yakushiji gladly told her all the wonderful things he remembered about her parents. Her mother had liked to wear hats of all kinds, and wasn't afraid to show off her beauty. She was kind and optimistic, and becoming a mother was without a doubt the happiest time in her life. Her father had been hardworking and dedicated, but he never forgot the feelings of the people he tried to save, or even the feelings of the culprits he caught. He had been gentle and understanding, even with them._

_ "And he had a horrible sense of humor, too. I'm glad you didn't inherit that from him." He chuckled._

_ "Would it have been better than being _too_ serious…" Naoto wondered to herself. Everyone else had called her proper, refined, and a workaholic, and she couldn't remember the last time she had laughed._

_ Yakushiji watched her brood for a long time, and then he closed his eyes and interrupted her thoughts. "Naoto-sama, do you remember when I used to read you stories?"_

_ "Yes. I'm a little too old for that now, though." Naoto's lips pursed in a pout. She didn't want to be treated like a child, even by her secretary._

_ "Do you remember a story called _Flowers for Algernon_?" He asked, opening his eyes to watch her reaction. "It was your father's favorite novel."_

_ "That was the one about an experiment in finding happiness, right?" Naoto blinked slowly. Her father's favorite book wasn't a detective novel? Naoto herself favored _Sherlock Holmes_ and other such mysteries._

_ "Yes. Let me refresh your memory—the story was about a man and a mouse that had surgery to increase their intelligence." Yakushiji entwined his hands under his chin like a bridge, resting his head on them, "But as the man's intelligence and understanding of the world increased, his relationships with the people around him deteriorated."_

_ "They had made fun of his retarded former self and were afraid of his newfound intellect, and he had realized that they weren't really his friends." Naoto recalled, "But the intelligence increase was only temporary—the mouse died and he degraded back into normalcy at the end of the book. The experiment failed, and he wasn't happy."_

_ "But that's not the point, Naoto-sama," Yakushiji replied easily, "I'm asking you if you remember this story because _you_ are the same as the man in the book."_

_ "Me?" Naoto's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "I am already smart, Yakushiji-san, I don't—"_

_ "As your understanding of society's two-faced nature increased, you threw away the relationships you could have had, and you weren't truly happy."_

_ "…"_

_ "You judged people far too harshly to make any friends, and you made people afraid of your outward façade of intellect and maturity. They didn't know how to approach you." Yakushiji sighed, "But when you were younger, it was easier, wasn't it? When you didn't worry about gender or age. If you became that person again… I'm sure you could make friends and find happiness—something unlike the man in the book."_

_ "But… why do I have to?"_

_ "You don't have to, but do you really want to stay like you are now? You're a great detective, Naoto-sama, and it has never mattered what your ideal image of one was. But if you don't know what to do on a case, then do what your mother did—ask your friends for help."_

_ "My friends…"_

_ "They found out you were a girl, and you stopped trying to be a boy—they were able to approach you. You can make friends with those kids, Naoto-sama." Yakushiji patted her hair, "I think they can help you. Sometimes, you have to know when to ask for help, and this is one of those times."_

_ "…Mother never pretended to be a man, but she was still able to save people… with Father's help." Naoto sighed, "I suppose you're right, Yakushiji-san… but it just… it doesn't feel right."_

_ "What doesn't?"_

_ "Being a female—I know I should be proud of the body I was born with, the one Mother loved so much… but…" She trailed off, unsure where she was going._

_ He could hear her unspoken words. _Maybe I was just not meant to be born like this.

_ "Do whatever you think is _right_, Naoto-sama," Yakushiji whispered, "And everything else will fall into place."_

_ Eventually, Naoto decided that she would continue dressing as a boy, and hoped that no one would treat her differently. Rise and Kanji must have been talking about her at school, though, because when she got back, the rumors had already spread that she wasn't a male._

_ She would never truly find out what felt _right_, other than that there was a justice she needed to serve, and her personal conflicts would only get in the way. So she put it aside, and joined the Investigation Team in their endeavors to stop the culprit of the Midnight Channel._

_ Yakushiji watched her for some time before he left Inaba to go back to the Shirogane estate and rejoin Haruka. He was glad that Naoto had learned to make friends, but he knew that putting aside her troubles like that could only last for so long. She couldn't ignore it forever._

_ So when she returned a year later, he asked her if she still felt right in her boyish disguise. She hadn't answered him right away, but on her next case, in a place called Yagokoro City where no one knew who she was, she had discarded the bandages that bound her chest._

_ Before she left for the case, he asked her why. She told him simply, "Because being a girl doesn't feel _wrong_."_

_ And as he saw her off, and watched her grow for the next five years, he thought that the answer she had given him had been a lie._

_ Being a woman had not felt wrong, yes—but that didn't mean it felt _right_ either._

_ Yes, maybe she did not need to be a man to be a good detective, or a good person. But as time passed, Yakushiji couldn't help but feel that she was trying _too_ hard to be a woman, and _that_ didn't feel right to him at all. His feelings from the past had not changed, but he didn't want the young detective, who had been like a daughter to him, to deny herself her true feelings just because of what everyone else said or didn't like about them._

_ Maybe, just maybe, if Naoto wanted to be a man simply because she _wanted_ to be one… without any external reasons and without any mixed emotions… Yakushiji would be okay with that._


	9. Five Years Hiding the Truth

Author's Note: So... okay, I haven't been getting reviews lately... is it because I updated too fast? Made the chapters too long? Am I writing the characters weird? Do you guys like/not like that Naoto and Kanji's relationship is more on a slow, realistic pace? (Not that I'm gonna suddenly go lemon on you guys, it's not my style.) Is the plot too slow or not interesting anymore? I dunno, I've been feeling conscious about my writing lately. I mean, I look at my subscriber count, and I've got about a dozen people subscribed to my story, but I don't see any reviews. It'd be nice to hear from you guys? I dunno. Just a thought. I like to think I earn my reviews/readers. But it's hard to tell if I've actually got readers, even if there are subscribers.

I got a ton more written again though. So I'm still updating every Friday, yep. (There's an end note by the way, because I didn't want the beginning author's note to take up too much space! Read it at the end, yes?) Not much else to say... Uh... review please?

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 9: Five Years Hiding the Truth**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Hey, wanna go to Aiya's for lunch?" Kanji asked Naoto as he set up the shop. He was arranging some dolls on the shelf.

"Your mother will be cooking a large feast again. She wouldn't want us to fill up." Naoto replied, leaning on the wall nearby. "While I know you like Chinese food, perhaps today we should take a break." She chuckled.

"Ya know, Ma always cooks like I have five brothers. I think it's 'cause dad ate with the appetite of twenty men." Kanji smiled to himself.

"Is that why you, and undoubtedly your father, are such large people?" Naoto raised her hand, indicating his height.

He blushed. "Um, well, maybe."

"By the way, Yu-san sent me a text earlier. He and Yukiko-san want to go on a double date with us."

"Oh, sounds cool. Just ask when, I'm good for any time." Kanji paused, adding, "As long as I don't have work."

The door opened, and a brown-haired teenager walked in. "Good morning, Mister!"

"Hey," Kanji greeted the boy, "I told you to quit callin' me that, I ain't that old! And anyway! Shouldn't you be on your way to school, ya snot-nosed brat?"

Naoto watched their exchange with amusement dancing in her eyes. That boy looked familiar… oh, hadn't she seen him hanging out with Nanako?

"Mom wanted me to give you these cookies she made." The boy held up the box he had been carrying, "Also, uh, Sana-chan's birthday is coming up, so I was wondering if you could help me with her present."

"Oh yeah?" Kanji took the box, "Tell your mom thanks. And what'd you have in mind?"

"Well, I was hoping I was good enough to try making a doll on my own, but I'm not that good yet…"

"Come by after school, then, Hiro-kun." The brown-haired man ruffled the teenager's hair, "You know, maybe you should just work here."

"Really? That'd be cool!" Hiro grinned brightly, "Then I can repay you for all those lessons!"

"Nah, I'm not in it for the money, you know that." Kanji shooed him off, "Now skedaddle, you'll be late for school."

After he left, Kanji went to put away the cookies, and Naoto followed him into the kitchen. "Who was that boy?"

"That kid was the reason I started selling dolls in the first place." Kanji chuckled, "When I first met him, he was crying 'cause he lost the doll his friend lent him, so I made him a new one. I didn't like seeing people cry, y'know?"

"And… he took lessons on making dolls after that?" Naoto lifted an eyebrow.

"He thought it was cool. His friends, his mom, his friends' moms all wanted one. It just kinda got really popular," Kanji turned to look at her, "and to be honest, I'm glad I can help that kid do what I do, because he's kinda like me. And he doesn't care if other people think it's creepy to make dolls even when he's a guy."

"You've turned it into something that's not girly." His friend noted, smiling fondly. "How admirable."

"Well, yeah. Just like you turned being a private detective into something women can do too." Kanji went back to the front of the shop, "You know, after I met Hiro-kun, I resolved something."

"What was that?"

"To be myself, and to get others to understand me. I used to let people think whatever they wanted about me, even if it wasn't true, and I didn't even try to correct them. But then sempai and Hiro-kun helped me realize that by doing that, I was just making a whole lot of trouble, so… I resolved to put in an effort to make people understand me. Haven't made much trouble since." He grinned at his girlfriend.

"I have indeed noticed how people seem more accepting of you…" Naoto helped Kanji unpack some dolls he had made so he could put them up on the shelf. She paused at one pink cat with a purple and white tutu. "These really are quite cute, and I'm normally not one to say so." He smiled and nodded at her compliment. "So you've been mentoring Hiro-kun?"

"Yeah. He's like a kid brother." Kanji chuckled. "I've never had siblings, so it's kinda nice."

"Me neither," Naoto handed the doll to him, "Sometimes I wonder what it's like."

"We may never know."

There was a long pause. They both knew the implications of _why_ they would never know.

"Kanji-kun… will you tell me more about your father?"

"…"

Naoto gazed steadily at him. "I just wonder if he was… well, as great to you as grampa was to me. And certainly… he's an important part of you, and he has helped shape who you are, right?"

"He was… well, actually, I can't say he was the _best_, since I was actually a little scared of him, but… I loved him." Kanji said quietly. "Dad was fierce and loyal, but he was always away at work, so I don't actually know much about how he was…"

"Oh."

Mrs. Tatsumi came down and interrupted them. Kanji was glad for the distraction, and Naoto understood that talking about his father was hard, especially in front of his mother, so she dropped the subject. Naoto greeted Mrs. Tatsumi, but then excused herself to go down to the police station. She wanted to talk to Ryotaro about getting a job there, while she was staying in Inaba.

After lunch a couple of hours later, Kanji asked his mother to watch the store for a while so he could run some errands. He needed more materials to make some dolls, so he said he was going to stop by Okina City, but he promised to be back before the afternoon, since Hiro was coming over.

But he didn't go right away. Instead, he went to Inaba's graveyard, on the outskirts of town.

"Hey, Dad."

He sat down at the marker of his father's life, silent for a while. He only visited once a year with his mother, and it was rare that he went on his own. The first time he went by himself, it had been almost nine years since his father had died.

"It's, uh, been a while. Sorry I don't visit more often. I'm doing okay though." He didn't know why, but he felt comforted when he talked to his father's grave. "Ma's fine too. She's not kicking the bucket any time soon, so you'll have to wait a little while before you get to see her again."

Of course, nothing answered him—nothing ever did.

"A lot has happened though. Naoto-kun came back. You remember her, right? The detective who helped sempai and me and everyone save Inaba." Well, not that his father had ever met Naoto, but he had told his father a lot over the past few years, so he felt like he was talking to an old friend. "Uh… you know that crush I had on her? Well, it never really went away… y'know, I started going out with her. I bet you're proud of me for finally spitting it out, huh? I became strong! It's really, really awesome—we're boyfriend-girlfriend now. Even though it still sounds a little weird."

A light breeze flew by. Kanji curled up a little, sighing. He told his father all about the dates he had been going on in the past couple weeks, and about hanging out with the Investigation Team, and he even talked about Naoto's strange new Shadow.

"I don't really know if that's my secret to tell, but… it's okay, right?" He touched the headstone, "Gosh, Dad—she's just so… I know she's strong, and courageous, and really cool, but sometimes I don't understand her. I guess that's normal—you can't really understand someone so completely, right? You and Ma didn't understand each other completely, did you? I guess I'll never know."

The graveyard was empty, but it wasn't eerie or scary—it was actually kind of peaceful. Kanji liked feeling the kind of peace he felt here.

"But… I still want to be there for Naoto-kun. She said she needed me." Kanji sighed, "It makes me feel kinda warm inside. I'm happy she's there for me too… 'cause I think I need her just as much as she needs me."

He ran his hand over the characters that spelled his father's name.

"I don't really know what I need her for though… she makes me worry all the time, and I want nothing more than to make her happy, and when she's hurt I'm hurt too… but when she's alright I just can't stop smiling. And she's so cute, and beautiful, and smart, and—I can't even tell her any of these things. I get so choked up around her, even though it's so easy to tell her everything else."

His voice and his touch were gentle, and it was uncharacteristic of him—but that was okay, since no one would hear him anyway.

"I told her I liked her a lot, but… I think it's a whole lot more than just 'like'… Dad, is this what 'love' is?" He asked, sighing heavily, "When did that happen? When did my crush become the person I _like_, and when did _like_ become _love_…?"

He shifted, standing up, "I think I love Naoto-kun… but I'm afraid she doesn't love me too. Is that natural?" He asked his father's gravestone, "I probably shouldn't be scared… but I love her so much it's painful. Isn't that strange? I wonder if she would worry if I told her. Or if she would make the pain would go away."

Still no answer—he was used to that. He wasn't expecting one.

"I guess I shouldn't mess around—I told Ma I'd be back soon." He touched the headstone again, then turned to go. "I'll see you again soon, Dad. Later."

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto stared at herself in the mirror, gently touching the skin of her bosom. From the first moment she had some free time, the things her Shadow had said to her were swirling around her head. At the back of her mind, thoughts of Yamato-Takeru's strange actions tugged at her conscience, but with nothing to nurture the thoughts, she had let it stay where it was.

She had gotten back for lunch, but Kanji had left to go to Okina City, so she went up to her room to rest for a while. Things had been eventful lately, and she hadn't a moment to herself. As much as she liked being with Kanji, there were still some moments when she thought better when no one was around. It was a habit now.

How long had she been lying to herself, she wondered? The Other Naoto was right. She had been letting the gender she was born with define who she was… but for the longest time, she did not feel like _being_ that gender. Had her mentality truly changed since then?

Experimentally, she had wrapped her chest tightly in gauze. She hadn't done this in five years, but it was every bit as restraining as she remembered it to be—it was hard to breathe and she couldn't exactly move quickly…

…Which was why she couldn't react fast enough when she heard Kanji on the other side of the door.

"You sure Naoto-kun is home? I can't find her anywh—"

Kanji froze when he opened the door. Naoto stood there, half facing him, shirtless but covered in white bandages. She seemed paralyzed for a moment, but then she screamed and grabbed the nearest pillow, throwing it at him.

"I'm sorry!" He yelped, hastily closing the door just before the pillow hit him in the face. "I'm sooo sorry Naoto-kun! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!"

Naoto's face was deep pink, her hair standing up on end like a flustered cat. She grabbed her white collared shirt, quickly shoving her arms through the sleeves and buttoning it just enough to cover her chest sufficiently.

Kanji was still sputtering an apology on the other side of the hallway, close enough that she could hear him.

"I didn't mean to—I should've knocked—sorry! I mean, I thought you weren't home—but, I guess, I mean—I didn't expect you to—I—I didn't see anything, I swear!"

"Oh, my," Mrs. Tatsumi's voice came, "Did something happen?"

Naoto contemplated going outside, but decided that her embarrassment was a little too strong to let her face Kanji just yet.

"N-nothing, Ma—just—uh… I'm gonna go tend the shop!"

Kanji's footsteps thudded in the hallway and he quickly ran downstairs. His voice had faded. There was silence for a few moments, and then a knock sounded.

"Shirogane-san? Are you in there?" Mrs. Tatsumi called, "I'm coming in."

"Y-yes, alright." Naoto blushed, turning away and facing the mirror on her desk again. She frowned at the fumbled mess she was in, since the buttons were in all the wrong holes, but she hadn't noticed in her haste.

Mrs. Tatsumi poked her head in, and then stepped into the room. "My, my, to think that boy has gotten used to holding your hand but not seeing your skin. You've always been covered up, though." She gave the young woman an aged smile.

Naoto sighed. "I didn't exactly plan for him to see… um, that." She said shyly. Of course she had always covered up—she was extremely self-conscious about her body.

Mrs. Tatsumi peered at her carefully, her eyebrows furrowed. As Naoto unbuttoned her shirt to fix it, she noticed that the blue-eyed detective looked significantly _different_. "Why have you done that to your chest, Shirogane-san? That's not good for it. You won't be able to breathe."

"I was… experimenting." Naoto admitted, "It's alright. I'm used to it. I did it all the time back then…"

"Oh? I just thought you weren't endowed." Mrs. Tatsumi gave a wry smile, coming over to help her. The younger woman blushed deeply and tried to protest. "But I digress. Why were you experimenting? Are you trying to see if you can still be a boy?"

"Well, yes." Naoto shrugged a little, playing with a button near her collarbone, "It's something I've considered for a while now. Truth be told, being a woman makes me… uncomfortable. It's not my preference."

"I see." Mrs. Tatsumi stepped back, looking Naoto deep in the eyes. "This makes me think that I don't know very much about you, Shirogane-san. Tell me, are you one of those people who wouldn't know what box to check in a survey when asked if you were male or female?"

"…I… am not that impractical." Naoto looked back at the mirror, pushing her hair out of her eyes, "I know I am biologically a female, but… this body has frustrated me many times in the past. Mentally, I am what most would call tomboyish, but that doesn't even begin to describe what I am. It's like… I'll check the 'female' box, but in my head I'll call myself a male."

"It's an interesting thought. Does Kanji know about it?" Mrs. Tatsumi asked.

"Of course. But he told me that he doesn't care what I want to be." Naoto nodded.

"Ah, yes, Kanji has always been quite… versatile… when it comes to the person he likes." Mrs. Tatsumi smiled. Naoto noted her use of the singular "person".

"I'm actually quite grateful that Japanese doesn't specify the pronouns used to describe other people—when I go to America, they make it quite obvious that I'm female, but I'm allowed a little more freedom with my identity here." Naoto sat down on her bed, folding her arms across her legs, "I'm grateful that Kanji-kun will still like me no matter who I choose to be, though… I don't want him to be uncomfortable should I choose to be a male. It wouldn't make him look very good, would it?"

"You shouldn't worry about what other people will think of Kanji based on your decisions," Mrs. Tatsumi said softly, "He stopped caring a long time ago. As long as he has a clear image of who he is, he couldn't care less. And I'm positive that in his image of himself, he's with you. Regardless of your gender."

"I know… and I love him for that." Naoto smiled softly to herself. She paused, blinking in surprise. Wait, did she just say she loved Kanji? When did _that_ happen?

Mrs. Tatsumi laughed heartily. "And just as Kanji does not care, I will not either. I wanted to let you know that. I'll be happy to receive you as either my daughter _or_ my son!"

Naoto turned bright red again. What was she implying?! "Wh-wha—"

"Oh, but if you were a man, then I can't possibly have grandchildren, can I?"

"T-Tatsumi-san!"

.~.~.~.~.~.

Kanji avoided looking at Naoto the rest of the day. When Hiro came over, they went to the sewing room so Kanji could teach him how to make a doll—and Kanji was pretty positive Naoto wouldn't come into that room anyway. Besides, he was pretty sure she was mad at him. Or at least avoiding him too.

"Hey Mister?" Hiro asked as they worked.

"Yeah?"

"Who was that long-haired woman from before?"

Kanji choked a bit, looking over at Hiro. "Wh-wha?"

"The one I saw in the shop this morning. She looked kinda familiar." Hiro explained.

"Oh. Uh, that's… my girlfriend." He answered awkwardly. "Shirogane Naoto."

"Oh, the private detective! Nanako-chan talks about her a lot." The brown-haired boy lit up, "I heard she's really cool! She's your _girlfriend_? That must be awesome!"

"W-well, yeah, it is." Kanji blushed. "We haven't been going out for too long, but…" He stopped, frowning. "H-hey, don't go gettin' nosy. C'mon, you wanna make a doll don't you?" He changed the subject, mostly because he was uncomfortable with the current one.

"You think Sana-chan will like it?" Hiro asked, carefully stuffing the doll's body, "I really wanna impress her…"

"You and Sana-chan have been friends for years. I'm sure she'll like whatever you give her." Kanji reassured him.

"Yeah, but Taka-kun said he was gonna get her a really, really cool gift, and I think she likes him, so…"

"Oh, I get it. You like her, so you're trying to win her over, huh?" Kanji chuckled. "Well, I'm probably not a good one to go to for advice. So I'll just say good luck, kiddo."

"Thanks," Hiro nodded, "But I've given her dolls before, so I don't know if…"

"But none you've made yourself." Kanji ruffled his hair fondly, "She'll like it, trust me."

"When you give your girlfriend stuff you make yourself, does it impress _her_?" Hiro asked curiously.

Kanji blinked. "Uh, well—I guess. I gave her a good luck charm once, and she hasn't been without it since."

"Only that?"

The older man looked thoughtful. He actually hadn't given Naoto that many things, but… actually, after that accident today, it would probably be a good idea to give her something to make up for it. Probably.

"She's not really a doll kind of person, though." He shrugged, "I don't really know what to give her. So I haven't really given her anything else."

"Well… when Sana-chan gives me stuff, she makes it herself, but they're not dolls. Most of the time it's like, a bento." Hiro grinned, "You can cook real well, right, Mister? I bet she'd like the stuff you cook."

"Oh, I've cooked for her before." Kanji nodded, "I mean, she lives here, so I make breakfast for her most of the time. Ma takes care of lunch and dinner when she's well enough."

Hiro looked alarmed, suddenly. "Is something wrong with your mom?"

"Huh? Oh, it's nothing—she's just getting older, y'know? Her hands aren't as strong as they used to be and she gets tired a whole lot more often." Kanji shrugged, "It's… not much to worry about. I mean, it's not like she has to go to the hospital for that stuff—it's just the little things."

"Oh. 'Cause I remember when we first met, you got pretty worried when you thought your mom was in the hospital." Hiro pointed out, "I'm glad she's okay though!"

"Yeah…"

.~.~.~.~.~.

"For goodness sake, Kanji-kun, I'm not mad. Stop avoiding me." Naoto gave an exasperated sigh.

When Naoto finally convinced Kanji to actually look at her during dinner, she found him constantly and nervously glancing at her chest. Which she still bound.

"Normally men look at a woman's chest for their size. You're the strange case that looks for the _lack_ of size." She commented, pouting a little. "Stop it, you're embarrassing me."

"Why're you binding again anyway?" Kanji asked, frowning. He sounded concerned, but he looked confused.

"Because of our last… date." Naoto cast a glance at Kanji's mother, then looked back at her boyfriend, "I got to thinking, okay? Do you have a problem with it?"

"N-no, not at all." Kanji looked down at his dinner, fidgeting awkwardly. It wasn't because she was being manly again, it was more because he had seen her shirtless. "Um… are you going to cut your hair too?"

"I was thinking about it, but your mother convinced me otherwise." Naoto smiled wryly, "It looks strange, doesn't it."

Kanji nodded and answered honestly, "A little." He peeked up at her, pushing his hair back, "But… it at least makes you look different from… that person."

_My Shadow._ Naoto nodded in understanding. "I'll just wear it like this for now."

"Perhaps a ponytail would look cool." Mrs. Tatsumi commented.

"Um, so, is that just for today?" Kanji asked.

"I don't know. We'll see."

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Ah, Yu-san, Dojima-san, good morning."

"G'morning."

Yu looked over, straightening a little and looking Naoto up and down. "…Nice… outfit."

"I'm well aware of how I appear, Yu-san." Naoto sighed, tugging her cap down a little. She had twisted her hair up and stuffed it into her hat, so it looked like she had short hair again—combined with a well-flattened chest, she found that she could still pull off her disguise pretty well.

In fact, surprisingly well, despite that she couldn't lower her voice a few octaves as she used to be able to. The shape of her face had gotten longer and sharper though, in contrast to the slightly round young boy face that she had had as the Detective Prince, so she was able to fool others into thinking she was a man even more easily than before, if she didn't speak.

"Are you working here now?" Yu asked.

"No, I'm simply observing things for the time being. I'll be working here after I get back from America." Naoto answered. "What are you doing here?"

"Hanging out with Uncle Dojima." He replied, "Hey, are you and Kanji still good for the date tonight?"

"Yes, we should be." Naoto nodded.

"Are you going to dress like that?" Yu asked straightforwardly.

"Maybe." Naoto turned to Ryotaro then. "Dojima-san, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor."

"Yeah? What is it?" Ryotaro looked up from his work.

"You said before that you worked with Kanji-kun's father. Do you… remember how he died?" Naoto asked carefully.

Ryotaro blinked slowly, rubbing his chin in thought. "Well… let's see… there was a biker gang… one of them hit him with their motorcycle. He was taken to the hospital—he got better from the hit, but one day, before he was cleared to leave the hospital, he just… collapsed."

"Trauma?"

"Yeah, something like that. He died shortly after that, at the municipal hospital." Ryotaro nodded. "Why?"

"Kanji-kun and his mother seemed hesitant to talk about it. I didn't want to bother them with my curiosity." Naoto shrugged. "Thank you for telling me."

"No problem."

Naoto talked to Yu and Ryotaro for a while, and then Yu and Naoto headed out to go to Junes.

"So how are things with you and Yukiko-san?"

"I didn't think you were one to stick your nose in people's private business," Yu chuckled, "outside of work, of course."

"Curiosity is part of my nature." Naoto smirked.

Yu grinned broadly as he answered her previous question. "We've kissed. It was magical."

"I honestly can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not." Naoto laughed.

"Well, unlike you, I've had kisses before. I'm not all that awkward about it." He teased.

"Hey!"

"So what about you? How're things with you and Kanji?"

"Well… they're going well, I suppose. A little awkward at the moment, with my… transition." Naoto shrugged, "He said he's okay with it, but his actions speak otherwise."

"Nah, he just thinks you're cuter like this." Yu grinned, "He doesn't know how to handle the situation, that's all."

Naoto blushed, looking away. "Well…"

Yu perked, noticing something. "Something on your mind?"

The younger detective looked thoughtful, trying to figure out the right words to say, but then she figured out that it was probably best to be as blunt about her thoughts as Yu was about everything.

"I think I'm in love with Kanji-kun."

Yu gave her an amused look.

"Really."

"Don't make fun of me." Naoto huffed, crossing her arms, "I just… I don't know when. But I'm not sure."

"What does love mean to you?" Yu asked.

"Eh? Well… I suppose, by a dictionary definition, it's a sexual and romantic attraction to—"

"I asked what it means to _you_." The silver-haired cop repeated, "To me, it's having someone that makes me happy, who I want to make happy. That person is the one I look forward to seeing most when I come home, and who I want to be with even if I'm away from her."

"Oh—I—I guess it's something like that." Naoto looked up at him, "Kanji-kun… is someone I want to protect, and who I want to be able to lean on when I can't stand… and someone I can talk to freely, and who will free me of my worries. He… accepts me for who I am, without question, and I'd like to think I do the same."

"Is that love to you? Or just… friendship?" Yu asked her carefully.

"I don't know…" Naoto let her gaze fall, and she watched the cement pass beneath her feet, "But when I'm with him… I feel warm, and my heart-rate goes up, which isn't really natural… and I don't understand why but when I think about him, especially when I'm not with him, all I want to do is be by his side… and hold his hand…"

"Is that something that happens with a friend?"

"No… so if it's not friendship, certainly, it must be love." Naoto sighed dreamily, "I just… don't understand when it happened. It didn't happen when I started dating him—it started long before that."

"Why do you need to question when? Just accept that you're in love with him." Yu smiled, "It's not a bad thing. It's… part of who you are."

"…"

"Isn't that what you've been searching for?"

_Have I… been searching for Kanji-kun, this entire time…?_

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Naoto had tried alcohol three times. The first time, when she was in Germany, her fellow detectives had convinced her that German beer was some of the best in the world. She had accepted an invitation to go out drinking with them, mostly out of politeness, and decided she didn't like beer very much. The second time was when she tried wine in France, when she was talking to Rise on the phone and she suggested that she at least try some of the world's best wine before she left. She decided she liked wine better than beer._

_ Both of those times, she had not gotten so drunk that she couldn't maintain her formal etiquette and her hangover in the morning had been unmanageable. She had not done anything ridiculous, embarrassing, or just plain stupid—she actually remembered the night before, unlike some of her more rowdy colleagues._

_ However, the third time she drank alcohol, it was a little more than she could handle._

_ She had been in Ireland, just returned from America and working on another case in the beautiful green country. There had been a murder on Saint Patrick's Day, so it was just her luck that most of the witnesses were drunk and couldn't actually remember what happened that night. She was able to help close the case, and like her time in Germany, her detective friends had invited her out to drink—and proposed a drinking contest, much to her dismay. At first she had refused, but some of them insisted it was all in fun—and they did look like they were having fun. Naoto eventually relented and only partially partook in the games—maybe it had a different effect on her, because the wine was stronger than the beer, and she had staggered back to her hotel that night with a pounding head and barely-working vision._

_ She was not a loud drunk, nor a happy one, but she was rather quiet and subdued, incoherent thoughts running through her head as she collapsed into bed. She tossed and turned for a while, and something irritated her in her drunken state, so much that she couldn't sleep it off—so she sat up, staring at the darkness and wondering if her sight was okay, because she couldn't see anything._

_ It was her thoughts—her thoughts were the things that bothered her. Those stupid thoughts wouldn't let her sleep until they went away. Maybe they would go away on their own, or maybe she needed to give them away. And so, she did as she always did when she wanted to get something off her chest—she called Kanji._

_ His was the last number she called, so it was easy to hit the redial button. In her state, trying to dial would have probably ended up as a wrong number. There were so many numbers to hit, too, since she wasn't in Japan…_

_ He picked up, and she smiled to herself._

"Hey, Naoto-kun."_ He greeted her cheerfully, _"You're up late. What time is it for you?"

_ "I don't know," She replied with a slight slur, squinting her eyes at the dark wall, but unable to see the clock, "I left the party pretty early though…"_

"Party?"_ Kanji sounded confused, and she could imagine his eyebrows furrowing in concern, _"You sound a little weird… are you okay?"

_ "Umm… I might've been drinking too much." Naoto rubbed her head sheepishly. "Though, now that you mention it, I don't really feel okay…"_

"Naoto-kun… drinking, really?"_ The man on the other side of the phone sighed. She wondered what he looked like now—he sounded very different from his teenager self. But that might have just been her ears not working correctly. _"You should get some rest…"

_ She pouted, "I just couldn't sleep. That's all." At least she was coherent—from what she understood, most people just couldn't even make full sentences when they were drunk._

"I… see."_ Kanji seemed unsure, _"When you can't sleep, it's normally because you're thinking too much. How do you even do that, when you're drunk like this?"

_ "Uh… I don't know." Naoto pursed her lips, "But you're right. I guess I have been thinking a lot. You sound different, Kanji-kun."_

"I don't think I sound any different from when you last called me, Naoto-kun."_ He replied, _"So what are you thinking about?"_ If she couldn't sleep, he might as well try to help her get her mind to stop thinking so she _could_ sleep. He was used to doing that._

_ "How much I miss you."_

"…Wuh."_ Kanji sputtered a little. Normally she just rambled or complained about something, she never outright admitted that she called because she missed them and just wanted to talk to them for no reason other than that._

_ Naoto giggled a little. "I miss you a lot… you and everyone… I miss you all." She said, "But I miss you the most."_

"Me…?"_ Kanji sounded like he was blushing. He probably was._

_ "You're the best friend ever, you know that?" The dazed detective smiled to herself, "God, you don't know how much I really, really l—"_

"Naoto-kun,"_ he interrupted her, _"I know how much you miss everyone… and me… and we—_I_ miss you too. A lot."

_ "You know?" Naoto's smile faded a little bit, "That's a relief… I don't like it when people don't know the truth."_

"When are you coming home…?"_ Kanji asked hopefully._

_ "I don't know… I finished my case in Ireland! Stupid Saint Patrick's Day murder…" She mumbled, "Poisoned cookies, can you believe it?"_

"Yes, you've told me about that before."_ Kanji said patiently, _"You didn't answer my question."

_ "Oh, well… I don't know. 'Home' is lonely now." Naoto said quietly, tracing random shapes on the bedspread, "It's big and empty and… I don't like reading _Sherlock Holmes_ by myself anymore."_

"Naoto-kun…"_ The voice on the phone paused, _"You know, you always have a home here in Inaba."

_ "No I don't. Home is where the heart is… it's where family is. They're all gone now." Naoto said sadly. "I'm homeless. It's a strange feeling."_

"We're family too, Naoto-kun. We're not gone. We'll always be here."_ Kanji reassured her, sounding upset. Maybe it was because he realized that she didn't exactly consider the Investigation Team and everyone else _family_._

_ She went on as if she didn't hear him. "I might have lied… I said no more lies, but I think I lied."_

"Naoto-kun?"

_ "The person I miss most isn't you."_

"…"_ Kanji went silent. She couldn't tell if he was hurt, shocked, both, or just patiently waiting for her to continue. He always did know that sometimes, she just needed an ear to listen to her when she had to ramble._

_ "I—I miss grampa."_

_ Kanji understood, then. The real reason Naoto couldn't sleep—she had been thinking about her grandfather. He couldn't blame her, what with that case in America—it was rare that people still mentioned her grandfather's name, but when they did, she never showed them how much it hurt her to keep remembering him._

_ "Kanji-kun, why did he have to die…? Why did he leave?" Naoto curled up in a ball, hugging her legs as she rested her chin on her knees. "I miss him… I miss him a lot."_

_ There was a long silence, and he didn't answer her. Random melancholy thoughts swirled in her head rapidly—fast enough to give her a headache. Her chest hurt—like someone was trying to rip out her heart. She hugged herself tighter._

_ "I… I miss mama… and papa…" She trembled, sounding more childish with every word, "I miss grampa and mama and papa… I wish they were still here."_

_ As she lifted her gaze to stare around the room, shapes appearing in the darkness as her blurry vision got used to the lighting, she couldn't help but feel the same distinct coldness she had felt in every room she'd slept in since she left "home". It was a very lonely coldness._

_ "I don't know what to… to do anymore…. I wish they would tell me, l-like they used to." Her voice was cracking, and she didn't bother to keep the normal deep, formal tone she had when she wasn't drunk, "I wish they were s-still here!"_

_ There was still no response, and Naoto almost wondered if Kanji was gone too._

_ That thought scared her._

_ She didn't want to lose Kanji too._

_ "I miss th-them…" She stammered, her words not coming correctly, like they didn't listen to her command anymore and stayed choked down in her throat. "I-I don't remember mama and papa anymore… I don't remember what their f-faces look like. What if I forget grampa t… too?"_

_ Kanji finally spoke. _"You won't forget your grampa, Naoto-kun."_ He assured her, _"You and your grampa loved each other… you won't forget him."

_ "I forgot mama and p-papa." She shook a little more, "I don't even remember their… their smiles. I… I wish I could remember them. I just remember… I liked their smiles. And I—I made them go away."_

"…"

_ "I… if they weren't looking at m-me… wouldn't they have lived? Th-that car wouldn't have hit them, they could have… could have avoided it, right?" Naoto whispered. Something wet hit her knee, and she looked down. She couldn't see what it was, but something warm slipped down her cheek. Had she started crying?_

_ It didn't matter. She didn't stop herself._

_ "But they didn't… they—they died. It was my fault…. It was my fault they died."_

"Naoto-kun, it was not your fault that your parents died. It was an accident."_ He reminded her firmly. He knew what it was like to blame himself for the death of someone he loved—and he knew that if he let her blame take over her, she would fall into a deeper despair than she was already in._

_ "I should have died—I should have died that day too."_

"Naoto-kun!"_ Kanji's voice was loud on the phone, but it felt so distant. When had she dropped the phone? It was on the bed now, its glowing face staring up at the ceiling, filling the room with an eerie, soft blue glow. She held her head in her hands, feeling absolutely miserable. _"Never wish that you had died that day!"

_ "I sh-should have. If that piece of glass had been j-just a little more to the l-left, I would have died."_

"W-what?"_ Kanji seemed surprised._

_ "The one that was i-in my shoulder." Naoto stuttered brokenly, as if entranced with the idea of death, "The left one. C-closer to my heart."_

_ Maybe that's why, when someone tried to kill her in America, they tried to stab her. It must have been some sort of ironic fate. Maybe she was supposed to die that day—or the next._

"B-but, you didn't die!"_ Kanji said loudly, sounding frustrated, _"You were meant to live! Damn it, Naoto-kun, never wish yourself dead, never think that! You—you're scaring me!"

_ "…"_

_ There was no answer._

"Naoto-kun? Naoto-kun!"

_ He stopped shouting. His panic escalated, and then—quiet sobbing reached his ears._

_ Her fears, her pain, her loneliness—he could hear it all in that heartbreaking sound._

_ In this moment, she was everything she seemed to be. There were no more hidden truths, no more facades, no more words that pretended to be strong when she wasn't. So he let her cry—he let her miss the people she couldn't see anymore, and mourn over the family she never had._

_ Maybe that was why she didn't consider everyone her family—because in truth, she had never known what it was in the first place. She had never known a family bigger than her grandfather._

_ "I miss them… all of them… I miss _you_." She cried softly, "I'm sorry I scared you… I'm scared—I'm scared too. I—I don't want to… to die."_

"Naoto-kun… it's okay…"_ Kanji didn't know if she could hear him, but he hoped his words would reach her. _"D… don't worry. Everything will be okay. Do you hear me?"_ He tried to sound confident, but his worry for her cut away all other emotions and became the only tone in his voice, _"You're not going to die—no one's going to die anymore, okay? You'll be fine. You won't forget your grampa… I know it. You'll be okay. You'll get better. I promise. I—"

_ She had not seen his face in over four years… and she was afraid that she would forget _him_ too. Had she already forgotten his face?_

_ How she wished she could see him right now. More than she wished her broken family was still alive, she wished someone—anyone—would just… hold her, like the child she was at heart, and cradle her until she went to sleep. And god, she needed some sleep right now._

"I know you're sad right now, but—I promised, remember? If you ever feel lonely or you need to talk, I'm here for you. I'm not going away, Naoto-kun."

_ He was trying so hard to reassure her… to comfort her… He always did. And he was always there, just like he promised, but—she wanted him to be the one to hold her the most. And he _couldn't_._

_ "I wish you were here right now. God, Kanji-kun… I wish you were here right now."_

_ She sat on the bed, sobbing to the voice on the phone, wondering where home had gone… and why she wasn't there._

_ Kanji spoke to her until she fainted, and even after that, as he listened to the silence of her slumber, he couldn't understand why the sound of her breathing was so unsettling._

_ It meant she was alive, didn't it?_

.~.~.~.~.~.

A/N: I was looking through the flashbacks at the end of the chapters thus far. (How many of you have figured out that that's there to show how Naoto's been trying to discover her identity in the past and what lessons she's taken away as she walks through life?) I thought it would be interesting if I read them in chronological order... (Wow, I'm starting to realize how many flashbacks has Naoto as a 20-year-old... I don't blame her, that's one of the most important years in her life, in this fanfic at least.) And if you want to do it too, then to make it easy, here's a list of the order so far:

Chapter 2 (Naoto is 13 years old here, this is the farthest flashback. Month unknown.)  
Chapter 8 (This happens during the game, and she's 16. If I recall, her arc was in October, or somewhere near there.)  
Chapter 1 (19 years old, probably in April or May.)  
Chapter 7 (Also 19, probably somewhere in the summer or later in the year, after the Chapter 1 flashback.)  
Chapter 4 (Just turned 20 or so, I think, so this would be in April and/or May.)  
Chapter 3 (20 years old, taking place in January of the year after the Chapter 4 flashback.)  
Chapter 5 (Takes place directly after the Chapter 3 flashback, so she's still 20. It says two months and has the anniversary date, so this would be March.)  
Chapter 6 (Still taking place right after Chapter 3 and 5, she'd be 21. Counting up the days stated in the beginning, this flashback takes place in maybe August or September.)  
Chapter 9 (This takes place directly after the Chapter 6 flashback. 21 years old, October or November.)


	10. Five Years was Not Enough

Author's Note: First off, thank you so much, everyone who reviewed on the last chapter! :O That made me so happy ;_; you don't even know... Hehe. Anyway, in reply to some of your reviews! (I know some replies are longer than others. It's... unintentional...)

**KingOfShadowedOnes:** I'm glad you think it's realistic, I'm kinda going for that.

**Ichigopocky:** I know that feeling, I squeal when new chapters of stuff I read come out too.

**eXtraNIo:** It's good to hear from you again! I'm not quite sure what you were saying about Naoto's evolution (sorry I don't speak spanish very well!) but I hope I'm doing a good job writing Naoto!

**Tsukiko:** Oh... I haven't actually thought that far ahead, but the idea of Kanji having a new Shadow too does seem interesting! I'll think about it! (No guarantees, but it sure does sound like good plot!)

**Echochess:** For some reason I feel proud to have been your first reviewed story. c: (Does this mean I took your review virginity? Haha) I do hope you'll continue reviewing in the future! And I'm glad I've written the grown up version of characters in a way that you could see them in your head. It's stuff like this that's subjective to every person's perspective, so I'm glad I'm not alone in seeing them like this, having their own problems even as adults. I know it's not as action-packed as a video game, and it seems more slice of life, but I do hope I'm making it entertaining!

**-Nia****-:** I don't know your FFN name. But you signed with that so I'm going with it XD. I know the feeling of staying up to read something when I should be in bed! Anyway, I'm glad you can empathize with Naoto, and, uh, welcome to the country? Hehe. (Inept is such a Naoto word by the way. I love it. :D) The way you've described my fiction, as with "deeper meanings", "issues raised toward identity", and "the answers one is looking for", I think, is absolutely perfect-it's almost everything I'm going for and I'm _so_ glad someone has been able to get this much of a feel for it! It makes me really happy! I hope I don't disappoint with the direction of this fanfiction, then! Also, fanart? Ohmygosh, I'm spazzing here... any fanart would make me a very, very happy author! I'd love to see anything you do make. (And as for ideas, I don't want to make you draw something you don't want to... anything would be fine, even your favorite scene from the fanfic! Idk, Kanji and Naoto on the phone, because that happens a lot in this fanfic? Just a suggestion. Hehe.)

**Stallord12:** You really need to get a FFN account, haha. I hope you had a good time on vacation! It's good to hear from you again, and I do hope things get less hectic for you (I hope things get less hectic for me too xD). I'm glad I'm able to get the emotions in, I know it's definitely a challenge, but... Idk, I guess I get practice? Or I'm just an emotional person. I tend to get into character and make myself cry with scenes like the last chapter's flashback. Honestly, as someone who's kinda had that happen to her, it really is a scary thing. Even if Naoto's not contemplating suicide or anything, it's certainly a very frightening thought, and I would freak out just like Kanji did. It's a little more disturbing when she's crying, you know, instead of something like the other chapter when she was relatively rational when she asked Kanji to shoot her.

That's it for review replies. I've been on a writing streak lately I guess, so I've got plenty written out (god, I can't wait to post some of the later chapters... but I can't say much, that'll be spoiling it for you guys!)... Halfway through last week, I was so excited to post more I almost did it on Tuesday! What do you guys think, should I post a bonus chapter this coming Tuesday? Maybe if I get enough reviews! Hehe.

As for this week's chapter, the only thing I must note is that I know nothing about motorcycles (I'm... guessing. Really. I hope it's not too bad?). I'm not too fond of the last couple sections, as like before it seemed a little rushed... but anyway, I'm off to Persona 3-trying to get more of a feel for the Persona world, you know? Hopefully it'll make this fanfic better! Enjoy this week's chapter! (And sorry for the long-looking A/N!)

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 10: Five Years was Not Enough**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Yu-san did say you used to crash into things often… didn't you go through three bikes in one year? How did you manage to keep a motorcycle this long without destroying it?"

"Hey, I'm not that bad a driver!" Yosuke crossed his arms, "I mean, I was trying to avoid—a—uh, cat. Yeah."

"Lying to me is futile, Yosuke-san." Naoto chuckled, rolling her eyes. "You're fortunate that it was me who found you, at least."

"Uh, yeah, fortunate." Yosuke said dryly, "So is my motorcycle okay?"

"It should be fine—I patched up the scratch there, but you might need to take it to the shop." Naoto stood up, brushing off her pants, "And the wiring didn't get too badly damaged, but you should replace the battery. It looks like it's at the end of its life already."

"Thanks, man," Yosuke looked relieved, carefully taking the handles of the bike and kicking the foot in, "Who would've thought, ace detective Shirogane Naoto can fix a motorcycle!"

"Well, I do own three." Naoto smirked, watching his eyes bulge, "Two were gifts, one was of my own style preference. And if you count the scooter and the dirt bike, I have five."

"Dude, it took me six years to save up for _one_! You know, since high school. And with Chie and Kuma charging things to me all the time…" Yosuke began grumbling to himself.

"You should learn how to keep it in good shape then." Naoto crossed her arms, "You're heading to Okina City, right? There should be a repair shop there, I've seen it on the way to and from Inaba. I think your battery should be good for a round trip, but I recommend stopping by there before coming back, at the least."

"How'd you know so much about fixing my ride, anyhow? I didn't take you to be much of a mechanic." Yosuke walked the red and orange motorcycle out to the street so he could head on his way. How did he even manage to end up in that alley, Naoto would never know.

"I took two years of engineering, remember?" Naoto shrugged, "And like I said, I own three motorcycles, and I've learned how to maintain all of them. And the cars, but that's mostly Yakushiji-san."

Yosuke started up the motorcycle, carefully eying the dashboard. The thing didn't explode on him, at least. "Dude, you're the best. I mean, I was going to go ask Kanji to help me out, since he's nearby, but despite how macho the guy looks, I doubt he can fix stuff like you can."

"Machines aren't his forte." Once again, the blue-haired detective shrugged, "Anyway, sorry to have kept you waiting. I'm sure you have some business to attend to."

"Right. I'll make this up to you later, Naoto!" Yosuke got on the bike, "Thanks again! See you later!" And with that, he sped off.

Naoto shook her head almost fondly, picking up her things and going back to Tatsumi Textiles.

Mrs. Tatsumi greeted her at the front. "Welcome back—that took longer than I thought. Did the grocery store not have the vegetables?" She asked.

Naoto shook her head. "Ah, no, I was helping a friend with his motorcycle… it broke down not too far away from here, and I happened across him…."

"How kind," Mrs. Tatsumi gave one of her ancient, wrinkled smiles, "Alright, Kanji will be back soon, so why don't we get started with lunch."

"Um…" Naoto blinked, noting her plural use of pronouns, "Did you… need my assistance with it?"

Mrs. Tatsumi looked over at her. "I wouldn't mind the extra help—especially with washing things. My hands get so flaky when they go near water." She explained. "And the pans feel like they're getting heavier all the time…"

"Oh—I see, of course." _How hard can it be?_ Naoto thought. _It's not like solving a mystery—I'll have a recipe, right? I can make things with a recipe… it's just putting things together in the right order. Like a puzzle… right?_

It turned out that Naoto wasn't all that good a cook, Kanji would later learn. When he got back from a different errand that his mother had sent him on earlier, he sat down for lunch and began to eat—and then wondered why it tasted burnt.

Naoto apologized for it repeatedly—apparently, she did not know how to make sautéed vegetables, much less what "sauté" was, and she was a horrible judge of how hot something should be or how long to keep the pan on the oven. Even when things started turning black, or setting on fire. How she didn't figure out that was a bad thing was a complete mystery.

"I'm sorry—I'm not a very good cook—I mean, I always had the chefs at the estate, and when I was travelling it was room service, and—"

"Naoto-kun, stop apologizing, I get it." Kanji laughed, ruffling her hair playfully, "At least you're a better cook than Rise-chan. And your food didn't turn purple, so…"

Naoto gave him a blank look. "…Rise-chan works at a tofu store… how can she—"

"…Oh, right, you weren't there for that." Kanji blinked. He grinned, telling her about the school camping trip from way back then, and then the cook off.

"What… I can understand Chie-san, but I can't believe Yukiko-san used to be such a bad cook!" Naoto laughed a little.

"Yeah, that's what we thought, too—considering she was supposed to be the heiress to the inn and all." Kanji ran his hand through his hair, "She's much better now, but back then, everyone called it Mystery Food X. You're lucky you never had to _eat_ it."

"Oh, my…" Naoto laughed harder. Kanji watched in something akin to awe for a minute. When her laughter died down, she realized he was staring and she blushed, looking over at him. "W-why are you staring at me like that?"

"It's just… I've never heard you laugh so hard." He smiled affectionately at her.

"Actually, laughing this hard kind of hurts. I don't remember the last time I've ever laughed." Naoto put her hand to her chest. "But… I'm glad you told me. I don't know much about what happened with everyone before I joined the team…"

"Makes you feel kinda left out, huh?" Kanji leaned forward, leaning his elbow on the table, "Sorry about that."

"No, it's okay." The short detective shook her head.

"Are you alright?"

She looked up at him. "Huh?"

"You said it hurt." He explained when he saw her confusion.

"Oh… It's just the bindings." She could feel the bindings underneath her shirt tug at her skin. "It doesn't hurt anymore."

"How's that going for you?" He asked curiously. It had been quite a number of days, but occasionally he would look at her the way he was now and she could tell he was worried.

"It's not like I'm going to stop breathing." She rolled her eyes, "But… I suppose that's not what you're asking, aren't you?"

He nodded a little. "Have you… figured out about that?"

"Actually, yes, I have," She nodded, "You know, today I helped Yosuke-san fix his motorcycle. Just outside here." She saw his questioning look, so she continued, "He called me a male three times during our conversation."

"You kept track?" Kanji looked amused.

"It wasn't unnoticeable." She shrugged, "But even if he was just speaking normally, which I know he was, it felt forced to me."

"Like he was going out of his way to treat you as the gender you want to be?" Kanji asked.

"No, like… my mentality emphasized it for me, and noticing it made me a little… uncomfortable." Naoto bit her lip, looking down, "Besides… when I was trying to get to sleep last night, I got to thinking about how early I'd have to get up to bind my chest, and then the train of thought continued…"

"And…?"

"It's really bothersome, to be honest." Naoto smiled wryly, "It takes a lot of work to be a male, but when I think about it, it really makes no difference in how people treat me anymore. And besides that, like just now, it hurts a little bit."

"So… you're going to stop binding, at the least." Kanji said slowly, trying to figure out whatever conclusion she had come to.

"While having a female body is frustrating at times, it is not nearly as frustrating as trying to turn this body into a man's." Naoto sighed, "Besides… Mother would be disappointed in me if she knew I wanted to change the body she had given me."

"Don't make your decisions based on someone else's influence." Kanji took her hand, "Even if it was your mother, I don't think she would've been disappointed with you."

"I know. But it doesn't matter, that was _beside_ the point. I've made my decision." Naoto smiled at him, "I think that outwardly, it doesn't matter anymore."

"The only person it _should_ matter to is yourself." Kanji stared at her, "Just to be sure, though, you're absolutely positive that you're comfortable with this? I mean, your Shadow…"

"Yes, I'm sure. Besides, going on our date later this afternoon wouldn't be as fun if I couldn't breathe." Naoto chuckled.

Kanji blinked. "Uh, yeah, you still haven't told me where we're going for that date."

A coy grin. "You'll see."

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Aw, Naoto-kun, I thought you looked handsome before!" Rise giggled when her friend stopped by Marukyu later that day, "Coming back to our side already?"

"Wha—what does it matter." Naoto pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. She had changed into a comfortable white sleeveless collared shirt with a blue undershirt, and at the moment Rise was complimenting her on her choice of fashion. She also said something about how her fashion choices as a male were really strange. "Hey—"

"So what can I do for you today?" Rise grinned, changing the subject so Naoto didn't have time to complain.

"I just thought I'd visit. Kanji-kun is finishing up work, and I have nothing to do." She shrugged.

"Ohh, okay." Rise gave her a cat-like grin—Naoto didn't like that grin. It meant Rise was planning something. "Grandma, I'm gonna go out for a bit! I'll be back soon!"

"Don't wander too far!" The old woman at the back called.

Rise took off her apron, leaving the front counter. "C'mon, let's take a walk."

Naoto sighed, following her as they walked to the nearby shrine. They talked idly for a while, and then Rise brought up Naoto's relationship with Kanji.

"So, is it getting serious?"

"Serious?" She lifted an eyebrow, waiting for the brunette woman to continue.

"Well, you know. Have you kissed yet?" Rise asked with a sly grin.

"No," Naoto answered, as always, "We've gotten used to holding hands and hugging. That's it."

"Oh come on, Naoto-kun! Don't you like Kanji-kun? You should go for it already!"

"I told you, we're doing things at our own pace. We're not part of one of your corny TV dramas." Naoto sighed in exasperation.

"How do you know they're corny?"

"Please. You kept sending me links in my email to watch some of the shows you were in. They hurt my eyes." Naoto said dryly, "I'm not kidding, those things gave me a headache that aspirin didn't work on."

Rise blinked. "Oh, right. But—hey, it's not that bad!"

"We're getting off topic here." Naoto ran her hand through her hair, and then adjusted her hat. They sat down at a bench, "You know, I bet if you took it slow instead of trying to recreate those TV drama relationships, you could find that man you've been looking for this whole time."

"Oh yeah?" Rise smiled at her, "So if I'm looking for the kind of relationship that lasts a lifetime… and you're giving me advice on how to find it… that means you've already found it, right?"

"Huh?" Naoto blinked, looking over, "Well—it's not like… well, we don't know if it will be—"

"But you _believe_ it will be. That's… really admirable, Naoto-kun." Rise said sincerely, "Now I really do wish I could find a guy like Yu-sempai or Kanji-kun."

"Now you're saying both of their names? Broadening your expectations, aren't you." Her friend smiled at her.

"So have you told him you love him yet?"

Naoto's eyes widened and she sputtered. "What—"

"It's not… _not_ obvious, Naoto-kun. Like we just confirmed, you believe it will last a lifetime. You've fallen in love with Kanji-kun, right?"

Naoto blushed deeply. "Why are you suddenly…"

"You guys really do belong together. I'm jealous." Rise gave a small, playful grin, "I know you've only been dating a few weeks, but I know you both have _felt_ that relationship there for much longer."

"…"

Rise and Naoto sat in silence for a while, and then Rise got bored of getting no response, so she sighed and changed the subject. "So, you decided to be a girl again?"

"It was easier." Naoto shrugged. _No, I did not _decide_ to be a girl. It's just something I've come to accept._

"It was too hard to be a guy again, so you took the easy way out?" Rise lifted an eyebrow.

"Sometimes, the easy way isn't the wrong way. Sometimes it's really just as simple as 'the easy way out'." Naoto shrugged. "Perhaps it was meant to be this way. It doesn't feel wrong, and it feels a little right. More right than it ever has in the past. So I'm okay with this."

"If you're sure." Rise nodded. "You're prettier like this anyway. I like it."

"Thank you," Naoto replied uneasily, not sure how to take the compliment.

"I just have one question though."

"What is it?" Knowing Rise, though, it was probably more than _one_ question.

"Is this the truth you've been seeking? Or at least, a small part of it?"

Naoto glanced at her friend in surprise. The maroon-haired woman's face was oddly serious, and she was gazing straight into her cobalt eyes with a sense of… wisdom, maybe. It almost seemed as if Rise had heard her unspoken, hidden thoughts anyway. Perhaps it was Kanzeon's doing.

"Perhaps the truth of my identity will only come to me in small pieces, and I will never have the whole puzzle—but I feel as though I'm getting there, little by little." Naoto nodded.

"What if there's no puzzle at all?"

"Are you talking about the fact that humans are always changing, therefore the pieces will always be scattered?"

"Do you know what you're looking for, exactly?"

"Saying 'my identity' is rather vague, because I don't know what that is… so no." Naoto replied, not breaking her gaze. Rise was definitely talking to Kanzeon.

"There's something I learned—Kuma-kun and I both—when we met our Shadows." Rise said quietly, finally breaking her gaze. She looked at the ground, her eyes tracing the cobblestones. "In our search for the 'truth', we all undergo _suffering_. Kuma-kun's Shadow asked us why we searched for something we didn't know, or things we didn't know even existed. He asked why we all fought so hard if struggle wasn't worth it. But… back then… we knew it was worth it. Those struggles made us stronger and became a part of who we are. And we fought because there was something driving us to fight—something we had faith in. Maybe it was Yu-sempai—or maybe it was ourselves, and our own skills, no matter how inadequate we were for the job. We were just teenagers after all, what did we know?"

"Rise-chan…?"

"So even if it didn't exist, we searched for it—our 'true selves'… do you think we ever found it?" Rise looked over at her again. "Maybe Kuma-kun did. He seems pretty content with the way he is."

"And you?" Naoto asked carefully.

"You and I are the same, Naoto-kun." Rise suddenly smiled brightly, catching the detective off guard, "My 'self' is always changing! So I'm not going to dwell on something I'll never actually find, I'm going to be okay if I have even small bits of the truth of who I am!"

"I admire your versatility, Rise-chan," Naoto smiled back at her, "But for me… I'm a little different."

"I know, you've gotta know the whole truth, huh? It's your job." Rise giggled, "And that's fine too. We'll support you all the way."

"You and Kanzeon?" Naoto lifted an eyebrow.

"Of course!" Rise nodded, jumping up and stretching, "And everyone else too, no duh."

"I know. Thank you." Naoto smiled.

"So if you need help fighting your second Shadow, we're totally there for you."

Once again, Naoto was caught off guard.

"W-wait, what—?!" She sputtered, stiffening.

"Oh come on, I talk to Kuma-kun a lot. Besides, Kanzeon can easily tell you have a Shadow. We sensed it last time we went to the TV world to see Kuma-kun." Rise turned to face her friend, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Well—it's not like I was keeping it a secret. I just…"

"I know Shadows tend to reveal some pretty embarrassing things, but the whole Investigation Team is behind you, you know that!" Rise pouted, "Nothing we learn from the Shadow is gonna change how we feel about you!"

"I—err—" Naoto blushed. "I… meant to tell you. I just… never found the right opportunity."

"I know, I know." Rise smiled softly, "I'm not an ace detective like you, but if I can help you find out who you are, without just telling you, I will."

"So you do know." The pint-sized detective sighed in resignation.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. For all I know, there's no 'real you', just like me, and your Shadow is going to be there until you realize that." Rise shrugged, "But that's beyond the point."

"I know."

"I think you're late for your date with Kanji-kun." The idol grinned mischievously.

"Wh-what?"_ That_ certainly wasn't what Naoto expected Rise to say.

How did Rise keep catching her off guard like that?

.~.~.~.~.~.

"The… Samegawa Floodplain?"

"I know it seems rather odd, but I like this place." Naoto smiled to herself.

"Are we going fishing?"

"Did you bring any fishing rods?" She returned easily, amused by Kanji's reaction.

"…Then what are we doing here?"

"This is the only place in Inaba with an abundance of trees. Which you can climb without getting in trouble, at least." Naoto chuckled. She saw his expression grow even more confused, so she pointed at a rather tall tree along the riverbank and walked toward it. "When I was younger, I loved to climb trees. I suppose I discovered that pastime when Yakushiji and grampa told me to play outside every once and a while—they didn't like that I kept staying in to read _Sherlock Holmes_."

"Oh, I see." Kanji blinked, following her, "You wanted to climb trees?"

"I think it would be fun if we did it together. Have you ever climbed one?" Naoto asked curiously.

"I… never really thought about it. I guess I always thought I'd be too heavy and break a branch or something. It shouldn't be too hard, right?" The dark-haired man shrugged, "But I guess it makes sense that you like to climb trees… trees have high places."

"Actually, it was because of the trees that I decided I liked high places." Naoto corrected, looking up at the lowest branch on the tree they now stood under. She crouched a little, then jumped up and grabbed it, pulling herself up with practiced, if not slightly rusty, grace. Once she was carefully balanced on the branch, she looked down at him. "The sunset should be beautiful from up there, though."

Kanji watched her in awe as she climbed up to the next branch, allowing him room to make his own way up. He shook his head, chuckling a little bit, and tried to copy her—though he had significantly less balance and confidence, wobbling uneasily as he clung to the trunk with one hand.

"You make it look really easy, Naoto-kun."

"I've had years of practice." Naoto grinned at him, climbing higher and waiting for him to catch up. When they finally made it as high as they could before the branches thinned out, They sat down on two branches, facing each other, and Naoto noted how tired he looked. "You've really never climbed a tree before, even as a child, have you."

"Ma didn't like me doing dangerous stuff. Never did." He answered, trying to catch his breath. "How is it that you haven't even broken a sweat? This was a workout! I thought you hated exercise."

"I'm not unfit," Naoto crossed her arms, "I'm the fastest out of everyone on the Investigation Team, I can chase criminals for long periods of time, and I can lift the heaviest doors if I need to find a secret hideout. I don't like exercising, but that doesn't mean I can't do it."

He stared at her. "You always tried to get out of P.E. in school, you never joined any sports clubs, and you always finished last when we did laps—"

"I was restricted by my physical mentality back then." Naoto stated simply.

He opened his mouth to respond, but then stopped, realizing what she meant. So the only thing that came out was a simple, "Oh."

So that's what she meant earlier, when she said their date "wouldn't be as fun if she couldn't breathe".

"I haven't climbed trees since I became the Detective Prince back then… it feels nice." Naoto looked out to the horizon, which was lined by the shadows of the buildings in the near distance.

Kanji looked out, his eyes scanning the town he had lived in his whole life. "It really is kinda nice up here." He trailed his gaze back to Naoto, silent for a moment. Her face looked so serene in this moment, like she had nothing to worry about and not a care in the world for everything that had happened thus far. "We should come here more often."

"Yes…"

She seemed like she was drifting off, like she could fall asleep at any moment—her eyes were still open, though, and her gaze was distant. He could tell that a place like this allowed her mind to clear and she would just _think_ about things here.

"What're you thinking about?"

"Something the 'Other Me' said."

He blinked. That was unexpected.

"It said that I was wrong to search for a 'true self' that is separate from the pieces of my 'identity'…"

"Yeah, I know. I was there." Kanji said softly.

"And that I have faced my physical reality, but I haven't accepted it."

There was silence for a moment. Kanji was trying to figure out where Naoto was going with this.

"Haven't you?"

"I don't know." She replied quietly, "Earlier I said it didn't matter what I outwardly looked like. But within my consciousness, I don't even know what to call myself anymore." It was true that in her mind, there was a strange transition from "male" to "female" and back to "male" again, and she didn't know how to handle it. "I mean… in my head, sometimes I want to think I'm a male, but when everyone calls me the opposite, there's a pressure that makes me think I'm wrong. Even when I _know_ I have the body of a female, something in me just doesn't accept that ideal, and I have to resist the urge to change myself like I used to."

"So that's why you were experimenting the past few days?" Kanji asked softly.

"Yes…. My heart tells me I'm not meant to be a female… and I think that's my 'real self'. But everyone else doesn't see me that way. Even you." Naoto didn't meet Kanji's gaze, not wanting to see his expression. Would he be hurt if she said something like that? "And if that's the case… I think I just have to get used to accepting the fact that people see me differently than the way I see myself. Like you said, the only one my identity should matter to is myself, and if this is the only way for me to be comfortable with myself and how others see me… then that should be okay, right?"

"…Right." Kanji answered after a moment, and Naoto wondered if she had actually hurt his feelings just now. However, he stuck by his resolution; that he would be okay with whatever Naoto chose to do or be.

"I was talking to Rise-chan earlier today… she said that there might not even _be_ a 'real me'… and I want to believe her." Naoto looked over at her boyfriend, "I want to believe it's as simple as just taking things in stride, like she does, and not worrying about who I might be. Maybe I'm just trying to figure it out something that doesn't need figuring out… and it's a little frustrating."

"You think your Shadow is right, then?" Kanji asked seriously.

"It's my Shadow… it can't be wrong. I know that." Naoto sighed, "I just want to keep denying it, because as long as it's there, I have a chance of taking the easy way out and just letting it tell me who I am. But it—and Rise-chan—are right… I wouldn't be happy if I couldn't figure it out on my own."

"But you don't have to figure it out on your own." The brown-haired man reminded her.

"I know, and I really am thankful, but there's only so much soul-searching I can do, and I know I have to do some of it by myself." Naoto sighed, "Those five years I spent away, I had so much time to think… but in the end, it looks like even five years will never be enough."

"Naoto-kun…" There was a long silence, and then Kanji leaned toward her a little. "Close your eyes."

She blinked, staring at him. "What?"

"Just do it." He smiled reassuringly at her.

"…Alright…" She replied slowly, hesitant but closing her eyes anyway. "What is the point of—"

"What are you seeing?"

"Seeing? My eyes are closed, I'm not seeing anything." Naoto frowned.

"Alright then," Kanji sounded like he was smiling, "I'm going to say something, and I want you to tell me the first image that comes to your mind."

"Eh? Okay…" What was Kanji doing? She couldn't figure it out.

"Yourself."

"…"

Naoto's face didn't change. When she thought about what her 'self' was, the first image that came to mind was the person she saw in the mirror every morning—long blue hair, a body she never asked for, piercing cobalt eyes that sometimes scared her, and the hat she was rarely seen without.

"Are you seeing your younger self, your Shadow, or you as you are right now?" Kanji asked when she didn't say anything for a while.

"…I see myself, as I am right now. Nothing more, nothing less." She paused, "As a… a man stuck in the body of a female. I suppose, by logical definition, then, I see myself as physically female."

She was about to open her eyes when he spoke again. "Yamato-Takeru."

The first thing that came to her mind was the last time she had seen her Persona, flying off toward the maze in her heart's "reality". She remembered wondering where it was going, and why it was acting so strange and mysterious.

"The… the maze."

"You see the maze when I say Yamato-Takeru?" Kanji sounded confused.

"Yes… you said to tell you the first thing I see. I see Yamato-Takeru flying toward the maze." She paused. "And he seems amused at all of this. Strange to hear from him now, though—he's been quiet lately."

There was a silence. Naoto was waiting for the next thing he wanted her to tell him she saw.

"You and me."

A second after he said that, her eyes snapped open and she sputtered, staring at him. "Wh-wha…"

He looked amused, but when she looked at him, the expression dropped and he became curious. "What did you see?"

"Uh—well—" Naoto coughed to clear her throat, looking away and blushing madly. She mumbled something Kanji couldn't hear.

"What?" He lifted an eyebrow, leaning forward again to try to hear her better.

"Just… it looked… like something that could be on a postcard. It was… cozy and homey… and maybe it looked like something in the future from now, like in another five years, and… err…" Naoto didn't meet his gaze, "well, I was certainly a female." _And you were _really_ handsome._

He stared at her for a moment, and then decided that he probably shouldn't comment about how cute she looked when she was flustered, because that would make her more conscious about it. Even though he wanted to know what exactly she had been thinking, he probably couldn't get much more out of her about it. So, he changed the subject for her sake.

"You were right—you don't need to figure out something that doesn't need figuring out." He commented.

She looked up at him again, her expression contorted in confusion. "Huh?"

"If you see yourself as a female in the future… I don't see why you're making a fuss about it now." Kanji smiled kindly at her. "I mean, not that it says anything about your mental gender, but y'know, it at least means you're accepting your physical gender. Isn't that what your Shadow said you weren't doing before? Guess we just proved it wrong."

"Ah—oh." She blinked slowly, then smiled a little bit. "I—I suppose you're right."

"Your 'true self' and your 'identity' might really just be as simple as letting it come to you as it does, just like right now. So don't think about it too much—I know you want to figure out the whole truth, Naoto-kun, but maybe you really should do as Rise-chan does and just take things in stride. The whole truth should come to you in time, if you're patient enough."

She stared at him for a long time. This was a man who was sure of who he was and what he wanted, and this was a man whom she would trust with her own life. Right now, he really wanted her to be happy, didn't he? The thought made her feel warm, and a wider smile crept onto her already upturned lips.

"Thank you."

"No problem, Naoto-kun." He grinned earnestly at her, "You always did think too much."

They locked gazes, and after a moment, Naoto broke away, looking toward the horizon, as she had been doing before. The sky was already orange—how long had they been up there?

"The sunset is beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah…"

She glanced over at Kanji again, but she found that he was still gazing lovingly at _her_.

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Naoto-san, you can play piano?"

"Of course. I used to play violin, but I haven't practiced… however, I do remember my piano lessons much better." Naoto nodded to the little brunette she was with.

"You're so talented!" Nanako gasped in awe.

Naoto had gone over to the Dojima house again, but Nanako was at school, so she hung out with Yu for a while, talking idly with him. When Nanako got home, she found the long-haired woman playing the keyboard Ryotaro had set up in the living room for Nanako to practice—she had started taking piano lessons five years ago, and Naoto had learned from Yu that it was because her mother had used to be a piano teacher.

"I am probably not as talented as you."

"Hey, hey, let's play a song together!" Nanako clapped happily, sitting down as Naoto made room for her at the bench. "What do you know?"

"I can play small, short tunes… Ode to Joy, Jingle Bells, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, a little bit of Beethoven's symphony… only with one hand, though." Naoto shrugged, "If I had some sheet music, I can play it if I practice."

Nanako gladly taught Naoto a new song—the Junes jingle, of course—and then they stopped and talked about random things after about an hour of practice.

"Onii-chan says he's going back to Tokyo soon… are you gonna go with him?" Nanako asked.

"No, I'll be staying here until I go back to America. Then I'll probably come back here. Probably. I don't know how long I'll be." Naoto said carefully. She never really planned where she would be going when she travelled from place to place.

"Are you gonna come back and marry Kanji-san?"

Naoto blushed deeply, but she chuckled. "No, no, nothing like that…"

"If you do marry him, are you gonna stay here?" Nanako asked innocently.

"Eh? Um…" The older detective woman blinked. She hadn't really thought of it before, but… she had her own estate, and Kanji wouldn't leave Inaba…

"Naoto-san?"

"It's nothing." Naoto shook her head. She changed the subject none too subtly, "So how are things at school?"

The doorbell rang. Yu told the girls to keep talking and went to get it—Naoto noted that he looked like he had been ready to go out by the time she had arrived… so it was probably for him anyway.

It was Yosuke and Chie. Naoto wondered where Yukiko was, and then remembered that she was probably working. She listened to them talk, idly paying attention to Nanako.

"Sorry to keep you waiting—we should go before it gets too dark out."

"Alright." Yu turned to Nanako and Naoto. "Nanako, I'm going out—I'll be back before dinner."

"Ah… okay, onii-chan." Nanako blinked.

"Oh, Naoto's here too." Yosuke looked over, "Hey, thanks again for before."

"Not a problem," Naoto nodded, standing up to go over to them, curious. She greeted them, and then asked, "Are you three meeting Yukiko-san somewhere?"

Chie and Yosuke exchanged a glance. Chie answered, "She was busy."

"I see." Naoto gave them a weird stare, "Well, I wouldn't want to keep you."

"Right. See you." Yu nodded, leaving with the pair and closing the door behind him.

"I wonder where they're going." Nanako said, coming up next to her.

"Well, there are a couple ways to figure out." Naoto replied, "They seemed to have a very secretive air around them… I wonder why."

"Are you suggesting we follow them?" Nanako asked in surprise.

"Precisely. Perhaps I can teach you some stealth techniques while we do so." Naoto grinned at her.

"Naoto-san?"

.~.~.~.~.~.

After following Yu, Yosuke, and Chie to a flower shop, Naoto was surprised to see the trio head into the cemetery. There, Yosuke talked to a young man, whom Naoto recognized as Konishi Naoki, and then they went to a certain grave site and lay their own bouquets of flowers there. Yu and Chie stood behind Yosuke, quiet and solemn.

"Ah… now I see." Naoto whispered in realization.

Nanako looked up at the woman, confused. "What's going on?"

"That is… today is April 15th." Naoto said quietly, "The day the second victim was found."

"The victim… you mean, about that strange murder case back then?" Nanako asked.

"Yes… from what I heard, Yosuke-san was very close to her…" Naoto trailed off. She was starting to realize exactly how little she knew about the team. "That's her brother, if I'm not mistaken. I interviewed him once, when I was on the case."

"Oh… so that's why." Nanako nodded, "We should… probably leave them, then."

"Yes, I agree."

They left the cemetery quickly, and Naoto wondered how strong those three had to be, to visit the markings of death every year and still walk away without crying.

Something she had yet to do.

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ The criminal succeeded with his sanity plea. He was sentenced to be confined to the mental asylum, and he would not be serving jail time for the attempted murder of his mother._

_ Naoto did not understand._

_ Eighteen years old and chasing a case that should have been obvious to the adults, she thought she should have understood. That's how she caught him after all. Kubo, Namatame, and Adachi had been similar. But as the case progressed, she began to see how wrong she was. The man was nothing like Kubo, Namatame, or Adachi. How did he get a sentence like this? She knew it was the best course of action, but…_

_ This person… she did not understand._

_ He had passed lie detectors, acting as a distraught victim, evading the police for months, and still, when he was caught… he didn't seem sad or angry, and the only thing he regretted was that he didn't successfully kill his mother._

_ Why would he want to kill his mother?_

_ She went to the mental asylum. He refused to talk to her. She talked to another patient, another man who had been a criminal sentenced there with an insanity plea. He seemed nicer, more cooperative. He easily answered her questions, at least, he tried to, since he didn't know much about the newcomer to the ward._

_ "He doesn't know what he's getting into," the old man told her, "Prison is better. You can get out of prison eventually, they tell you _when_. This place… it's prison. But you can't get out."_

_ She gave him a strange look._

_ "Prison gives you time to think, makes you learn to regret what you've done. I've been there, a couple times. Then they finally put me here." The old man continued, "Here they _make_ you think. Makes you think what you did wasn't wrong, because you aren't right. Your head ain't right. So it's not your fault. So you shouldn't regret it."_

_ "And you…?"_

_ "I've been in and out of prison enough to learn to deal with it. But they still won't let me out." He said sadly, "I am regretful. But when I tell them I've learned, and I won't do it again, they watch me, and then they say I'm depressed. And I'm sociopathic. And they won't let me out. They find excuses to not let me out."_

_ "But… what about him?" Naoto glanced over to the man who had tried to kill his mother and failed, "He's been deemed sociopathic too, and psychopathic."_

_ "I don't know why he tried to kill his old woman," the old man sighed, "but I do know this. This place will only drive him crazier, and he'll think he had the right to do what he did. If he doesn't already think that."_

_ She went to talk to the man's doctor. He said, "He's ungrateful. He truly believes his mother dictated his life and he would do everything for her, but she still didn't acknowledge him. He said he did well in school and didn't join gangs or do drugs, and his records are clean. He even took care of her when she was sick, like a good son should. But he hates her. He truly hates his mother for everything she's done to him, apparently."_

_ The mother had never laid a hand on her son. She loved him._

_ And still, hate had grown in the young man's petty heart._

_ "Do you think he'll get better?" Naoto asked._

_ "Honestly… it's hard to say." The doctor looked over to the old man she had been talking to before, "If he does, hopefully he won't try to kill his mother again. But… he could be like that man… and we can keep him here for a year, two, three, or more—and it will won't be enough. Some people will never change, and they will never get better… and they won't be able to live in a place with _people_ in it."_

_ "There are people here." The young detective frowned, "There are people all around here…" Did the doctor mean to say that the patients were no longer people? That was rather sad. And even if that was true… it seemed that the doctors themselves were no longer _people_. "Do you mean that they can't live _outside_?"_

_ "That's subjective." The doctor replied._

_ "…That old man over there… has he really not changed, from when he first came?" Naoto asked._

_ "He's been a criminal his whole life—he's joined gangs, stolen things, killed people. He says he regretted it, but he's also a pathological liar… and even if he's lying to himself so much that he believes it, he's not stable enough to rejoin society." The doctor shrugged._

_ Naoto watched him walk off, and then her gaze trailed over to the old man, and then over to the young man she had helped convict to this life. The perspectives of the doctor and the perspectives of the patients were so different… she didn't know who to believe or trust._

_ All she wanted to do was understand the reasons behind their human nature—a nature so different from her own._

_ And when she told this to the old man, he said, "It's not as different as you think."_

_ She looked toward the young man from before, then met the dark abyss of the old man's remorseful eyes._

_ "I've been here for over ten years… and even so… it's not enough to them. To me… I've spent my time regretting everything I've done… and I can't say how sorry I am. Do you believe me?"_

_ Naoto regarded him carefully, and then nodded. She did believe him. It didn't matter if the doctor said he was a pathological liar. Something in her gut told her to at least believe this man—this man who no one had believed for ten years. Just because someone said he was lying, didn't mean he _was_._

_ "But even so… it's not enough." The old man sighed, "I can never be… _sorry_ enough…"_

_ Her gaze trailed back to the young criminal._

_ "Perhaps he'll never truly get better because people like that doctor refuse to believe he can get better." She reasoned, "Maybe he would be willing to change if someone would be patient enough to understand and help him."_

_ "You can think all you want of him, but in the end, no matter how much time passes… you won't ever be able to understand him. People—_humans_ are complex beings. They can never be truly understood or analyzed, like some sort of fact." The old man said, "It's best if you just left him be."_

_ There was a long pause for thought._

_ "I can spend my whole life trying to understand… but you're right. There will never be enough time to understand."_

_ Naoto turned and left. She never looked back._


	11. Five Years I Forgot

A/N: Well! I only got one review last week... hmm. Oh well. In reply to Tsukiko, I was having issues with the graveyard scene as well... I don't know, when I was writing it I don't think I was too inspired, or I had block... I just couldn't get it right. I'm sorry! (But on a fair point, I did say that the last couple sections bugged me, in the last A/N. So I did know it was a little off.)

On a random note, I upped the rating because 1) the language and stuff involved, 2) Naoto deals with a lot of murders and crime, so I think the rating should be upped just in case, and 3) I know where this story is going. So K is now M... that is all. I'm not changing anything about the plot/my writing style though.

And of course, the same offer as last week shall apply-if I get enough reviews, I'll post another chapter on Tuesday! So please do tell me your thoughts on this chapter. I'm actually quite fond of it. Not much else to say, so I hope you enjoy this week's chapter!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 11: Five Years I Forgot**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"I'll be back for Golden Week."

"Bye, onii-chan! Take care!"

Everyone came to see Yu off. He had to go back for work, his vacation time used up. There were hugs, smiles, and from Yukiko, he had gotten a kiss. As they watched his train disappear into the distance, Yukiko commented that this felt a lot like the first time he had left Inaba.

Rise would be staying a little while longer, but she had been getting calls from her manager about her upcoming schedule. Naoto had a week more before she would return to her estate to prepare for her trip to America.

As everyone headed home that day, Kanji and Naoto walked slowly beside Rise, talking about little things. Rise was commenting about their linked hands and how cute they were together, as usual.

"Oh, and did you see Yukiko-sempai and Yu-sempai's kiss? It was so romantic!" She gushed.

"I'm sure it was." Naoto rolled her eyes. Both Kanji and Naoto had looked away politely to give them at least some semblance of privacy. Rise was not so modest.

"So, what's going on with your schedule, Rise-chan?" Kanji asked, trying to change the subject. His face was already red from her teasing, he didn't need any more.

"I'm gonna do some interviews when I get back to Tokyo, and then I'll be back in the studio to record some new songs…" She looked thoughtful, "Then the music video recording… and some more studio time, and I think I'm going to guest star on someone else's tour when they hit Kyoto…"

"You sound like you have a busy year ahead of you." Naoto commented.

"Yep, what about you? Get any calls?" She looked over.

"Well, Yakushiji-san has informed me of some people looking for my assistance, but I will deal with that after I get back from America." Naoto shrugged, glancing up to see Kanji's reaction. "It means I won't be back right away, when the trial is over."

"That's fine." Kanji nodded in understanding. He looked up. "This is our stop."

"Right. See you guys later!" Rise skipped away, waving cheerfully.

Naoto and Kanji entered Tatsumi Textiles, idly talking about random nothings. Naoto mentioned that she had bought some small gadgets from Junes, and she wanted to make something out of it with his help.

"Me? I'm not good with the mechanical stuff, Naoto-kun… what could I do?"

"Well, I was talking to your mother about how the business was doing lately, and it seems things have slowed down, yes? Nanako-chan suggested that if we came up with something new, it would improve sales again." Naoto explained, "She also said that the talking Featherman toys have also been getting popular lately, so it gave me an idea."

"You wanna make a talking toy?" Kanji was quickly catching on.

"It would be simple enough to put a small speaker inside a doll, but I can do other things too. I've got materials to make toys that light up, as well as small motors to make things move. Perhaps a small dog or cat toy would be entertaining." Naoto smiled at him.

"Wow, I can't even imagine how that stuff works… you're amazing, Naoto-kun." Kanji wrapped his arm around her shoulder, giving her a quick squeeze in affection.

"Shall we get started then?"

"Sure, I have a few things I haven't sewn up yet, we can start with those."

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Huh?" Naoto blinked when she looked up. She had been working on the skeleton for a moving platypus doll when Kanji came into the living room and put a plate of dark chocolate truffles on the coffee table.

"I said, these are for you." Kanji chuckled. Naoto had been working hard lately, hadn't she…

"Oh… thank you." Naoto blushed in embarrassment, feeling silly for not hearing something so simple. She took one, plopping it in her mouth unceremoniously. "They're good. Where did you get them?"

"I made them." He sat down next to her. She gave him a stare. "What? Ma taught me how to make them a long time ago… I can cook just as well as she can, y'know."

"Uh, right." Naoto went back to work. "I like them a lot."

"Jealous?" Kanji teased, picking up the tail he had been knitting for the platypus.

"Not at all. I'm grateful, actually. I wouldn't know how to cook to save my life, apparently." Naoto chuckled. "So how are things at the front?"

"The talking dolls are actually really popular." Kanji smiled widely, "The little kids are pretty amazed by it. I think the elephant playing the flute was the most popular—we should thank Nanako-chan for helping us with the voices and music later."

Naoto nodded in agreement. "You should put the ones with lights up next. See how popular it is, and if it's popular enough I'll help you make some more."

They continued to work for a while, occasionally nibbling on chocolate truffles, and then Kanji broke the comfortable silence.

"Wanna go on a trip?"

"What?" Naoto looked up at him in surprise, her hands stopping their tinkering.

"Uh, well… I mean, this weekend. Um, we can leave on Thursday. Y'know, because I'm not working, and—uh. The weather's getting warmer, so I thought, maybe, uh," Kanji rubbed his head sheepishly, "maybe we should go somewhere and enjoy the weather? Um, like, we can go to the beach? Actually, scratch that, you hate the beach. Err, a resort? Or, uh…"

Naoto interrupted him, chuckling. "A trip sounds lovely. I'm sure we can find something to do."

"Yeah… It'll be a nice break… I heard Rise-chan was planning somethin' so I kinda don't wanna be around for that." Kanji smiled awkwardly.

"What is she planning?" Naoto perked up curiously.

"Uh… some sort of party. Inaba's not really a party type, though, so I don't know how well that'll go over." Kanji shrugged.

"…Ah." Naoto looked like she had just thought of something.

"What?" Her boyfriend looked over.

"I know where we can take a trip to, if you haven't chosen a place already." She smiled.

"I didn't plan much out, so what's your idea?" He asked, genuinely interested.

"We can drive up to my estate. The nearby town is quaint, but it has some artistic feel to it—I believe the founders were from Germany or Italy, something of the sort." Naoto said. "I'm sure there will be interesting things to do there."

"Oh—I've never been to your estate before. Sure, that sounds great." Kanji nodded, "I'm sure your secretary misses you too, so it'll be nice to see him, huh?"

"Yes," Naoto smiled softly to herself. "It should be nice."

Mrs. Tatsumi called from the front, and the couple stopped their conversation to see what she needed. Hiro had come over to help out at the shop. He marveled at Kanji and Naoto's creations.

"You took it pretty seriously when I said you should work here, huh." Kanji laughed.

"I really want to!" Hiro protested, "Besides, this is really cool…! You made these?"

"Yeah. Naoto-kun's a genius with the mechanical stuff."

"Oh, it's nothing really…" Naoto waved her hands modestly, "Simple mechanics…"

"Don't be so modest." Kanji chuckled. "So, how did Sana-chan like the present, Hiro-kun?"

"She liked it a lot, Mister!" Hiro nodded happily, "Thanks again for your help!"

"No problem." Kanji paused. "Actually, you said you wanted to work here, right?"

"Uh-huh. I'm old enough to, I'm almost fourteen!" He boasted.

"We might actually need the help for a while," Kanji crossed his arms, "I'm gonna be gone for a few days this weekend, so you have to help Ma out, okay?"

"Eh? Where are you going?" Hiro asked. Mrs. Tatsumi only chuckled in amusement—Naoto realized that he had probably already talked to her about taking a trip before. Either that, or it was her idea in the first place.

"Um… call it a vacation." Kanji replied sheepishly, blushing in embarrassment.

Hiro blinked, then looked to the other occupants of the room, and then realized what he meant. "Oh. Okay! I'll be sure to work hard!"

"You're a good kid, Hiro-kun. Thanks."

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive?" Kanji asked in concern.

"I'm sure." Naoto nodded, buckling in. "You haven't had as much practice as me… I'd be actually very uncomfortable if you drove, Kanji-kun. No offense."

"I understand that, but…" Kanji sighed. "Alright—but it's a long drive. If you get tired, we're switching."

"It's only… eight hours…" Naoto trailed off, realizing that it wasn't a very good argument. "Anyway!" She put the keys in the ignition, carefully backing out and heading out of the parking lot.

They didn't speak for a while, and Kanji watched Naoto grip the steering wheel tightly. He had always known that Naoto didn't like driving—it was why she preferred her motorcycle—but he had never actually _seen_ how nervous she was behind the wheel before. He didn't want to break her concentration or something—she seemed like she was so focused on driving that she forgot he was there.

After an hour of staring out the window, trying not to say anything, Kanji was startled by Naoto's voice.

"Have you ever been outside of Inaba?"

"Uh… not really." Kanji shrugged, glancing over at her. She wasn't looking at him, but he could see that she was curious. "I mean, besides Okina City and those school trips, I haven't gone that far out of the town…"

"It isn't very interesting out here, though." Naoto chuckled.

Kanji glanced out the window, nodding in agreement. "Lots of buildings, but they're not too different from Okina City. And then the random long strips of nothingness."

"Yes… you get used to it after a while. Then it doesn't feel like it was worth it to leave." Naoto said quietly.

"I've never seen long strips of nothingness, though. It's kinda… different." Kanji commented. "And a little pretty."

"I guess. I don't usually have time to look."

"Because you're too busy focusing on the road." Kanji looked back at her again. She was _still_ looking straight ahead, with the occasional glance to the side mirrors.

"Sorry… it's just…"

"I know, I know." Kanji interrupted her. He didn't need her to finish that sentence to know why driving made her nervous. _Her parents died in a car accident, after all._ He reminded himself.

The rest of the ride continued in a comfortable silence. He didn't dare touch the radio, worried that anything that disturbed Naoto's concentration might make her even more nervous than she already was. They talked a few times, mostly about what they would do when they got to their destination. Kanji had dozed off and fallen asleep at some point. They stopped once for lunch, and by mid-afternoon, they had made it to the Shirogane Estate.

Needless to say, Kanji was amazed.

The wall that surrounded the estate was tall, the gate at the front an intimidating black barred blockade that only opened when Naoto pressed a button on a remote she kept in the glove compartment of her dark blue car. The front yard was _huge_—and that was an understatement—with colorful gardens scattered along the driveway and pathways, and tall trees placed tastefully across the grounds. The house at the end of the way was a four-story Spanish or Victorian-looking mansion, with lots of windows and intricately carved columns and stone staircases.

"Wow."

Naoto seemed to relax a little now that she was driving down the ever-familiar road toward her own home. "You like it?"

"I mean, well, yeah. Who wouldn't? This place is beautiful." Kanji breathed in awe, looking out the window. He knew Naoto had talked about her estate before, and "estate" never brought up the image of a small home, but he had never actually realized how loaded she was. "You _live_ here?"

"Sometimes. It's more accurate to say I own this place." Naoto shrugged, "But… this was where I was raised. So in a sense, I have 'lived' here."

"It's amazing…" Kanji looked over at her, "Dude, if this is only the front yard, I can't imagine what the _backyard_ looks like…"

Naoto chuckled, parking the car in front of the entrance to the mansion. She pushed open the door and stepped out, more than happy at the fresh air and the familiar scent of ferns that invaded her lungs. A light-haired man came out to greet them, accompanied by a butler.

"Naoto-sama, welcome home."

"I'm back, Yakushiji-san." Naoto smiled at him.

Kanji got out of the car, grabbing their things. "Um, hi. Sorry to intrude?"

"You must be Tatsumi-sama. Naoto-sama has spoken of you. It's very nice to finally meet you." Yakushiji bowed politely. "I am Naoto-sama's secretary, Yakushiji."

"Um, yeah, nice to meet you too." Kanji replied awkwardly, bowing as well. He threw a questioning glance to his girlfriend, but she just shrugged and walked around the car to take her bags from him.

"Come on, I'll show you around." She smiled, taking his hand and tugging him inside.

Yakushiji looked toward the butler, who nodded and went to the driver's side of the car, getting in and driving off to what looked like a garage. Kanji just stared in awe—everything here was like something out of one of those Hollywood movies in America.

When they got inside, Naoto put her travel bags down near the front. Yakushiji asked her which room to put it in, and she replied with, "Have the maids put it in my second floor room. Kanji-kun can have the room next to mine."

"Not the same room?" Yakushiji asked jokingly, but the young couple blushed deeply at the comment. "Haha, alright. Tatsumi-sama, if you would leave your things here as well?"

"Uh, sure," He put his bag down, "Um, you don't have to call me Tatsumi-sama or anything… I mean, I'm not really…"

"You're Naoto-sama's boyfriend. I'd like to respect you as such." Yakushiji said with a kind, old man's smile.

Naoto coughed, rolling her eyes. She took off her shoes, getting some indoor slippers on as she stepped up into the living room. "I know it's very big, Kanji-kun, but it's actually kind of hard to get lost here." She motioned him to follow, which he did, and they left Yakushiji behind as she began her tour of the house.

"We have a ballroom for parties, but there hasn't been a party for years—it was mostly Mother and Grandma who liked to socialize. The study is over there past the foyer, and it extends into the second floor, so there's a door upstairs for that too. Oh, and over there is the kitchen—that's very big too—and the dining room is right next to it…"

"Hey, how much did you tell that Yakushiji guy?"

Naoto blinked, looking over her shoulder at him. "He's kind of like a father to me, Kanji-kun, so I tell him almost everything. Mostly case-related, but as of late, our conversations have been on a more personal level."

"Oh." Kanji frowned.

"Are you uncomfortable with that?" Naoto asked, looking concerned.

"No, I just… didn't realize you talked to him that much." The brown-haired man shrugged.

"I talk to him as much as you talk to your mother, Kanji-kun." Naoto said simply, "He's the closest thing I have to family left, after all. Even if he's not blood-related."

Kanji managed a little smile. He was glad that Naoto still had someone she could hold that close.

"Anyway—there's a door to the backyard through the parlor over there…" Naoto continued her tour, "There are two general bathrooms and one closet on every floor too. The upper floors are living quarters—it's where the maids and butlers live, mostly. Yakushiji has the master bedroom on the third floor, and I have the master bedrooms on the second and fourth."

"…You have two rooms to yourself?" Kanji lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, it used to be only the fourth, but…" Naoto trailed off, and he understood that she was implying the second floor room used to belong to someone. Of course, that meant her grandfather. "The fourth floor still has my childhood things in there, though, so it's mostly for sentimental sake that it's still there. And it's the highest room, so I like going back there, but it's more practical to live on the second floor now."

"Your childhood things?" Kanji perked up, sounding curious—and amused. "Can I see?"

"Wh-what? No!" Naoto stammered shyly, "I mean, it's… embarrassing, I guess."

"Why? Is it girly? I thought your childhood room would be full of Sherlock Holmes stuff." Kanji laughed a little.

"Well, it's just… never mind." Naoto blushed, looking away. "Anyway…" She continued with the tour, and then showed him to his room, right next to hers. He was surprised to find his things already in that room. But that was probably Yakushiji's doing, or the maids'.

"It's so… big. And… uh, how do I describe it? Lavish?" Kanji looked around. Like the rest of the house, this room was very westernized, with a four-poster bed and a high plush mattress.

"Yes… Grandma had a flare for these kinds of things, and she liked going to Europe." Naoto shrugged, leaning on the doorframe, "She decorated the place and it's been this way since. The butlers and maids get to live as comfortably as we do, and it looks nice, so there was never a need to change it."

"You don't talk about your grandma as much as your grampa," Kanji noticed, "What happened to her?"

"She died when I was young." She shrugged again in response, "She wasn't much of a detective, she was just a housewife-type person… I didn't know her very well, but I can't say we weren't close."

"Oh…" Gray eyes met pale blue, and suddenly Kanji realized how tired Naoto looked. "Hey, maybe you should get some rest. You did drive a long way, after all."

"Dinner is coming up soon. I'll go to bed after we eat." Naoto replied, "Besides, we came here to spend some time together, right? I wouldn't mind staying up a little, if it's what you want."

"Don't strain yourself." He wrapped his arm around her, patting her head.

She smiled at his concern. "I won't," She promised, closing her eyes happily. She liked it when he stroked her hair like that. It reminded her of what Yakushiji and Haruka did when she was younger.

After they ate dinner, Naoto went to bed, just as she had said. Kanji stayed up a little longer, helping Yakushiji clean up. The brown-haired man had insisted, and wouldn't let the secretary refuse him.

"You're one of those kids Naoto-sama met in Inaba six years ago, right?"

Kanji looked up, surprised. "Uh, yeah. Did she tell you about us?"

"Yes, and no. I was there, for a short time, and I saw all of you kids together." Yakushiji smiled. "I was a little relieved that Naoto-sama had finally made some new friends. She hadn't made any since she was a child."

"Um…" Kanji shifted, a little awkward. "I'm… glad?"

"Please take good care of her." Yakushiji nodded, "Even if she's away from home a lot, if she's met someone like you who makes her happy, I'll be okay."

"Has she been worrying about you?" The younger man lifted an eyebrow. He hadn't noticed anything about Naoto's behavior….

"She doesn't say it, but sometimes I can tell when she feels bad about leaving me behind. She's always been on the move, though—it's like a second nature to her. So I'm used to it." Yakushiji sighed. "I've been getting too old to accompany her everywhere, anyhow. She can take care of herself, I don't doubt that, but I wish I could be there when she gets lonely."

"…"

Kanji knew exactly how he felt. He had felt something like that for the past five years.

Yakushiji went about cleaning up. He was silent for a long time.

"Tomorrow is her birthday. She's turning twenty-two."

"I know. That's why I suggested we take a trip." Kanji smiled a little. "I don't think she remembers her own birthday though."

"She probably doesn't… she hasn't had anyone to celebrate it with in a long time." Yakushiji looked over his shoulder, "The last time she ever celebrated her birthday was the year before Haruka-sama died. At least it was an important one—twenty years old is very big for most young people these days."

"I'm glad she was able to spend that with her grampa." Kanji nodded. "She didn't celebrate any of the birthdays before that, though, did she?"

"Not since she was thirteen, no." Yakushiji shook his head, "She was always travelling. Actually, I believe she was in Inaba, or travelling there, during her sixteenth birthday."

"That's… a little sad." Kanji sighed, "I really want to make her birthday special this year, though… she's missed out on a lot, y'know?"

"I do." Yakushiji nodded, "But at least she's home this year. Celebrating with people she loves—I think that's all she could ask for on a birthday."

"Yeah…" Kanji sounded distant, and then when he looked back at the light-haired man, he asked, "Do you think, maybe, I can use the kitchen tomorrow?"

Yakushiji blinked a few times. "Of course."

"Alright, then, maybe you can help me." Kanji smiled, and then started going over his idea to the old man. "Sound doable?"

"Perfectly."

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto was woken up the next morning by the ringing of her cell phone. She hadn't set the alarm, so someone was probably calling her. Grunting in annoyance, she reached over and glared at the screen to see who it was.

Rise?

She groaned, turning over and adjusting her blankets over her shoulders, answering the call in a sleepy, groggy voice. "Rise-chan… it's too early for you to bother me…"

_"Why didn't you tell me you were going on a trip with Kanji-kun!?"_

Naoto cringed, holding the phone away from her ear. That girl was just too loud for her own good. Then again, she was an idol, so it was expected, she supposed. "Because you would have stalked me. Or demanded every detail. Which I'm not going to give you."

_"Ohoho! You sound like you're still in bed! What were you and Kanji-kun _doing_ last night?"_ Rise suddenly giggled, _"Hehe! Oh, I know! Is it a _romantic_ getaway?!"_

"No. I was getting away from you." Naoto replied, and then promptly hung up. Even if it was rude, she was tired. She didn't care to think about what Rise was implying. Besides, there was a slight time difference between Inaba and her estate, so she really shouldn't have been up that early.

She paused, glancing at the phone again. It was… 9:30 AM. Okay, so maybe it wasn't that early.

Sighing, she put the phone back on the night table and buried her face in her pillow. She didn't know why, but she was still sleepy. Probably because of the long drive from the previous night. So she opted that it would be okay to sleep in just a little longer.

.~.~.~.~.~.

_"Kanji-kun! Why didn't _you_ tell me you were taking Naoto-kun on a romantic getaway?"_

"Wh-what?" Kanji sputtered, bright red in the face, "Who the hell told you that?"

_"Your mother!"_ Rise chirped, _"Well, not in those words, but y'know!"_

"Rise-chan… can't you mind your own damn business for once?" Kanji sighed in frustration, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he went about making breakfast, holding a bowl of batter with one hand and stirring evenly with the other. "What do you want?"

_"Well, Naoto-kun wouldn't talk to me. She sounded tired. So I'm bugging you instead."_ She giggled, _"Geez, I had everything planned out, though!"_

"What are you talking about?" He didn't bother to stop talking to her, it would have been useless anyway. She would call back and continue to annoy him.

_"I was gonna throw a surprise party for Naoto-kun! It's her birthday y'know!"_ This surprised Kanji.

"Well, I know _I_ know it… I didn't know you did."

_"Yu-sempai told me. I dunno why he knows everyone's birthday, but I think we all told him at some point. Wait, how did you know her birthday?"_

"We talked about it before, a couple years ago. It was my birthday—so when she called, I asked her about hers." He shrugged one shoulder, "Nothing special, really."

_"Well, geez. Now we're gonna have to postpone the party till she gets back."_ Rise huffed over the phone, _"A birthday with friends is the best, don't you think?"_

"Naoto-kun isn't the type who likes big crowds and parties, Rise-chan. I think a quiet weekend away is better for her." Kanji replied easily, "Anyway. I'd appreciate it if you didn't bother Naoto-kun too much this weekend… or me, for that matter."

_"Oh? Got something _special_ planned, Kanji-kun? Just for the two of you, alone? Wow, you're such a romanticist!"_ Rise giggled.

"No!" Kanji sighed exasperatedly, "Naoto-kun just needs some rest, geez. You're so damn nosy, Rise-chan. Look, I ain't talking to you about this. Just don't bother us, okay? I'll see you when we get back. Bye."

_"Mouuu! Kanji-kun!"_ Rise complained, but her whines were cut off when Kanji hung up the phone. He could just imagine her pouting on the other side, contemplating whether or not to call back.

Kanji shook his head, suppressing a chuckle. He finished making the breakfast batter and putting it in the oven, then took a moment to relax while it baked. He paused for thought, and then, _Ya think she'd like something romantic, Maoh? She doesn't seem like the type… but then again, it's Naoto-kun. She's kinda random to begin with._

He looked at his watch. "Geez, it's almost ten… she's usually an early riser." He muttered, weighing his options. He could go wake her up, but he didn't want to seem rude by just walking into her room. He would wait for her to get up, but he didn't know how long that would take. He could just let her sleep, since it seemed like she needed it lately, but he wanted to spend some time with her….

"She likes breakfast in bed."

He blinked, looking up as Yakushiji entered the kitchen unceremoniously. It seemed he had been watching the young man for a while, as it looked like he knew what the said young man was thinking.

"Uh, good morning, Yakushiji-san."

"Good morning." Yakushiji nodded, "Naoto-sama is still asleep, I presume."

"Does she do this often?" Kanji wondered. She was always up early when she was staying at his house…

"Most often when a case is over or she's just come home, she likes to sleep in." The light-haired man chuckled, "On those days, I like to bring her breakfast in bed. She complains that she doesn't want to be doted on, but I know she'd never want me to stop my little habit."

"Oh." Kanji couldn't really imagine what kind of home life Naoto had, now that he thought about it. He had only ever known her to be a nomad, always looking for her next job. It never occurred to him that there were times when she _wasn't_ on the move.

"Coffee cakes… her favorite." Yakushiji commented when he saw what was baking in the oven.

"And coffee with extra cream and sugar, just how she likes it." Kanji smiled a little. _You're right, Maoh, I shouldn't worry about the stuff I don't know about her. I guess I'll figure out in time._ He thought to his Persona, _Besides, at least I know a lot about her right now, right?_

Yakushiji moved about the kitchen, getting out plates and mugs and a tray, placing them on the counter. "You can use these to bring breakfast up to her."

"…You're not going to?"

"You're the one who made the breakfast. I'm sure she'd appreciate seeing you first, anyhow." Yakushiji smiled.

Kanji got the feeling that Naoto's father-figure was a little sad when he smiled. He wondered why.

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto stirred at the smell of coffee cakes. She opened her eyes, yawning as she sat up and looked around her bedroom. "Yakushiji-san?"

"No, just me." She looked over and saw Kanji grinning at her, placing a tray of breakfast goodies on the large nightstand. "Good morning, Naoto-kun."

"Ah… good morning, Kanji-kun." She smiled back, nodding. She looked at the clock—it was past 10 AM now. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sleep in…"

"Nah, it's okay." He waved his hand dismissively, sitting down next to her on the bed, "You needed the rest. Besides, it gave me time to make your breakfast."

"You made it?" Naoto lifted an eyebrow curiously, running her hands through her hair in an attempt to straighten it. It didn't work very well. "You could have asked the chef, or Yakushiji-san…"

"I wanted to." He shrugged, motioning to the tray, "Why don't you try it?"

She stared at him for a moment, and then reached for a coffee cake, taking a bite. She smiled. "As always, it's delicious, Kanji-kun."

"I'm glad you like it." He chuckled, taking one too and munching on it. "So, what do you wanna do today?"

"Hmm… we could go explore the town." Naoto suggested, "There are a couple museums, if you don't find that boring. And lots of antique shops, and book stores—and all the buildings in general are just really pretty to look at. Oh, or we can visit my old college campus. It's quite interesting there."

"We don't have many museums in Inaba. Should be interesting to see one around here." Kanji nodded, "Anything you wanna do, I'm cool with it."

She gave him a calculating gaze for a moment, then reached over and took the mug of coffee from the tray. "Are you planning something?" She asked nonchalantly, sipping the hot beverage. Kanji remembered that she liked it sweet…

"Maybe. I did ask you to go on a trip with me, after all." He grinned knowingly. _I wonder how long it will take before she remembers it's her birthday._ He thought in amusement. He also found it amusing that in the past, his younger self would have panicked if he were asked a question like that.

Naoto chuckled. "I best not keep you waiting, then. Can you leave so I can change?"

He nodded, getting up. "I'll wait downstairs then."

.~.~.~.~.~.

The young couple spent the day looking through museums and window-shopping at cozy-looking stores. They talked endlessly about the random things that happened to catch their eye, everything from the historical gravesite of an old Japanese hero to the _Harry Potter_ classic edition on sale at the bookstore. Naoto had never smiled this much, happy to just be with the man she loved—and at the back of her mind, Yamato-Takeru was prodding her about when, exactly, she would actually tell him that.

They had lunch at an outdoor French café, and Naoto told Kanji about how this place had the best tea. It was her favorite place to eat when she was home, and it was one of the reasons she liked sweet things so much—she proved it to him when they ordered some of the special pastries. She was glad he enjoyed it, and he was glad he was getting to know her better.

When they got home that evening, they took the long way through the gardens, strolling along the peaceful pathways. Naoto was looking up at the trees, Kanji was looking down at the flowers, and both of their hands were linked in a gentle, loving hold. It was a nice, relatively cool evening, despite the coming summer, and they decided to rest at the patio in the backyard. Naoto told Yakushiji that they would be having dinner outside that night—the fresh air was a very nice change.

They sat in comfortable silence during dinner, the only sounds around them being the chirping of birds and the occasional owl hoot as the sun disappeared. It wasn't that they had run out of things to talk about, even if they had been talking all day, but when the night fell, they both felt a sense of serenity that they wanted to last as long as possible.

And then Yakushiji came and put a round white-frosted cake on the table. Naoto looked surprised when Kanji told her, "Happy birthday," and smiled that handsome, charming smile that she had always liked.

She realized that she hadn't remembered her own birthday—and that Kanji had never forgotten it.

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Naoto watched the murderer as she was taken away in handcuffs. The family of the victim looked relieved, and some were glaring at the woman who had killed their daughter or sister or friend._

_ The murderer's boyfriend looked torn between anger and hurt, his fists curled and shaking at his sides. Not because he had been friends with the victim, or because his girlfriend had done it. It was because he didn't believe she could do it, and still refused to believe she could ever do such a thing._

_ "Hey, you're wrong! She didn't do it!" He yelled at Naoto, "Damn it, find some more evidence, it had to have been one of _them_ right?!" He swept his arm out, pointing accusingly at the other gathered suspects who had before looked relieved that their names had been cleared. Now that the man was accusing them again, though, some looked appalled, and others were just surprised. "She couldn't have done it!"_

_ "I understand your incredulity, sir," the twenty-one-year-old detective replied, "but there is hard evidence against her."_

_ "She said she didn't do it, though! She'll plea not guilty—can't you prove she's not?!" The man demanded._

_ Naoto dealt with a case like this, every so often, when no one believed the culprit was guilty, even if all evidence pointed to otherwise. It was dealing with the people who didn't believe human nature could be so rotten that Naoto found her strength._

_ "She might not have confessed, but if she does cooperate, she might get a reduced sentence. Perhaps you can convince her to confess, then." Naoto reasoned, "I know you care about her and don't want her to go to prison, but she must be rightfully punished for her crimes. She killed someone… and now she needs the time to feel the weight of the life she has taken. When she gets out, she'll be better."_

_ "So you believe she did it? Is that why you won't find evidence that proves otherwise?" The man shook in anger, "You're despicable!"_

_ "Perhaps I am. But I am unbiased, I have no particular emotional attachments to this case or its suspects—and if I had proof she was innocent, I would not help convict her." Naoto said resolutely, "However, let me ask you something, sir. If it had been you… wouldn't you do the same as she? To plead not guilty until the weight of your guilt crushes you—I've seen it happen before. When her sentence goes through, you can go see her, and ask her then. And I assure you, if she had not done it, she wouldn't feel as sorry as I can see she feels now."_

_ The man looked surprised, then looked over to the police car his girlfriend was in. He stared at her face, and for the first time saw a pang of—regret? Sadness? Guilt? He couldn't name it._

_ "I have not forgotten she is still human, sir. Condemning her to this kind of fate seems like the worst fate for a human, to be void of contact and emotion like she is now—and if you wish to help her change her fate, no one is stopping you. But sometimes it is necessary, because while I have not forgotten, she might need reminding." Naoto sighed. At least she had calmed the man down…_

_ "…What kind of fate is it, that which ruins the lives of so many people?" The man turned to her, "By doing this, you've not only ruined her life, but mine, and ours, and everyone else who loved her!"_

_ Of course… even criminals had people who loved them. Someone out there who cared about them. A person they wanted to protect, even. Naoto knew this. Criminals were still people, and people had _connections_ that couldn't be broken. She felt a tug on her heartstrings every time she was reminded that she was forcing some of those connections to break._

_ "I'm sorry." Naoto said quietly, "There is nothing I can do to stop it."_

_ She was only hired to find out who the culprit was, after all. Everything after that was left to the justice system._

_ "But you _can_ stop it! You just choose not to!" The man growled in frustration. "You really are despicable!"_

_ He had gone back to anger. Naoto sighed and shook her head, turning to go. "I'm sorry." She said again, walking away._

_ She knew that sometimes, the criminals hated her for ruining their plans and their lives. And other times, it was the people who loved the criminals who hated her for taking them away. This was one of those times. They blamed her—she was used to it, even if she was not truly the one to blame. But humans found it easier to deal if they could take out their anger on someone else. She was okay with being that "someone else"._

_ "Damn it! I hate you!"_

That's okay,_ Naoto thought, as she had thought many times before. _Sometimes people just need someone to hate.

_ The man had crumpled into tears now. Perhaps he was in denial. She wondered who he was talking to—her, himself, or his girlfriend—as his voice faded behind her._

_ "I hate you… _I hate you_!"_


	12. Five Years Old Till Now

A/N: Wow, I got a lot of new followers/favorites that last chapter - that makes me really happy! Hi, everyone, nice to meet you!

On an off note, gosh, the new Persona games are coming out soon/are out now... isn't it exciting? (But for the purpose of this fanfic, I've decided to go with my own canon, not the official one... I'm actually quite aware what things aren't in cannon, like Chie's career choice, or the TV world, but that really depends on if you got the true ending or not.) I heard Nanako's a Navigator in P4:Arena - now I wanna know if she's gotten her own Persona! Who knows, hehe.

Back on topic. Thanks to everyone who favorited, subscribed, and reviewed! In reply to some of your reviews in general, I've thought about doing some stuff in Kanji's point of view, but I feel like it might break the pattern I've been having with the flashbacks being of Naoto's past. (The actual chapters, they're a given that some will be in Kanji's POV. I love writing those chapters!) So I probably won't change that.

However, lately I've been debating putting in some Kanji flashbacks - but maybe at the beginning instead? What do you guys think, would it be too confusing/too much to think about in the chapters? (Also noting that if I do put in the occassional Kanji flashback, the actual content of the chapter would be shorter, unless I omit the Naoto flashback in the stead of the Kanji flashback...) I feel like it might clutter the writing and disturb the pace a bit... IDK, your thoughts everyone? (The alternative would be: I write the current GLC as "Part 1" and write something of a "Part 2" with Kanji as the focus instead of Naoto. Would you guys like that better? 'Cause, not to spoil anything, but I WAS planning something of a divide after Naoto finds the answer to her questions/deals with her Shadow.)

Anyway. You might have noticed there's a new cover image! I finished it just this morning. Yep, yours truly did that, hehe. Go to my deviantart or twitter (links in my profile) for the full resolution! As for the chapter... Besides that I made up all the stuff about Featherman (I really have no clue), I'm actually quite fond of this chapter (in general, flashbacks and all), so I hope you enjoy it. Please review!

SLIGHTLY UNRELATED ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm writing a new fanfiction, it's a Persona x Katekyo Hitman Reborn! crossover I'm collaborating with my sister on. It stars Naoto alongside KHR's protagonist, Tsuna, and I promise it'll be interesting! (And don't worry, it's not shipping those two. I'm KanjiXNaoto all the way!) It will also update every Friday, and you can find the description and link to it in my profile (since it's on my sister's account). Check it out!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 12: Five Years Old Till Now**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"C'mon, Naoto-kun! I wanna see your old room." Kanji grinned, trying to go upstairs. Naoto was pulling on his arm, though, trying to stop him.

"Wh—no!" Naoto protested vehemently, "I-it's not that interesting, and it's a little messy, and—"

"Messy? You seem to be the neat and organized type, though." Kanji pointed out, taking another step up the flight of stairs, "What's in there that you're embarrassed about? I promise I won't laugh."

"I—no." She pouted, "Please, can we just—"

"It's only fair, Naoto-kun—you've seen _my_ room." He said, "That's like, a museum of my entire life, y'know."

"But—"

Eventually Kanji managed to convince Naoto to let him see her old room. They climbed three flights of stairs until they got to the top floor.

"P-promise you won't laugh?" Naoto emphasized again, hesitantly leading the way.

"I promise," He chuckled a little, nodding. Naoto was being silly.

She stopped at the end of the hallway, sighing in defeat as she opened the door. She stepped aside, a signal that allowed Kanji to go in first.

He was as amazed as he was when he first saw her mansion. The room was… a huge contrast to the rest of the elegant, rich-looking estate. It looked like a little _boy's_ room, complete with posters of kids' TV shows and action figures.

"Whoa." He breathed, and his girlfriend stared at him anxiously, a dark blush on her face. "This is… so _cool_!"

"Huh?" Naoto looked surprised. That wasn't what she expected at all.

"Dude, you have the original Featherman DVDs? And the figurines! This is awesome," Kanji went over to her shelf, looking at all the models there, "I didn't know you liked Featherman! I loved Featherman as a kid!"

"Oh, uh… well, I…" Naoto shifted uncomfortably, blushing in embarrassment again, "as a child, I didn't have much to do but watch television, since books were too hard for me to read back then. The love for the shows never faded…"

Kanji looked over to her, surprised. He glanced at the wall of posters. She had one for almost every season. "Featherman, Phoenix Ranger Featherman R, Neo Featherman…" He blinked, "Hey, that was the one that was showing about six years ago, right?"

"Y-yes." Naoto rubbed her arm, feeling conscious, "I know it's a children's show, but…"

"That's cute." Kanji smiled at her, "I was watching it with Hiro-kun once—even though I didn't really know what was going on, it felt nostalgic, y'know?"

"Perhaps the feeling of nostalgia is what drew me." Naoto nodded.

"Now that I think about it, the Secret Laboratory back then… it even had the Featherman emblem on it, right? The gold phoenix-eagle thing in the ring on the red banners and stuff." Kanji noted, "Haha, should've known you were into it from that, but I guess it never really occurred to us that you were that… childish."

"Well, it was the reflection of who I was, I suppose." Naoto blushed, pouting. She changed the subject, not wanting to talk about her TV reality. "My favorite was always Blue Swan. He was the smart one."

"I liked Black Condor." Kanji chuckled, "I was so pissed when he died! I remember I wrote to the station that showed Featherman R and demanded to know why he was killed off, and I begged them to bring him back somehow. Haha."

"But he didn't actually die—he came back and helped the rest of the team secretly, then made his reappearance… They don't actually kill anyone on shows like these." Naoto smiled fondly. She had never actually _talked_ to anyone about the show she had loved as a child—it felt nice to have someone who shared her interest.

Kanji was looking around the rest of the room, amused at Naoto's childhood memories. She kept so many things, and it was true that she never threw anything away. Not even the superhero toys from fast food restaurants, which sat next to her collectible figurines. He had known that Naoto wanted to be a boy, but to have been this boyish even at a young age…

"When I was younger, I hoped my parents would be like Black Condor." Naoto said quietly, and he looked over at her sudden melancholy tone. She was looking down, avoiding his gaze—hiding the sadness that had laced her voice. "I hoped they weren't actually dead, and they were secretly helping me and grampa with cases, and that they would make a reappearance and we could be a family again. They never did."

"Naoto-kun…" He stared at her a moment longer, then went over to wrap his arms around her awkwardly, trying to comfort her.

"I knew when to separate reality from fantasy, but… I was a child. Children need their parents." Naoto sighed, hugging him back. "I even wished they would come back when I blew out the candles on my birthday. Or that I could find them if I looked hard enough. Eventually, I thought that wishes like that never worked, and I just stopped having birthdays. Who could blame me, huh."

After a moment, Kanji pulled back, stroking her hair a little. "No one blames you. You couldn't have controlled what happened." He told her gently, looking around her room again. He tried to think of something to cheer her up. "Hey, you still had your grampa and Yakushiji-san right?"

"Yes… I guess they got me all these things in the hopes that I would cheer up." Naoto nodded, following his gaze, "I mean… I never saw much point in buying toys or the like, but it did make me happy when I received them."

Kanji blinked. "Eh? Then all these things…"

"All gifts. Every single one of them." Naoto nodded.

"Did you actually even play with them?" Kanji asked curiously, taking a step back and motioning to her shelf full of action figures. However they got on this subject, Kanji wouldn't question it—it was distracting Naoto, and that's what he wanted.

"A bit. If only to figure out how they worked." The long-haired woman replied, "I was quite fascinated with the mechanics of what caused them to light up and talk, and how they opened their wings and such…"

"Oh, right. You were really into the tech stuff, huh?" Kanji remembered.

"I loved robots of all sorts, admittedly." Naoto nodded, "They were my childhood… oh, I think the correct word would be… obsession…" She grinned almost sheepishly.

"Hey, were these gifts too?" Kanji noted a row of boxy-looking robots sitting on Naoto's desk, along with other small gadgets and stacks of extremely worn notebooks.

"Actually, I made those." Naoto went over, picking one up, "Like I said, I was fascinated with robots, so of course I tried making them. It was when I first started tinkering with mechanics. The notebooks here were filled with 'blueprints' and notes and ideas of all sorts. Like the plan for a tracking device in a watch or detective badge, or how to improve the pen with a camera in it…"

"Cool… What's that one do, then? Light up?" Kanji asked, pointing to the robot in Naoto's hands.

"Actually, this one was more practical than it was for fun. It was a medic kit." Naoto chuckled, opening the hatch at the back of the robot, showing a hallow inside filled with bandages. "I got plenty of scrapes when I was climbing trees, so I made this one to help me out. The arms had antiseptic cream in them, but I haven't used it in over ten years."

"Wow, that's pretty awesome," Kanji smiled widely, "What about the others?"

Naoto put the medic robot back on her desk, looking at them. "That one lit up, and I used it as a nightlight occasionally. That one had a flashlight as one arm and a screwdriver as the other—it _sort of_ worked… I could never get it to put in screws correctly." She chuckled, "That one talked and worked as a calculator. That one walked around, and it didn't do much else, but it was my first time making a robot that was kinetic. That dog-shaped one was a recording device, and it was sort of my sidekick for a while, since I used it as a voice log on silly little cases. His name was Watson."

She picked up the dog-shaped robot, pressing a few buttons on its collar. It lit up a little, signaling it still worked. A little voice projected from its muzzle, _"June 16th, 2005. Grampa can't find the culprit, so I'm gonna try! I think the mom stole the goods! She has the motive and means. Watson and I will get some evidence on her—whether we prove her guilty or innocent of the crime, I'll show grampa I can solve a case without him!"_ It went on with some other recorded voices, probably the "mom" she had been talking about in the recording, before it cut off.

"Haha, cute." Kanji commented. She blushed, turning it off and putting it down. "Sorry, I know I said I wouldn't laugh, but your voice when you were little… it's adorable."

"Q-quiet." She said shyly, turning to him. Her face was the color of strawberries.

"Aw, come on, it's not that bad. Besides, that's pretty amazing—you made that robot when you were, what, nine years old?" Kanji was genuinely impressed, "You really are a genius."

"Uh. I made it when I was seven. But, um, thank you." His girlfriend shifted in embarrassment, rubbing her arm again.

"Your room is pretty cool though. I don't see why you were embarrassed." Kanji told her.

"Well… it's not exactly a typical girl's room," Naoto looked away, "I don't mean to say I'm ashamed I wanted to be a boy, but the expectations are there, and…"

"Naoto-kun, I've told you before, I have never expected you to be girly. It just wouldn't be you." Kanji smiled earnestly at her, "So what if you're a girl—if this is how you were back then, there's no changing it. And if it's what made you who you are, then I wouldn't change it for the world. If someone's got a problem with it, they'll have to deal with me!"

"Kanji-kun," Naoto stared at him, as if confused, and then she looked as resolute as he did. "You're right, there's no changing the past or who I used to be. I shouldn't be embarrassed about that. Actually, I'd like to say that I was proud to have been who I was."

Kanji reached over, patting her hair as he pulled her close to him again. "Never sacrifice who you are just because someone else has a problem with it." He said as she smiled up at him, "That's something Ma always told me."

"Wise words."

The couple looked up in surprise. Yakushiji was standing at the open doorway, gazing at them fondly. "Perhaps I could meet your mother some time. She seems like a pleasant woman."

"Uh, hi, Yakushiji-san." Kanji said awkwardly, unsure if he should let go of Naoto or not. For some reason he felt like he was in the presence of Naoto's father, and he should have shown some respect or modesty or some sort…. "Oh, uh, sure. If you ever stop by Inaba again, I guess."

"It's been a while since Naoto-sama has been here," Yakushiji looked around, "Did she tell you how Featherman inspired her to always do right, just like a hero?"

"Y-Yakushiji-san!" Naoto stammered, quickly stepping away from Kanji to push her secretary out the door, "C-can you please—"

"Right, right, of course, Naoto-sama." Yakushiji laughed as he stepped out. "I just wanted to let you know that Kurogami-san called."

Naoto stopped. "Wait, what?" She sounded incredulous, "I haven't heard from him in years, why would he—"

"All he said was that he's at Tatsumi Port Island, and he wanted to know if you were in Inaba. He must have heard from somewhere that you were there." Yakushiji informed her, "He said he might stop by there later, after he finishes his business at the island."

"Oh. I… see." Naoto frowned, "So it's nothing dire?"

"It didn't sound like it. Perhaps he missed you." Yakushiji smiled, "I didn't know if you wanted me to inform him of your plans, so I told him that you would call him later."

"I will. Thank you, Yakushiji-san." The young detective nodded, closing the door after Yakushiji left. When she turned around, Kanji was staring at her inquisitively.

"Kurogami. Your partner from Yagokoro City?" He asked curiously, one eyebrow quirked upward.

"Yes… we've spoken very little since we parted ways. I told him to call the estate if he ever needed to contact me, but I wonder why he's suddenly decided to call me." She sounded thoughtful, "I wonder if it just wasn't something he could say over the phone…"

"Um… you probably shouldn't worry about that right now," Kanji crossed his arms, "Aren't you going to America next week? You might completely miss him if he does come by, anyway."

"I suppose you're right." Naoto sighed, "I'll call him later and find out what he wants for sure, then." She went over to the window, opening it up, allowing fresh air into the old, untouched room. "I'm sorry, Kanji-kun, we came here on a vacation and I've been getting distracted by work…"

"It's fine," Kanji waved it off, "You love doing your job, I get it."

"I won't get distracted anymore." She promised, changing the subject, "Come on, I'll show you my secret hiding spots."

Her boyfriend blinked, glancing toward her. "Hiding s—wait, Naoto-kun what are you doing?!" His voice raised in alarm when he saw her climbing out the window.

"I said I liked high places, remember? The highest place isn't here." Naoto smiled at him over her shoulder, climbing out onto the tiled roof, "This way."

"Wh—wait—is this safe?!"

.~.~.~.~.~.

After Naoto showed him the flat part of the roof above the attic and a tree house hidden among one of the many large climbing trees on the grounds of her estate, Kanji was so worn out he couldn't move. He collapsed on the living room couch and lay there until he fell asleep—at least, he was sure he must have fallen asleep, because the next time he opened his eyes, Naoto was leaning over him, and his head was on her lap.

"Huh…?"

Naoto looked down at him. "Ah, you're awake." She smiled at him, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, 'm fine." He muttered, smiling back. Her lap was actually very comfortable… how did he get there? Oh, it didn't matter. He would have gotten flustered about it, but he didn't have the energy to flail around. And he didn't want this good feeling to stop. "How long was I out?"

"Only a couple minutes," Naoto chuckled, "I suppose we shouldn't be doing anything excessive for the rest of the night, then." She looked up, seeming to notice something, and then returned her gaze to him. "Do you want to watch TV or something?"

"Sure, why not." Kanji sighed, closing his eyes as he heard her click the remote, and the sounds of the TV became background noise that neither of them were really paying attention to.

Naoto idly stroked his dark brown hair. He thought that maybe she was watching the TV—there was a news program on, something about a high-speed car chase. After a while, he opened his eyes again, and he found that she was _still_ staring down at him.

He shifted a little under her gaze. "Um… sorry, is this uncomfortable for you? I mean…"

"Huh?" Naoto blinked, her hand stopping its movement, resting on his forehead. "Oh, I hadn't noticed. I was… lost in thought, I guess."

"You were thinking? About what?" He asked.

"Your eyes really are your best feature."

He blushed, his whole face becoming red. "Wh-what?"

"And also that you look good in black." Naoto said randomly, chuckling at his reaction.

"Wh-where did this come from?"

"I was thinking back to our high school days, and I remembered that during the 'Miss' Yasogami pageant, you said your best feature was your eyes." Naoto explained, "I've never really thought about it before, but they really are a beautiful shade of gray—not too light or too dark."

"A-ah…" Kanji sat up, turning to look at her. "Um—"

"…Was that weird?" She questioned, noticing how conscious he was.

"Uh, no, just—unexpected?" He blushed madly, rubbing his head sheepishly, "Um, thank you. I mean, Ma used to say that to me all the time, so I guess back then that's why I said that…"

"They don't look like your mother's eyes… are they your father's?" Naoto mused absently.

"Uh… yeah." Kanji looked away uneasily, "Dad's eyes were gray like mine."

"It looks like we have something in common, then." The blue-haired woman's smile became melancholy, "I have my father's eyes too."

"…" Kanji stared at her for a moment, and then his gaze wandered to the far wall behind her, where a photograph portrait of the Shirogane family hung. In the portrait, Shirogane Haruka had had dark, almost black eyes, and his wife had light cerulean ones. In front of them, Shirogane Akira was standing next to a blue-haired woman holding a baby Naoto. He had eyes the color of pale, pure ice, a shade between the colors of his parents' eyes. Kanji stared at those piercing eyes for a moment, and then his gaze trailed over to the long-haired woman whom he knew from Naoto's stories as Shirogane Miyako.

"Grampa said I had his mother's face, but I looked more like my own mother." Naoto said when she noticed where his gaze had gone. "Both were beautiful, weren't they."

"Your great-grandma?" Kanji looked confused. She pointed at the fireplace, and he saw a painting hung above it. The subject was an old man in traditional clothes and a woman in a dark blue dress. Both had grayish-black hair and sharp, masculine faces. That was probably Naoto's great-great-grandfather and his daughter. "…Yeah, they're beautiful…" He said after a moment, trailing his gaze back to his girlfriend, a dust of pink making its way over his cheeks as he quickly added, "And you too. You're beautiful too."

Naoto blushed, looking back at him. "Thank you." She nodded, not quite sure what to say or do next.

"And I think your smile is your best feature."

"H-huh?" Her blush became darker, "O-oh, you did say something like that before, didn't you…"

"It's true," Kanji grinned sheepishly, "Or do you think your eyes are your best feature too?"

"Uh, well… I suppose… I mean, I've never really thought about it before." She admitted.

The dark-haired man across from her gave her a reassuring smile, and then got up and stretched. He could hear his bones cracking, and when he lowered his arms to his sides, he stepped toward the fireplace, looking at the framed photos on the ledge. There was a photo of Akira and Yakushiji, and they looked to be in their college years. On one side of it was a small wedding photo of Naoto's parents, and on the other side, a school photo of Naoto when she was still the boyish Detective Prince. On the other side of the ledge, there was a photo of a late-teen-aged Naoto with Haruka and Yakushiji, and Naoto was smiling awkwardly at the camera while her grandfather laughed. Next to it was a photo of a very young Naoto, still in her pajamas and playing with a Featherman action figure while she sat on Haruka's lap—it looked to be Christmas time in that picture, and it seemed so warm.

"You have a lot of memories here, huh." Kanji commented, looking over his shoulder. Naoto was still seated at the couch. She had turned off the TV.

"Of course. This is… home." She said uneasily. "Don't you have a lot of memories in your own home, too?"

"In all of Inaba, really. The whole town is home." Kanji nodded, turning to her, "Maybe that's why I can't bear to leave it."

"Besides the practical reasons, of course?" Naoto seemed unsure.

"No, not because of that," Kanji said, "I mean… sure, I'm gonna take over the shop, but it's… not really that important to me. I mean, yeah, Ma and the shop are important, but Ma's always given me a choice to leave if I wanted to. The option's still out there. But even if I left the shop to her or Hiro-kun or anyone else, I still wouldn't leave Inaba."

Naoto stared at him for a moment, slowly standing.

"Is it the same with you, here? Or do the bad memories outweigh the good so much that you always wanna leave?" Kanji asked her, his voice oddly serious.

"Memories are memories—good or bad, this place has been my home, and my ancestors' home, for generations. I can't leave it behind." Naoto sighed, looking down, "This is the place I'd want my children and my grandchildren to grow up, because it's just… _always been here_. It's never going to go away, not like people… it's my house, it's my _home_. And I know that if anything ever happens, I can come back here and things will be okay."

"…Do you really mean that?"

Naoto looked up in surprise. Kanji was staring at her with those piercing gray eyes. He knew… he _knew_ that this "home" was part of an identity that Naoto had lost, and it would play a role in the identity that she was trying to find. When she did find it, would this place still be part of who she was? Or was it just… a building, a house?

"…I don't know. But it's the last place I have… where I can see them." Her longing gaze was turned to the portraits, where her grandfather and her parents stared lovingly down at her. Even if she couldn't remember her parents' faces, they were still right there, and they weren't going anywhere, even if her memories stagnated. "And even so… being here doesn't feel right anymore, does it…"

There was a silence. After a moment, Kanji stepped up to her, embracing her like he had always done when he knew she needed something—anything, any_one_—to hang onto. Something solid and grounded in her constantly uprooted life.

"I think," Kanji whispered into her hair, "no one is going to hate you… if you find someplace else to call 'home'. If 'here' isn't _right_ anymore… then find where it's right, and everything else will follow."

Naoto hugged him back tightly, burying her face in his chest.

They didn't notice that, standing at the stairs, Yakushiji was listening—and his ever-present smile grew even more melancholy than before, unseen by his long-time charge.

_Remember? Home is where the heart is, Naoto-sama. Can you not see where your heart has gone? He's right… no one will hate you. So please… stop hanging onto 'here' and go to where your heart is._

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto didn't sleep well that night. She lay in bed, clutching her blankets close to her curled up body, her thoughts reeling.

_Yamato…?_ She heard her Persona in her mind, asking her what was wrong. It seemed concerned. This wasn't unusual—in the past, Yamato-Takeru always showed worry on her sleepless nights. However, lately it had been quiet and she had been suspicious of it, so she hadn't expected it to suddenly make its presence known.

_It's nothing. No—yes, I know it's pointless to lie to you. It's just… for as long as I remember, this place has been 'home'._ She told it, pausing for thought, _I've… never really thought about it otherwise. I mean, I know I go away a lot, but I've never really 'left' home…_

She sat up in bed, sighing heavily. She knew she needed to get her rest, she had a long drive ahead of her the next morning. But she just couldn't stop thinking about what Kanji said.

Restlessly, she got up, heading downstairs. She went into the study, thinking that maybe some reading or the ever-familiar shelves surrounding her would help her clear her mind.

_Yamato… where is it that you call home? Is it me, or the TV world? Is it wherever I go, or Inaba?_ She wondered. Yamato-Takeru had been born in Inaba after all—and it seemed to like Inaba the most.

The study didn't seem to be comforting to her—this used to be her favorite place in the world. Now it was just… _haunting_.

Naoto thought for a moment, wondering what place she liked the most, if this wasn't it.

And then something Nanako said echoed in her thoughts.

_Would I… stay in Inaba… for Kanji-kun?_

.~.~.~.~.~.

"You have a limo."

"Yes, but we're not—"

"You have a _limo_."

"Kanji-kun, it's not that impressive. We barely use it." Naoto sighed, rolling her eyes. She and Kanji were in the garage, putting their things in the trunk of her dark blue car, but Kanji had gotten distracted when he noticed her other vehicles.

"That one is for when we feel like being discrete," Yakushiji chimed in randomly, pointing at a white car, and then at a black one, "That is my car, but I mainly used it to chaperone Naoto-sama when she was younger."

"Hey, is this the motorcycle you told me about?" Kanji asked, looking over the row of shiny almost-new bikes. The only one with significant signs of usage was the black one, which he was currently looking at.

"Yes—the red one was the first one I ever owned, a gift from a friend. Grampa got the black one for my eighteenth birthday." Naoto explained, "He let me choose the blue one for my twentieth. I've been using that one more often, of late."

"Yosuke-sempai would be so jealous." Kanji chuckled.

"He is, believe me." Naoto smiled, "Now come on, we should get going."

"Right," Kanji nodded, heading back to the blue car. He stopped when Naoto's secretary suddenly spoke.

"Naoto-sama, are you sure you can…?" Yakushiji asked, "Perhaps I could drive you back."

"It's alright, Yakushiji-san, we're fine. Besides, it's eight hours, and…"

"You have all your things to go to America already, and your flight will be from Okina City, which you can easily take the train to." Yakushiji pointed out, "I can drive you back to Inaba and then take the car back here. It would be pointless to leave it in Inaba for so long, after all."

Naoto looked contemplative. Kanji could see that Yakushiji looked concerned—he didn't blame him. They _had_ found Naoto asleep in the study that morning after all. Both of them knew that she didn't get much sleep the previous night when they saw the little detective missing from her bed and curled up in her grandfather's armchair instead. Neither of them had brought it up to Naoto, knowing she was trying _not_ to think about the previous evening.

"Alright," Naoto finally conceded, "Maybe then you can meet Tatsumi-san, too."

Yakushiji chuckled. "Very well, Naoto-sama." She handed him the keys, getting in the back seat—a habit for the young detective whenever she was being chaperoned.

Kanji blinked, getting in the backseat as well. "So," He said as Yakushiji turned on the engine and backed out of the garage, "Uh… I guess our weekend away wasn't everything you expected, huh."

"No, I had fun. I couldn't have asked for anything more." Naoto smiled at him, making sure she was buckled in. Kanji noticed that she was a lot more relaxed in the car when she wasn't the one driving. Or maybe she just trusted Yakushiji a whole lot.

"You should get some rest… I mean, it _is_ a long ride…" Kanji tried to convince her, seeing as she hadn't slept well the previous night.

"Mmm-hmm." Naoto sighed, glancing out the window as the mansion passed by them, and soon the estate disappeared behind the corner.

"Naoto-kun?" Kanji tilted his head, "Uh… are you thinking about something again?" He asked carefully.

"How handsome you are."

Kanji instinctively blushed, his eyes widening. _Okay, she really is random._

She glanced over at him. "What? You said last night that you thought I was beautiful. I was just thinking something similar."

"Uh… thank you?"

The hour passed, awkwardly quiet, until Naoto dozed off with her head on Kanji's shoulder. He wrapped one arm around her gently, holding her and stroking her hair as she slept. He had noticed a long time ago that the gesture soothed her, even in her slumber.

The silence went unbroken, until, "I wouldn't hate either of you if she decided to stay in Inaba."

Kanji looked toward the driver's seat. "Yakushiji-san?"

"I told Naoto-sama when she was younger… I don't know if she remembers." Yakushiji glanced at the rearview mirror, "When the choices you've made feels right, everything else will fall into place."

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ Mechanical engineering wasn't the only thing Naoto studied in college. She had always had an interest in science and medicine, and of course, took numerous biology and nursing courses when she was enrolled._

_ Yakushiji had said that her mother had also studied to be a nurse. However, like Naoto, her real passions lay in the art of investigation, not medicine. This still interested Naoto, though—Naoto had known that her mother was a kind, caring person… but now she wondered how much she actually knew about Shirogane Miyako._

_ Miyako was not like Naoto. She was beautiful, elegant, refined, ladylike—she was someone who didn't seem like they would be examining corpses or looking at dry blood without getting sick. But she had done it anyway. The young detective knew that Miyako had found a path that was at peace with her femininity and her brilliance. She knew full well that her mother had lived in a time far less forgiving for women, but she did not let that stop her being who she was. She didn't allow society to tie her down with prejudices and expectations, like Naoto had—Naoto didn't know why she didn't have the same strength or resolve her mother had apparently discovered in a time long before she became a mother._

_ As she sat in engineering class, taking notes and ignoring the fact that she was one of three girls among the hundred or so students in the room, her thoughts wandered to her medicinal studies and her mother. She wondered if Miyako had liked being a nurse, or if she was forced into it by her parents. Actually, now that she thought about it, why had she never spoken to her grandparents on her mother's side?_

_ This was one of few times she was glad that the class was over—most of the other students normally got out as fast as they could, making Naoto question their dedication to their studies. Ignoring them, she went to the parking structure and got on her motorcycle, driving home. She would do her assignments for that class later—for now, she had an investigation to conduct._

_ It was rare that she picked up an investigation for herself—she usually waited for others to give her a job, so when she wanted to investigate something personal, it usually took up all of her focus._

_ Haruka noticed her in the study when he got home, looking through the folders in the file cabinets and mumbling to herself, making notes in the little leather-bound book she always carried with her. She didn't acknowledge his presence, if she even realized he was there. He watched her for a moment, and then spoke._

_ "What are you looking for, Naoto?"_

_ She jumped in surprise, turning to face him. "Oh, grampa." She relaxed, a behavior that made him suspicious. Was she doing something secret? "I was just… trying to find somebody."_

_ "In old case files?"_

_ "I thought they might have been murder victims or something of the sort." She shrugged, "I already looked through the family photo albums, but I couldn't find anything there…"_

_ Haruka raised an eyebrow, going over to his granddaughter. "And… who could you have possibly been looking for?"_

_ "Mother… or, who mother used to be." Naoto answered quietly, "I began to realize I didn't know much about her."_

_ Haruka blinked. "Your mother… Miyako-chan?" He eased himself down in his armchair, his gaze steady on the young detective._

_ Naoto shifted under that gaze—his eyes were hard and unreadable, like he was interrogating a criminal. As much as she loved her grandfather, he could be an intimidating person sometimes. Perhaps this was one of those times because she had brought up a… slightly sore subject._

_ "What was mother's name before she married father?" Naoto asked, knowing that it was better to get to the point when it came to her grandfather. There was no talking in circles with him._

_ "Hamasaki." Haruka replied easily, "What exactly are you trying to figure out? You know you can just ask me."_

_ "Well, it's just—there aren't that many pictures of her from before college, and I don't know what she looked like as a child." Naoto explained, "And… you don't talk about her parents much."_

_ Haruka looked surprised. Naoto wanted to know about her other grandparents?_

_ "Miyako-chan ran away from home and put herself through college. She was very independent, even at a young age." He stood up, taking a ring of keys from his desk and going over to one of his personal file cabinets, unlocking it and rummaging through the contents. "I don't actually know much about Miyako-chan other than what she's told me. She wanted to forget her past, so I've left it at that, but…" He pulled out an old manila folder from the back of the metal drawer. "I've investigated her missing persons file before—however, by that time she was already a legally independent adult and married to Akira, therefore anyone who tried to look for her wouldn't have an easy time finding her. She didn't want to be found in the end, so the case was never officially closed."_

_ "Eh… a missing persons file?" Naoto blinked, carefully taking the folder when Haruka presented it to her._

_ "Miyako-chan left home because she wanted to make a difference in the world. Akira wanted to help her, and she let him—that's how they fell in love." Haruka smiled, "Did I ever tell you how they met?"_

_ "Um… Father got shot and Mother was the nurse who treated him, right?" Naoto blinked._

_ Haruka nodded. "Akira was the reason Miyako-chan found her way into criminal investigation. It had been an interest before, but she could never fully explore her passion before he helped her out. After they married, even I helped out—Miyako-chan was like a daughter to me, and I loved her regardless of who she was before she met Akira."_

_ Naoto looked down at the missing persons file, her pale blue eyes scanning the report for anything she hadn't known before. "But… what about her parents? I can see that they tried to look for her, but… did she hate them?"_

_ "I don't know, to be honest." Haruka shook his head. "The only one who knows why Miyako-chan left in the first place is Miyako-chan herself. And maybe Akira too, but he's never said anything to me."_

_ They couldn't ask Miyako or Akira anymore, they both knew that. So Naoto continued her investigation on her own. Haruka didn't stop her—he never intended to stop her from the start._

_ After scanning Miyako's missing person report, she went to the address of the person who filed it—Miyako's mother._

_ She didn't really know what she was thinking, driving all the way out to Shima to meet an old woman who probably wouldn't have cared to meet her. What had she done to drive her daughter away anyhow? Naoto had to know. Maybe that's what was going through her mind as she slowed her bike in front of an old, traditional-looking Japanese home, kicking the stand as she pulled the keys out of the ignition. She took off her helmet and fixed her hair, stuffing it in her hat. She didn't move for a minute, carefully adjusting the dark blue striped cap to sit comfortably on her crown. She was nervous._

_ She stood in front of the home for a while, staring at the nameplate that read "Hamasaki" in embedded calligraphic letters. Well, at least the old woman still lived there—she probably lived with her husband too, judging by the smaller names on the nameplate._

_ Hesitant, she stepped forward and rang the doorbell, anxiously awaiting whoever would come greet her. An old man answered the door._

_ "Hello…?" He eyed her warily. He had immediately noticed that something about the woman in front of him was familiar._

_ "Uh, hello," Naoto cleared her throat and tipped her hat politely, putting on a business-like tone. She had to convince herself this was just another investigation, after all—if she didn't, she would have been too nervous to even speak. "I am Shirogane Naoto… I'm looking for Hamasaki Kaede and Hamasaki Ran?"_

_ "I am Kaede." The man nodded in a slow, aged way, "What can I do for you?"_

_ Naoto swallowed. "I… I'm here to talk about Miyako."_

_ The man looked surprised, a pang of hurt entering his eyes. "Excuse me?" He asked, trying to clarify if he heard her right. "Miyako… my daughter, Miyako?"_

_ "Y… yes." Naoto nodded, "I'm a detective, you see, and…"_

_ "Has she been found?" Kaede asked, his dark eyes widening hopefully._

_ The young detective hesitated again. "…If it's alright, I'd like to talk to both you and your wife, sir." She said._

_ "Ah—yes, of course," Kaede nodded, stepping aside, "Please, come in." He went in after Naoto did, closing the door and going ahead of her to call for his wife. "Ran! Ran, a detective is here… she wants to talk about Miyako!"_

_ Naoto couldn't help but notice how excited he seemed. She felt guilty now, realizing that no one had told them what had happened to Miyako at all. As she walked down the hallway after Kaede, she noticed the photos on the wall—photos of a family that looked so happy and warm. She paused when she realized the little pig-tailed girl in the photos was the young version of her mother. And then she wondered why her mother wanted to leave a place like this, where everything seemed perfect._

_ An old woman in a kimono, presumably Ran, came to greet her, her eyes hollow and sad. She didn't seem like her husband, who looked excited for any news about their daughter—she seemed resigned, as if she had already accepted the truth that she would never see Miyako again, and Naoto knew that she was the messenger who would confirm that._

_ They sat down in the living room, and Naoto looked hesitant to join them, feeling as if she shouldn't have stayed long. After a moment, she sat down across from them, looking uncomfortable._

_ "Detective—Shirogane, was it?" Ran asked, not commenting on her guest's polite formality, "Have you come with news about our Miyako?"_

_ "Well…" Naoto looked at them carefully, "I recently found her missing persons file, and I… I thought I needed to talk to you."_

_ "They never did find her," Kaede said, "so we still had to believe she was out there."_

_ The young detective nodded, "Before I tell you anything… I must ask. Why did she run away in the first place?" She treaded carefully—these old people looked fragile. She wondered how hard Miyako's death would hit them._

_ "…Perhaps we were overprotective," Ran said sadly, "We tried to give her everything she could want, despite that we were not that rich… but I think we all knew that her destiny was never to stay here."_

_ "Her… destiny?" Naoto's eyebrows furrowed._

_ "Do you believe in things like that, Detective? I'd like to think something like that exists, but sometimes it takes away what is dear to us—so it's a wonderful, dreadful thing. Our Miyako always had a greater calling, and… we didn't want her to answer it. She was meant to make great changes in the world, but we always discouraged it… and that was our mistake." Ran said quietly, "Maybe there was another reason… but I've tried searching for it for the past twenty-five years… and I still don't know _why_."_

_ "Why"… that was a question Naoto lived to answer. Maybe this was the one time she couldn't do that._

_ "We did try to stop her from leaving," Kaede explained, "and we missed her a lot—we still do. We've spent these twenty-five years waiting for her to call us, or write us a letter—that's why we haven't moved, even with the threat of earthquakes and tsunamis. Did she go somewhere away from those dangers? Did she get caught in them, is that why she didn't contact us?" He paused, realizing that he was rambling. "I don't think she left because she hated us… but I wonder if it's because we didn't love her enough? I'd like to think she at least knew we loved her, and she loved us back…."_

_ "We have never stopped loving Miyako." Ran sighed, looking distant._

_ Her husband asked in a hopeful tone, "So won't you tell us? Where is she? Is she okay?"_

_ "She…" Naoto looked down, not wanting to meet their gazes. "She died in a car accident, fifteen years ago."_

_ The old couple looked shocked. Kaede's eyes were wet—Ran had steeled her face._

_ "I'm… sorry."_

_ "Are you sure it was her?" Kaede asked, his voice choked up, "Are you absolutely sure?"_

_ "I am. I was… I was there." Naoto nodded hesitantly, nervously tugging down her cap to cover her eyes._

_ "…You look awfully young to be a detective," Ran said almost curiously, despite that her face was unreadable, "And to have been at an accident fifteen years ago… why is it that you have Miyako's missing person file?"_

_ This was definitely a person who had known that her daughter had died a long time ago. Maybe it was a mother's intuition—maybe she had known the exact moment Miyako had died… maybe she _felt_ it. Naoto couldn't imagine what it felt like, to have a connection so deep severed without so much as a goodbye._

_ She was _supposed_ to know that feeling, because she had lost the same important person… but as much as she didn't want to admit it, she _didn't_ know that feeling, because in all of these fifteen years, she hadn't even been able to bring herself to cry over her parents' death._

_ Naoto didn't answer Ran, and she desperately wanted to leave—to bolt out of there as fast as she could. It took all of her self-restraint not to. She stood up, taking off her hat and bowing to them deeply. "I'm truly sorry for your loss. I wish someone had come to tell you sooner…"_

_ They stared at her. As her dark blue hair fell behind her, their eyes widened. When she stood straight again, Ran suddenly realized that Naoto didn't need to speak to answer her question._

_ Except for her eyes, Naoto looked just like Miyako._

_ "You… you are…"_

_ Naoto shook her head, closing her eyes—and for a moment, Kaede and Ran thought they were looking at their daughter, as if she hadn't aged a day since she had left._

_ It seemed that they were still absorbing the idea that their daughter was dead—after all these years of searching, their search had come to an abrupt end… Naoto didn't know how they felt. She would probably never know. But she hoped she could do her best to fill in the years Miyako was lost to them. She didn't know if that would make them feel better or worse, but she could try._

_ "Hamasaki Miyako went to a university in Nara. She became a nurse—I believe you were a doctor, weren't you, Hamasaki-san?" She looked at Kaede, who now looked confused through his tears, though he nodded, "Perhaps she drew her inspiration from you. I don't know. But after she became a nurse, she met a man named Shirogane Akira. He was my father."_

_ "You are… Miyako's daughter?" Ran gasped. She needed to hear it. She needed the confirmation that there was still a piece of Miyako left with them._

_ "Both of my parents died when I was five, in the same car accident. I was there, but I survived." Naoto continued, her face soft, "I'm sorry I never came before, but it had never crossed my mind that you were still alive. From the time I was five years old until now, I had only thought of my grampa as family… but you're here. You exist, and I never knew. My grampa recently told me that Mother had run away from home when she was younger… and I wanted to know the place she had run away from."_

_ "…Are we everything you expected?" Ran asked sadly. Naoto heard her unspoken question: _Are you going to run away from us too?

_ "No." Naoto answered honestly, "I don't know why Mother ran away from you… but I won't do the same. I… I want to get to know you. That's why I came here today… I wanted to get to know you, and the Miyako you knew."_

_ She wanted to know these strangers—she wanted to believe they were part of who she was. She wanted some connection to her parents that Haruka couldn't provide, because Haruka had put the events of the past out of his mind—but these were the people who she could be sad with, and she knew it would be okay._

_ "And we—we want to get to know you as well, Detective Shirogane." Kaede said hoarsely, wiping his eyes._

_ "We've lost our precious daughter, but in return, something wonderful has come to us." Ran smiled longingly, as if she felt that she was in a dream and she didn't want to wake up, "We want to know our precious _grand_daughter… is it okay to call you that, Shirogane-san?"_

_ "You can call me Naoto."_


	13. Five Years I was Wrong

A/N: I just broke 100,000 words, I think. :O Is that a milestone? I actually particularly like this chapter (especially the flashback-I just had to cameo my favorite OCs) so I guess it is a milestone. c: It's actually very, VERY long... a bonus for you all, I suppose. Hehe.

I didn't get much reply on the "Kanji POV" question from last chapter... so I guess I'll just keep writing the way I have. (Though if you still wanna input, that's still okay, just drop me a review!)

Also, if you missed my "slightly unrelated announcement" last chapter, my other fanfic "STRANGERS" is also being updated today-this week's chapter stars Naoto, so please check it out if you're interested! The link is on my profile~!

I've been kinda busy lately, so I haven't written much new stuff for GLC, but I have been working on some Naoto art. If you check out my twitter, you can see when I'm streaming (I'll still be working on the art for a few days), so come by and chat with me about... well, anything. I'll be DJ-ing Persona 4 music too, so you can just come by and listen. I've also been working on a new Persona fanfic (sort of... it's not really a fanfic, it's more like a story based in the Persona Universe :D) so I might post some stuff about that later? Maybe on my Deviantart, so look out for that.

Anyway, read and review~ (I do like this chapter a lot, so please tell me what you think!)

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 13: Five Years I was Wrong**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"You… didn't make that cake, did you, Rise-chan?" Kanji winced a little.

"Of course I did!" Rise chirped happily. Just as she had promised, she had postponed Naoto's birthday party until she got back from her trip with Kanji—much to their dismay. A good majority of the Investigation Team was currently sitting around the table in Kanji's living room. "It's your birthday, we gotta celebrate it together!"

"Rise-chan is right, Naoto-kun," Chie smiled broadly at her, "Even if it's a little scraped together right now, it's still a party, okay?"

"I see parties as rather pointless." Naoto said flatly, but she sighed and conceded to their silly little idea.

Yakushiji, who had stayed behind only to meet Mrs. Tatsumi, chuckled and patted Naoto's shoulder. "You should be thanking them, Naoto-sama, not condescending the idea of having a party."

Naoto pouted, but agreed and did as he said. Yakushiji wished that she would have fun, and then bid her a brief farewell. "Take care in America, and I will see you when you get back."

"Yes. Thank you, Yakushiji-san." She nodded, and he left the Tatsumi's house.

"Your dad looks really nice." Nanako commented.

Naoto blinked. "He's not my father."

"Oh?" She looked confused, "I thought he was… he acted like it."

"Secretary." The older detective explained simply.

"…Oh." Nanako paused, trying to figure out what to say. Naoto didn't look upset at the mention of her father, but Nanako didn't want to possibly upset her by asking where her real one was. So she settled for something a little less nosy and a lot more innocent. "That's cool that you have one! I hope I can have one when I become a real detective too!"

Everyone chuckled at her bright optimism. Naoto smiled gently, commenting, "Maybe Kuma-kun can be your secretary."

"Nuh-uh, kuma!" The blonde boy protested, "I'm her partner! We're partners in crime, kuma!"

"Crime is a bad thing, Kuma-kun," Naoto pointed out, "I don't think that should be the idiom you use here."

"Anyway!" Rise interrupted, "C'mon, let's sing happy birthday for Naoto-kun, everyone!"

Naoto only blinked as the group counted down and then awkwardly started singing the childish birthday song, all off-beat, out of tune, and kind of monotone and not-so-enthusiastic. And then Rise told her to blow out the candles and make a wish. She looked a little hesitant—Kanji had only recently learned why, and he didn't comment—but she blew out the candles anyway. Her boyfriend wondered if she had made the same wish she always had, or if she hadn't made a wish at all—she seemed to have stopped believing in things like wishes.

"So, uh, we're not actually going to _eat_ that, right?" Yosuke asked with a nervous laugh.

"What do you mean by that?!" Rise demanded, smacking him right upside the head.

"Oh, c'mon, last time you cooked something, Yukiko was out for the whole night!"

"We offered to make the cake," Chie looked unsure, "but Rise-chan insisted…"

"Yeah, like that's any better. Actually, I would've preferred that—at least your cooking won't kill us." Yosuke said dryly.

"Excuse me?"

"Yosuke, you really have a knack for pissing people off, kuma!"

"Hey, my cooking is not that bad! I—I've improved!" Rise whined, "Besides, Naoto-kun hasn't had a chance to taste any of our cooking, so—"

Everyone paused at the mention of the guest of honor. They looked over, suddenly noticing how quiet she had been, and saw her exchanging a glance with Kanji. She was… _smiling_. Sure, she smiled more often now, but this smile in particular looked like it would lead to an actual, genuine laugh.

"I'm sorry, Rise-chan," Naoto looked back at her, "I… Kanji-kun told me about your cooking. And I'm quite sorry, but I don't want to die tonight." She was obviously stifling her laughter. "To think, I would actually be faced with Mystery Food X so soon…"

Yukiko burst into giggles at this, beginning to snort something about Rise's bad cooking and how it had gained the hazardous title of her former cooking skills. Even the ace detective could tell she needed to stay away from it.

"N-no faiiir! Can't you even taste it?!"

"I will, if everyone's okay with that." Nanako volunteered, "But, uh, no offense Rise-san, I kind of figured this would happen, so…" She reached into the bag she had brought with her, pulling out a Tupperware full of cupcakes. With vanilla frosting.

"Nana-chan! What an angel, kuma!" Kuma laughed. "You saved us, kuma!"

Naoto finally let out her laughter. Some of them, namely Yosuke, looked at her in disbelief. Kanji soon joined her—and eventually everyone was laughing. The party moved on—Nanako had indeed tried to eat Rise's cake, asked why she thought it was a good idea to put pepper in it, and then passed out the cupcakes. It was something small, but Naoto thanked her for it, making the little brunette beam with happiness.

"I changed my mind," Naoto told Kanji later that night, after everyone left, "That party didn't feel pointless at all."

.~.~.~.~.~.

"I've always wondered why you had western-style beds here."

"Eh, my aunt—Ma's side—liked them, and she used to visit often, so Ma got them. That, and she likes the variety for the sheets and pillowcases."

"When I first came to visit, my first thought was that you slept on futons like traditional Japanese people do—like Yukiko-san." Naoto commented thoughtfully.

Kanji and Naoto were relaxing in the living room—the former had the latter wrapped up in his arms, practically pulled onto his lap with the way they were sitting on the couch. Hiro had come over to help out again, and they had made enough light-up and talking toys to last a while, so they didn't need to worry about running out. Kanji figured that with Naoto going to America soon, it would be best that she didn't overwork herself anyhow, especially when she didn't _need_ to be working on mechanical dolls for the shop.

And knowing she was going to America soon, Kanji gladly took some time off to spend it with her before she left. They sat and talked idly in the peaceful quiet, undisturbed except for their voices. Kanji wondered how, five years ago, he wouldn't have been able to even imagine himself in this situation, Naoto fitted comfortably in his arms and making him feel warm—but not to the point where he got flustered or shy about it. If he had still been sixteen—and even if he were nineteen or twenty—he knew he wouldn't have dared touch Naoto and would have actually run away from his own home before he could even think about being close to her.

She had always been cool, collected, almost perfect, and… well, _untouchable_. He had used to think nothing could shake her—but now, after knowing her all these years, he knew that wasn't true. He knew now that Naoto was just like him, in a lot of ways—stubborn, insecure, flawed, and _human_. Maybe that's why he loved her so much. Not that he was brave enough to tell her that yet.

When it felt like they had run out of topics to talk about, Naoto said, "I called Sousei-kun last night."

"Oh yeah?" Kanji quirked an eyebrow curiously.

"I was right before—he was worried about something." Naoto mused, turning her head a little and tilting it up at that awkward angle that came from her being too short and him being too tall, "He couldn't say it to Yakushiji-san then. And of course, being as 'mechanical' as he is, he didn't sound worried to Yakushiji-san either…"

"Does he need your help with it? Whatever he's worried about?" Her boyfriend asked, treading carefully. Kurogami Sousei was a mystery to Kanji, all he really knew was what Naoto told him. Apparently, whatever happened with Naoto and Sousei was carefully under wraps, so he didn't press about whatever issue Sousei was worried about.

"Maybe. I don't know how he heard about it from Port Island, but he somehow knew I was here and thought I could help out, given the situation." She shrugged, "I told him I'd investigate it and he didn't need to come, since I'm going to America soon and he wouldn't be able to see me."

"You told him not to come?" Kanji looked confused, "If he's worried about it, and you're gonna be gone, why would that make him feel better?"

"It didn't actually, he said he'd come investigate it anyway." Naoto shrugged again.

"…What's he gonna investigate?" The brown-haired man hesitated to ask.

"The Midnight Channel."

He stared at her, his eyes wide. She didn't look concerned, actually, making him wonder why. No one was supposed to know about the Midnight Channel, not _really_, and… did Naoto just trust this guy that much?

"He already knows about it, after we investigated the Midnight Site." Naoto said simply, "After all these years, actually, I've discovered there are quite a few others who know about Shadows and Personas."

"Is that… so…" Kanji frowned.

"It's nothing to worry about. Sousei-kun will, _hopefully_, not act recklessly about the current situation." Naoto emphasized her words carefully, sighing, "He's hard to predict. But, if it comes down to it, he'll listen to me."

"But you're gonna be gone for at least two, three weeks… what if he comes here and does something while you're away?" Kanji's eyebrows furrowed.

"It will be okay." She assured him, then paused. "Ah, that's right, speaking of this, I've been meaning to say… we should go back to the TV world soon. Preferably before I leave for America."

Kanji blinked. "You… want to go back there?" He asked slowly, "Is it to see your Shadow again?"

"Actually, there's something else I've been curious about," Naoto shifted, twisting her upper body to look at him more easily, "Where do you think our Personas come from?"

"Eh? Um… inside of us?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"I meant, when we summon them. Certainly, we can hear them in this outside world, but when we're in the TV, they should be visible to us, right? But they only come when we call—so where do you think they come from?" Naoto questioned.

"Magic?" Kanji replied lamely. Damn it, he was observant, sometimes, but he wasn't smart like Naoto was…

"I think they exist somewhere in the TV—I mean, physically, they have a place to live, like Kuma-kun." Naoto said, "And when they feel us calling, it's like… we're using our 'magic' to teleport them to us. It sounds a little absurd, I know, but… it's just a theory."

Kanji paused, tried to process her words, and then asked, "Where is this coming from, Naoto-kun?"

"The last time we were in the other world… before we left, I saw Yamato-Takeru flying toward the maze. He didn't disappear like Rokuten-Maoh did." Naoto said, "And… the realities of everyone's hearts still exist in Kuma-kun's world—he said they were still there, even though _we_ aren't."

"You sayin' the Persona _live_ in those realities, Naoto-kun?" Kanji asked incredulously.

"It's a theory." Naoto replied.

Her boyfriend sighed. "And how are we gonna prove that theory?"

"…I don't know. But perhaps Yamato-Takeru will provide me a straight answer, for once." Naoto's face contorted into a frown, like she was hearing her Persona complain at her, "Yosuke-san did say that to find answers, I had to ask questions."

"If Yamato was going to the maze… wouldn't that mean we'd have to go in the maze?" Kanji asked, "I mean, I know you can just summon him, but you said it yourself that sometimes he doesn't come."

"Right. This further supports my theory that he goes somewhere. Perhaps at those times, he just doesn't want to answer my call." Naoto nodded.

"…And doesn't going into the maze mean that we'd possibly be fighting those dumb little Shadow wannabes?" Naoto gave him a blank stare. "What I mean is, normally we go in with sempai, and, y'know, a team and a strategy."

"Well, Yu-san isn't here, so we'll have to do without him. But I understand your concern—a team to support us would be a good idea." Naoto nodded, "Kuma-kun and Rise-chan would probably be the best choices, since they're the only ones that know I even have another Shadow that I need to face."

"…Y'think you're actually ready?"

She looked up at him, her gaze hard to read. "…I hope so."

.~.~.~.~.~.

The maze was impossible to map out, according to Kanzeon and Rise. No matter, it would be simple enough to explore it, and Rise could form the map as they went further inside, making sure they had a way out.

"It's… quiet, kuma." The red and blue bear looked around, scratching his fur, "Not like your last reality."

"Which tried to kick us out." Rise reminded them. "Hope this one doesn't do the same."

"That was the most dangerous dungeon ever, kuma—none of the other realities tried that, kuma." Kuma tried to cross his stubby arms over his large chest, but it didn't work so well. "Nao-chan's reality was really scary."

"It doesn't look as high-tech as last time," Kanji commented, "But it looks like it's still going downward."

"I've… never seen my own reality before, actually—save for the ruins of it when we went to train," Naoto looked around. "Perhaps my previous feelings of loneliness constitutes for the lack of Shadows, though."

"Nah, even back then when you were feeling that, there were still a hell of a whole lotta Shadows we had to beat down." Kanji said, "And strong ones."

"Your problems did run pretty deep—that might've been the reason for the power of those Shadows." Rise explained, "Maybe you're just a whole lot more simple now, so the Shadows are really weak, so they're hiding from us? I don't sense anything around or below…"

"…I would be genuinely surprised if it were actually that simple." Naoto muttered.

"Hey, what was that pile of TVs we passed earlier?" Rise asked, "The one at the top of the canyon."

"I think Maoh and Yamato created those," Kanji explained, "A way out for us—like the one Kuma made at the studio lot."

"Oh… hey, then we won't have to walk all the way back to Kuma's place to get out! Convenient!" Rise hit her fist on her palm, looking impressed. "Didn't know they could do that."

"We didn't know it either."

They wandered further into the maze, but all the walls looked the same, and there were no markings anywhere. There were occasional steep slopes, but other than that, nothing unexpected. Perhaps the maze was meant to make them feel lost—because that was the feeling Naoto had right now. She didn't voice it, but she could tell the others felt it too.

"It really does feel kinda lonely in here, kuma." Kuma shivered, his mouth turned down, "I almost wish there _were_ Shadows—then we could make some noise, kuma. Any noise."

"Hey, Shadow!" Naoto called out suddenly, "You said I could talk to you any time! Where are you?"

They stopped, all of them silent for a minute. Maybe Naoto had gotten sick of the silence too—but nothing came, and that was more frightening than the silence that had previously been filled only with their footsteps and their conversation.

"Try calling Yamato-Takeru. That's what we came here for, right?" Kanji suggested.

"Ah—okay." Naoto nodded, the black of her eyes glowing a faint blue as the Fortune Arcana appeared in the air above her. She shot it with her revolver, and it shattered with a sound that was very akin to breaking glass.

Yamato-Takeru appeared, hovering before them, staring at its master like it was asking what she wanted. And then its gaze trailed to the three that were with her.

"Hey, Yamato," Rise chirped cheerfully, "You're looking well!" Of course, no response. "…As talkative as Naoto-kun, you are."

"Quit it, Rise-chan." Kanji nudged her with his elbow.

"Yamato," Naoto looked up at her Persona, "I have a question for you."

"…" Yamato-Takeru turned its gaze back to its tamer, nodding for her to continue.

"Do you—and the other Personas—exist here, even when we're not in the TV world?" Naoto asked clearly, her voice crisp and clipped, like she was conducting an interview with a suspect.

There was a long pause, and Yamato-Takeru remained motionless. It seemed to be contemplating the answer—Naoto could hear its faint buzzing "voice" in her head, but she couldn't make out any actual words.

And then, it nodded. Naoto looked surprised and opened her mouth to speak again, but she was interrupted.

"Sorry to butt in, but—y'know, there's something I've been wondering about him!" Rise pointed at the white-clad samurai-like warrior, "And your Shadow, Naoto-kun."

"Huh?" Naoto looked over her shoulder at her friend.

"You said your Shadow looked like a guy, right?" Rise asked, "And… y'know, that thing you were doing a while back with the binding… and then you stopped…"

"Yes, I am fully aware that I still have gender-dysphoria." Naoto sighed.

"No, what I'm really asking is," Rise grabbed Naoto's shoulder, turning the blue-haired detective to face her, "is _he_," she pointed at Yamato-Takeru again with her free hand, "really a guy?"

Naoto blinked. "Of course he—"

"No, Personas are a reflection of who we truly are, the manifestations of our pysche. If, back then, you really accepted that you were a female, your Persona would be one too." Rise put her hands on her hips, the way she did when she was about to give someone an earful—not that she didn't do that on many normal occasions anyhow. "Back then, I get that Sukuna-Hikona might've been a guy because accepting your Shadow wasn't the cure-all to your problems, so we all knew you were still trying to deal with not being a boy…"

Naoto was a little grateful that Rise had said "not being a boy" and not something like "being a your true gender". Maybe she really did understand more than she let on. Yamato-Takeru only stared at her with those odd, glowing yellow eyes.

"But then you got Yamato-Takeru, which means you were truly discovering who you were—or you found some part of yourself that strengthened your resolve and reinforced your identity. And Yu-sempai said that by then, you'd accepted that it didn't matter what gender you were, as long as you could help us solve the case." Rise pointed at Naoto again, "Are you really okay with it, though?"

"Yes," Naoto answered firmly, "I fully understand that biologically, I'm female." She sighed heavily in exasperation, the next part coming out of her mouth faster than her mind could stop it, "But I can't help that in my head, sometimes I still want to call myself a man!"

Rise and Kuma blinked at her. Kanji looked away indifferently, keeping his gaze on his girlfriend's Persona.

"I don't want to conform to what society calls 'normal', but if they want to call me a female, I'm fine with that." Naoto folded her arms, her eyes narrowing behind her pale blue glasses, "I know there are a lot of expectations towards me, and maybe I reacted badly to it at first. However, I'm not going to let myself fold under the pressure any longer—I'm not going to deny what I've always known, and that is the fact that I should have never been born a female." She stopped. Kanji's gaze had snapped to her again—did he look hurt?

"…"

Yamato-Takeru shimmered behind her, its eyes narrowing. It didn't say anything—Naoto would have noticed if its voice was buzzing in her head.

"No—that—that was wrong," Naoto sighed, looking down and curling her fists at her sides, "It's not that I should have never been born a female—it's more like… I should have been born a male. But… that's not right either."

Yamato-Takeru vanished. She felt it and looked up in surprise.

"Yamato…?"

It didn't answer her call. That wasn't the first time it had done that. She sighed deeply and turned back to her friends.

"I don't know what I am, I will admit that—maybe I'm both male _and_ female, or maybe I'm _neither_. But—I got to a point where I was okay." She kept her gaze on the ground, "It was… a compromise. I was—I _am_ okay."

She heard Yamato-Takeru question whether or not that was true.

"…Naoto-kun, are you feeling alright?" Rise looked concerned, "Kanzeon said your energy levels suddenly dropped."

"I… I feel a little tired, that's all. Being in this place seems to do that to me." Naoto shook her head, "Perhaps we should leave now."

"That sounds like a good idea, kuma." Kuma looked worried, "It might be better to talk about this outside, kuma."

Kanji wrapped his arm around Naoto, supporting her as he nodded to the other two. "Yeah. Let's go."

They made their way out of the maze, climbed the canyon, and jumped through the pile of TVs there, landing back in Yosuke's apartment.

"I really oughta just leave the door unlocked for you guys, huh."

They looked up and were met with, of course, a grinning Yosuke.

"You let them in, Kuma?"

"Yeah, kuma," The bear boy nodded, "Should I have asked first, kuma?"

"Nah, it's fine." He shook his head, offering his hand and helping Rise up. He glanced at Kanji and Naoto, the former already on his feet—but the latter… "Hey, you okay, Naoto? You're not looking so hot."

It was true. She was a little pale, kneeling on the floor.

"I'm fine." She nodded, taking Kanji's hand and helping herself up. "We should head home, Kanji-kun."

"Uh… yeah."

After they left, Rise stayed behind to talk with Yosuke and Kuma. She looked thoughtful. "I know Naoto-kun is complicated… but… I think we're the ones making things complicated for her."

"What do you mean, kuma?" Kuma tilted his head.

"Well… in the TV world, just now… didn't she say she still thinks of herself as a man?" Rise crossed her arms.

"She said what?" Yosuke asked in surprise.

"Actually, Naoto-kun told me something like this before too… I guess I didn't pay much attention." The pop idol tapped her chin, "A long time ago, during one of our phone calls… she said that she was only trying to be female because it was what was best—but not for her, just… it seemed to be what everyone wanted. Us included."

"What's your point?"

"Y'think maybe it was wrong of us to actually start treating her like a girl, just 'cause we found out she was one?" Rise looked between the man and the bear, "Like… we assumed too fast that it was _okay_ to do that."

"…"

There was a slightly awkward silence. Rise, in all of Kanzeon's wisdom, was right.

"She never told us it wasn't okay, though, kuma…" Kuma piped up, trying to figure out their friend, "She didn't stop us from calling her a girl, right, kuma?"

"Maybe not, but… maybe she was just being polite." Rise bit her lip.

She was thinking the same thing as Yosuke—she was thinking about all the cringes and winces that they thought only came from Naoto being tired or annoyed. No, it had come from the forced realization that Naoto wasn't going to be accepted as a man. Maybe they were wrong the entire time—it was no wonder Naoto had another Shadow to deal with. Maybe it was _their_ fault she had one.

Yosuke looked between them, his eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"So… what do we do, then…?"

.~.~.~.~.~.

Walking home with their hands linked, looking everywhere but each other, Naoto and Kanji wondered what their significant other was thinking.

_Did I… hurt him, somehow?_ Naoto asked, maybe to Yamato-Takeru—but she didn't get an answer. _He has been quiet…_

"Hey Naoto-kun?"

She blinked, looking up at the sudden address. "Y… yes?"

"Do you want me to start calling you my boyfriend?"

The question was unexpected. It caught Naoto off guard, and she stopped. "What?"

"You said you still think of yourself as a man… actually, you've said that a lot." Kanji shrugged one shoulder, stopping in front of her. "I've been thinking about it for a while. Since we climbed the trees at Samegawa. So… uh… do you want me to start calling you a man?"

"Y-you don't have to go through that trouble," Naoto said quickly, "It's really just for myself that I… in my mind, I—"

"You said society will call you a female, fine—but I'm not society. I'm your boyfriend." Kanji said firmly, turning to face her, "And I'm not okay with being part of the pressure that makes you think you need to be a woman. I want to make it easier for you, not harder."

"K… Kanji-kun…" Naoto's eyes were wide—her eyes weren't very big to begin with, but Kanji couldn't help but notice that when her eyes were wide like this, she looked cute—and more like a girl.

"I already told you I'm fine with whatever you want to be. Male or female, I'll still like you. So if you want to be a dude, I'm okay with calling you one, even if nobody else does." Kanji blushed a little, looking away. "So tell me what you want me to call you, Naoto-kun."

"…"

There was a long silence, standing under the streetlights that painted everything a shade of sepia. Naoto could have sworn she felt her heartbeat become faster—unusual, but not when it involved Kanji. Why was she suddenly flustered by his request?

"C-call… call me…"

Kanji shifted his gaze back to the short detective expectantly, watching her expression as her eyes lowered.

"Call me Naoto."

Now it was his turn to be caught off guard, the blush on his cheeks becoming darker and more visible in the golden light. "H-huh?"

"Naoto. Not Naoto-kun." She explained, keeping her eyes averted—she was blushing too. "And… I would like it if I were to be your boyfriend… but I like the sound of being your _girl_friend better."

One of the many contradictions in Naoto's mind—despite that she called herself a man… the thought of being Kanji's girlfriend always made her smile. She wanted to keep it that way.

"Oh. Uh." Kanji shifted awkwardly, his large hand tightening around her smaller one, "Okay. If you're sure… Naoto."

Calling Naoto so informally, Kanji thought, was really weird, but… she was smiling. Maybe she was feeling as warm as he did on the inside, too.

"I'm still gonna make an effort to call you 'him' and stuff though. I mean, in everything else. To make it easier for you." Kanji mumbled, turning and beginning to walk again.

Naoto looked up at the back of his head, following half a step behind him. She noticed that he always shortened his stride for her, so she could keep up—sometimes she wondered if he was doing it consciously or it had become a habit when he walked with her.

"That's… that's fine."

If that was what he wanted to do, she wouldn't stop him.

They were silent again. The walk back to Tatsumi Textiles seemed extremely long—then again, they _were_ walking back from the other side of the river…

Naoto noticed that Kanji still seemed to be brooding about something. There was a distinct feeling of disappointment, and she didn't know why she could feel it, but it was there, perhaps hidden in his eyes. Then again, Kanji never hid his emotions, wearing his heart on his sleeve. She thought that maybe he was a little disappointed in her decision to be a male for herself only, but then again, Kanji was a complicated guy—the best way to know was to ask him.

"Are you upset about something?"

He looked over his shoulder at her, then looked forward again. "…No." He lied, though badly. The pause had been too long.

"Was it something I said?" She pressed.

"…In the TV world." He muttered, though it wasn't much of a reply. He knew that hiding the truth from her would be pointless anyway. "You said you shouldn't have been born a girl."

Naoto couldn't understand why that would make him upset. He was the one who had _just_ said he was okay with whatever gender she wanted to be.

"That's like saying we should've never met."

She blinked, confused. "What…?" She took a few quick steps, trying to get in front of him and see his face. "I'd never say that."

He didn't stop walking. "Naoto-k—Naoto, I know you think that things would've been better if you were born the right gender, but if you hadn't been born the way you were, then I don't think we would've ever met. And I ain't okay with that—I don't believe in much stuff like destiny, but I wanna believe that it was because you were born a girl and had—_have_ all these issues that we met."

She frowned. "I'm sure that even if I were born the right gender, something would have led me to Inaba, and I would still have _some_ issue that I would need to face in the Midnight Channel—"

He interrupted her. "It ain't the same, Naoto."

She stared at him for a long time. He hadn't stopped looking ahead.

"…I'm sorry. It was selfish of me to say that… and maybe I'm wrong to think there was ever a 'right gender' to begin with." Naoto sighed, "But you're right. It isn't the same… and we'll never know if we would have met, if it hadn't been like this."

She tried to glimpse his expression—it was hard, but his face had softened and he slowed down to a more relaxed pace. She smiled a little, knowing he could see it out of his peripheral vision, and thought that maybe the reassurance wasn't just for him.

"I'm glad I met you, Kanji-kun."

"Me too." He paused. "And… drop the honorifics. Really, we've been better friends for longer than everyone else."

He smiled down at her. She mirrored it.

"Alright, Kanji."

.~.~.~.~.~.

She_ was cold, quiet, and very, very untouchable. Or so, Naoto thought._

_ In the winter-fall of Naoto's nineteenth year, Haruka was hired to find a thief on a cruise ship. The client, a silver-haired Englishman named Derek Marinos who was visiting Japan, had reported an attempted robbery of a priceless jewel he was sending to America to be put on display in a museum. Derek thought the thief might try to strike again, and hadn't wanted to take any chances, so he hired the best private detectives to find the thief and guard the jewel—_while_ the jewel was being transferred via the aforementioned cruise ship._

_ The cruise would take three weeks, going from Japan, stopping in Hawaii, and finally docking on the coast of California. Naoto was merely an assistant on this case, but she agreed to help her grandfather look around for any suspicious people on the ship. Derek had been planning the cruise for a long time, apparently, and many wealthy businessmen and their families were also on the ship—this did not make their job easier. The only advantage to catching the culprit on a ship would be that he'd have no escape route out at sea._

_ As Naoto spent the first night observing the dining room, she spotted _her_ for the first time—up on the stage, playing the piano next to a beautiful harpist with long blonde hair. The girl Naoto saw was a young and pretty, with light-blonde hair obscuring her eyes—she couldn't have been more than thirteen or fourteen years old, but her music was fantastic, elegant, and somewhat—sad? Why did the music feel sad?_

_ Disregarding that strange melancholy feeling, Naoto asked Haruka about her—her name was Cyrius Sayuri Marinos, and the woman playing the harp next to her was her mother, Lyra. They were Derek's granddaughter and daughter, very famous and talented musicians in Europe. Naoto felt impressed, and she was surprised to find that the girl was not fourteen, but sixteen. She was so small, though… but then again, so was Naoto._

_ When the music ended, Cyrius disappeared. Naoto later saw her on the deck, staring out to sea. The wind was blowing wildly at her hair, but she didn't seem fazed by the cold. Naoto would have thought that that small, frail, delicate-looking frame wouldn't have been so impenetrable—but it seemed that nothing affected her. Perhaps it had something to do with the stoic look always present on her face._

_ "Curious."_

_ Just like her name._

_ Naoto had considered going outside and lending the girl her scarf, but decided she wouldn't bother her—she didn't want to be out in the coming-winter air. She never liked it, and she never did well in the cold, so she wouldn't start now. She went back to observing the guests for anyone who could possibly be the thief._

_ The next day, when everyone was out on the deck and enjoying the sun and autumn winds, Naoto spied Cyrius alone in the ballroom, sitting at the piano and… writing something. She didn't bother her then either, but she couldn't help but notice how empty the space around the young blonde was. She seemed… lonely._

_ Naoto knew what it was like to be lonely—perhaps this girl just didn't know how to make friends? Or maybe she didn't speak Japanese, like her grandfather. Lyra seemed to be able to, as proven when she able to hold a shaky but relatively well-constructed conversation with Haruka._

_ When everybody filed inside for lunch, Cyrius had disappeared again. Naoto saw her wander outside—where she was, once again, alone—and Naoto began to realize that Cyrius was trying to be alone on purpose. But this time, a boy followed her—a light-haired boy that looked her age. He began talking to her, his amber-brown eyes twinkling with a mix of happiness and possessiveness. The pair did not look like they were friends._

_ Cyrius didn't return any conversation, simply staring out to the blue horizon and ignoring him. The boy looked disappointed. Naoto couldn't help but think she was being cold, and maybe a little mean—but Naoto knew that she herself had once been like that. Yosuke used to point out to her that she could be a real jerk sometimes._

_ She stepped outside and heard the boy's high-pitched, childish, English-accented voice. "Come on, Cy!" The nickname seemed to annoy the girl. It was pronounced nothing like the "cu" in "curious". "We've got three weeks together, why can't we hang out? Make the best of it?" This boy was definitely no older than thirteen, and the look on his face reminded Naoto of her Shadow—it was something dark and, perhaps, evil…_

_ But this was a child. Certainly a child couldn't truly be evil, could he?_

_ "What do you say? I mean…" The boy blushed, "I really like you, you know?"_

_ Cyrius continued to ignore him, as if he wasn't there at all._

_ "Hey…" The boy frowned, grabbing her arm, "Listen to me, won't you?"_

_ Naoto saw it, then—a look of sheer terror had crossed Cyrius' face as she turned to him, jerking her arm away. She stepped back, the unreadable expression returning, shaking her head._

_ "You won't?" The boy scowled, "Damn it, this is the hundredth time! Why won't you?! I should—"_

_ Cyrius looked as if she was afraid of this boy's anger, backing away. That was enough, Naoto thought as stepped toward them, to intervene._

_ "You look like you've been bothering this young lady… I request that you leave." Naoto said in heavily accented English, her face hardening._

_ "Who the bloody hell are you to tell me what to do?" The boy demanded, obviously about to throw a tantrum. "I am Alex Cross! My father shall hear of your rudeness, you know!"_

_ "I am Detective Naoto Shirogane." She put her hand on her hip, an action that pushed her jacket back and gave the boy a glimpse of the gun at her side. "I am here to ensure the safety of the passengers on this cruise. I will not have you threatening this young lady. Please leave."_

_ Alex growled, but he stalked off toward the ballroom. Naoto watched him go, and then turned to Cyrius. "Are you alright?"_

_ She nodded, bowing her head a little in what appeared to be a silent "thank you". Naoto quirked an eyebrow at this, but she didn't comment. Cyrius turned back to the ocean, leaning one hand on the railing, spaced out. She probably expected Naoto to leave, but she didn't._

_ "Your name is Cyrius Marinos, right?" It took a moment, as if the little blonde didn't recognize her own name, but she looked over and nodded in reply. "I'm working for your grandfather. It's nice to meet you, Miss Marinos."_

_ "…" Cyrius stared at her with large blue eyes—eyes that Naoto had never noticed were a shade of icy silver-blue similar to her own. Perhaps Naoto's first assumption was right, and this girl was an ice queen. She didn't speak to anyone, she didn't show any anger or any other emotions, she preferred to be alone as far as Naoto could see, and there was something about that look of fear from before that made Naoto think Cyrius had purposefully made herself _untouchable_._

_ "…If he bothers you again, please come find me. I will be more than happy to help you out." With that, Naoto left her. Cyrius simply returned to watching the sea. The blue-haired detective didn't even know why she had even offered—it was just another girl, the granddaughter of her client. But… something about her was so similar to Naoto that Naoto thought she didn't have someone to go to, and she needed a person like that. Naoto had needed someone like that in the past—that person had eventually become Kanji._

_ Naoto saw Cyrius in the same spot the next few days, avoiding the people on the other side of the deck or trying to seclude herself, staring out to the distant ocean. She often only moved when Alex came nearby, and she would disappear somewhere below the deck. Occasionally her mother joined her at the railing, but it soon became apparent that they didn't talk very much—their relationship seemed strained, somehow._

_ One evening, when Naoto was sitting on a couch near the room where the jewel was being stored, Cyrius entered the room. It wasn't surprising, seeing that Cyrius liked to be alone—the ballroom, dining room, and deck were all full at this hour, when people were partying and mingling and having fun. This seemed to be the only empty place, since people weren't allowed back here—only the Marinos, the detectives, and security men Derek had hired were allowed access._

_ While Naoto was not surprised to see the little blonde, Cyrius was more than shocked—she looked a little frightened, just like before. After a moment, the stoic expression returned, and she sat down at the other end of the couch. She must have remembered that Naoto was supposed to be guarding her grandfather's jewel._

_ "…Was that boy bothering you again?" Naoto asked, leaning over a little. Cyrius shook her head, staring blankly at the door. It was awkward to hold a conversation with a girl who didn't talk. "Do you… like the ocean?" Naoto tried. To be perfectly honest, Naoto was bored. She would have been on the phone with Kanji, if there had been any signal this far out at sea._

_ Cyrius nodded. Naoto's observations proved correct—perhaps the blonde even found the roar of the ocean to be comforting. Maybe she didn't get to see it much, wherever she came from._

_ That thought in mind, Naoto asked her, "Is this your first time in Japan?" Another shake of the head. "Oh? You've been here before?"_

_ The girl's blank gaze suddenly slid to Naoto, cold blue eyes piercing their mirror. She reached into her purse—or what looked like a purse to Naoto, but maybe it was a messenger bag of some sort—and pulled out her wallet. She opened it and showed Naoto—there was a photo of a younger Cyrius standing in front of a temple, wrapped affectionately in the arms of a black-haired, kind-eyed Japanese man._

_ "…Your father?" Cyrius nodded, putting the wallet away. Naoto was a little surprised that Cyrius was half-Japanese—that probably explained why she was so small and round. And why her mother could speak a bit of the language._

_ "Oh… so he lives here in Japan? And you go to visit him." Another nod. Naoto frowned. Why didn't this girl ever speak? Well, at least the man was still alive. "Grampa told me you live with your mother and grandfather, though… are your parents divorced?"_

_ This time, Cyrius shook her head, her gaze falling to the floor. She looked sad. She didn't elaborate, with words or otherwise._

_ Naoto stared at her for a long time, and then Cyrius, as if forgetting Naoto was there in the first place, pulled out her cell phone. She opened it up and flipped through a few menus. Unable to contain her curiosity, Naoto looked over._

_ She caught a glimpse of a Japanese text that said, _"Hey, when are you coming back to Chiba, Sayuri-chan?"_ Cyrius was starting to type out a reply when she noticed the woman trying to read over her shoulder. She frowned, looking up at her._

_ "There's no signal out here, you know." Naoto shrugged, leaning back to give the pretty teen her personal space. She sighed, figuring the girl was of little conversational skills, and pulled out her own cell phone, playing with the blue bear charm as she looked through old pictures and texts from Kanji, Yu, and Rise to stave off the boredom. It was strangely comforting to look through her memories._

_ Cyrius seemed to have noticed her good luck charm, because she was staring at it with sparkles hidden in her eyes. Naoto blinked, tilting her head. "…Do you like it?" Cyrius blushed in embarrassment—the first emotion other than fear and sadness that Naoto had seen on her face. She nodded, looking away. "My friend made it. He's quite skilled at sewing and crafts."_

_ "…" Even though she was trying to hide her face, Naoto could see Cyrius looked a little awed—perhaps at the notion of a man being able to make something so cute._

_ "Do you want one?" There was a pause, but Cyrius nodded, and Naoto swore she saw another blush. "I'm sure I can ask my friend to make you one, then."_

_ The blush was far more obvious now, especially since the young girl had such pale, porcelain white skin. Cyrius shook her head fiercely and waved her hands in fluster, as if to modestly deny it in a sort of "you don't have to go through the trouble!" motion. Naoto stared, still wondering why the girl didn't speak, and then it hit her._

_ "…Are you… mute?"_

_ Cyrius' blush faded in an instant, and she stared at Naoto as if it should have been obvious. Naoto felt a little stupid—and it was hard to actually make her feel like that. She had assumed Cyrius was simply quiet and shy, and nobody had said anything about her muteness—perhaps out of politeness. Naoto had met other people with disabilities before—people in wheelchairs, and once a blind person—but she had only talked to those people to gather evidence or something of the sort. She had never spoken to a deaf or mute person, especially not casually._

_ "Oh," Naoto blinked, lacking a better reply. Cyrius shrugged, standing up and heading back toward the door she had come in through. Naoto didn't stop her, and she disappeared once more._

_ Two days later, when Naoto was lounging at the edge of the ballroom, making notes in her detective notebook and only idly watching people dance to Lyra's music, Cyrius joined her again. She sat down in the empty seat next to Naoto, earning a curious glance from the detective woman until she saw Alex stop mid-step nearby them. Naoto gave the boy a glare. He pouted and stormed off._

_ "You two seem like you've known each other for a long time." Naoto commented, looking down at Cyrius. She sighed wordlessly, motioning to Naoto's little book. Naoto gladly handed it to her, along with her pen._

"He has a huge crush on me and grampa wants me to marry him."_ Cyrius wrote in elegant English scrawl, _"I hate him."

_ "Hate is a very strong word." Naoto said quietly. This girl was cold, indeed._

"I don't hate anything else. But Alex—he is, for lack of better word, obsessed. Maybe evil."_ Cyrius looked up at her, hiding a shiver, _"Please keep him away from me."

_ Naoto had to wonder what Alex did to her to make her think that. Perhaps it was related to the looks of fear that appeared when she saw Alex's eyes._

_ Cyrius returned Naoto's book. They didn't say much else, watching the ballroom floor until Cyrius had to join her mother for some musical performances._

_ Their encounters during the next couple days were similar. Cyrius would find her when she was sitting alone or away from other people, join her, and say nothing. Half the time, Alex wasn't even following her. Perhaps she really was lonely, and Naoto _had_ offered Cyrius her help and her company. Naoto wanted to think that Cyrius wanted to be friends with her, and maybe Naoto wanted to befriend her too—it had been a long time since Naoto had made the effort to make a friend._

_ Only once did Naoto join Cyrius instead, when the blonde was leaning on the deck railing and staring out to sea. Naoto had put her hand on Cyrius' shoulder—there was that fleeting look of fear again—and lent Cyrius her scarf, as the evening was going to be cold. Cyrius hesitated to accept it—so polite, like a lady should be—but Naoto insisted, and left her alone after that. Naoto then figured out that it was best to let Cyrius find her when she felt like it, and didn't go to Cyrius again. The next time they met, Cyrius tried to return Naoto's scarf—the detective woman told her to keep it._

"I can speak Japanese, if that makes it easier for you."_ Cyrius wrote in Naoto's notebook, once, _"Besides… grampa can't understand Japanese."_ What did Cyrius have to hide from her grandfather? Naoto thought. However, she conceded and spoke Japanese to the girl, complimenting her music and asking about her stays in Japan._

_ It turned out that Cyrius only visited Japan once a year, to see her father—if there were other visits, it was for business. She often travelled with her mother on musical tours and she lived with her grandfather year-round. Derek had separated her parents because he hadn't approved of their marriage—Naoto wondered if that was even legal, but she couldn't learn more about the circumstances. Regardless, Cyrius loved Japan, and she planned to move to Chiba in the future—she wanted to live with her father, and she had friends there. Her friends called her Sayuri—it was easier to pronounce._

"Daddy named us. He makes up weird names, but they're pretty, at least."_ Cyrius looked up at Naoto and asked about her name—why it was so manly. Naoto easily told her, and then asked what Cyrius meant by "us". _"My sister and I. Onee-chama's name was Re'ada Lorraine. She preferred 'Rain'."_ When Naoto asked where Rain was, Cyrius gave her a dark look, and then stared at the floor. _"Died in an accident."

_ "…Oh. I'm… sorry." Naoto didn't know what else to say. She wanted to ask how, but that seemed rather rude—and from the look of mourning on Cyrius' face, it seemed that Rain had died only recently. Maybe that's why her relationship with her family was so strained and why her music was so sad. She tried to change the subject. "So, are you going to be a famous musician like your mother?"_

"No, I want to be a writer."_ Cyrius shrugged. She took out a little red journal and showed it Naoto. There were all sorts of stories inside—she was an impressive writer. Was that what she was writing the other day? It would make sense. Naoto saw something scribbled on the inside cover of the journal—something that Cyrius looked at with sadness._

"To the Curious Little Lily of the Sea. From the Rare Loved Rain. Happy birthday, sis."

_ Oh, the journal was a birthday present from her older sister. Was that the reason she started writing? Or had Rain gotten Cyrius the journal because she knew her sister liked writing? Regardless, it seemed to be a precious memento from the blonde's deceased sister._

"You're a detective, right?"_ Cyrius asked her._

_ "Yes," Naoto nodded, her eyebrows furrowing. That was a random question. Was she trying to distract herself from the melancholy memories of her sister?_

"Why? Isn't it scary?"_ The young girl asked, _"Do you see a lot of dead people?"

_ "Well, yes, it is, and I do," The blue-haired detective nodded, "but I like to bring peace to those who seek it, dead and alive alike. I love my job, and I wouldn't give it up for the world."_

"When you're investigating murders… do you know the people who died?"_ Cyrius asked curiously, peering up at the older woman._

_ "…No. I try to understand their deaths… that's all." Naoto looked thoughtful, leaning back in her seat, "But sometimes, people close to me do get hurt… and I try my hardest to make sure they _don't_ die."_

"Oh."_ Cyrius' piercing blue gaze didn't leave her, _"I wish I was that brave."

_ Naoto looked down at her, about to say something when she wrote something else._

"Seeing someone dead must be a whole lot easier than seeing someone die."

_ Had Cyrius seen her sister die?_

_ Naoto wanted to ask the details, but she refrained once more. They continued to talk idly about music, detective work, Cyrius' writing, and somehow they got on the topic of Kanji and his plush creations. They continued to hang out—Naoto would never tell Cyrius how grateful she was for the alleviation from her ennui, even if she was fully dedicated to her job, but maybe Cyrius had already known Naoto was bored—and maybe she was bored too, and that's why she chose to approach Naoto._

_ It took a whole week before Cyrius finally told her what happened to her sister—Rain's fiancé Hatori, another detective whom Cyrius looked up to, had accidentally shot Rain. Hatori felt so bad that he plead guilty to murder, and eventually he had to be admitted to a psychiatric ward, so Cyrius never got to see him. She wasn't mad that her beloved sister had been killed, just sad—she missed her sister and her would-be brother dearly. She didn't like to lose the people close to her. Naoto didn't know how to console her._

"Do you ever almost die when you chase criminals?"_ Cyrius asked her, almost randomly, the day after telling Naoto the story of her sister._

_ "Sometimes. Not often." Naoto shrugged. She mostly threw herself in danger, and the risks did entail dying._

"You said you had people close to you… they must worry about you a lot, considering your line of work. So let me tell you something: Never die."_ Cyrius had a serious look in her eyes, _"Seeing someone close to you die is painful. Don't do that to the people you love."

_ Such deep words coming from such a young girl… she was more mature than she seemed. Naoto had seen it in her ice-colored eyes—eyes that had seen far too much for their young age, not unlike Naoto's own. There was something pained there, like a child who had been forced to grow up too fast._

_ They changed topics, trying to lighten the mood. Cyrius asked her if Naoto liked protecting people—Naoto told her that it was the best part of her job._

"Onee-chama always protected me from Alex."_ Cyrius told her, pausing, and after a beat, she wrote, _"You remind me of her."

_ Naoto wondered if Cyrius was looking for a surrogate sister. Something Naoto could not be—did not know _how_ to be. The cruise would be ending soon, she and Haruka would be flying back to Japan, and Cyrius would probably never see her again. But somewhere deep in her heart, she thought that she had been drawn to Cyrius because she _wanted_ to be that surrogate sister. After all… if Rain had been the one person Cyrius used to go to, for whatever reason, then Cyrius no longer had anyone to go to. And Naoto knew more than anyone how important it was to have that dependable person who would just _be_ there whenever she needed them._

_ Cyrius smiled when Naoto said that Rain sounded like a wonderful person. Naoto was glad that Cyrius still had good memories of her sister—memories that sadness couldn't taint to steal away her smile. Cyrius' smile was cute—Naoto wanted to see it again. The smile told Naoto that her first impression of Cyrius had been wrong—she wasn't cold, quiet, or untouchable at all. Just… human._

_ The day before the cruise ended, Haruka talked to Derek about being unable to find the thief. Naoto sat nearby and watched—Cyrius, once again, joined her. She listened to Derek fuss about the jewel's safety, and then tapped Naoto's shoulder. Naoto looked down at her, took out her notebook, and handed it to her out of habit._

"There is no thief. I accidentally broke the glass case before we came on the cruise. Told grampa it was a thief in hopes that he would call it off."

_ Naoto smiled a little, willing herself to keep a straight face. This was definitely one of the times where Cyrius was lucky she was writing in Japanese._

"As much as I love the sea, I just didn't want to be stuck on the boat for three weeks with Alex."_ Cyrius explained, pouting a little as she wrote, _"He just upped the security."

_ "…Why did you think it was a good idea?" Naoto whispered to the little blonde. If they couldn't catch a thief before the end of the cruise, they'd have to make up some excuse or lie about why the thief didn't strike._

"You won't tell anyone, will you?"

_ Naoto wanted to laugh, but only allowed herself a chuckle. This was probably the one case Naoto wouldn't mind leaving open. "No, I won't." She pet Cyrius' hair, stopping immediately when she noticed the flinch. "But don't do it again."_

_ Cyrius gave a coy, mischievous smile. _"I won't make any promises." _She paused. _"Hey, do you think you can stay for the ride back? Alex will still be on the ship."

_ "I'll see what I can do."_

_ In the end, Naoto couldn't stay on the ship with Cyrius, but she at least gave Cyrius her contact info to make up for it. On the flight back to Japan with Haruka, Naoto's eyes grazed the words Cyrius had written in her notebook._

Never die. That's the worst, most painful thing you can do to the people who love you.

_ These were the words Cyrius had etched into Naoto's heart._


	14. Five Years The Same

A/N: W-wow! The amount of reviews astounded me! You don't know how happy I was! :) I'll reply to them after a few notes about this chapter~

I think, pretty soon, you all will be seeing the end result of Naoto's inner-struggles, and I've pretty much figured out where I'm going with everything - the Shadow, Naoto's identity and role in society, her gender confusion, and her developing relationship with Kanji. This chapter is kind of here to hint at it, as well as show the beginnings of Kanji and Naoto's development _away_ from each other (and yes, for those of you who wanted more of Kanji's POV, you do get to see more of it when Naoto's away~). But don't worry, just because they develop as characters away from each other, it doesn't mean they still won't be together! They've only been dating for such a short time, after all. Hehe. They've still got a lot ahead of them! (Including the kiss scene, you know? The scene in this chapter might not be what you guys wanted, but as a note, that actually happened to me when I tried to kiss a much taller guy friend XD.)

Also, I have no idea what the hell Sousei is like, so I'm basically making it up. For the sake of this story. c: I'm really hoping he's not too far off from whatever his character is in PxDN, but since I haven't read it yet (it's so hard to get my hands on it!), I'm kind of basing it off of what I know of similar characters (Aigis and Labrys, to be exact)... we haven't seen much of him yet, though, but expect him to show up more often. ;D

Now, in response to some of the reviews! (Not all of them... sorry ^^)

**Tsukiko** and **Moonface**: I really really love the points you two are bringing up! It's given me a lot to think about. I think Tsukiko has already been saying she(?) wants to see Kanji with a Shadow, before, but I couldn't really think of a problem that Kanji could have that WOULD manifest another Shadow. Like Moonface said, it's been established that Kanji is sure of who he is and what he wants, but Tsukiko is also right in that things can change for him, because like Naoto, he's only human (and as her Shadow said, humans are always inevitably changing). Thank you both for your reviews, and I like your ideas, but I'm going to head the story in my own direction (whether you have influenced it or not, we shall see xD)... so I hope you look forward to it!

**phatmon**: I think everyone's hoping they're together in the end. XD Otherwise this wouldn't be a KanjixNaoto fic. :3 I wonder, after today's chapter, would you like to see more drama or more romance (phone romance... xD) between the couple and the people around them? (This question is open to everyone, by the way. I'd love to hear your thoughts on where you want this story to head, even if it might not be in the same direction I'm thinking. But remember, you guys do have influence!)

**hee7**: It's okay, I understand. I'm kind of the same way (especially with WIPs... Dx bad habit). Thank you for taking the time to review though! I know you're kind of behind, but I hope when you catch up you'll have more wonderful things to say. I'm glad you like my story enough to keep up with it, at least!

That's it for now. I'm still doing that Naoto art (I didn't expect it to take this long! Dx) so you can still find my livestream updates on Twitter. School's coming up soon so by next week I might be super busy! I'll give you an update if my GLC update schedule might be changing soon. As always, read and review!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 14: Five Years The Same**

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Hey Naoto-kun," Rise caught her friend as she was heading out of Tatsumi Textiles. The blue-haired detective stopped and waited for Rise to catch up. "You're going to America soon right?"

"Yes." Naoto nodded. After their excursion in the TV world, at least she was looking better. "I'm leaving in two days. Why? Did you want me to get something for you?"

"Aw, that'd be sweet, Naoto-kun!" Rise giggled, latching onto the shorter woman's arm, forcing her to continue to walk. "But that's not what I was gonna ask."

Naoto rolled her eyes. "Then what did you want?"

"Well… y'know how yesterday, I asked if Yamato-Takeru was really a guy, and you said that you still thought of yourself as one?" Rise asked carefully, watching Naoto's expression.

"…Yes," She answered slowly, waiting for the maroon-haired woman to continue.

"It got me to thinking about stuff. Like… what your real problem was." Rise shrugged. "I know you want to figure stuff out on your own, but I might or might not be onto something here, so hear me out, okay?"

Naoto gave her a pointed look, silent as they walked down the shopping district street.

"Over the past five years, you definitely self-identified as female—you tried pretty hard, you told me." Rise didn't look at her, "But… before that, wasn't it that you felt that _society_ wanted you to be male, because your interests were considered unfeminine?"

"…What?" Naoto blinked, "No, _I_ felt, for myself, that I needed to be male to fulfill the roles of a male-oriented career field."

"If that were true," Rise spoke in that matter-of-fact voice she sometimes used when she was proving a point, "you wouldn't have returned to being a girl so quickly after we rescued you. Again, it was the work of society—or at least, us." Sharp eyes found bewildered wide ones. "If you had really wanted to be a man, you would have stayed that way after everything that happened. But I think some part of you really wanted to be a girl again, Naoto-kun. And no one had a problem with that—not even you."

"Looking at it from a completely different point of view… how unlike you, Rise-chan." Naoto sighed, "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps I only wanted to be a male to conform to society's pressure to begin with."

"Y'know, it's like that saying about looking at the glass half-full." Rise grinned, "Maybe you're not a man stuck in a woman's body. Maybe you're a woman stuck in a man's world—that's all. Maybe that's where your problem really stemmed from."

Naoto blinked. "Is that… so." She wondered if Rise was purposefully trying to confuse her already mixed up feelings.

"Hey, the world's changing now, too! You helped ensure that. It's no longer a man's world, right?" There was that Rise-brand smile, bright and sparkling. This made Naoto push aside the thoughts of the brunette's supposed attempts to confuse her—Rise really was trying to help, after all.

"You've given me a lot to think about, Rise-chan."

"Mmm-hm!" Rise giggled proudly, "Now, that aside—I was talking with Yosuke-sempai and Kuma-kun yesterday night. We wanted to ask you something, sorta."

"Eh?"

"C'mon, let's go meet everyone at Junes!" Rise dragged her along, pulling her by the arm she still held.

"Huh? Wait, I—"

"Oh, come on, you weren't busy, were you?" The pop idol giggled knowingly. When Naoto didn't answer, she knew she was right. "Let's go!"

Naoto sighed in exasperation and allowed Rise to drag her to Junes. When they got to the food court—their Special HQ, as always—Naoto saw not only Yosuke and Kuma there, but also Chie and Yukiko.

"Yo," Chie waved. Everyone else followed suit, greeting the new arrivals casually.

"Uh, hello, everyone." Naoto blinked, taking a seat as Rise finally let her go.

"So, uh," Yosuke spoke up, "Guess we better get to the point. Rise-chan told us about your Shadow."

"…" Naoto shot a glance at her friend, who shrugged. She sighed—well, they would have found out eventually, and Rise never did promise to keep her mouth shut.

"We wanna help you, Naoto-kun," Chie leaned over, "We get why you didn't tell us before. But now that we know, let us lend a hand, okay?"

"I… appreciate it," Naoto replied slowly, "But it's under control. The Shadow has not gone berserk and…"

"Not the point," Yukiko interrupted, "It has nothing to do with the TV world—it's about you. We're your friends, Naoto-kun, so if something's wrong, tell us. Whatever we can do that might help you understand yourself—and your Shadow—better, we'll do it."

"Yeah, if you spoke up back then, kuma, I think we would've understood better, maybe, kuma!" Kuma chimed in.

Naoto stared at them in confusion. Rise patted her on the back in a friendly manner.

"We just don't wanna see anything happen to you, Naoto-kun—even if the Shadow's under control, we don't _know_ what will happen—you can still end up hanging from the wires." Rise said, "So… if we can stop that, we will."

"I understand your concern. But trust me—I won't do anything so reckless this time." Naoto nodded, "Thank you all for your offer to help me… when the time comes that I need to face my Shadow, I know you'll be there."

"Of course we will." Yukiko smiled, "Now, uh, wasn't there something else we needed to talk about?" She glanced at Chie.

"Right." Chie nodded, "Naoto-kun, we wanted to apologize."

"For what?" Naoto blinked.

"For assuming you were a girl," Yukiko said awkwardly, "I mean, you _are_ one, but… we should have taken your gender issues more seriously. You even told us not to treat you differently, and… we still emphasized the fact that you are—were—a girl. We just saw you as just this girl who masqueraded as a boy, and we assumed that you could easily drop the act at any time. We never considered that it wasn't an act."

"Oh. It's alright, it's understandable." Naoto shook her head in dismissal, "I needed to face my physical reality."

"Yeah, but it ain't right," Yosuke crossed his arms, "You didn't like it, did you?"

Naoto paused, taking a moment to realize that they had, in the past, noticed how uncomfortable it was for her to be forced into feminine situations. "…No. I didn't. But I needed to live with it."

"Need?" Rise poked her shoulder, "Or had to, because you didn't stop us?"

"Perhaps I _wanted_ to." The blue-haired detective shrugged, "It was… as you said earlier, Rise-chan—some part of me did accept that I was female. Back then, I was a boy, even if I was not. Now, I am a girl, but even still… I am not."

Yukiko shook her head. "We wanted to say that we were wrong back then. We forced a change upon you and didn't grasp or appreciate that you didn't _need_ to change… just because we found out your secret." Naoto had underestimated Yukiko's ability to _understand_, in the past. But Yukiko, strangely enough, was probably the one who most readily sympathized with her, despite never knowing the pain and suffering of her true problems. "I don't know how we had thought it back then, but for some reason, it just seemed that your secret being revealed would somehow 'fix' things… like you _could_ go back to being a girl after everyone found out—but that wasn't the problem, was it?"

"The problem was that you had never really been a girl to start with, were you. There was nothing to 'fix', really." Chie nodded, "It wasn't a matter of you just disguising yourself as a boy, but that you wanted to _be_ a boy, and we ignored that. So… we're sorry."

Naoto sighed, looking down at the table and keeping her gaze there. "Yes, it's true that back then, it seemed like that… but really, I'm okay with it. It was… something I reminded myself at the end of every day—that while in my heart, I was a boy, the person in the mirror _wasn't_. You all helped me face that. I know it. So you don't have to apologize for it."

"But that's not the issue!" Yosuke frowned, "Look, your Shadow… the one that was a child and an adult at the same time… it was like that, right? I guess we assumed you were like that. Someone who had two selves to switch between and could easily swap faces at will—but instead of child to adult, it was male to female. But you're not your Shadow—well, you are, but… it's different. We were trying to make you be someone you weren't, and that's way worse than assuming you weren't someone you _are_."

"And still I went along with it. My actions created the dichotomy, didn't it? Back then, I did think—it wasn't fair that I had to choose one or the other to begin with. So I didn't." The detective woman didn't look up, "These past five years, I've settled on being a tangle of both male and female, something twisted into one… and I've been okay with that. Even if the rest of the world will see it differently."

"So this all begs the question," Yukiko spoke again, bringing Naoto's gaze upward, "Do you want us to continue treating you as a woman, so that you can learn to accept it?"

"Or do you want us to treat you as a man?" Chie's eyes never left Naoto, and she could see a light of genuine concern there.

"I…" Naoto sighed. Kanji had asked her something similar last night, and to that, she had let him do whatever he wanted. But her friends… given the opportunity to make their own choice, would they be just as understanding?

"I'm not gonna pretend I really understand, kuma," Kuma piped up, "But does Nao-chan have to be either, kuma?"

Everyone looked over at him.

"Well, yesterday, Nao-chan said that she might be both, or neither, kuma. Can't Nao-chan be that, kuma?" The blonde bear boy tilted his head innocently.

"That doesn't help with the pronoun list, Kuma-kun." Chie chuckled.

"…He's right, though." Naoto shrugged, standing up. "I'm both and neither, for all I know. So… I'm going to tell you what I told Kanji." She squared her shoulders, folding her arms, "Call me whatever you want. I'll be okay with it, either way."

"Naoto-kun," Rise put her hand on her friend's arm, pulling her down again. "Even if you are… I don't think _we_ are. Perceptions count—we oughta know that more than anyone."

"Damn straight."

Naoto blinked, looking behind her. Kanji was standing there, his arms crossed. How long had he been there? She hadn't heard him come up, and he wasn't exactly the most discreet of their friends.

"Kanji…"

"I ain't smart, Naoto, but I'm not completely dumb. I know what you said last night, but I kinda heard what you didn't say." He sat down next to her at the table, his hands stuffed in his pockets, "I know you've still got a lot to figure out… but it ain't just about you."

"To put it bluntly, Naoto-kun," Rise said, still on her other side, "when it comes to what other people want to make of us… it does matter. Back then, Kanji-kun couldn't figure that out, so he became something they hated and he didn't know how to stop. My trap was that I was too good at being what everyone else wanted. I forced myself to fit, and he pushed it all away… you did both."

"And it still didn't work out any better, huh?" Yosuke leaned one elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand.

"A lot of us spent most of our lives letting other people judge us, or decide things for us—letting them shape who we are." Yukiko said quietly, "And we spent a lot of time judging _ourselves_ too, for not being able to meet other people's expectations. But… Yu-kun told me once that our problems were all similar—not because we had the same problems, but because we all painted the world black and white, just to make it harder on ourselves."

"…What do you mean?" Naoto asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Stay and inherit the inn, leave and find my own path—those were the only two options I had seen back then." Yukiko closed her eyes, "They were the only two I acknowledged. Then… Yu-kun came along, and he showed me that there were more options… a compromise. The gray area in this black and white world."

"Same here." Kanji muttered. "Everything was pointless and a big waste of time to me, I was either what people wanted or what they didn't—I chose to be what they didn't. But then… he showed up and changed everything by making me want to change myself."

Yosuke nodded in agreement. "He made us—_me_ realize I could be more than what I was—more than some comedic side relief, or a jackass no one liked. I didn't know what I could to be instead, or if I'd ever figure it out—still haven't, really—but he helped me work up the courage to do it."

"Me too, kuma!" The bear had felt the need to put his two cents in. Yu had really had that kind of effect on _all_ of their lives, didn't he?

"Maybe it was sempai's perceptions that allowed us to change," Rise stared carefully at Naoto, "but what we're trying to say is, no matter how much you want to believe that you're okay with something, I don't think anything will truly change except what other people believe to be true. So what do you want us to believe of you?"

Naoto looked down at the table, trying to find her own "gray area". But this was so… sudden. And she didn't know how to handle it. "…I—I'm still trying to figure that out." She finally managed. "So I'll repeat myself… call me whatever you want. I'll tell you if I want to be called otherwise."

"That… sounds like a good compromise." Yosuke smiled honestly.

She stood up. Kanji looked a little surprised, but he stood too, taking her hand. Was she upset? She looked upset.

They stared at her, and she stepped back, heading toward the food court entrance with Kanji in tow. No one stopped her. "I'm going to visit Nanako-chan. See you later."

After she disappeared, Yukiko spoke up. "So… what does that mean? Do we still call her a girl?"

"Dude, that's confusing as hell," Yosuke's smile dropped and he ran his hand through his hair, "That shorty is real hard to figure out, huh…"

"I'm gonna call her a girl as long as she dresses like one." Chie shrugged, "But if she starts binding again, I'll change it."

"Sooo… we're sticking with calling Nao-chan a girl, kuma?"

They talked for a minute about their decision, but then noticed that a certain normally-bubbly pop idol had been silent for a while. She looked like she was thinking hard about something, digesting some train of thought. "Rise-chan?" Yukiko tilted her head. "Is something wrong?"

Rise grinned widely. "…Guys, Naoto-kun called Kanji-kun _Kanji_! And Kanji-kun called Naoto-kun _Naoto_!"

Everyone rolled their eyes. Rise started babbling about how cute the relationship was, completely forgetting about their gender-confused topic of the day.

.~.~.~.~.~.

As Kanji walked down the riverbank with Naoto, he knew there was something he had to say. Naoto's mind was still reeling with the meeting at Junes, and he wanted to let her take it in, but he also wanted to say something to make it better. To make _her_ feel better. He didn't like seeing her sad or depressed—and when she was like _this_, whatever _this_ was, he just wanted to give her a damn hug and make it all better.

But he couldn't, could he? He didn't really know _how_ to make it all better. He didn't even understand the full extent of Naoto's problems.

Back then, Naoto had been the perfect boy—more than what Kanji ever thought he could be. 'He' was cool, collected, smart, unflappable, untouchable. 'He' had every trait Kanji didn't have and couldn't even dream of having. He would never be as perfect as Naoto—and he had wanted to _be_ Naoto as much as he wanted to be _with_ her. But after rescuing her from the Secret Laboratory… he _saw_ that she wasn't perfect, he _saw_ the side of her heart she kept buried deep inside. And still he wanted to be with her more than before—because even if she was better at hiding her problems, the fact that she was just as mixed-up as he had been made him want to never leave her, just like her Shadow had begged her not to.

He wanted to understand her problems—he did, but only a little bit. He wanted to show her that he did understand the bits and pieces of it. He wanted to prove that he could understand the rest of it—he knew he could manage at least that, if he could only find the right words to say—to ask her—to open her heart and let him have even the smallest peak at it.

Maybe Kanji didn't know the intimate details of Naoto's problems, but he knew _Naoto_. He knew that if she said something enough, she'd wind up believing it—and maybe she knew that too. If he asked her something, she would give the same answer over and over until he was convinced, and maybe she would have convinced herself that was the truth too.

So he stayed silent, walking beside her and occasionally stealing glances as her distant blue eyes. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but he knew that she was trying to sort out whatever problems the team had raised to her—trying to sort out herself.

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto couldn't help but think Rise was right. In the intervals between jobs and when she wasn't working on her career, she saw that those "empty spaces" were the only times that she wasn't pressured to _be_ anything. It was times like that when society's eyes were not looking at her, expecting everything of her—she didn't have to be a male, and she didn't try to be. It was those times that she returned to being a female, and she didn't really think about it.

She remembered a time when she was younger, when she would come home to the estate after a long day at work and take off the bandages that restricted her life—when she looked into the mirror and reminded herself that she was _not_ what everyone thought she was.

She was not a boy prince, nor an adult, but she was smart and she knew what she was doing—that was the only comfort she took, at the most confusing time in her life.

But now, when everything was clearer, and she was more mature… what did she think when she looked into the mirror?

If she was looking into one now, she would have thought, _I'm not what _I_ think I am._ It didn't matter what everyone else thought anymore. At least, that's what she still stubbornly wanted to believe, even if everyone else said otherwise.

Yes, Rise was right indeed—she had not started wanting to be a male on her own. When she was small, she was perfectly content with her gender and age—she was content with the life her parents had given her. It was when she realized society _expected_ her to be a male detective, like the ones in her novels, that she had started to try to _be_ a male.

But that was wrong, wasn't it?

Perhaps there was something else to this. Yamato-Takeru seemed to be hinting at it.

Trying to be the ideal detective, like Sherlock Holmes… it was absurd, her older self thought now. Kanji had once told her, in the year before her departure from Inaba, that she wasn't a detective in a novel, and she didn't need to be. She existed "here"—she was a detective in real life—and she was a damn good detective, regardless of her age and gender. This was proven by the couple dozen cases she had solved, on her own or otherwise, and by the skill she had prided herself on her entire life.

When had she started trying to be a man, she wondered? There didn't seem to be an exact time—it seemed like something she had wanted her whole life. But she remembered—she remembered a time when she could close her eyes and live in blissful ignorance of her own two-faced nature.

Thinking about it now, maybe the problem wasn't "when" or "how" or even "why". Naoto—who was always accustomed to the definite, her life revolving around hard facts and evidence—wasn't quite sure she could determine whether a real problem even existed, much less how to solve it.

Whatever answer she was looking for, she hadn't stopped to think there wasn't even a question to answer.

.~.~.~.~.~.

Naoto said goodbye to most of her friends at Yasoinaba Station—Rise would be leaving to go back to show business soon too, so Naoto wouldn't be able to see her when she got back from America. So they said their farewells there, and Naoto told her former upperclassmen and Kuma that she would see them when she returned.

Now she sat on the train to Okina City, leaning on Kanji as they stared out the window opposite of them. They were quiet, but it was a comfortable silence.

"You didn't have to come." She said quietly.

"Wanted to." He refuted easily.

They fell into silence again. The trip didn't take long, only two stops away, but the train was slow and time felt slower. Eventually, they got off at Okina City and took a cab to the airport.

Naoto was actually looking forward to this, despite her previous experience in America. She needed to get back to work, though—she needed that distraction from her inner turmoil, even if it was only for a little while. She just wanted to escape to "reality" for a couple weeks, and hope that it would give her enough time to sort herself out—because that was the only time she really _could_ sort herself out.

At least, that was what she wanted to think.

"Y'sure nothing bad's gonna happen in America?" Kanji asked while they were waiting at the terminal gate. They had been there for the past hour or so, and getting through bag check and security had been a bore. They hadn't talked much, as Kanji was busy worrying to himself.

"I'm sure, Kanji." Naoto reassured him for the hundredth time, "I've told you this before, I don't need protection of any sort. I'll be fine."

"Yeah, but… you'll be alone." Kanji frowned.

"It's not like I haven't been alone before." Naoto protested, "Stop worrying."

"I know, I know, geez," He ran his hand through his hair, "I can't help but worry, you know that."

Naoto sighed almost fondly. She stopped their conversation when an announcer called her flight number. "I've got to go now, Kanji." She stood, "I'll call you when I get there."

"Y-yeah." He nodded, accompanying her as people lined up at the gate doors, "Um, I know you're all about finishing your work an all, but it's America—so, uh, have fun?"

"I will. I appreciate your attempt to lighten the mood." Naoto chuckled, "Perhaps I really should bring back some souvenirs for everyone."

"I'm sure Ma would like that." Kanji smiled.

Naoto handed her plane ticket to the gate attendant, who nodded after checking it and allowed her through. She turned back to Kanji briefly and said, "I'll see you in a few weeks, then."

"Have a safe—" Kanji was cut off when Naoto grabbed his shoulders, pulling him down awkwardly—she had staggered a little when she got on her tip-toes, always too short for her own liking. He felt her lips on his cheek, and his face exploded into a bright red blush.

When she pulled back, he saw that she was also blushing, smiling softly to herself. "Bye, Kanji." She nodded, picking up her carry-on bag and heading briskly through the gate.

"Uh, yeah, bye, Naoto." He said dumbly, standing there for a moment with his hand on his cheek. Had Naoto just—kissed him? Well, yeah, on the cheek, but—that still counted right?

His thoughts reeled for a good three minutes. When he regained his senses, he went over to the window, looking out to the plane that Naoto was in. He couldn't spot her—he wondered if she could spot him?

He stayed there until the plane took off, and then he left the airport. He'd take a cab back to the station, still slightly dazed in daydream.

_Damn it, I already miss him._

.~.~.~.~.~.

Late in the evening, After Kanji closed up the shop and had dinner with his mother, his cell phone rang. It was Naoto, calling just as she had promised. He greeted her enthusiastically.

_"I don't like jetlag."_ Naoto told him with a little laugh. She had told him this many times before, but it was still nice to hear her laugh. They talked about random things—the time difference, when Naoto would get to work, how Kanji had to deal with Rise—before Kanji brought up the kiss.

Naoto sounded like she was blushing shyly as she admitted, _"Huh? Well… honestly, I was thinking about that 'first kiss', but I got too nervous and…"_

"Is that why you tripped?"

_"O-oh. You noticed."_ Naoto chuckled a little. _"Sorry… should I have asked first?"_

"N-no, not at all!" Kanji stammered out quickly, "Um, but, uh, maybe it would've been less awkward if you did? Or if I did?"

Somehow it was easier to talk on the phone than it was in real life. They had spent five years on the phone, after all—it was familiar and comforting to them.

_"Perhaps we can do it properly when I get back."_

Kanji blinked. She could probably hear the heat rushing to his face. "Um… yeah." He coughed a little, opting to change the subject. "So, what's the plan? That is, when you get back?"

_"The prefectural police have requested I help them with a case in Chiba."_ She answered easily, _"I will be going there shortly after I turn Dr. Nakamura over to the police and return to the estate."_

"Oh… so you're not going to be back in Inaba for a while?" Kanji sounded a little disappointed.

_"Probably not. I wouldn't mind if you joined me in Chiba, though."_ Naoto replied, as if it would lighten his mood, _"Actually, a friend of mine is there—I think I told you about her, the little mute girl? She's told me in the past that she wanted one of your plush charms. This would be a good opportunity to see her again and give her one."_

"Ah, that girl with the weird name? I thought you said she lived in London." Kanji sounded surprised.

_"She's an adult now, I think she can live wherever she wants."_ He heard a shuffling, like Naoto was shrugging. _"I'll have to email her, though—I haven't spoken to her in a while."_

There were very few people Naoto kept in contact with after closing a case—that girl must have made an impression. Kanji would be glad to meet her.

"She sounds nice. I think I'll figure something out—maybe she can help make my dolls popular in Chiba." Kanji grinned.

_"Does that mean you'll go with me?"_

"Sure, why not?" Kanji chuckled. "But you'll have to come back to Inaba first."

_"I think I can do that."_

.~.~.~.~.~.

Inaba seemed to have returned to its normal, uneventful, sleepy-town state. There was nothing interesting going on lately, and not many people stopped by Tatsumi Textiles.

When Kanji wasn't watching the shop, he was teaching Hiro and some of his friends how to make dolls. When they were at school, Kanji did random housework and made dolls on his own. Sometimes he went to the bookstore—he didn't read much, but Naoto had sure made it look interesting, so he thought he'd give it a try.

He didn't wait for Naoto's calls—with the time difference, he didn't want to wake her in the middle of the night. She was probably busy anyhow. He didn't mind though—whenever Naoto called, it was in the morning for him—they would talk for a while about how the trial was going, and then they would talk about some other random things before Naoto had to go to sleep, tired from a long day at work. The morning calls always made Kanji smile, though, and he went through his day feeling happy and giddy.

Mrs. Tatsumi giggled at her son's behavior, and occasionally stole the phone from Kanji to say hi to Naoto. Naoto gladly spoke to the old woman, while Kanji pouted in the background.

It was one of these mornings, when Mrs. Tatsumi once again took the phone and left Kanji to tend the shop, that Kanji got a peculiar visitor. A tall man with jet-black hair and light purple eyes came into the shop, looking around with a calculating calmness. He was strange—he wore black and red clothes that looked metallic, weird headphone and shoulder things, and for some reason he had a white scarf around his neck—who wore a scarf in the summer?

"Can I… help you?" Kanji asked slowly. _Maybe you need something to improve that weird fashion sense of yours._ He thought to himself.

"I," The man spoke—his voice was deep, but it sounded soft and strangely innocent, not unlike Yu's voice—and his lavender gaze fell on the brown haired man in front of him before he continued, "am looking for Shirogane Naoto. I have heard that she is staying here."

Kanji blinked in surprise. Someone was looking for Naoto? Maybe it was a client. "You missed him by a week. He's out of town, now." He said, earning a strange look from the man, "Did you need something from him? Maybe I can take a message or something."

"…No." The man turned to leave. Kanji contemplated stopping him, but after a moment, decided to let it go. The man was already gone, disappeared beyond the shop doors.

"Weird." Kanji scratched his head, turning back to the display racks and reorganizing them. He mumbled to himself about ordering the items by type of fabric and color, trying to figure out the best way to rearrange them.

"Kan-chan!" Mrs. Tatsumi came back to the front, "Shirogane-san said she had to go, so she told me to tell you good night!"

"It's morning, but I get what you mean." He shrugged. Maybe he could call Naoto back later and ask her about that strange man who came to find her.

.~.~.~.~.~.

_"Sousei-kun is already in Inaba?"_ Naoto sounded surprised. After Kanji had told her about his encounter with the black-haired man, she immediately confirmed his suspicions that it was her old partner. _"I still wonder what he's doing so far out of Yagokoro…"_

"Yeah, well, he seemed kinda rude, just like you said," Kanji huffed as he went about screen-printing some fabric for a custom order, "Didn't seem very trusting either."

_"Not many people would be, if they're someone like him."_ Naoto replied, _"If you see him again, please tell him I'll be back in a few weeks… and that he shouldn't do anything reckless."_

"Define 'reckless'."

_"Don't kill anything."_

"Got it." Kanji nodded, though he vaguely wondered what Sousei would kill, and why Naoto said "any_thing_"—then again, if it had anything to do with the Midnight Channel, "thing" was probably an accurate description.

_"I guess we'll have to postpone Chiba… I'm sure the case can wait a little bit while I deal with whatever Sousei-kun has found."_

"So, uh… you know him pretty well, right?" Kanji asked tentatively, "You call him pretty familiarly."

_"We were partners for a while."_ Naoto replied, _"And you know the effect of having to deal with a case no one else can. Not to mention the dangers involved—it builds a level of trust that can't be found otherwise."_

Kanji hesitated. "Did you two ever…"

_"No."_ The reply was quick and automatic—it made Kanji squirm.

"You didn't even wait for me to finish." He pouted.

_"I knew what you were going to ask."_ Naoto said simply, _"Sousei-kun and I were just partners and friends. That's it."_

"Oh. Uh." Kanji blinked, "That's… good."

_"Were you jealous?"_

"He seemed like the tall, dark, mysterious type. Kinda like Yu-sempai." Kanji sighed, "Sorry, it isn't even my right to get jealous, huh? We haven't even been dating that long."

_"I never had anything with Yu-san either."_ Naoto sounded amused, _"But… even if Sousei-kun and I did have a thing, it's sweet that you would get jealous, Kanji."_

"E-eh?" Kanji blushed, "Um—okay?"

_"I told you before, didn't I? I've liked you for all of these five years. So don't worry too much about who might have been interested in me."_ Naoto reassured him.

"Alright, alright," He smiled a little, "So, uh, I'll keep an eye out for Kurogami, and… yeah."

_"I should probably get some rest…"_

.~.~.~.~.~.

"His old partner?" Rise perked up, looking interested. "Ooh, it sounds kinky!"

"It's not." Kanji sighed, walking alongside the pop idol as they traversed the south end of the shopping district to get back to the north, "Nothin' happened between them."

"You sure? Maybe Naoto-kun's just trying to spare your feelings." Rise teased.

"Shut it." He looked away, crossing his arms. He trusted Naoto, so he wouldn't go questioning her now. Besides, she wouldn't lie to him—no way.

"But to show up in town so suddenly! Maybe he's here to steal your boyfriend!" The brunette mused.

Kanji ignored her pointedly—after the meeting at Junes, everyone had kind of started using their own pronouns when it came to Naoto. Rise had settled for the complete referral of the detective as a guy, but Kanji remembered that long before that, Rise and the others had always teasingly called Naoto his "boyfriend" just to fluster or annoy him. Now he was impassive about it—his annoyance was directed elsewhere. Mainly at Rise's consistent habit of trying to fluster him until his ears turned red.

"I said, shut it."

"Aw, you're so cute, Kanji-kun!" Rise giggled. "So, what's he like, this Kurogami Sousei guy? I mean, Naoto-kun never said much about him…"

"He kinda looks like sempai… only with a weirder fashion sense." Kanji shrugged. He had only seen the guy for all of maybe two minutes, so he couldn't exactly say much about him.

"Oooh? I wonder if he's single." Rise looked thoughtful. She really did want a guy like Yu, didn't she? Sousei was, by observation, extremely similar—and not only in looks. There was something about his indifferent demeanor and his voice—and the fact that he was also a detective.

"You're really thinking of dating him?" Kanji sighed.

"Why not? Then you and me and Naoto-kun and that detective guy can go on a double date and it'd be all cool!" Rise grinned.

"W-why did you put our names in that order?" The brown-haired man looked flustered. Rise had done her job.

A wicked laugh was his only response. "Oh? You really _are_ worried about him stealing your boyfriend!"

"…"

Kanji blinked, looking up. Despite that the man hadn't said anything, somehow his presence alone felt like he had cleared his throat to interrupt their conversation.

Of course, it was none other than—speak of the devil—Kurogami Sousei. The relatively large man was standing smack-dab in the middle of the sidewalk, pretty much blocking the path even if he didn't mean to. If he had been walking before, he was stopped now, and the pair slowed down in front of him.

"Oh. You're…"

"Hmm? A friend of yours, Kanji-kun?" Rise peered up at the man curiously.

"Not really. That's Kurogami." He answered. Rise lit up brightly in interest.

The almost robotic-looking nod that followed seemed delayed. "I am. You are the one from the textile store." He looked at Kanji, "I… do not think we have introduced ourselves."

"Uh, yeah, we haven't." Kanji blinked, "I'm Tatsumi Kanji. Naoto's boyfriend." He didn't know why he had added the last part. Maybe it was possessiveness. Naoto would probably shoot him for it, though.

Sousei didn't seem fazed, opening his mouth to speak when Rise interrupted. "And _I'm_ Kujikawa Rise!" She said in a sing-song voice, "We've heard about you from Naoto-kun! Nice to meet you!"

There was that mechanical, disinterested nod again. "Nice to meet you. Detective Kurogami Sousei."

"We know." Rise purred, "So, what're you in town for, Kurogami-kun?"

He didn't seem taken aback, or at least caught off-guard, by the use of honorific. He kept a straight face as he answered, "I am investigating something. I cannot disperse the details."

"Aw, that's too bad." Was Rise _still_ trying to flirt with this guy? Despite that he showed no obvious interest? Well, at least she was persistent—a trait Kanji often found quite annoying. "Anything we can do to help?"

The immediate answer: "No." Then there was a pause. "I am sure Detective Shirogane will be able to help me, when she gets back."

"Oh, yeah," Kanji blinked, "He told me to pass on a message. He's gonna be back in a few weeks, and don't kill anything."

Sousei stared at him, looking confused like he was in the shop, and then blinked those strange purple eyes. "Shirogane said that?"

"His exact words were 'don't be reckless', but he clarified." Kanji shrugged.

"You must be pretty strong, if he'd say that." Rise giggled. The look of confusion remained on Sousei's face. Rise noticed. "Something wrong?"

"…I am questioning whether we are speaking of the same Shirogane." Sousei answered in pauses, looking unsure. "You were speaking of her before, as well, and still referred to her as a male."

Kanji wondered exactly how long this guy had been listening to their conversation, but he pushed the thought aside and shook his head. "Nope, same one."

Inside, he was a little proud that Sousei did not know Naoto well enough to have known she had gender issues. Though he didn't exactly know if that was something he should be proud of, it still made it obviously clear that he knew her better.

"But… Shirogane is a female." Sousei said in that as-a-matter-of-fact kind of tone, only it was flat and hard.

"He kinda asked us to call him like this." Rise shrugged, "Y'know, Kanji-kun, I think it definitely creates confusion when only the team's doing it."

"Eh, let'em think whatever." Kanji shrugged indifferently.

"…"

"So, Kurogami-kun, are you busy right now?" Rise gave one of her trademark smiles, "How'd you like to go on a date with Japan's hottest pop idol?"

Sousei still looked confused. "…Excuse me?"

Kanji almost laughed at Rise's expression. It was rare that someone didn't go for the "don't you know who I am" type line. Either that, or Sousei just didn't date in general. Which Kanji would've been totally okay with.

Trying not to be disheartened, Rise perked up, "Yeah, let's go get some coffee or something."

Sousei's face returned to being void of all emotion. "I have business to attend to. I must be going now." And with that, he stepped around them and left.

Rise pouted. Kanji shook his head and chuckled, putting his hand on her hair and giving her a gentle ruffle. "You know, if you want a guy to like you for who you are, you should really stop using that celebrity line."

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ "Grampa," Naoto spoke up, sitting at the dinner table with Haruka and Yakushiji, "were you ever… disappointed in me?"_

_ "No," Haruka looked surprised, "Why would you even ask such a thing?"_

_ "I was just thinking. I mean—I'm not talking about being a detective or anything. But… did you ever wish that I was really a boy?" Naoto spoke quietly, staring down at her plate._

_ "I've only ever wished you to be happy." Haruka replied easily, "Boy _or_ girl—whatever you wished to be. I'd never be disappointed if you were one or the other."_

_ "But wouldn't it have made it easier if I _were_ a boy?"_

_ "We can't say that for sure, Naoto." Haruka sighed, glancing down at his own dinner, pushing it around a bit, "But asking 'what ifs' is only useful when it leads to some hard evidence. In this case… there is no evidence."_

_ "Other than that being a girl has made no difference in your investigation abilities, Naoto-sama." Yakushiji piped up._

_ "Maybe so," Naoto looked up at them, "But it hasn't changed the essential truth that I would not have had so many troubles thus far if I were a boy."_

_ "Naoto… the only essential truth is the one you must serve wholeheartedly as a Shirogane detective." Haruka shook his head, "Boy or girl… you are still the _same_—and you always will be."_

_ "Isn't that why you stopped disguising yourself?" Yakushiji tilted his head at the eighteen-year-old woman._

_ "Yes—I've found plenty of good reasons to be 'myself'…" Naoto's gaze trailed to the side, "including that… it never quite felt right to be a boy."_

_ "Oh?" Haruka leaned toward her across the table, curious._

_ "I don't quite know where this thought is coming from… but… it's a small and unnoticeable voice. Still, that part of my inner self is telling me it's never quite felt right." Naoto frowned at a blank spot on the wall, "While the rest of my whole tells me it is what I should have been born as."_

_ "Does that voice sound like your mother, by any chance?" Yakushiji murmured. Naoto glanced at him, then looked back at the wall as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. Eating no longer seemed to interest her._

_ "Tell me," Haruka said, somehow drawing Naoto's gaze back to him, "why part of you says it's never quite felt right. The detective in me is curious." _

_ "Well… the binding is uncomfortable, and I have to _think_ about everything I say and do—and even though I'm just being myself with a different appearance, it just feels _fake_," Naoto couldn't break her gaze away from her grandfather's intense one, "like—like I'm being someone else entirely… even though I'm not. I mean, I feel more like myself as 'Naoto' than I do as… this. But… I can't shake the feeling that I'm doing something wrong… like… like…" She trailed off, unable to find the right words._

_ "Like you're always lying?"_

_ Naoto blinked, staring at her grandfather._

_ "Take some time to think about it," Haruka shrugged, "but perhaps some time as Naoto will show you why 'Naoto' feels like a lie. Maybe then you will see the truth of 'Naoto'."_

_ If Naoto was being honest with herself—something she realized she rarely ever was—she would have realized that Haruka already knew that becoming "Naoto" was her way to _escape_ the truth. What "truth" she was escaping was questionable though—but it felt like it had nothing to do with gender. Perhaps that was something that only Naoto knew, and something "Naoto" desperately denied. Something that she, standing at the in-between of Naoto and "Naoto", didn't yet know she really wanted to find._

_ But she wasn't being honest with herself. So she pushed away those thoughts of escape—from what, though?—and decided that Haruka was just trying to make her more comfortable with being a girl._

_ She just nodded, returning to her dinner._


	15. Five Years All Over Again

A/N: Okay, so I totally didn't forget about this week's chapter, I swear. It's just that my entire week has been so busy, getting ready to go back to college and all. I spent most of today writing this chapter, and it's a little rushed, so please excuse any typos (and if you see them, please let me know) and/or the length and slightly weird arrangement of the elements of this chapter.

I hope you like this week's chapter, note that I love writing psycho-analysis stuff but suck at writing battle and action scenes, don't be too disappointed at the lack of Nanako, or the lack of the KanjixNaoto interaction in this chapter (save for the flashback), or the lack of Naoto in general (this chapter focuses more on the rest of the IT! Yaaay.)

Augh I'm tired, lol. If I don't update next week, it's because the whirlwind that is college has hit, so please understand! I might have to change to a update-once-a-week-or-every-two-weeks-whenever-I-can schedule... OTL I'll try to write more and have a lot prepared so I can keep my once-a-week updates though! Not much else to say. Enjoy this week's chapter!

EDIT as of 2012/09/14: I'm soooooo sorry I haven't been updating! College has kept me busier than I imagined! I'm sorry, I think I have to go on hiatus for a while until I can adjust and catch up to my work... I'll try to write stuff in my free time (I got a new phone, so I can access my files on it now, it's pretty cool) but I can't guarantee anything that I can update for the next few weeks... Please check my twitter (link on my profile) every Friday or Saturday, I promise I'll try to post a tweet each week to give you all a status update! (That, I can do.) Sorry again! I hope to keep writing, but I've gotta take a break for now! See you soon!

.~.~.~.~.~.

**Chapter 15: Five Years All Over Again**

.~.~.~.~.~.

Golden Week came quickly—Yu was back before anyone really had time to miss him. The group met up at the Special HQ, as always—though this time, it was Naoto who was missing.

They told Yu about what had happened in the Midnight Channel, and what they had all decided. He simply agreed with their thinking, but opted to continue calling Naoto a girl.

"Why?" Kanji asked him curiously.

Yu shrugged. "She told me once that it never really mattered what gender she was. I'm used to calling her a female—I don't see why I should stop."

"Huh."

"Why do you call her a male?" He asked in return.

"Don't wanna make things harder for him, that's all." Kanji shrugged.

"It's a conscious effort, huh." Yu leaned his head on his hand. He looked around at everyone else at the table.

The exchanged a glance and nodded. Kanji, though hesitant, grunted in confirmation. Yes, it took effort to keep referring to Naoto as a male, but… it was what he had decided. He'd get used to it eventually.

"So, anyway… Kuma, how's the TV world?" Yu smiled at the young blonde, changing the subject to something lighter.

"It's great, sensei!" The blue-eyed boy lit up, "The studio lot is peaceful, and so's everywhere else, kuma! And my world—the place with the grass and the lake and the swings—you guys should visit it, kuma! It's prettier now!"

"Oh? It's still clear of fog, I hope." Yu pet him affectionately.

"Yep, kuma! But the other places… there's still a little bit of fog. Not very thick, but it's there, kuma." Kuma looked thoughtful, "It's only thick around Nao-chan's place, but it's not as bad as before, kuma."

"You guys did say you visited there, right?" Yu looked over to the group.

"Sure did, sempai," Rise nodded, "It was really weird though—there was nothing there."

"…Normally those places are packed with Shadows." Yu blinked. "Especially since Naoto-kun…"

"We know." Rise sighed, "But… we couldn't find anything last time we went."

"Maybe it was because Naoto-kun was there too."

The group looked over to their leader, confused.

"I have a feeling about this… why don't we go check it out again?" Yu crossed his arms, leaning back casually.

"Without Naoto?" Kanji blinked. "Uh… I kinda feel like we'd be invading his privacy or something, if we do that…"

"I'm up for it." Yosuke grinned, "I haven't seen it yet. I kinda want to."

"Me too." Chie piped up.

"You guys…" Yukiko frowned. "I don't know… I agree with Kanji-kun. Wouldn't this be an invasion of her privacy…?"

"Maybe, but that's only if we find something she finds worth hiding." Yu said, "Rise did say they didn't find anything last time. Perhaps this time will be the same."

"…I kinda hope so…" Kanji frowned.

"You're coming?" Yosuke looked over.

"Of course! Ya think I'm gonna let you walk around my girlfriend's reality by yourselves?" He snapped lightly, grunting.

Yu smiled. "Then… let's go tomorrow."

.~.~.~.~.~.

"…You brought Nanako-chan?" Kanji lifted an eyebrow when he saw Yu come into the Studio Lot with Yosuke and the aforementioned Nanako.

"She begged me to come." Yu sighed, "Besides, it's Golden Week and she's bored… I didn't want to leave her home alone."

"Isn't Dojima-san there?" Yukiko tilted her head.

"He got called in for work. Some robbery-and-murder case came up." He shook his head.

"I don't think this is a good idea…" Yosuke frowned. Chie nodded in agreement. Nanako was like _everyone's_ little sister, and they were all fiercely protective of her.

"I'll protect her, kuma!" The bear mascot thing raised his hand enthusiastically, "I swear I will as the king of this world and Nana-chan's number one partner, kuma!"

"All of you, I'm not eight anymore!" Nanako whined, "Stop treating me like a kid. I'm more than capable of taking care of myself. I really want to see other places in Kuma-kun's world… Besides, you said there wasn't anything there, so there shouldn't be a problem, right? And if there is something dangerous, Virtue will be here!"

"Just stay behind Rise-chan, okay?" Yu patted her head. That was their deal—she could come if she stayed out of danger and out of the way, so the best place for her was by Rise's side.

"I'll protect Rise-chan too!" Nanako nodded resolutely.

"Oh, nothing will happen," Rise waved it off with a grin, "I bet nothing will have changed in Naoto-kun's world!"

"I hope you're right…" Kanji sighed. "Come on, this way."

They group started walking, quiet and slightly awkward. They all knew the way to Naoto's reality, so they didn't need a guide… and all of them seemed lost in their own thoughts—some anxious, some excited, and some wondering just what awaited them in the Maze.

Soon they came to the top of the canyon, and Nanako broke the tension. "That's a lot of TVs." She looked up at the pile of dead tubes. Yu nodded in the same wonder, but didn't vocally say anything as they passed.

"Yeah. We'll use that way to go out." Kanji nodded.

"Did Kuma-kun make those?"

"Nope. Pretty sure Maoh and Yamato did, kuma." Kuma supplied.

"Oh, cool. I didn't know they could do that."

"I think everyone's said that so far." Rise giggled.

"Hey, careful going down—it's steep over here." Kanji warned as they began their descent into the Maze.

And when they finally made it to the entrance, they were met with quiet. It was just… a portal or swirling red and black…

"…It looks scary." Nanako frowned.

"It's just a door," Yosuke chuckled, "Nothing scary about it 'cept that it hides whatever's beyond it from us."

Yu crossed his arms, looking thoughtful. "Let's go in, but we'll do it the way we used to." He decided, "A team of four, and whoever's left will be backup in case something really bad happens. Did you all bring your weapons?"

Everyone nodded, and Nanako looked confused. "I was wondering why you took a sword from Yosuke-san's place…"

"It's actually mine." Yu smiled at her, "Don't worry, you shouldn't need a weapon."

"So who's on the team?" Yosuke looked over.

"Based on what we faced last time, I'd say… Yukiko-san, Chie-chan, and Kanji." Yu nodded, "Healing and elementals would be good to have."

"What about me, sensei?" Kuma perked up. "If we're going based on last time, kuma, I have Bufu too…"

"Yes, but I could use Kanji's backup with the Zios. And he'd be mad if I didn't put him on the main team." Yu patted his fur fondly, chuckling at the brown-haired ex-punk who frowned deeply at his comment, "Besides, you can stay back and protect Nanako-chan with Yosuke."

"Oh, okay, kuma!"

"Onii-chan!" Nanako whined.

Yosuke chuckled. "Alright, you guys go on in first, we'll be right behind you."

They nodded, passing through the gate. When everyone was inside the maze, they surveyed their surroundings. It was surprisingly plain…

"See, told you nothing was here." Kanji crossed his arms.

"Rise-chan, do a scan, will you?" Yu looked over to their navigator.

Rsie nodded, summoning Kanzeon as they walked further. "There was nothing for hours down here last time, and like I said, I doubt anything will have ch—" She gasped, suddenly. "Sempai, look out!"

Yu spun around, drawing his katana with practiced speed and holding it out defenseively in front of him. From the depths of the maze, a Shadow had formed—at first it was like the others, a glob of black and purple aura, but as it came closer it took shape, and the purple aura became a blasing fire, lunging toward them.

"_Bufu!_" Chie evoked her card on instinct, and Suzuka Gongen appeared in a flurry of blue mist, aiming the cold magic at the Shadow.

"The hell?!" Kanji held his iron board up, "I thought there weren't any Shadows in this place!"

"Me too!" Rise sounded shocked, Kanzeon's visor blinking in warning, "Guys, it's using an fire spell!"

They group quickly fell into formation, Yosuke and Kuma staying back to protect Rise and Nanako. Nanako's eyes were wide, and she didn't quite understand what was going on—only that this wasn't supposed to have happened. So why did it?!

"It's resistant to thunder elementals!" Rise warned, "It's weak against ice, go for it Chie-sempai!"

Yu switched his Persona, summoning Jack Frost, hitting the Shadow with Bufu, like Chie. After a few attacks, the thing shrieked in pain, dissolving into dark partles and then disappearing completely. The group stayed cautious for a few more minutes, and then relaxed, lowering their weapons.

"Okay, _what the hell_ just happened?" Kanji asked angrily, turning to the others.

"I dunno," Rise bit her lip, scanning the area for more Shadows—luckily, none seemed to be nearby, "That's weird—there are a few more further into the maze, and even more further down…"

"But… you said there was nothing last time." Yukiko sounded shocked, "I don't understand…"

Yu frowned, looking down at his sword. "…Like I said… maybe it was because Naoto-kun was there with you."

"What do you mean?" Kanji demanded, "You said that before, but you didn't explain. Explain, _now_."

"Naoto-kun told me about her Shadow—she said that it told her, 'the things she doesn't know will hurt her'." He looked up, and Kanji's expression paused and changed into something like a mixture of confusion and surprise. "I think this is what it was talking about."

"That fiery thing was part of something he didn't know about himself?" Kanji frowned.

"Or maybe it's something she's denying so much she forgot about it." Yu looked into the abyss of the Maze, "It seems… there are things Naoto-kun's heart is hiding from herself."

"And—that's something that's gonna hurt him…" It didn't seem like a question. Kanji knew Naoto—if she lied about something enough, eventually she would start to believe it… but when she realized the truth, would she get hurt? Was it something so painful she didn't want to remember it?

"So… what do we do?" Chie asked, her brow furrowed in worry.

There was a long, drawn out silence. Yu wasn't looking at them, his eyes distant as if he was lost in thought.

Finally, "Let's keep going and see if we can figure it out."

"What—are you sure? What about Nanako-chan?" Yosuke frowned.

"Uh-uh! You're not going on without me!" The brunette crossed her arms, huffing, "If Naoto-san's gonna get hurt because of this place, I wanna help you guys!"

"We can't really stop her," Yu shrugged knowingly, "Nanako-chan, if you want to help, wait until we provoke the enemy, alright? That way it'll be focused on us."

"Got it, onii-chan!"

"Alright, let's go."

.~.~.~.~.~.

The trial was almost over… Nakamura Kenjiro and Todd Johnson were well on their way to being convicted of serial murder, among other charges… All they had to do was wait for the jury and the judge—Naoto and the other detectives and witnesses had already gone up to the stand and given their testimonies…

Olivia and Matt invited Naoto out for a drink after a long, tiring day in court. Naoto felt a lot more fatigued than normal, and all she wanted to do was go back to her hotel and go to sleep, but she didn't want to refuse her colleagues.

"He's as sure as jailed," Matt commented, "Let's consider this celebratory, yeah?"

"I suppose," Naoto shrugged. "I don't see why, though… Yes, he's a murderer, and he deserves his punishment… but isn't celebrating it just cruel on our behalf?"

"…Maybe." Matt tapped his chin, "I never thought of it that way."

"You seem distracted," Olivia noticed, "Are you okay? You're not getting sick, are you?"

"No, I'm just tired. It's been a long day." Naoto nodded, giving a weak smile to reassure her.

"You oughta relax for a while—we don't have much else to do." Matt patted her shoulder. They sat around the booth in the casual bar they were at, taking sips between conversation. "So, how was Japan? You went back there right?"

"Yes… it is my home country." Naoto nodded, "It was… refreshing. I have not been home for a long time."

"I can imagine—you being an international detective and all that," Matt chuckled.

"Did anything interesting happen?" Olivia leaned forward, "Matt told me you had a guy there."

Naoto blinked. "…Oh… back then, he wasn't my boyfriend." She corrected them, "He is now."

"Haha, good for you." Matt grinned, "How about you tell us about him? I bet it'll get you unwound."

"And I thought Japanese people were nosy." Naoto chortled, taking out her phone and showing them her wallpaper—it was a picture of her date with Kanji at the amusement park. "That's him. Tatsumi Kanji."

"Wow… he's tall." Olivia giggled, "He's got muscles too! Does he work out?"

"He hasn't in a long time, but he used to do it a lot… I heard that he was able to lift a motorcycle right off the ground." Naoto smiled, tucking the phone away again, "He stopped after high school, though, and decided to help his mother out with their shop instead."

"Shop?" Olivia sipped her drink, "A salesman, huh."

"Somewhat. His family owns a… what is the English word for it…" Naoto paused, trying to scour her foreign vocabulary for the right word, "fabric shop? They are… tailors. I am not quite sure if those are accurate descriptions though."

"Tailor, huh? That sounds fun," Matt smiled, "I bet it's expensive though. Have you ever gotten anything tailored before?"

"Perhaps a little, but it's a service." Naoto nodded, "When I was in high school, Kanji fixed a jacket for me, so that it would fit better. And when I was staying with him last month, his mother even made me a yukata…"

"That's one of those fancy Japanese robes, right? That's pretty neat." Olivia commented, "Hey, if I ever visit Japan and I need one of those, you think you can help me out?"

"I can try." Naoto smiled. Matt was right—talking about Kanji did loosen her up, and it made her feel warm and happy inside. "You'll have to visit Inaba then. That's where my boyfriend lives."

"I've always liked Japanese fashion, they're always so neat and pretty." The brunette detective smiled fondly, "You're lucky you get to live there."

"Well, I think many people would say the same about you living in America." Naoto shrugged, "Even I think so."

"Really?" Matt tilted his head, "What's so great about it? Airports are scared of terrorists, everyone's fat, and 'fashion' is only for rich people and celebrities."

"Well, last time I was here, I read some newspaper articles about some protests," The blue-haired woman pursed her lips, "Your country certainly fights hard for equality, even now."

"Oh, you mean that LGBT thing?" Matt leaned back and Naoto nodded in confirmation, "Yeah, I would've thought that died down a long time ago, but it still shows up every now and then. Especially because of that Westboro church."

"Why did that article catch your attention?" Olivia asked.

"Well… I did have some problems like that when I was younger." Naoto shrugged.

"You were gay?" Matt blinked.

The other woman winced. "No… I wasn't. If there was one thing I was sure about, it was that I have never felt any wavering in my attraction toward men." She said firmly. _After all, I was trying to get _away_ from feminine traits… why would I be _attracted_ to them?_

Olivia lifted an eyebrow. "Then you… you're transgender? Or you thought you wanted to be one?"

"Is it… weird?" Naoto looked up at them.

"No, not at all. You just… you don't seem like it." The comment seemed off-handed. The two American detectives were definitely taken by surprise by this—Naoto was very womanly after all. She was beautiful, confident, and didn't seem like the type who would ever think she was walking around in the wrong shell.

"The correct term is gender-dysphoria." Naoto shrugged, "I was never 'transgender'… but I almost was. I've decided against that though."

"What do you mean?"

"I've come to terms with who I am. So don't worry about it." She said simply, "It just surprises me… the way Americans would handle such a problem. It's very… different… from the Japanese."

Matt nodded in understanding. "Is that why you think America is cool?"

"Partially." Naoto shrugged. "I think I'm going to excuse myself before I drink too much—I need to get some rest."

"Oh. Need us to come back to the hotel with you?" Matt asked.

"No thank you," Naoto shook her head, "Thanks for inviting me out. Let's do it again sometime."

"Yeah, definitely." Matt grinned.

"See you at the court tomorrow!" Olivia waved.

"Bye."

Naoto left the bar, glad that at least it, and the court house, were walking distance from her hotel. It wasn't long before she was securely locking her room and windows, changing before she collapsed into bed.

She lay with her head on her pillow for a minute, and then lifted her gaze a bit, reaching for her phone. She stared at its screen, thinking about Kanji and smiling, wondering if he knew how much the thought of him comforted her when she was alone like this.

She sighed, pulling the blankets over her shoulder. The earlier conversation returned to her mind.

_I've come to terms with who I am._ She had said that before. She had said she had made a compromise and that she was okay with it—and that was just who she was.

But when she really stopped to think about it… she still didn't know. Olivia was right—the way she was now, she really didn't seem like someone who was gender-confused. When she didn't try to be a man, she was just… whoever she was, and gender had never really applied to her thoughts and actions, and nothing seemed off about it.

She knew that when she tried, back when she was still the Detective Prince, people could just _tell_ there was something off about her. She had then seemed like a feminine boy trying too hard to be masculine, or, as her friends had assumed, a girl who masqueraded as a boy. But she was neither.

Still… it was certainly easier being herself, without binding or forcing her voice as low a pitch as she could manage. There was a sense of freedom, when people she didn't know _now_ didn't care who she used to be, because there was nothing to show that there _was_ "someone else" back then. There was no pretending, no facades—even if this "female" body was a façade in itself. To people like Olivia and Matt, she was and always had been a female, and they didn't look down on her in the least for that—they didn't even condescend her when they did find out who she used to want and try to be.

Yes, it was much easier… So why had she stopped being a female at all? She remembered her last few days in Inaba, thinking about what faced her in the mirror…

And again, she wondered why and when she had thought being a male was necessary. It was so long ago, but… surely she could remember? It was before she hit puberty… but it seemed like far before that, she had been "masculine"—especially seeing that all her childhood toys were for boys. Her grandfather must have noticed it too, and that was why he had been so accepting and helpful… now that she thought about it, when had she started showing signs of being gender-dysphoric for Haruka to even notice?

She sighed deeply, rolling over onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. _Hey Grampa… did you know? Ever since I was little, did you know I'd turn out like this?_ Her grandfather was the best detective in the world, after all… he could no doubt predict Naoto's adolescent actions before Naoto had even made them. He was wise and yet… he didn't steer Naoto away from that very nearly self-destructive path. He must have had a reason.

What was the earliest sign? What was the reason he bought her that first Featherman action figure…

It had to have been since that time—that second Christmas she had alone with him. That was the first time Haruka showed that he had noticed. But… Naoto was sure that her ideal image of a detective only formed when she was ten years old, at the least… How could she have wanted to be a male when she was seven or eight?

_Yamato… you are me… do you know?_

A long silence.

Typical, no response.

_Maybe…_ Naoto thought, realization dawning, _maybe it wasn't being a detective that made me want to be a man._

.~.~.~.~.~.

"Dude, I'm still tired from yesterday." Yosuke complained. "Naoto's Shadows are as tough as they were back then!"

"No kidding," Chie frowned, "I don't get it though… Shadows usually love attacking their egos, so why did they just not exist when Naoto-kun was there?"

"I'm more trying to figure out what those Shadows _were_." Yu leaned his head on his hand, sipping his soda as they sat at their Special HQ. "I knew Naoto-kun had a lot of things she wasn't dealing with, but…"

Kanji sighed, "This is something he can't even tell us, because he doesn't even know it's there…"

The brown-haired man knew that he wanted to understand Naoto better, but this was a little much. It felt wrong, trying to figure out Naoto behind her back. He debated calling Naoto and telling her, but she hadn't called in a few days, so she was probably busy with the end of the trial, and he didn't want to bother her.

"Hey, how's Nanako-chan doing?" Chie asked.

"She's tired, but she's fine," Yu informed them, "Doing magic with Virtue for the first time really took it out of her… she slept in."

"Next time she's _so_ not going in with us." The light-brunette crossed her arms. She sighed and stood. "Hey, I gotta get back to the inn. Yukiko and I are dealing with busy season, y'know?"

"Tell Yukiko-san hi for me. And I'll see her tonight." Yu smiled.

"Big date?" Chie giggled, "Alright. See you later." With that, she jogged off, leaving the boys alone.

"Hey, where's Rise-chan?" Yosuke asked.

"Packing. She's going back to Tokyo after Golden Week." Kanji mumbled absently.

"That sucks… if you guys are gonna go into the TV after this, you'll have to depend on Kuma for support." Yosuke made a face, "I like Rise-chan's support better."

"…"

"Hello? Earth to Kanji?" Yosuke waved a hand in front of Kanji's face, to which the taller man swatted it away.

"I'm gonna go home. Hiro-kun's coming over." Kanji stood, "See ya later."

"Uh, um. Bye."

"…Bye."

After he left, Yosuke looked over. "…You know what's up with him?"

"He's a little upset he doesn't know Naoto-kun as well as he wants to." Yu shrugged, "Not that it's either of their fault."

"Dude, I'm jealous of them," The brunette man slouched in his seat, folding his arms on the table, "and you and Yukiko. Heck, even Chie's got a boyfriend now, didja know?"

"It's entirely your own fault." Yu pointed out nonchalantly.

"Hey!" Yosuke pouted. "I'm not in high school anymore. I'm not a jerk or ass-hat… heck, people skills are necessary for my job! That's not fair."

Yu shrugged. "Maybe you should ask Rise-chan out." He suggested, "You always did say you were a big fan of Risette."

Yosuke stared at him blankly. Then he laughed, and when Yu didn't laugh with him, the sound died slowly. "Oh, you were serious?"

"Why not. I'm sure if you really tried you can charm her." He replied.

"But… she wants a guy like _you_." Yosuke made a face. It wasn't Yu's fault, but he had always been way more popular than Yosuke, especially with the ladies.

"She won't be able to find anyone if she keeps sticking to that ideal." Yu shrugged. He stood, going to throw his soda cup away. "Kanji mentioned something before, about a detective she was interested in, though…"

"See, no luck with her anyway." Yosuke ran his hand through his hair as he stood and followed his friend. "Ehh, I'll find someone eventually. I'm still young!" He paused. "But… I've seen all the detectives in this town. None of them are her type at all."

"It isn't one of the Inaba PD detectives," Yu looked over, heading towards the glass doors to the food court, "Kanji said it was…"

The doors opened suddenly, and Yu stopped abruptly so he wouldn't get hit or run into anyone. The man who opened the door stopped too, purple eyes locked with Yu's dark ones.

He moved around them, and Yu and Yosuke passed the door, and they didn't speak.

"That guy was weird. Who wears a scarf in the summer?" Yosuke commented. "He must not be from around here."

_He… seemed peculiar…_ Yu thought. There was something about him that bothered the voice inside his head.

"As I was saying… Kanji said it was Naoto-kun's old partner. If I recall, his name was Kurogami."

Behind them, the strange purple-eyed man stopped. "…"

_More of Shirogane's friends?_

Perhaps some investigation needed to be done.

.~.~.~.~.~.

_ As great of friends Naoto and Kanji would become in five years time, it didn't start out that way. In the year immediately following Naoto's departure from Inaba, she rarely phoned her friends on a regular basis. Often times, it was them who called her._

_ After her case in Yagokoro, Naoto returned to her estate to continue her studies, enrolling in college. She recalled that, when Kanji last called, her friend had just graduated high school, and he would be starting college too._

_ For the first time, she called Kanji on her own._

_ They talked for a while—Kanji's business was doing well, and he was just going to finish general education at the local community college, but he said he also wanted to take some art and sculpting classes. Naoto smiled at this—she couldn't imagine Kanji being able to sculpt anything, but she knew the results would probably be fantastic, considering that he liked to do things with his hands and he had an eye for detail._

_ When Kanji asked about her, she replied that she was going to take fewer cases and enroll in engineering and nursing courses, speaking about the former with a certain passion. Kanji laughed at this—not at her, but just at how uncharacteristic it was for her to talk so much outside of a case._

_ That was the first of many conversations that Naoto would then learn to treasure._

_ But it wasn't always like that._

_ Further into the school year, between midterms and another case, Naoto didn't have time to call Kanji or any of the others. When she did, Kanji was in the middle of midterms too—that was the worst time to be calling him, she would yet find out._

"L-look, Naoto-kun, I'm real busy…"_ He sighed, _"But… y'know, it's nice to hear from ya again. Um, 's been a while."

_ "I see. Are you keeping up your studies?" Naoto asked, "I'm in the middle of studying for midterms as well… however, a brief break is necessary."_

"Yeah, sounds good… wish I could do that, if class wasn't so fucking hard."_ Naoto winced at his use of language. He seemed to notice it too, because he quickly said, _"S-sorry."

_ "Not at all. You seem stressed…" Naoto frowned, "I know I am not in Inaba… but if you require assistance with studying, I… I would be more than capable of helping…"_

_ The offer was awkward, but the empathy was there._

"Don' need yer pity. I can study on my own."

_ "You couldn't in high school. You and Rise-chan asked for my help all the time." Naoto reminded him, "The offer from back then is still open."_

"And I ain't the same as back then!"_ Kanji protested, _"I don't need ya remindin' me how much I don't understand shit, okay?!"

_ Naoto went silent, though whether it was from shock or just a lack of response was debatable._

"I gotta study, bye."_ Kanji hung up abruptly, leaving Naoto still without a response._

_ She didn't know what to do. Kanji had never yelled at her before—actually, in the past, he always tried to be as polite as possible around her. Probably because he found out she was a girl, because he did the same when he was around Yukiko and the other girls. The only other time was when Nanako was in the hospital, but he hadn't been _angry_ at that time…_

_ This was different. Naoto didn't know how to deal with it._

_ She stared down at her phone, slowly closed it, and put it down. She looked down at her desk, her cold tea, and the bear charm now laying at the corner of her papers and assignments, still attached to her phone._

_ "…"_

_ The next time she tried to call him, maybe to apologize for insinuating he was dumb, things really could have gone better._

_ "How did exams go?"_

"Shit coulda gone better."_ Kanji mumbled. Naoto winced—was he still mad at her? Was he still in a bad mood because of college? He really did take being called "dumb" kind of badly, didn't he… Naoto should have known this._

"Whadd'ya want?"

_ "I wanted to apologize… for suggesting you needed my help." Naoto said slowly, carefully choosing her words, "I should have had more faith that you improved in the final year of high school, and…"_

"You woulda known if I did well if ya bothered to call."

_ This caught Naoto off guard._

_ "Wh-what? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to keep out of contact for so long… the case in Yagokoro required my utmost attention, you know…"_

"And now that you're at yer estate, not only are ya taking classes, but you're still taking cases ain'tcha?"_ The frown in his voice was evident, _"How d'ya even have time to call people? How'd ya even plan to help me when ya obviously don't even have time for yourself?"

_ "Kanji-kun," Naoto sighed, "I sense you're upset about the circumstances… but I'm calling now, aren't I?"_

"No shit I'm upset. You promised you'd call—ya didn't."_ Kanji grunted, _"I barely graduated high school—I was at the bottom of my class. Wouldn't 've even made it if it weren't for Yukiko-sempai. Ya wanted to help me study? What were ya doin' when I needed ya then? Callin' a whole fucking year later…"

_ "Kanji-kun, I'm sorry," Naoto said quickly, "I really didn't mean to neglect anyone, but…"_

"Ya really got no excuse, Naoto-kun! You're just a workaholic!"_ Kanji was obviously frustrated,_ "Ya always gotta be doin' something, an' ya do everythin' but call yer damn friends! A whole year we didn' hear from ya—did ya even really wanna be our friend?"

_Naoto blinked in shock. "Of course you're my friends! But—as I was trying to explain, I was busy…" She trailed off, realizing that she was just proving his point. "This isn't like you, Kanji-kun… are you okay…?"_

"No. I ain't okay. Goddammit, I just wanted to talk ta ya every once an' a while, not yer voicemail!"_ Kanji took a deep, audible breath, _"But obviously we ain't worth yer time, huh. You only hung out with us when it was useful for the case or something, didn't ya? If ya really didn't wanna be our friend, don't keep pretending, got it? Jus' stop."

_ Again, he abruptly hung up, and Naoto was stupefied into silence._

_ Pretending? Did she really come off so shallow? Her friends from Inaba were some of the most important people in her life… how could he not know that? Did he… hate her? God, that thought _hurt_._

_ She called Yu, unsure what to do._

"Kanji's never been too good at academics, but he really does try."_ Yu commented after she explained the situation, _"He wanted to become more than what everyone thought he could be… and he did. He _is_ becoming more than even what he thought he could be. You know, I bet he hasn't been sleeping, trying to study for those tests."

_"That…"_

"Sounds familiar?"_ Yu sounded like he was smirking, _"It sounds like you, huh."

_ "But… what do I do about it?" Naoto chewed her bottom lip. "His attitude… I know he's always been a little short-tempered, but he's worrying me. Can you… perhaps… talk to him?"_

"Be his friend. Just be there for him."_ Yu said softly, _"That you're so worried that you came to me for help… it's a sweet sentiment, but I don't think I'd be of any help to Kanji right now."

_"Just… be there? I've tried… I tried calling and emailing, but it feels like I'm being ignored…" Naoto sighed._

"Trust me when I say Kanji never ignores you."_ Yu chuckled—the sound of his laugh made Naoto frown. How could he be so lighthearted about this? Maybe he was just used to Kanji's fury… _"Look, Naoto-kun, that you're just _worrying_ about him means he was wrong—you really are our friend. Worrying is what friends do."

_ "I… I see." Naoto still seemed unsure. "Thank you for your time, sempai… I should let you get back to studying."_

"Anytime. Talk to you later."

_ They hung up. Naoto sat there, her thoughts running circles in her mind. She had never been the most socially apt person, but she had made the effort to try and improve her relationships with the other team members… but she had never had a fight with any of them, much less had experience making up with them._

_ As big as her vocabulary was, she wasn't quite sure she could find the words to tell Kanji that she _wanted_ to be there for him—that she was worried and sorry and she never wanted to stop whatever it was they had because she liked hearing his voice on the phone. She decided that after a whole year away, after that first call, after that angry outburst and the silence that followed… she missed hearing his deep, gruff, emotion-filled voice._

_ She spent her free time in the following week trying to compose an apologetic email, but every time she just scrapped her attempts and started over. She ignored Yamato-Takeru's nagging little voice telling her that it didn't matter what she wrote, because Yu was right—he wouldn't ignore her._

_ Finally she worked up the courage to just call him again._

"Hello?"

_ Naoto let out a breath of relief that she didn't know she had been holding when he picked up, and she was grateful that he didn't sound angry anymore._

"…Hello? Naoto-kun, is that you?"_ Kanji sounded confused. He had checked the caller ID, apparently._

_ She realized she hadn't spoken yet, so she quickly said, "Yes, it's me. Hello, Kanji-kun."_

_ There was an awkward silence, and both of them seemed like they were trying to figure out what to say—especially after their last phone call…_

"Look, Naoto-kun—"

_ "Kanji-kun, I—"_

_ They had both spoken at the same time, and they both abruptly stopped. Despite her normally sharp tongue, Kanji spoke before Naoto could. _"You first."

_ Naoto sighed a little. "Very well." She shifted awkwardly, staring up at the ceiling "I… I would like to apologize for my behavior… I know I can't say 'I'm sorry' enough, and I know I can't expect you to accept my apology, but I just wanted to let you know I… I'm definitely here. I know I don't call, and I'm sorry I broke my promise, but I do think about you, and everyone in Inaba… and you're all my precious friends. I wouldn't give you up for anything."_

"…"

_ "I have been inconsiderate, and for that I apologize too. You had every right to yell at me." Naoto bit her lip, unnerved by his silence, "But… you are my friend. And as much as I do think about you and miss you… I worry about you too. Please allow me that small gesture, as your friend, at least."_

"Shit, Naoto-kun—sorry."_ Kanji finally spoke, _"I just… I didn't mean ta get all mad at you… it wasn't yer fault. It was just a bad time. I'd be mad at myself if ya really did stop bein' our—my friend because of that stupid thing I said."

_ "No, it was needed. I don't think anyone has ever made it clearer to me before." Naoto shook her head._

"Yeah, well… thanks for worryin' 'bout me, and sorry for makin' ya worry."_ Kanji said tiredly, though with a hint of a smile, _"Everything's okay now."

_ "…You did well on the exam?" Naoto asked carefully._

"Got an average grade."_ He chuckled. _"I was jus' worryin' 'cause math ain't my strong suit. But like I said, I got better at that school crap since ya left."

_ "That's good." Naoto smiled in relief, "Kanji-kun, I really am sorry I never phoned… but I will, more, I promise. As much as I can…"_

"Nah, it's okay, I get it—you're a big time detective, ya got school, ya got work and family too, yeah? You go take care of whatcha need ta, and I'll be here too."_ Kanji assured her._

_ "Didn't I tell you though? Sometimes… breaks are necessary." Naoto closed her eyes, "If it's not too much trouble… may I call you, at that time?"_

"Not at all, Naoto-kun."_ Kanji's goofy smile was evident in his voice._

_ "Now that that has been established… I hear you haven't been sleeping when you cram for tests." Naoto played with the bear charm on her phone, "While I do that too, even I know that it isn't a good habit. I hope you've been eating correctly, at least."_

"Ma makes sure I do."_ Kanji pouted, _"But I gotta, Naoto-kun. If I don't study, I can't pass the class."

_ "I understand that, but… the offer of my assistance is still open, whether you want it or not. Perhaps it would be a good 'opportunity' to speak with you more often." Naoto suggested._

"W-w-wha…"_ The flustered blush was obvious, even over the phone._

_ "I know I don't keep up with your life right now, but I know that in high school you didn't think of yourself as a very bright person, just because you did poorly in school… but may I offer my insights?" Naoto spoke carefully, as last time she said something similar he yelled at her, "You have a good and functioning grasp on things most students utterly lack—perhaps it comes from helping your mother with the shop. But schools test knowledge by making you regurgitate useless information—however, this is not an indicator of actual intelligence."_

"Um…"_ Kanji stuttered, confused, _"Ya just said alotta big words, but I'm pretty sure you were complimenting me? But wassat gotta do with studying?"

_ "I just wanted to let you know that if you need help temporarily memorizing the information your college wishes you to spit back at them, I would be more than happy to help."_

_ There was a long silence, and then Kanji laughed. _"Sorry—I dunno why but that just sounded so funny."_ He took a beep breath and calmed down, _"It's… fine, Naoto-kun. Back then, and even now, I'm barely scraping by… but that's fine, 'cause I don't even know what I'm doin' in college."

_ "Yes… someone like you doesn't quite need the extra education. You can easily go into the family business without it." Naoto blinked. "Why… may I ask… why you _are_ going to college?"_

"…I dunno, I really don't."_ Kanji answered, _"But… I guess I thought I could better myself. Somehow. Maybe I oughta start with my grammar. Ma says it ain't good fer business."

_ "I see. Well… If I can, I hope I can help you figure it out." Naoto nodded, "And if you're truly adamant about rejecting my help… at least accept my good wishes for you."_

"Huh?"

_ She smiled at the gift he had given her, the reminder that she was still close to home._

_ "Good luck."_


End file.
